overcome social anxiety. The first step was to get rid of my glasses and get
contact lenses instead. Then I started styling my hair and got some nicer clothes.
CRUSH THE STICKING POINTS OF SOCIAL ANXIETY 10 KEYS TO SOCIAL FREEDOM R ADEK C EPOWSKI C OPYRIGHT © BY S OCIAL A NXIETY H OME . COM
TABLE OF CONTENTS ABOUT THIS BOOK MY JOURNEY HOW TO USE THIS GUIDE 1. THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING 2. SELF-ESTEEM 3. BLUSHING 4. DATING 5. THE ART OF SMALL TALK 6. NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION 7. DEPRESSION 8. LONELINESS 9. PUBLIC SPEAKING 10. SUPPORTING SUBSTANCES AND SUPPLEMENTS FINAL WORDS
MY JOURNEY Over many years, I had suffered social phobia myself. It all began at school, where I was wearing glasses and children started bullying me because of that. At the age of 14 we moved to another city and things got even worse. When I attended the new school not only was I being bullied by other kids but I had no friends at all. I was a total loner and got very depressed because of that. My self-esteem was on the ground. Going to school was feeling like hell. Over time, performing normal daily activities, such as going to the supermarket or into a mall became nearly impossible. I had such a lack of confidence that even buying something in a store made my hands sweat and my heart race because I was scared to death that the vendor could ask me something. When I really got asked something by a stranger I mostly started stammering, my face blushed and I had the feeling everyone around was staring at me. After I got out of the situation I was beating myself up and replaying this situation over and over again in my head. Yes, life sucked! At the age of 17 I decided that I don’t want to live like that and I started my journey to overcome social anxiety. The first step was to get rid of my glasses and get contact lenses instead. Then I started styling my hair and got some nicer clothes. Some girls in my class even complimented me on that. The obvious reason for being bullied was away. But the superficial change didn’t make go away the wounds caused by many years of emotional terror at school. I didn’t know the shortcut in overcoming social anxiety, so I tried many methods, substances, doctors, healers, workshops and self-help groups until I could call myself cured from social anxiety. This journey took me 11 years. I wish I would have possessed the knowledge that I have today to overcome social anxiety with 14. Then it wouldn’t take me 11 years, but months or even weeks. I would like to share some pictures of me with you where you can see the difference from socially anxious to a confident and socially intelligent person. On the first picture you can see me with 16. Look at my body language and facial expression. You can really see the low self-esteem and social anxiety I had.
The next picture is me with 26. I could call myself already cured from social anxiety but still had some insecurities from time to time.
On the last picture you can see me last year, when I organized a caribbean party for me and a couple of my friends. I am totally self-confident and do not have even the slightest insecurities.
HOW TO USE THIS GUIDE You can call yourself lucky to have this guide as it will show you a way out of the jungle on how to overcome social anxiety. Now there is good and a bad news. The good news is, you will overcome social anxiety or any related sticking point! The bad news is that it won’t happen overnight. It will require your effort in reaching your goal. But if you invest your time and effort into it, you will finally succeed! I have no doubt about it. Otherwise I couldn’t have helped myself and thousands of people before you. Your brain has built a certain neuronal network. This neuronal network that is currently established causes your social anxiety because of its interconnections. These interconnections became stronger over time because you practiced certain behavioral patterns. After a while the behavior became subconscious and is causing your social anxiety. Well, this is at least a very simple and fast explanation of what’s going on in your brain. What we are going to do with the methods described in this guide is to break these interconnections and build new ones that are favorable for you. Sounds easy? Yes, it is. It just requires your time and dedication. This guide is divided in 10 sections, all of which are related to social anxiety. I am sure you’re dealing with at least one of them. I was dealing with all 10 at once. Read through this guide and choose the topics you would like to work on. Choose the one you feel are the most urgent ones. After you’ve chosen the topics you want to work on, start a diary. This is very important for your success. Write every day into your diary! You will have good days and you will have bad days. But over time you will see your progress. The people I’ve seen succeeding the most, were the ones writing a diary. Focus on the small goals. I like to call this baby steps. Set yourself small goals every single day. The small things will add up over time and you will be able to set your goal higher every couple of days. Don’t try to overcome your entire social anxiety just in one day! Focus on the baby steps! So let’s get busy!
1. THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING Old thinking habits are sometimes difficult to stop. Negative thinking is something that is always sticking together with social anxiety. For sure, not being able to manage certain situations, having a low self-esteem or even being overwhelmed by many social interactions causes a bad feeling. Very often people with social anxiety tend to punish themselves mentally for their lack of confidence and ability to deal with this kind of circumstances. But let me tell you that it is not only people with social anxiety who have this tendency to punish themselves if things don’t work out the way they would like it to be. It is a very normal human behavior but a very destructive one. It is our inner dialogue that can be so devastating, causing old behavioral patterns staying as bad as they are, or even causing existing patterns to become even worse. Without changing this negative self-talk it will be difficult to overcome social anxiety. You have to learn to be able to think positive, or to be optimistic at least. Now, I am not saying that you have to start thinking positive from one day to the other. You will very probably not be able to do it. Positive thinking is like a muscle that has to be trained every day over a certain period of time. But after a while of training it, it starts to work subconsciously for you and does not require any additional effort. Positive thinking has a tremendous power. It does not only make you feel good about yourself and the world, it can make you achieve whatever you want. It can also cause you to be whoever you want to be. Did you know that Abraham Lincoln suffered of severe shyness when being a child and a strong anxiety as an adult? Thanks to the power of positive thinking he was able to become one of the greatest presidents of the United States. The whole power of positive thinking comes down to this one thing: “The inner dialogue”, or how you are talking to yourself. Interestingly people feel attracted by people, who think positive. When you feel positive or lucky, you tend to smile. And believe me, people feel extremely attracted by people who smile. So don’t be surprised if someone starts to talk to you when you are in a positive state of mind. Positive thinking is a science for itself and there is so much more to it. Applied right, you can move mountains with it. If you decide to work on this topic first, here are some books and courses that I highly recommend to get fast results: 1. The Law of Attraction: The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham, by Esther Hicks 2. Positive Think Now: Methods To Empower Any Person To Think Positive 3. Awaken the Giant Within: How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny! By Anthony Robbins
2. SELF-ESTEEM Having social anxiety accompanied by low self-esteem is very common. Thoughts such as “I am a loser”, “I feel worthless”, “I don’t deserve it anyway” or “I wish I was someone else” are very common. A low self-esteem is very often a self-fulfilling prophecy because it powers itself. Let’s have a look at one example: Example: During your soccer teams’ game you are sitting on the substitutes’ bench and awaiting your turn. You decided to sit there because you thought you rather prefer to see your team win than disturb them. Anyway you consider that the other players can do the job better than you. But finally one of the team members gets tired and the coach decides to exchange that player for you, as you are fresher. So you enter the field hoping that you won’t do anything wrong. Most of the times when you get chance to touch the ball you prefer to pass it to another player as they will probably do it better. Now there comes the moment where you stand close to the goal and you get the chance to score. One of your team members passes the ball to you so you can score. But you miss the ball and loose a great opportunity to make your team win. Now not only your team members blame you but you blame yourself even more. You take the decision to be exchanged for another player to sit at the substitutes’ bench again. Probably you are having a much worse feeling about yourself then before and an even lower self-esteem. What happens in the example above is a classical situation that can occur in different circumstances in your life if you suffer from low self-esteem. Usually it is a vicious circle, where you start with a negative thought about yourself. You may think that you are not able to perform a task well. Then, when it comes to performing the task you feel very unsecure about it and expect to fail at some moment. What happens is that you actually fail. You programmed your subconsciousness for failure. After your failure you get the feedback that you are really unable to perform the task correctly because you failed. Do you see what I mean with selffulfilling prophecy? What you have to do is to break the vicious circle by building your self-esteem first! Here you have one program and two books which are killer in order to boost your selfesteem: 1. Self-Esteem Secrets Revealed: How to build a rock solid self-ssteem quicker and easier than you ever thought is possible 2. The Self-Esteem Workbook by Schiraldi, Glenn R. 3. Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame by Beverly Engel
3. BLUSHING Blushing mostly occurs in conditions, which we interpret as dangerous, embarrassing or awkward. These conditions cause a tension in our body. Some people express this tension through blushing and sometimes also sweating. Because we don’t like it when other people can see our emotions we start to judge ourselves for blushing. We start to worry about it, hoping that we won’t blush again. “Others could think that I am weak and insecure”, “That would be terrible if others see me blush”, “I hope I will not blush again” are very common thoughts. People who are dealing with blushing are in a vicious circle: The more they observe themselves worrying the higher the frequency of blushing and the more sensitive they react when another person asks them about it. Mostly they start to avoid situations in which they could blush which cause them to blush in even more circumstances. If you deal with blushing and the fear of it you probably want to be perfect and liked by everybody. But don’t worry! There are solutions also for that which will give you fast and sustainable results: A course that I recommend very often is Blushing Breakthrough by Jim Baker. Another program that has shown to be effective is Stop Blushing....Start Living. A good book on this topic is: When Blushing Hurts: Overcoming Abnormal Facial Blushing by Enrique Jadresic
4. DATING Regarding dating we have to distinguish between men and women. Let me tell you that for both, men and women dating represents a very important issue. Also for both genders one must possess a good mixture of self-esteem, confidence, conversational skills, playfulness and a deep understanding of what the other gender really wants. Interestingly not only men feel shy or anxious when having to ask a woman out. Also women feel anxious about it to interact with a man they feel attracted to. I don’t want to go too much into detail about dating in this chapter as in my opinion it is a serious science and to get good at it you will need to read more than just one book. But there is a way to success: Get the right course or book and practice, practice practice! Here are courses and books I recommend for women which are a great choice in my opinion: 1. Addict Him to You: Attract Your Ideal Man 2. The Woman Men Adore... And Never Want To Leave 3. Does He Like Me?: Use The S.L.A.K. Method And Know For Sure (Dating Advice For Women) by Prefontaine, Prentice For men I highly recommend the following books and courses: 1. Mack Tactics: The Legendary Seduction System For Men 2. Double Your Dating - How To Be Successful With Women 3. Attraction To Seduction Now it is just on you to regularly practice what you will learn in these courses. They are not meant to just check them out BUT you must be dedicated to it and study, practice, experiment and apply it on a daily basis. If you do, I guarantee you will become very successful in dating.
5. THE ART OF SMALL TALK Did you ever go to a supermarket and ran into your neighbor, ex-teacher, or boss? Perhaps you used an elevator and in the last second before the door closed a co-worker or even your superior entered. These situations happen in everyone’s life on a daily basis. Of course you want to be polite and say something. This is how things are in our society. Not only people with social anxiety but also normal people very often struggle of what to say next and what the most adequate behavior would be. Small talk is an art in fact as it includes the evaluation of age, gender, status, in which relation you are to the person next to you, culture, and many other factors. After evaluating all of these factors you have a huge amount of possibilities of what you can say and who has to be the one who talks first. As a general rule of thumb: It is always ok if you greet first. You can’t do anything wrong with it. Even if people sometimes don’t notice you or don’t greet back, it doesn’t cost anything to be polite. Saying “Hi!” or “Hello!” is just fine. This can be followed by a “How are you doing?” or “How are you doing today?” Below you can find a program where my coachees had huge success with. The other one is a book which is also a great read to make improvements in this area: 1. This is one was written as a dating guide for men BUT it is the most powerful system I’ve seen so far on small talk and building up a conversation. Good for MEN and WOMEN alike: The 10 Hook Lead System - How to have great conversations with women 2. The Fine Art of Small Talk: How To Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!
6. NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION We tend to think that communication is all about saying the right words and choosing the right topic but it is much more than that. In fact 7% of communication is content and 97% of communication is entirely non-verbal. You might ask how this can be as in general everybody seems to listen to words and respond to the words and sentences they hear. But if you take a step at the meta-level you will rapidly realize that it is true. Let me explain! When you enjoy a conversation with someone, is it really because you enjoy talking about a specific topic? Probably it isn’t. You talk with someone because you enjoy being around this person. Subconsciously your body languages synchronize, your voice tone gets similar and you interact in a process of constant pacing and leading. But what are the factors that lead us to the conclusion that non-verbal communication is 93%? The answer is very easy. Let’s list the most obvious factors that influence each of our interactions: Clothing, smell, age, race, styling, gender, profession, past experiences, body language, gesture, facial expressions, and your voice. Each of these factors can affect our emotions directly and therefore our decision of length and intensity of a conversation or social interaction. As a person suffering from shyness or social anxiety you might often deal with questions such as: “Where should I keep my arms?”, “How should I keep eye contact?”, or “How should I position my body with a specific person in a specific situation?” With the practice of the right body language and non-verbal communication it is following the famous rule “Fake it until you make it!”. The more you practice it and apply it in daily situations the more normal it will become for you. Over time the non-verbal communication of a confident person will make you feel more and more confident too. If you are serious about taking this sticking point to the next step I warmly recommend you the following courses and books: 1. Body Language – Secrets of Master Communicators 2. Non-Verbal Communication - Body Talk (Advice and How To) by Dr. Harry Jay 3. Nonverbal Communication: Science and Applications by David Matsumoto 4. What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People by Navarro
7. DEPRESSION Having social anxiety and being depressed occurs relatively often. There can be many specific reasons for it depending on your priorities at this moment in time. Maybe you are comparing yourself to others too much or it is the feeling that you are not a part of any group or family. Are you avoiding situations even when you would like to hang out with others? Would you like to find a significant other or have a meaningful friendship but haven’t found it yet? It could also be that you always wanted to pursue a specific career but your social anxiety didn’t permit you to do it. Also the participation in professional or informal activities could have become impossible for you. Perhaps you also don’t see light at the end of the tunnel and feel like you just can’t do things. All of these circumstances cause a depression. But the origin is social anxiety. If you are depressed because of your social anxiety it is very probable that you lack of something in your life. The absence of certain people, situations or skills and abilities causes you to think permanently about it. It is just natural to be in a bad mood if you want something but don’t have it. Of course, the longer the condition exists the worse your mood becomes and you can become depressed. If your inner dialogue (what you say to yourself) starts to comment permanently on that in a negative way and/or if other undesired circumstances accumulate the worse your depressive state can become. Now I have to tell you that I don’t agree with the common viewpoint that depression is a super serious condition. At least, if it is caused by social anxiety. It is just normal human behavior that we feel bad or depressed if we are in an undesired state over longer periods of time. On the other hand it can become a very serious condition if you start thinking about suicide. If you think about suicide you should go to a psychiatrist or a psychologist immediately! So what should you do to overcome a depression fast? I would definitely check out the course “Depression Help Fast” mentioned below. Also the books are a really great choice! 1. Depression Help Fast: 100% Natural Method 2. The Depression Cure: The 6-Step Program to Beat Depression without Drugs by Stephen S. Ilardi 3. The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness by Mark Williams
8. LONELINESS Suffering from loneliness is very common when dealing with social anxiety. The feeling of isolation often occurs because of intentional isolation that can lead to sadness, despair or even depression. Social anxiety can cause you to avoid friends, events, the public and a huge part of social life and interactions. Loneliness is a feeling of sadness and not a chosen solitude. That is a huge difference as it doesn’t occur voluntarily. If you feel lonely you probably have a feeling of emptiness. This should be addressed as soon as possible to avoid increased emotional pain. The fastest solution to overcome loneliness and the related sadness to it is reading the book: Freedom from Loneliness: 52 Ways To Stop Feeling Lonely by Jennifer Page. At this moment in time it is the best book I know which should help you relatively fast.
9. PUBLIC SPEAKING Public speaking is not only an issue that people with social anxiety have to deal with. Most people will feel somehow nervous to stand up and speak in a large group or stand in front of many people and hold a presentation. It is genetically hard wired into us to feel anxious when many eyes are staring at us. Imagine in prehistoric times when you would see many eyes staring at you it could mean that a pride of predators is hunting for its prey. Nevertheless there is a difference between feeling a little bit nervous or just being scared to death about standing in front of the group. Let´s have a look at an example of socially anxious behavior: Your boss asked you to make a presentation about something related to your job. Up to now you could always escape from it by having an excuse. After a while you ran out of excuses and you finally have to prepare the presentation for next Monday. You have a really bad feeling about it and that something will probably go wrong. What happens if you get a black-out or if someone asks you something you cannot answer? Anyway, you get prepared for it and learn every single word and every single step off pat. On Monday you arrive 2 hours early in the office to prepare everything in the meeting room and train standing in front. Aside from a great preparation you don’t think that you are good in what you are doing and you think all the time of an error that you could make. Then everyone arrives at the office and you start the presentation. Because of putting yourself under pressure you have a blackout and forget what you wanted to say. Everyone is staring at you but your inner dialogue doesn’t permit you to get a clear thought. You start to blush and sweat and think everybody thinks that you are a total fool. Does it sound familiar? Well, for sure you have many other examples in mind where this could apply. So what can you do about it? Here are some powerful courses and a great book that can assist you in keeping your anxiety under control, no matter if you are giving a speech at a wedding, shareholders convention or in a college classroom: 1. Secrets from the Champion of Public Speaking 2. Public Speaking Extraordinaire 3. No Sweat Public Speaking! By Fred E. Miller
10. SUPPORTING SUBSTANCES AND SUPPLEMENTS There are actually some supplements that can help you in managing your level of stress and anxiety. Some may be very helpful for you and others will not have any effect. As every person is different, also every substance will work differently for you. I will list the most common ones which you can also get on amazon. I recommend trying more than one to feel the difference. Some of my coachees had great results with theses supplements as a support to their daily exercises. 1. Picamilon Picamilon is a powerful and unique derivative of GABA that can penetrate the blood brain barrier. Picamilon can be used for mood enhancement, cognitive energy and focus, mental alertness, stress, anxiety, relaxation, and also to help offset the mood disturbances (irritability) that is commonly associated with dieting. It is considered by many to be a 'feel good' supplement. Click here to check it out 2. Ashwagandha Because of its adaptogenic properties, Ashwagandha helps to shield the body against the negative effects of stress and promote an overall sense of well-being and relaxation. Click here to check it out 3. Bacopa monniera Ayurvedic medicine has utilized Bacopa monniera traditionally for centuries to support the nervous system, enhance cognitive capacity, and sharpen memory. Over the last thirty years, preliminary clinical trials have suggested encouraging results. A three- month trial conducted by Australian scientists suggests that bacopa may support learning, moderate stress, and promote memory. An animal study suggests the potential for bacopa to support mental function under stress. In a double-blind, randomized, placebo- controlled investigation, bacopa supported memory retention in adult subjects. The effects of this extract may, in part, be explained by antioxidant protection of important processing centers in the brain, including the frontal cortex, striatum and hippocampus. Bacopa may also help to promote healthy synaptic activity and neurotransmission in the brain. Bacopa monniera is a prized Ayurvedic herb supporting mental acuity, memory, relaxation and cognitive function under stress. Click here to check it out 4. Rhodiola Rosea Rhodiola is a potent herb that helps the body adapt to stress and helps with exhaustion, fatigue mild anxiety, general low mood. It can boost endurance, physical strength, and mental agility. Legends say that the Scandinavian Vikings would take Rhodiola to enhance their physical strength and endurance, whilst Russian astronauts and Olympic athletes are reported to have taken the herb. Click here to check it out
5. Sulbutamine In higher dose sulbutiamine can cause anxiety. Therefore less is more when considering what your dosage should be while supplementing sulbutiamine. Low doses of sulbutiamine eliminate anxiety, and enhance mood. You might even have a slight euphoria. This supplement is also a stimulant in higher doses, combined with L-Theanine it can be rather pleasant and definitely a great two o’clock pick me up. Click here to check it out 6. Kava Kava Kava is an all-natural, mild sedative that relaxes the body without harmful side effects. The active compound "kavalactones" acts as a muscle relaxant and sleep aid. It also helps to reduce anxiety, restlessness, and stress. It has become a popular botanical because it also works on the central nervous system and promotes relaxation to those suffering from anxiety or depression. Click here to check it out 7. L-Theanine Vegetarian Formula L-Theanine is an amino acid naturally found in green tea. L-Theanine promotes relaxation without the drowsiness or negative side effects associated with other calming agents. L-Theanine also supports healthy cardiovascular function through this relaxing effect as well as its antioxidant properties. This formulation also includes Inositol, a member of the B-Vitamin family that is essential for brain and nervous system health. Click here to check it out 8. Magnesium Just what you think it is, a mineral. The body uses magnesium for hundreds of processes every day. A study in France of 264 patients with generalized anxiety disorder found that a statistically significant number of men and women reported improvements on a magnesium regimen. Magnesium may also help with depression. People with a magnesium deficiency are thought to suffer from higher levels of anxiety than those that don’t suffer from a deficiency. Click here to check it out 9. St. Johns Wort St. John's Wort extract has been one of the most popular herbal products in Europe - and for good reason - it promotes a positive mood. St Johns Wort is a MAO inhibitor both A and B as well as a serotonin, dopamine and noradrenaline reuptake inhibitor. St Johns Wort has an affinity for the GABA receptors, both A and B and the glutamate receptors. It works great for depression, relatively speaking, and works pretty good for general anxiety disorders. Click here to check it out 10. GABA GABA (gamma aminobutyric acid) is a non-essential amino acid found mainly in the human brain and eyes. It is considered an inhibitory neurotransmitter, which means it regulates
brain and nerve cell activity by inhibiting the number of neurons firing in the brain. GABA is referred to as the "brain's natural calming agent". By inhibiting over-stimulation of the brain, GABA may help promote relaxation and ease nervous tension. Click here to check it out
FINAL WORDS I know how hard it can be to struggle with shyness and social anxiety but I guarantee you, if you follow this guide and apply what I am recommending here you will make huge progress and finally overcome social anxiety. You will make dramatic improvements but you will also suffer setbacks. Always remember that this is just part of the process. Don’t let yourself discourage of the setbacks. It is just a normal part of getting overcoming it. Make yourself the promise to work on your social anxiety every day. You don’t have to focus on the huge steps. Sometimes they can be overwhelming. Better focus on the small steps as they will lead undoubtedly to success when you make them consistently. I really hope that you find this guide as useful as I think it is. I have carefully investigated all the courses, books and products that I am recommending in this guide. Furthermore, the information included in this guide is based on over 15 years of experience with the fight against social anxiety.
