Western Journal of Communication Voi 69, No. 1, January 2005, pp. 67-82
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An Exploratory Investigation into Dating Among Later-life Women Fran C. Dickson, Patrick C. Hughes, & Kandi L Walker
Much of the previous research on dating focused on the close relationships of younger adults, with little attention given to individuals dating In their later life. Jn addition, the opportunity for intergenerational relationships, such as friendships among members of different age cohorts and non-typical romantic relationships have significantly increased. The purpose ofthis study was to describe the dating experiences among later-life women. Fifteen women participated in in-depth interviews that examined their communicative experiences, impressions, and struggles while dating later-life men. Three themes emerged from this study: the need for independence, the need for companionship, and gender role conflict between dating partners. The results werealso discussed in terms of the paradoxes that dating creates for later-life women. Finally, these results are discussed in terms ofthe unique relational challenges facing later-life women. Keywords: Later-life Dating; Dating; Gender Roles; Companionship; Independence; Dialectical Tensions Whether an individual is 16 or 60, the need for close relationships has been well documented in the social sciences. Research has long discussed the importance of intimacy and personal relationships, specifically highlighting the positive benefits intimate relationships have on our emotional, cognitive, and physical self (HilHer & Barrow, 1999; Quadagno, 2002; Wright, 1999). Interpersonal research is clear that individuals have a need to be close to and be a part of another person's life. Much ofthe dating literature has focused on close relationships among young adults, with little attention given to later-life adults and their unique communicative patterns and strategies for forming, maintaining, and ending close relationships. The existing literature on close relationships among later-life adults focuses on social support Fran C. Dickson, Department of Human Communication Studies, University of Denver; Patrick C. Hughes, Communication Studies, Texas Tech University; Kandi L. Walker, Communication, University of Louisville. Correspondence to: Fran C, Dickson, Department of Human Communication Studies. Universily of Denver, Denver. Colorado 80208. USA. Tel: 303 871 4318. Email:
[email protected] ISSN 1057-0314 (prinl)/ISSN 1745-1027 (online) © 2005 U'estern States Communication Association DOI: 10.1080/10570310500034196
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networks surrounding health and illness issues {Garstka, McCallion, & Toseland, 2001), widowhood and the bereavement process (Holmes & Pecchioni, 2000; Silverman, 1986), care giving relationships (Edwards, 2001; Orange, 2001), and even elder abuse (Hwaiek, Neale, Goodrich, & Quinn, 1996). An increasing number of communication scholars are investigating the complexity of relationships among later-life individuals (Nussbaum, Pecchioni, Robinson, & Thompson, 2000). Specifically, researchers have examined relationships between the older patient and health care provider (Beisecker & Thompson, 1995; Greene & Adelman, 2001; Nussbaum, Pecchioni & Crowell, 2001); negotiating decisions in the aging family {Hummert & Morgan, 2001); grandparenting (Bengtson 2001; Harwood & Lin, 2000; Peterson, 1999); marriage (Dickson, Hughes, Manning, Walker, BollisPecci, & Gratson, 2001; Dickson & Walker, 2001); as well as the attitudes, beliefs, and stereotypes often associated with older aduhs (Hummert, Shaner, & Garstka, 1995). The importance of this research cannot be overstated; however, these research programs fail to acknowledge a fairly new occurrence among later-life adults: dating and how the dating process fulfills the communicative, social, and psychological needs of later-life adults. Research on friendships in later life {Rawlins, 1995), long-term marital relationships (Dickson et al., 2001), and emotions in later life {Dickson &: Walker, 2001) have increased awareness and understanding about later-life close and intimate relationships. However, little is known about the communication surrounding the romantic, non-marital, relational lives of older adults. Although extrapolating research conducted on younger adults to this unique population could potentially explain dating in later life, we believe that the romantic, non-marital, relational lives of older adults have unique qualities that need to be understood given this kind of relationship is occurring more frequently today. Therefore, this study seeks to better understand the communication experiences and dynamics surrounding dating among later-life adults. Dating in Later-life A classic, often cited study on later-life dating was conducted by Bulcroft and O'Conner (1986) who sought to answer the question: why do older persons date? According to Bulcroft and O'Conner's participants, dating is a long-term commitment that serves to reduce anxiety and provides an opportunity for self-disclosure and love. Participants reported that they dated to fmd a long-term mate whom, in another time in their life, might be considered a suitable marital partner. Even if the relationship did not move to marriage, it does provide a constant source of highly valued companionship. Women reported that dating gave them heightened esteem and a sense of identity among their peers, whereas men reported gaining an outlet for intimacy, possibly sex, and self-disclosure. Dating initiation among elderly partners also seems to follow traditional gender role scripts, with men initiating the date (McElhany, 1992). Akin to younger dating adults, it was found that older adults enjoy similar dating activities such as going to the
Western Journal of Communication 69 movies, attending social events, dinner dates, dancing, playing cards, and camping (McElhany, 1992). In addition, sexuality and sexual behavior continue well into older age (Nussbaum et al., 2000; Reeder, 1996). In an examination of what factors facilitate an elderly individual's ability to date, Bulcroft and Bulcroft {1991) reported that good health, the ability to drive, living in a residence community or nursing home, being active in different organizations {e.g., church or senior citizen centers), and having good relationships with siblings increase an individual's dating probability. Similariy, although, outcome measures of dating in an elderly sample are rare; however, research suggests that dating has a more positive effect on aged men's happiness than women's (Bulcroft & Bulcroft, 1985). It is speculated that men date to seek emotional rewards, whereas women date to obtain status rewards. The emotional rewards obtained from positive social relationships may have a significantly more positive effect on the elderly men, which in turn can impact their happiness and life satisfaction {McElhany, 1992). Theoretical Approach There is little existing theoretical work that increases our ability to understand, explain, and predict communication components and outcomes associated with later-life dating. Scholars need to turn to two places for theoretical support: existing theory on successful aging and existing theory that accounts for relationship dynamics in younger adults. Two such theories that might help to increase our understanding of dating in later-life are: activity theory {Havighurst, 1963; Neugarten, Havighurst, ScTobin, 1968; Rosow, 1967) and dialectical theory (Baxter 8c Montgomery, 1996) Activity Theory Activity theory {Havighurst, 1963; Neugarten et al., 1968; Rosow, 1967) is more ofa collection of research findings than an accepted theory. This collection of research consistently demonstrates that well-adjusted later-life adults maintain a high level of high quality interaction with others (Havighurst, 1963; Neugarten et al., 1968; Rosow, 1967). Engaging in a number of high quality roles can increase life satisfaction and self esteem. In other words, the more socially active the later-life adult; the higher the level of life satisfaction {Lowenthal 8c Haven, 1968; Nussbaum, 1985). Research has also consistently demonstrated that high life satisfaction is related to higher physical and psychological health status (Nussbaum, 1983; Roscow, 1967; Tobin & Neugarten, 1961). Therefore, this perspective on aging would agree that dating among later-life adults is good for their health, their sense of self, and their general well-being. This perspective provides answers to the question: why should single, later-life adults date? The answer is that it can be good for their health. What this perspective does not tell us is how later-life adults experience the dating process. Dialectical theory has the ability to increase our understanding of some ofthe processes that might occur during later-life dating.
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Dialectical
Theory
Dialectical theory (Baxter, 1988; Baxter & Montgomery, 1996) discusses the inherent tensions or contradictions that exist in intimate relationships. There are three major tensions that couple members or family members negotiate over the life span: autonomy-connectedness; novelty-predictability; and openness-closedness. A dialectical approach toward later-life dating offers the possibility of increasing our understanding ofthe unique relationship form from a dyadic perspective. Eor example, the tension of autonomy-connectedness can explain the processes that occur when the later-life woman wants to maintain her independence (autonomy) while later-life men tend to be interested in re-marrying (connectedness). In addition, the tension of noveltypredictability can operate when examining the needs of later-life individuals. Clearly, later-life adults need social stimulation {as stated above) that can be novel, however, the need for stability, consistency, and certainty is important among older adults. And finally, the openness-closedness tension can relate to the need for self-disclosure and self-expression that continues throughout the life stages. While these processes are only speculation, it is very possibie that dialectical theory can provide a framework for increasing our understanding of later-life dating. Finally, the way in which aging is experienced is changing significantly in contemporary society. Lifestyle choices, new approaches to aging, and new, non-normative relationship forms are deveioping as a result of our increased longevity. For example, the opportunity for intergenerational relationships, such as friendships among members of different age cohorts, and non-typical romantic relationships have significantly increased. Currently, stereotypes exist around what is typically expected in dating, romantic, loving, passionate relationships. One would not be surprised to see two teenagers kissing in public, but one might not expect to see two later-life adults engaged in an intimate kiss in a public place. Typical stereotypes on aging do not leave room for new relationship forms, such as sexually active, later-life dating couples. In general, later-life adults are living longer, more active lives, and their needs for companionship, love, and affection have been a constant force in their lives. Dating in later-life is one way to meet these needs. But as a society, we are unclear as to how to describe and nurture this type of social relationship. Hearing the voices and experiences of dating, later-life adults, who are experiencing this relationship form, can help us to better understand and accept this lesser-studied relationship form. Method Procedures
Dating, later-life women and men were recruited through advertisements posted in senior centers, assisted and independent living residences, and published in local and regional newspapers. In addition, a snowball sampling procedure was also employed. Unfortunately, only women responded to the call for study participants. Interviewers attempted to interview the men dating the women who responded, as well as other dating men that the study participants' knew; however, each man declined the invitation
Western Journal of Communication 71 to be interviewed. It appears that later-life men were less open about their personal lives than the later-life women. This could be a function of their socialization patterns and the norm that they should keep their personal lives private. It is also the researchers' experience that later-life women are more willing to participate in research than laterlife men. This was clearly apparent in the present study. Therefore, this study only focused on dating later-life women. Women who expressed interest in participating were asked if they were over the age of 60, presently dating, and were willing to be tape-recorded during the interview. With one exception, all interviews were conducted in the homes of the participants; one participant was interviewed in a university office. Typically, the interviewers conducted the interviews in dyads with one interviewer conducting the interview and the other recording field notes to supplement the tape-recorded data. Interviews ranged from 45 minutes to one hour. The interview questions consisted of open-ended probes on the participant's dating experience, specifically concentrating on her thoughts, experiences, and descriptions about dating. Specific questions were designed to encourage participants to share dating stories, thoughts about dating in later-life, recent dating experiences, and communication occurring before, during, and after a date. These stories provided a view of dating in later-life. Data collection continued until saturation was reached (Strauss & Corbin, 1990). Saturation occurs when the interviews are not producing new information. In other words, the kind of data obtained in the interviews was becoming redundant. In this study, saturation occurred after 13 later-life adults were interviewed; however, we continued to collect two more interviews in order to confirm our perceptions of redundancy. Individuals also completed a brief demographic instrument. Participants Fifteen later-life women, who were living in a large city in the Western United States, participated in this study. The average age ofthe women was 73.5 years (ranging from 62 to 79 years). The entire sample was Caucasian. Sixty per cent ofthe participants were college graduates, 32% had some college, and 7% had a high school education. The average number of children the women had was 3.3. Seventy-three percent {II) ofthe women were widowed, 13% {2) were divorced, and 13%{2) were separated. The length ofmarriage for these women ranged from 21 to 50 years (M = 42.5). The average length of time that these women have been dating was 10 years (ranging from 1 to 19 years). All ofthe participants were living independently and alone. In general, they were in good health. All the participants were still driving. Overall, the participants could be described as active, independent older women who were dating. Eor the purpose of this study, a date was described as a heterosexual, social activity where the partners had romantic expectations. Data Anaiysis The interview data were analyzed using a grounded theory approach {Strauss & Corbin, 1990). This approach explores phenomena through the identification of
72 F. C. Dickson et al. unknown concepts and/or variables that are relevant in this study. Grounded theory allows inductively derived data to emerge (Strauss 8c Corbin, 1990), emphasizing the natural setting (Denzin Sc Lincoln, 1994) and acknowledging the research to be studied holistically instead of as isolated variables or loosely related themes (Strauss, 1987). In particular, grounded theory is a qualitative method that 'uses a systematic set of procedures to develop an inductively derived grounded theory about a phenomenon' (Strauss & Corbin, 1990, p. 24). Given dating experiences among later-life women is a new area of study, grounded theory allows for a descriptive and exploratory examination of their accounts. All audio-taped interviewers were first listened to, and then transcribed. Transcriptions ofthe interviews were then coded. Based on Strauss and Corbin's {1990) open coding method, the authors listened to the recording several times in order to contextualize the data, transcribed the information, coded the data from the transcripts, and finally, examined and summarized the transcripts in terms ofthe emergent themes and categories. This process of analysis involved breaking the data down, examining them, comparing and conceptualizing them, and formulating categories of tentative key ideas. Consistent with the grounded theory design (Glaser 8c Strauss, 1967; Strauss & Corbin, 1990), the following steps were taken to identify the emerging themes: (I) listening to the recorded interviews several times; (2) transcribing the interviews; (3) coding the data from the transcripts into categories; and finally, (4) examining and summarizing the transcripts to identify the key elements, issues, and/or themes. The process of analysis involved breaking down and examining the data, comparing and conceptualizing categories, and formulating categories into themes and key ideas. Employing the constant comparative method (Strauss 8c Corbin, 1990), as new themes emerged, old themes were reviewed and revised. Initially, the categories of this study had 'in vivo' codes {Strauss, 1987, p. 33), which were 'catchy names that immediately drew attention to them' (Strauss 8c Corbin, 1990, p. 69). For example, the theme ofthe need for independence was identified as: 'strong, independent women', 'woman's liber', 'needs personal space'. The names were then changed to 'literature derived concepts' {p. 68), such as the 'need for independence'. Strauss and Corbin further note that 'similar events and incidents are labeled and grouped to form categories' {p. 74). The labeled and grouped categories that emerged from these data were: the need for independence, the need for companionship, and gender role conflict. These overall categories emerged after hours of detailed categorization that finally led us to these three themes.
Results and Discussion Analysis of Interview Data The results ofthe interviews produced three separate, but complementary, findings. We found that later-life women described dating in terms representative ofthe following themes: the need for independence, the need for compatiionshipy and gender role
Western Joumal of Communication 73 conflict. Each theme was supported with emergent dating subcategories. The need of independence had three sub-categories: the paradox of dating, monetary independence, and fear ofthe caretaker role. The need for companionship had two sub-categories: the need for affection (which included sexual activity), and the need for social activity. The final theme centered on gender role conflicts. The need for independence The theme of independence emerged as the strongest and most frequently mentioned and appeared to be the most emotionally charged theme (as suggested by affect present during the interviews) for the later-life dating women. It was very clear that the women prided themselves on their independence and did not want to give it up. This theme produced three sub-categories: the paradox of dating, the need for monetary independence, and the fear ofthe caretaker role. The paradox of dating. The strong need for independence created an interesting paradox among the dating women. They reported that they enjoyed dating men, needed men, and wanted men but the men wanted more from them than they were willing to give. For example, a 74-year-old woman who has been regularly dating one man reported: I'm really confused right now, it's been over a year we've been seeing each other. When we first got together it was morning, noon, and night ... now he wants to get married and I'm thinking why do I want to get married at 74? Many in the study reported the same feeling as the above participant. They were happy with the dating experience and with their relationships. The men wanted to get married whereas the women wanted to maintain their independence and did not see marriage as a viable option. The paradox is that the women also wanted to maintain the relationship at the present level of intimacy while not committing to a long-term, relationship. One 72-year-old woman said: I've got property, bonds, investments; I don't want to get mixed up in the legal thing ... but then 1 get afraid that I will lose him if I don't. Many ofthe women in this study reported the same problem and some stated that they had lost very satisfying relationships because their partners did not want to just date; they wanted to be married. They reported that men broke up with them so that they could find other women who would marry them. Some women in this study reported that their monthly income would decrease if they remarried. The women enjoyed living alone and also enjoyed the companionship that their dates provided. A 70-year-old woman stated: I'm not looking for marriage again but just someone who I could really enjoy having a friendship with and let it develop into something more without marriage. In accordance with this finding, Davidson (2001) found widowed women reported they did not want to remarry in later life because they would have to give up their newfound freedom of only taking care of themselves.
74 F. C. Dickson et al. Fear ofthe caretaker role. A theme that ran through the dialogue of female participants: we have labeled the 'Nurse and Purse' trend even though the women did not use this terminology. All of the women discussed this trend in some form as the major downside of dating later-life men. The 'Nurse' component of this trend refers to the women believing that the later-life men are looking for someone to take care of them. As a 69-year-oid woman reported: It seems that men had wives that took care of their every need and they are looking for someone to replace them. I don't want to be burdened with taking care of his health problems or worrying about his health. They want someone to he a nurse and I want someone to date. Another 72-year-old woman, perhaps the most adamant on this topic, stated: I raised one husband. I don't want to do it again ... I almost prefer to date younger guys because they have more energy and I don't want to hear about how his back hurts. Another 70-year-old woman was quick to state sternly: This dating will not lead to marriage hecause I do not intend to watch someone else die. These examples illustrate that the women became frustrated when they felt they were viewed as someone to fulfill the caretaker role or were at risk of being hurt again. The need for monetary independence. The second part of this trend was the Purse dimension. The 'Purse' refers to the women's accounts that they felt that the men were 'after their money'. Participants reported that they thought the men believed that as widowed women, they were left a 'nice sum' of money and the men would try to take advantage of it. The women discussed that many ofthe men they dated did not have much money and would question the women's financial situation on first date. One 66-year-old woman reported: I had one man want to move in with me after the first date. He lived in an apartment that wasn't that nice and when he asked if I still owned my house he started hinting that he wanted to move in. The strongest, dominant theme in this study was indeed the need for independence. These women showed strength and clear vision when talking about their futures and their dating experiences. They reported that the major problem they had was that the men they dated had different visions than their own. Finally, the participants demonstrated a great deal of concern over maintaining their independence. The women reported that they did not want to be burdened with caregiving responsibilities and did not want to be limited in the activities due to the health of their partners. These women were particularly concerned with merging their finances with another and losing their sense of autonomy. But unfortunately, they also experienced the termination of relationships because they wanted to maintain their independence.
Western Journal of Communication 75 The need for companionship The theme ofthe need for companionship is supported by two sub-categories: the need for affection (including sex) and the need to be socially active. The need for affection. The response below indicates a typical feeling of many ofthe later-life dating women. They missed the closeness and companionship associated with having a partner. The woman below had been dating for three years and was dating one man for the last 15 months. She was very articulate in presenting the need to have companionship in the later years. When my husband died, I found out the biggest thing I missed was being touched. I didn't realize that till he was gone. 1 don't mean anything sexual, just touching ... wow that was important. When I'm dancing now, I'm being touched and I love it. Some ofthe women in this study were comfortable talking about the sexual aspect of dating. Eor example, a 66-year-oId woman was reporting on a man she has been dating for 11 months. She said that on the first date: I couldn't keep my hands off of him, immediately. I could not wait until I went to bed with hitn. I knew he felt the same way. On the other hand, some women reported concern over sexually transmitted disease. For example, one 62-year-old woman who was recently separated said: You don't know where someone has been ... a concern, and rightfully so in this day and age is sexually transmitted diseases ... I don't want to get one. Some women reported that the men they were dating and sleeping with were very concerned about their pasts. Some saw the humor in this and one 67-year-old woman said: These guys are looking for a sixty year-old virgin ... they are appalled that you lived. Finally, a 68-year-old woman was talking about older men as lovers. She said: Older men are more experienced, kinder, have the time ... I found older men to be excellent lovers. The need to be socially active. A 70-year-old woman who has been dating for four years reported her need to date. She said: With most of my friends, their husbands are still alive so you cannot call up and say do ya want to go to the movies, out to dinner? You just need somebody you can call on to have company. She then went on to explain her dating experience with a recently widowed man. We were both lonesome, evenings and weekends are the hardest when you lose someone ... it is nice to have someone there. The majority ofthe women in this study echoed the above sentiment. Dating gave them a chance to connect with someone (with the potential of romantically connecting) that
76 F. C. Dickson et al. helped them feel less lonely and to be socially active. A 67-year-old woman in the study reported: I enjoy doing things by myself but it's awfully nice to be able to go to a movie or a restaurant or something with a companion and talk to somebody of the opposite sex who has that point of view. The participants ofthisstudywere eager to have companionship and still enjoy coupletype activities. Many participants talked about how dating helped fill the void resulting from the deaths of their spouses. Dating also gave them an outlet to maintain many of the activities and conversations that they had missed since their spouses had died. Perhaps due to the broad definition of dating in this study, many participants described and labeled their dating partners as friends, lovers, social partners, confidants, and/or boyfriends. When asked to elaborate on these labels, the participants had a unifying answer: someone that they talk to, they have fun with, and who gives them support. For example, a 68-year-old woman responded by saying: I don't really even care about looks any more. I really want somebody I'm interested in spending time with, someone who is intelligent. Most of al! he has to have an incredible sense of humor and understand the ironies in life and is very comfortable with himself now. This type of man makes life more fun. The participants reported that when they were on dates they were able to talk about what was going on with their days, what their children were going through, or a health complaint. Having the opportunity to have a repartee with someone interested in their lives enabled the participants to keep 'better spirits' about life in general. Numerous women in this study reported that many of their companionship needs were met by their girlfriends. However, they also reported that receiving attention from a man is very different from spending time with their girlfriends. For example, one 70-year-old woman reported: I enjoy playing cards with my girlfriends and talking to them on the phone. But, it is different when you receive attention from a man. I really enjoy my time with my date and the things we do together. It is just different. Some study participants reported that dating men put a strain on the friendships with other women. They reported that their friends criticized them, called them childish, labeled them 'silly old women', and refused to share in the joy or problems they experienced dating. Many study participants reported that their children were more supportive of their dating than their female friends. One study participant reported that her female friends were 'just jealous'. Dating also serves to meet many of the social needs of later-life women. These needs develop out ofa sense of loneliness and the sense of ioss associated with the death of their spouses. These women want and need to feel desirable, attractive, and active. Dating fulfills these life-long needs of health adults. Gender role conflict in later-life dating Many traditional gender roles were evident in the dating experiences of the later-life women. The women still liked having men initiate the date and enjoyed having men
Western Journal of Communication 77 open their doors. One traditional role that has changed for these women has to do with the arrival ofthe date. The participants talked about meeting their dating partner at a restaurant or event instead ofthe traditional gender script ofthe man picking up the woman at her house or elsewhere. The women reported that they worried about safety issues and felt more comfortable having their own transportation until they knew the men better. The women in the interviews also mentioned the issue of who pays for the check. The women reported that they often paid their own way on dates, preferring to 'going Dutch'. One 65-year-old woman stated: When 1 meet a date for lunch we go Dutch treat because you don't have any obligation. However, when asked if they still liked a man to pay for dinner, all the women had a resounding, 'yes' but only if they felt 'no strings were attached'. Even though the women talked about 'being taken out for a date', they were also quick to note that they were able to care for themselves and did not need a man to pay. The women in this study also speculated that younger people were probably dealing with the same issues around paying the dinner bill. The women acknowledge that some traditional dating scripts are followed in the actual dating process. It is expected that the men would ask tbe women out for the date and act in a chivalrous manner. However, many traditional dating scripts have changed. The increased sense of danger tbat the women felt resulted in the women meeting their date in a public place as opposed to being picked up at home. In addition, the women reported some difficulty and uneasiness when the check comes at the end ofthe date given it is no longer assumed that the man would pay. Conclusions and Implications The Dialectical Tension in Later-life Dating These data clearly indicate that the dating experience created dialectical tensions within later-life women and between the women and their dates. Strongest tension identified was the need for independence vs. the need for companionship. This tension is similar to the need for autonomy vs. connectedness, as presented by Baxter {1988). The women in this study struggled with balancing this tension. They clearly enjoyed and desired the companionship of their male dates, but they also struggled with the need to maintain their own independence. As discussed earlier in this paper, this tension created relational problems for the dating women. Some reported that they lost good dating partners due to their refusal to get married. An interesting pattern that emerged in this study is that the women would always favor the need for independence over the need for companionship. This interesting resolution ofthe dilemma presented by the tensions indicates that the later-life women may have felt that their female friends or possibly other men might fulfill their need for companionship while not interfering with their need for independence. This may account for the relationships that were terminated by their partners because they would not marry them or live with them. What was so interesting to us was that these women were so steadfast in their
78 R C. Dickson et al. commitment to their independence. They were willing to be lonely before sacrificing independence. The second dialectical tension present in this study was the need for traditional vs. non-traditional gender roles. The women's strong need for independence placed them in a non-traditional gender role {e.g., wanting to pay for their own meals, wanting their financial independence) while paradoxically, they wanted the men to initiate the dates, open their doors, and treat them as fragile women. We propose that this is a remnant of dating in their youth where it was expected that the man would protect and pamper a young woman. These women also acknowledged the paradox embedded in this experience but they would just accept that they are this way and acknowledge that it can be confusing for the man. Again, they were unwilling to change their views and positions on this issue. Their rigidity in maintaining this tension was fascinating. They felt they could and would have it 'both ways'. An Atypical Relational Dynamic The final theme that emerged from this study was very subtle. It was the desire ofthe study participants to maintain a committed, intimate relationship with a man, but the strong need to avoid a traditional, institutional commitment such as marriage or living together. This pattern resulted in the women creating an atypical interpersonal dynamic within their dating relationships: that is the lack of movement toward permanency. In our culture today, most dating relationships are fueled by the need for growth and the need to move in some direction, such as marriage. Dating, later-life women tend to lack the desire or need for a traditional, longer-term commitment from their dating partners. Their strong need for independence makes the marriage option undesirable. However, there is a great deal of pressure (from society and from the men) for the women to get married or form a commitment with their dating partner. The need to remain single creates a dilemma for the women and confuses the men and observers ofthe relationship. Marriage and commitment are prominent patterns in intimate relationships that later-life women seem to reject. Unfortunately, many times this dilemma is resolved by they termination ofthe relationship.
Final Conclusions Previous research has found that as we age we still have a need to be close to others {Hillier & Barrow, 1999). With the increasing number of baby boomers aging and dating {DeWitt, 1992), there is a need to examine how intimacy is communicated and experienced in later-life (Bulcroft & Bulcroft, 1985). The current study examined how later-life women, who were dating, experienced and enacted their dating relationships. Unlike previous research, the present study found that there were several negative perceptions ofthe dating relationship and these perceptions were especially pronounced for women. Eor example, women felt that men were trying to take advantage of them either financially or emotionally (i.e., the 'Nurse and Purse' trend). Loehr, Verma, and Seguin (1997) also found that later-life women in their sample complained of running
Western Journal of Communication 79 into the problem of men looking for a nurse. In addition, some women expressed contempt about the limited number of men from whom they had to choose. With fewer men available, women may feel they have to 'settle' for a less than an ideal partner in order to gain the benefits associated with dating. However, as Leahy (1993) found, there is a trend toward older women dating younger men. Perhaps with the change in societal views of what are acceptable partnerships, older women will have a larger pool of eligible males to date. Finally, we believe that this study contributes to our understanding ofthe dialectical tensions, dilemmas, and dynamics associated with dating in later life. Limitations Particular limitations should be kept in mind when interpreting these results. First, the participant pool was homogenous, being a primarily Caucasian and middle-class sample. A more diverse sample might be needed to describe other populations' conceptualizations and experiences of dating in later life. Furthermore, understanding the dating experience from the perspective of the later-Hfe male would provide a more complete description ofthese heterosexual later-Hfe dating experiences. Unfortunately, men did not volunteer for this study, but emphasis on recruiting men is important in future research as well as later-life homosexual males and females. Second, the participants in this study were active, independent later-life adults. Therefore, the conclusions drawn from this study might be a product of highly functional, non-distressed, healthy later-life people. Unhealthy, distressed, or dependent later-Hfe adults may experience and describe dating much differently. Future research needs to gather data from a broader sample to better understand the communication strategies employed in laterlife dating. Future Research We further suggest that future research explore the continuity effect of dating in laterHfe. For example, does frequent dating when one is young predict more dating in later-Hfe? Future studies could also explore single later-Hfe adults transitioning into dating. Sexuality and sexual behavior continue well into old age, according to some studies (e.g., Nussbaum et al., 2000; Reeder, 1996). Reeder (1996) reports that the need for sexual intimacy does not diminish with age, however the need to modify sexual acts is necessary due to the biological changes that occur due to the aging process. Little is known about how a couple communicates about these issues, thus future research should further examine the health and sexuality dimensions associated with dating. The present study uncovers that sexuality is considered an important part of later-life relationships but this study was unable to capture the essence of this issue. We know that sexual behavior is viewed as necessary to older adults' sense of feeling alive, as a reaffirmation ofa central part of their identity, and as a form of communication to their partners (Hooyman 8c Kiyak, 1999).
80 F. C. Dickson et al. Future studies need to explore the communication patterns and strategies associated with sexuality and dating so that we can better understand this intimate area of communication in later life. Studies such as this one contribute to the first steps toward increasing our understanding ofthe communication dynamics surrounding dating in later life.
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