Can i buy you a drink?: Alcohol as symbolic ... - SAGE Journals

What is the symbolic meaning of ­offering drinks in the process of erotic contact seeking? The authors present results from observations made in three different types of clubs in Oslo, according to the social category of people they attract: 'the chosen ones', the traditionals' and 'the unconventionals'. The conclusion is that there are both gender-specific and social differences in this kind of ­ negotiating for intimacy.

Bente TrÆen & Arild Hovland & Guro ØdegÅrd

Can I buy you a drink? Alcohol as symbolic communication in erotic encounters In modern society, roles and life histories can no longer be regarded as predetermined. In traditional society stability was generally high and divorces were rare; in contrast, presentday society can best be characterised by such terms as flux, movement, negotiation and risk (Featherstone 1990; Giddens 1991; Crook & Pakulski & Waters 1992; Beck & Giddens & Lash 1994). Given the phenomenon of con­ stant reflexivity as the basis for personal identity in the late modern era (Giddens ­ 1991), it should come as no surprise that the couple relationship is looked upon not only as a source of security but also as a primary source of personal fulfilment and self-realisation. Research indicates that among urban Norwegians over the age of thirty, one of the most important reasons for visiting clubs is finding a partner, be it for love or for sex. Very often this quest is facilitated by alcohol (Træen & Nordlund 1992;1993). Alcohol may work 68

to neutralise sexual norms and rules which would otherwise play a role (Reinarman & Leigh 1987). Alcohol is instrumental for its consumers, in its intended as well as in its unintended consequences. For instance, people tend to per­ ceive themselves more positively after con­ suming alcohol in small or moderate amounts. As an instrument, alcohol is thus a­ ssociated with both self-perception and self-presentation. When one is drinking with friends and acquaintances in downtown clubs, however, alcohol is certainly also symbolic and communicative. In clubs, it may serve as a ­expression of belonging to a group and of the differences between one's group and others. For instance, bying rounds of drinks may function as an expression of community or fellowship among members of a group. Alcohol has multiple meanings for various groups of people. In this paper, we shall

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

e­ xplore one specific meaning of drinking in a specific context; buying drinks as part of erotic contact seeking. When a man offers to buy a drink for a woman whom he does not know, the function of alcohol is different from that when he buys everybody a round. The act is likely to express a desire to get to know the woman (Ferris 1995; Ødegård 1996). As such, buying drinks is largely associated with the negotiation of intimacy. Even though this may be a common motive, for both sexes, ­behind buying someone a drink, it may well be of interest to study whether there are systematic differences between people whom we have assigned to different social categories within the population. May inviting someone for a drink have different meanings in ­different social categories, and if this is the case, what meaning does it have for members of different social categories? Our material The research questions raised in this paper were investigated by means of participant observation in several clubs in downtown ­ Oslo in 1995 and structured in-depth interviews with people typically frequenting the clubs in which the observations took place. The selection of clubs at which to conduct participant observation was done on the basis of experience gained from previous research on public drinking places in Oslo (see Træen & Nordlund 1992, 1993; Træen & Rossow 1994; Træen 1995). Initially four clubs that were assumed to attract clientele from dif­ ferent social strata of the population were ­selected for observation. Each club was visited four to five times. As two of the clubs ­(Ekebergrestauranten and Dovrehallen) had a clientele of significantly higher age than the other two (Rebekka West and Lipp), and because we had problems in recruiting ­ ­informants from them, a fifth club (Eilif's), with a younger clientele from what were

a­ ssumed to be the same social strata as those of the clubs not covered, was included in the study. An overview of the interviewees' fictious ­names, ages, levels of education, occupations and favourite clubs is given in Table 1. ­Ideally, all the interviewees should have been recruited directly from the clubs during ­observation. This was not, however, possible. The element of participation was felt in many situations to exclude the thematisation ­necessary to gain contact with potential inter­viewees. Instead of direct recruitment, we used an indirect method in which the networks of the ­ researchers themselves were activated. The ­ ­researchers were of the same age category as the subjects, and friends and acquaintances were therefore asked to recruit a sufficient number of interviewees, formerly not known to the researchers, through their networks. A total of thirty-three people (14 women and 19 men) were recruited for interviews ­lasting between one and two hours. In the clubs, men were easier to recruit than women. Most likely the reason was that the researchers were all female. Eleven people were recruited directly, the rest via networks. Some of the informants recruited via networks did not ­ frequent any of the clubs chosen for the ­ observation study. However, people often ­ ­frequent more than one club on a regular ­basis. Thus the informants who did not visit any of the clubs under observation sometimes crossed paths with informants recruited from the observation clubs (see Table 1). As the researchers were all academics, conditions ­ were less than ideal, and indirect recruitment of informants from working-class or lowermiddle-class backgrounds represented an obvious problem. Four of the informants ­ from such backgrounds all had an East-End rock pub as their regular club. In retrospect this was an advantage, however, as it has given us a broader view of the phenomenon under study.

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

69

Table 1. An over-view of the material Men

Women

Names, age, educational level* and occupation

Favorite clubs/pubs/ bars

Recruitment method

Informants assigned to…

Names, age and occupation

Favorite clubs/pubs/ bars

Recruitment method

Informants assigned to…

Fredrik, 26 H, broker

Lipp, Studenten

Direct

'The chosen ones'

Tove, 27, H, student

Lipp, Kristiania

Snowball

'The chosen ones'

Finn, 27, H, broker

Lipp, Studenten

Direct

Kristin, 28, H , manager

Lipp, Barock, Kristian Kvart, Tre Brødre, Kristiania

Direct

Morten, 27, H, manager

Barock, Tre Brødre, Rebekka West

Direct

Hanne, 31, H, manager

Lipp, Rebekka West

Snowball

Øyvind, 34, H, manager

Smuget

Snowball

Liv, 32, H, higher-level secretary

Lipp, Smuget

Snowball

Tom, 29, M, unemployed

East-end rock pub

Snowball

Turid, L, 26, secretary

East-end rock pub

Snowball

Bernt, 27, M, salesman

East-end rock pub

Snowball

Cecilie, 27, M, nurse/ bartender

East-end rock pub

Snowball

Nils, 34, M, carpenter

Monaco, Rederiet, Tre Brødre, Scotsman

Snowball

Vigdis, 25, M, postal worker

Eilif's

Direct

Arne, 30, M, cook

Tre Brødre, Sebastian, Churchill

Direct

Anne, 25, M, secretary

Eilif's Smuget, Studenten, Lipp, Baronen & Baronessen

Snowball

Erlend, 30, M, carpenter

Eilif's, Kristian Kvart, Churchill, Baronen &  Baronessen

Direct

Grete, 50, M, postal worker

Ekebergrestauranten

Direct

Sverre, 27, M, salesman

Eilif's

Direct

Stein, 34, M, civil servant

Tre Brødre, Lipp

Direct

70

'The traditionals'

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

'The traditionals'

Table 1 continued. An over-view of the material Men

Women

­­

Names, age, educational level* and occupation

Favorite clubs/pubs/ bars

Recruitment method

Informants assigned to…

Names, age and occupation

Favorite clubs/pubs/ bars

Recruitment method

Informants assigned to…

Helge, 25, M, designer

Head on

Snowball

'The unconventionals

Trine, 29, H, project leader

Rebekka West

Snowball

'The unconventionals'

Bjørn, 25, M, theatre instructor

Head on Børsen

Snowball

Cathrine, 30, H, publishing company employee/ journalist

Rebekka West, Rockefeller, Palace Grill

Snowball

^ Lasse, 28, M, chef

Rebekka West, Savoy, Palace Grill, Smuget

Direct

Trude, 33, H, child welfare worker

Smuget, Schoushallen, Rebekka West

Snowball

Geir, 32, H, sound technician

Rebekka West, Palace Grill, Savoy

Snowball

Ellen, 39, M, artist

Rebekka West, Arcimboldo

Snowball

Pål. 42, H, musician

Rebekka West, Arcimboldo, Rockefeller, Smuget

Snowball

Sissel, 30, H, public ­relations

Head on, Arcimboldo

Snowball

Per, 38, H, musician

Rebekka West, Smuget, Lille Smuget

Snowball

Martin, 52, PR man

Rebekka West, Eilif's

Direct

Jonas, 28, M, pedagogic therapist

Head on, Børsen

* Educational level is categorized as:

­ Snowball

The interviews, based on a narrative approach (Patton 1990), were constructed ­ around the following themes: (1) the most ­recent instance of visiting a club, drinking and getting oneself into a sexual or erotic ­situation; (2) the most unpleasant sexual or erotic situation experienced in connection with visiting a club and drinking there; (3) the most pleasant

• L (lower level: less than 9 years of education) • M (medium level: 10-12 years of ecducation) • H (higher level: more than 13 years of education)

sexual or erotic situation ­experienced in connection with visiting a club and drinking there; and (4) a description of an episode illustrating how alcohol is used in r­elation to sexual activities within one of a person's present or previous 'serious relation­ships'. Many people find it difficult to talk about sensitive topics such as their own sexual behaviour and

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

71

alcohol consumption. In order to increase the readability, the quotes have also been revised in order to produce complete and coherent sentences. The quotes are still, h ­ owever, close to the original statements. They have, of course, been translated from Norwegian. Norway's capital Oslo, with its 500,000 ­inhabitants, may be seen as a city divided ­economically, culturally and socially. As has been outlined in a previous paper, this ­division can be viewed as coded into 'East v­ ersus West' (Træen & Hovland 1998). The western areas of the city score higher on such indicators as education, income and health than do the eastern parts. Social networks, ­families, friends and colleagues also mirror the division. A person living in an eastern area of the city generally works there, finds his or her friends and colleagues there and has family there. Generally, 'West' ranks higher and 'East' ranks lower on 'taste' and 'manners' as well as 'power and influence'. The 'East' is ­lower middle class and working class, the 'West' is upper middle class and above. The power of definition is higher in the 'West' than in the 'East', which gives the upper middle class relative hegemony in matters of taste and fashion (cf. Bourdieu 1984). Both the Eastern and Western areas of Oslo have 'pockets' of population typical of the ­other 'part'. This division of Oslo is mirrored in the organisation and use of the city's clubs. This can be seen in the way in which they are decorated and structured, and also in their clientele. A range of minute but effective mechanisms and signals operate to include the 'right' people' and exclude the 'wrong' from the different clubs. The same club may, h ­ owever, play host to people of different social strata at different hours of the day/night. F ­ urthermore, some patrons frequent clubs on a fairly random basis, or in the company of for instance colleagues, without feeling at home in the environment. The informant 'Stein', for instance, was recruited directly from 'Lipp'. However, in the interview he said: 72

– I've stopped going to the 'wildest' places, so we usually visit a club called 'Tre Brødre' (Three ­Brothers). It suits my age group; it's more relaxed, the people are all right and easy to get in contact with. – Do you usually frequent Lipp? – I've been there, but I don't think that place ­really suits me. Perhaps if I drink a bit. Yes, if I drink at Lipp I can have fun.

In general the various 'classes' or categories of people generally do not mingle, either in clubs or in other arenas of social conduct. This means that most of the time people find their marital and sexual partners within the same social category as their own. As heterosexual activity largely takes place within separate ­aggregates, Lewin (1991) has described sexual interaction as being compartmentalised. The compartmentalisation of sexuality functions as a way of maintaining several parallel sexual realities that are separate from each other. A working-class man has little to offer or a­ chieve in an interaction with an the upper-middleclass-woman. Most probably he will not have the opportunity to meet her, either through friends or in the clubs. The two are simply not present in the same place at the same time. Thus friends, acquaintances and lovers are, ­generally speaking, recruited from within the same strata or classes. The clubs in Oslo seem to cluster into distinct types. Clubs were chosen for this ­ ­investigation on the basis of their design in terms of architecture, interior and furnishings and the appearance and clothing of the patrons. They seemed to cater to three different categories of urban people, distinguish­ able from each other socially as well as in their lifestyles. Despite some simi­larities, the clubs represent three stylistically ­distinct physical environments. In 'Eilif's', the interior decoration created an old-fashioned, nostalgic i­ mpression, suggesting that the ­patrons had a longing for romantic and ­conservative values and attitudes (Bleskestad 1989). For the informants,

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

cheerfulness, ­curiosity, openness and the ability to get in contact with new people seemed central as descriptive features both of their preferred clubs and of how they themselves behaved there. Recall the informant 'Stein's' description of his preferred club cited above. The waiters at 'Eilif's' informed us that the patrons represented the ordinary 'man in the street', aged between 24 and 40 years. About half of the patrons wore ordinary clothes, while about half dressed specially for the occasion. Expensive, high-quality clothes were not in evidence, however. Almost all the patrons drank beer. The club seemed to attract guests from the lower-middle-class segments of the population (craftsmen, civil servants, secretaries etc). This being so, Eilif's may be described as an 'east-end' kind of club, and the informants were regarded as representing a 'traditional' segment of the population, ­hereafter called 'the traditionals'. 'Rebekka West' specialised in live music (jazz, funk, blues, soul and occasionally rock) at night. The interior, the live music and the apparel of the guests created a slightly depressed and unconventional atmosphere. ­ Most patrons were around 30 years of age. They drank liquor, beer and wine – mostly red wine. Placing Rebekka West on the 'east-west' scale was not as in the case of Eilif's above or Lipp below. It was one of the few clubs that ­catered to a culture-oriented clientele (artists, musicians, intellectuals, students etc.) from both the western and the eastern areas of Oslo. The informants from Rebekka West were ­labelled 'the unconventionals' in this study. Geir (32 years old) illustrated this element of unconventionality in the way in which he presented himself and his life choices: – For me, the whole point is to be able to work with something I find interesting and amusing. Otherwise, eight hours of the day are wasted, or just used to earn a living. /.../ Previously I didn't know what to be, and now I don't know what I am. It's a bit like that. I'm not particularly goal-­oriented or am-

bitious, and I know my destiny, sort of. It's another thing when I'm in the business, b­ ecause I find my job challenging and amusing. I can live with it. I grew up in an environment w ­ here everybody was expected to study to become p ­ hysicians and economists and engineers, and that strongly influenced me to chose one of those areas, and I prepared for it by taking G.C.E. – Advanced Level – in science and mathematics and all that, but it didn't work. I went to university, but now I've quit all that academic stuff. I was too restless. /.../ Too many books, too much theory /.../ There was something about the ways of looking at things I found completely wrong. Plus, some of the ­people I associated or studied with were 'wrong', sort of. I had to do something to make me feel more alive, something sort of amorphous, instead of something where everything was pre-set. Now I work as a music producer in films, I record music, arrange songs; which instruments are to be used, who is going to sing, how the song is to be sung; what it's going to sound like, rhythm and ­temperature for every element of the piece. And that is very interesting and amusing. You work with forms and expressions. But part of our job is also to deal with purely technical things, sound-system things. So it's a bit of everything. I'm not comfortable with being tied down.

Lipp's interior decoration had a certain ­­­'post-modern' flair to it. The overall ­impression was one of a classy, 'West-End' place, designed to attract groups of people conscious of quality, with a cosmopolitan ­outlook and uppermiddle-class manners. Patrons seemed to be around 30 years old and were fashionably, conservatively and ­discreetely dressed. In this study the clientele at Lipp will be referred to as 'the chosen ones'. The reasons why we call this category of ­informants 'the chosen ones' include, in ­addition to what could be observed, the i­nformants' self-presentation and the way in which they created a distance between themselves and other categories of people. For example, Kristin (28 years old) described her own behaviour in the public arena the ­following way: – At weekends we often go to a couple of bars first; often to Lipp, Kristian Kvart, sometimes Tre

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

73

Brødre, and we usually end up at Barock, or on very rare occasions at Kristiania, where there are a different type of people than I like; and if we are drunk enough we end up at Baronen & Baronessen, but that is not exactly something I am proud of, that we have been there. Mondays to Thurs­days we really follow the same route, but then we go to Smuget, too, in addition to bars and cafés. But very seldom to bars or cafés east of Egertorget (the middle of Oslo's main street, Karl Johan). – Why? – Because they have a different type of clientele, a type of people who I – I'm being prejudiced – don't think I'll feel comfortable with, and who have different interests from my own; they have a somewhat different background, somewhat ­different education, and perhaps also a somewhat different outlook on life. – What is your outlook on life? – In reality I have a fairly open outlook on life, and I like getting to know new people, but if they're too unsophisticated I can't do it, then I have ­nothing to talk to them about. There has to be a certain standard in the level of conversation.

Later in the interview Kristin said: – In Lipp and Barock, I think keeping up ­appearances is important. You hold on to your mask when you circulate, and try to look superior. In contrast to this, let's say in Baronen & Baronessen – after 4 A.M. – when most of the guests are there only to find someone to take home for the night, people are kissing in front of everyone ­there. This is probably the result of heavy alcohol consumption, but also because – I'm being prejudiced again – people of different social classes are t­ ogether on the premises.

Informants recruited by the snowballing method who frequented clubs other than ­ ­those under observation but shared many of the social-background characteristics and ­lifestyle habits of those frequenting the clubs under observation were assigned to the social category which they matched best.

74

Theoretical perspective Norbert Elias has described the development of Western industrialised societies as a ­continuous civilisation process (Elias 1978). In the process, he has found differences not only in attitudes and behaviour but also in mentalities. Elias claimes that for a European, the civilising process begins with the stage of modesty, continues into the stage of courtesy and ends at the stage of civilisation. Lorentz Lyttkens (1989) claims that a fourth stage in the civilisation process started to develop in the Western industrialised countries between the First and Second World Wars. Lyttkens ­labels this 'the stage of social competence'. The hypothesis of a fourth stage derives partly from an interpretation of historical events and partly from an assumption about future development. 'Social competence' reflects two different issues. It is partly the label of the fourth stage in the civilising process, and ­partly the name of a stage-specific technique of social interaction. Other characteristics of this stage are a relativisation of previous p ­ atterns and codes of associating with others, and a contempt for the secrets associated with privacy. As Sennett (1997) sees it, Modern Man is subject to what he calls the intimate vision of society. People have come to expect openness, and an exchange of openness has become a measure of who is acceptable and who is not. The degree of self-consciousness which accompanies this new social competence in human interaction may give raise to anxiety and uncertainty, which in turn may cause a longing for spontaneous feelings – for the a­ uthentic. People may loose the ability to express feelings without at the same time calculating their impact upon others. Accor­ dingly, they may also come to doubt the authenticity of other people's expressions of feelings, and their feedback thus becomes less trustworthy (see also Berger & Berger & Kellner 1973).

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

A new type of individual has stepped onto the stage. This is a self-disciplined person whose tasks are limited rather that lifelong, an individual who stresses the value of self-realisation and expresses psychological rather than moral criteria for the appropriateness of human interactions. Such individuals' behaviour and motives are more guided by the situation in which they find themselves or the group of people with whom they associate than by the social class to which they belong. Through such mechanisms a person's social competence in functioning on the different arenas which he or she frequents becomes very important. Accordingly, both sexual self-realisation and group-specific drinking habits ­assume a more important role today than formerly. Another characteristic of the stage of 'social competence' is the increasing importance of public arenas, which makes drinking behaviour at public drinking places increasingly important for the individual (Ferris 1995; Gusfield 1987). Becoming visibly drunk may for instance be seen as an expression of social incompetence. The codes for social interaction create distance and ­difference between the members of different social categories of the population. 'Social competence' is not solely the term for the fourth stage in the civilising process. Lyttkens (1989) claims that is also a term which describes a technique of social inter­ action typical of this stage. Lyttkens claims that the technique of social interaction is developed partly from the impression ­ ­management of everyday life and the impression management of the theatre. The concept 'impression management' is adopted from Goffman (1990). As far as s­ ocial competence is concerned, impression management is a technique of social inter­action by means of which people's feelings and beliefs are manipulated. It provides confidence, friendliness, helpfulness and the power to act. People can use impression management to

hide their disgust, ­irritation and anger. According to Lyttkens, this type of ­impression management aims at explaining the reasons underlying behaviour or events rather that judging such phenomena in terms of 'good' or 'bad'. People who explain a phenomenon are not judging it, and those who are not judgmental in their social lives have an opportunity to adjust their behaviour in accordance with the different possible c­ onsequences that the adoption of one ­behaviour or another will have. Furthermore, Lyttkens claims that what is considered a good or a bad consequence is not determined by the norms of a person's social environment, as these norms are explained as invalid by the i­ndividual explanations. What is considered a good or bad behavioural consequence is ­something that the individual him- or herself determines. Individuals can shape their social interaction to their own advantage or in ­accordance with their own aims. This means that they can manipulate others' beliefs and feelings for their own purposes. An individual's social competence is visible in many areas of social life, and certainly in how he or she deals with alcohol. For urban Norwegians it is a goal to prove oneself a 'socially competent drinker'. This is particularly important when one is drinking in public in contexts where the battle of love is fought and where the individual faces ­rejection and lowered self-esteem as a ­possible outcome. Self-presentation The urban individual is an actor in many ­different social arenas. Restaurants, bars, pubs and discos are only a few of the arenas people frequent and in which they act. Human ­behaviour in different arenas can be seen as being guided by group- and situation-specific norms and rules. One crucial factor behind people's behaviour in public arenas involves self-presentation. People present themselves in different ways in different social contexts.

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

75

When individuals present themselves to ­others, factors such as how they dress and talk and what interests they have become ­important. When one's own participation in a party has not been successful enough and the self-­image projected is not what one wants to project, it is possible to reconstruct the actual events and interpret these according to the self-image that one desires to project. In the time that follows a drinking episode, events are ­ ­deconstructed in such a way that one's own participation seems successful or socially acceptable rather than unsuccessful and ­socially unacceptable. The purpose of this post-interpretation may be to maintain the image of oneself as a significant person. When Per (38 years old, one of 'the unconven­tionals') reinterprets his intoxicated ­ be­ haviour while seeking an erotic contact, he may be a­ ttempting to make the interviewer perceive him as a person without sexual ­ambitions in the situation: – When I've been drinking a bit, I've got fewer ­inhibitions and a lower threshold; then I may walk up to people and start talking to them. But at the same time I feel I've lost in a way, because I'm unclear in my thoughts and speech. And less ­charming. Irrespective of their sex, I don't like it when drunk people walk up to me and act like ­close friends when they are in reality so pissed I don't want to have anything to do with them. I have no sexual ambitions either, because I know perfectly well I'm not capable of making love and doing a really good job. But if I walk up to a ­woman in that condition, I may fool around and stuff, get a taste of her, listen to her voice and see how she is, how she moves her face.

For the individual to admit having lost ­control in a drinking context represents a contradiction to an ideal about acting 'naturally'. To act 'naturally' means to refrain from ­dissolution and to maintain a relatively c­ ontinuous check on oneself (Lalander 1998). When the individual has consumed alcohol to the point of loosing situational control, the s­ ituation may 76

be reconstructed to become something else. This may be seen as a defence mechanism serving to preserve the image of oneself as a significant person. People may, for example, claim that they did not do anything in the state of intoxication which they would not also have done when sober. And even though the informants emphasised that they only occasionally drank to a point where they were so intoxicated that they were out of c­ ontrol, the field observations provided a slightly different impression. In all three clubs there were patrons who were visible drunk. This shows a discrepancy between what may be directly observed and people's verbal self-presentation. Here are two episodes from the field observations: – A woman has fainted. The waiters have trouble keeping off a very drunk woman who insists on holding the unconscious woman's head in her lap. One of the waiters wants her to go away, and they have a noisy discussion. In the end a waitress takes the drunken woman's arm and forcibly pulls her away. The drunken woman attempts to break free and shouts: 'I am a nurse!'. The doorman arrives and guides her out of the premises. (Li4.obs: 5(611)) The last persons to leave Lipp have clearly had too much to drink. They are very noisy, and one of the women falls down the staircase. Her ­companion has to take her hand and guide her. (Li4.obs: 5(2021))

Human behaviour within specific contexts may be studied by applying a dramaturgic approach (Goffman 1990). Furthermore, ­ within a symbolic interactionistic context, ­ ­socially accepted meanings and symbols are attributed to different social behaviours. George Herbert Mead (1962) claims that people communicate and interact in terms of significant symbols. It is only when an ­individual has learned, in interactions with his or her generalised and specific significant ­others, to connect specific meanings to ­specific actions, that communication between i­ndividuals is

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

possible. From this perspective, the consumption of alcohol in different social contexts is a symbolic act. For instance, it is a symbol of self-presentation. In relation to e­ rotic contact seeking, such a presentation can contribute to creating both distance and i­ntimacy with respect to other actors on the scene. To illustrate this we shall take a closer look at an episode from Lipp. A man buys a round of champagne. In this way he presents himself to the others as a person of economic means without miserly traits. He is not only buying champagne for the woman whom he is ­interested in getting to know more intimately but for all the men and women in the party. He may be viewed as attempting to reach the women via the collective. However, when his strategy fails, the man can be regarded as not having sufficient power of definition in the context. A woman with blond, curly, shoulder-length hair, 'Sharon', was talking to the most dominant man, 'Carl', in a group of men. 'Carl' stood nonchalantly with one hand around his drink and the other hand sometimes in her hair, sometimes on the ­table. A man with short-cut hair, 'John', entered the club, wearing a blue blazer, a blue and white shirt and jeans. 'John' started to talk to 'Sharon'. She smiled and laughed, and bent over in order to hear what he said to her. 'Carl' talked to both of them for a while, simultaneously touching 'Sharon's' hair. She, on the other hand, seemed more interested in talking to 'John'. 'Carl' went for a wander in the club and talked to several of the blond women present. In the restaurant a girl ­jumped at him, and put her legs around his hips. They danced pressed close together and moved their bodies against each other. After a few dances 'Carl' returned to 'Sharon' and made an attempt to catch her attention. He placed himself next to her and 'John', but they ­seemed too busy talking to each other to pay him any attention. 'Carl' made contact with a person in a brown uniform, and talked to him while d ­ rinking continuously. At 1 A.M., 'Carl' bought champagne at the bar and asked for many glasses. He offered 'Sharon' and his male friends ­champagne. He also offered a glass to 'John', but he did not

want any. 'Sharon' drank champagne and exchanged a toast with 'Carl'. She paid him more attention by smiling at him more often and ­drinking toasts to him. She offered 'John' some sips from her glass, which he accepted. 'Carl' did not get 'Sharon's' full attention. 'Sharon' left, and shortly after 'John' left too. Later on, 'Carl' was ­observed talking to two women up on the gallery. These women disappeared quickly, and he started to walk, seemingly without purpose, around the room. (Li4.obs 2(1-37))

The symbolic meaning of buying drinks As patrons of one of Oslo's many downtown clubs, people will be concerned with adjusting their behaviour in accordance with their perception of the club's valid norms, rules, ­rituals and values. What kind of alcohol is consumed, as well as which clothing codes are valid, are examples of important markers ­ indicating membership of social groups. Here is a field observation from Rebekka West: At the table behind us was sitting a group of four men and one woman (aged 30-45 years). They could be distinguished from the other guests by their conventional and elegant attire: the men wore suits and exclusive ties and the woman an ­elegant white blouse and matching vest and trousers made of chamois leather. Some of the men were smoking cigars, and the woman was gesticulating coquettishly. As observers, we ­ ­assumed that these persons knew each other from work and had been watching a theatre p ­ erformance at the premises. After a while four more men joined the group. These men leaned against the wall or hung around the table. When the band started to play, they acted as if uninterested and turned their back to the stage. These men were younger than the ­others, and they seemed bored. They addressed the older men sitting at the table and asked them when they were going to leave. The men at the table l­ooked very pleased and talked intensely with the woman. After a while four men in their 50's – ­looking slightly tired and drunk – sat down at a table next to them. These men also addressed the woman, who, to the observers' surprise, for a ­while seemed interested in talking to them as well. S­ hortly after

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

77

this the oldest man (the boss?) paid the bill with his VISA card. By then several of the others had already paid with their cards. "Where are you going?" the 'boss' called to the others. "To Lipp!", one of them relied. As observers, we exchanged smiles. This was because we had ­previously characterised them as 'Lipp-people'. They did not seem to fit in at Rebekka West. (Re3.obs)

Another field observation is from Eilif's: A woman in her late 30's is standing next a table where her party is seated. She is short and thin and has dark, curly hair, cut short. She is wearing a ­white blouse and black trousers and braces. For a long time she stands alone, and she seems slightly bored. A man attempts to make contact with her. He seems to be in his early 40's, and he is heavily built. He is wearing a shirt, open at the front, so that one can see his chest. Over the shirt he is wearing an old-fashioned Catalina jacket. ­ ­Compared to the small, good-looking woman, he looks somewhat rough. They talk for a while, and she laughs; it seems he is paying her compliments. He makes an attempt to take her hand and kiss it, but she takes her hand away from him. After this incident she withdraws to her party, sits down at the table and launches into a lively conversation with her friends, rolling her eyes. It is quite ­obvious that she wants no further contact with the man, and he walks away. (Ei1.obs)

If a group is faced with an unfamiliar ­environment and the strangers are represented by other, unfamiliar patrons, the feeling of ­belonging that exists between its members may be threatened (Lalander 1998). In such a situation, if someone buys everybody a round of drinks, this may strengthen the bond between the group members and intensify their sense of belonging. Within the arena constituted by the club, small compartments which separate groups of 'we' and 'they' are created. Buying a round of drinks for one's own group seems to be motivated by the need to associate with and be incorporated in a group; or it serves to strengthen the feeling of mutual dependence within the group. ­However, buying drinks for somebody also has to do with self78

presentation. By buying the drink(s), one may be expressing some­thing on one's own behalf, as part of a n ­ egotiation aimed at achieving intimacy, or on behalf of others, for instance, one's workmates. Several of the informants assigned to 'the chosen ones' claimed that they used clubs as arenas for negotiation with business ­associates. The field observations at Lipp­ revealed groups of businesspeople isolated from the rest of the patrons and involved in discussions over some beers or drinks. The interviews supported the field observations. In this context, buying drinks can be regarded as part of a negotiation strategy ­ ­where the alcohol not only symbolises an informal and friendly negotiation situation, but also one in which issues of a more personal ­nature can be brought up. The club is a ­neutral arena, and the alcohol may contribute to a more personal atmosphere between the firm's representative and his or her business associate. In this way buying alcohol in public drinking places has a function in business and trade. The buying of drinks can be regarded as an exchange. Barth (1966) considers that a transaction takes place when drinks are bought. Marcel Mauss (1969) has described the exchange of gifts, both material and non-material, as a fundamental process which c­ onnects members of society. The central norm connected with the exchange of gifts is mutuality. Buying someone a drink is also ­giving this person a gift. However, the gift may create inequality, requiring a reply of the same order, implicitly intended to re-establish balance. When a man buys a drink for a ­woman, she replies to his gift by giving him ­attention and time. The exchange thus comes full circle. However, when the interviewers suggested that buying drinks could imply s­omething more than this, the informants ­ responded negatively. It seemed that ­expressing expectations which involved more than receiving attention and spending time together was some-

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

thing which could not be stated explicitly. If one were to cross this ­barrier and state that there was a possible ­sexual motive for buying drinks, the woman might be perceived as having been bought by the man, thus being relegated to the status of a prostitute. A transaction (cf. Barth 1966) is occurring in which certain limitations are placed on men's as well as women's choices of ­behavioural patterns. The relation between them is converted into a continual bargaining process, where both parties perform to ensure a successful outcome to the situation. Men and women interact with reference to their ­relative status in the arena, and there is a ­constant flow of presentations, in the sense that messages are exchanged, rights are e­xercised and performances evaluated. ­According to Barth, interactions depend on and maintain relations of trust, which implies that self-presentations in the arena are in a sense token presentations. In this context, impression management is of importance. The bargaining is about token presentations or impressions, and thus ­involves marked features of over- and under-communication. Consequently, the bargain­ing is crucial to the generation of marked ­patterns of stereotyped behaviours which were observed in the club arenas. These male and female patterns may be described as follows: The man acts out his male role, exhibiting ­behaviour suggesting trustworthiness, ­confidence, experience and knowledge. ­Expectations placed upon the male position seem to involve an emphasis on decision-­making and authority. The woman acts out a different role: she is the evaluator of the man's performance and thus the one to decide his destiny, the incarnation of femininity, playing a role midway between that of whore and ­Madonna. The findings of this study suggest that ­buying a drink for someone else is a fairly common occurrence. However, more often than not it is men who buy drinks for women whom they do not know, and not the other

way around. Men and women do, however, act in line with complementary roles. When a man buys a woman whom he has just met a drink, this can be regarded as an act expressing 'I would like to get to know you'. In the a­ rena of erotic contact seeking, the man is not ­buying the woman a drink primarily because she is thirsty but because he wants to get to know her more intimately. She, for her part, does not accept the drink primarily because she is thirsty but because she also wants to get to know him. This meaning underlying the buying of drinks seems to be accepted by all of our informants. Even so, there are differences in the way in which buying drinks is perceived between members assigned to 'the chosen ones', 'the unconventionals' and 'the tradi­ tionals'. Obviously, 'social competence' is group-specific. The actors in Lipp, 'the chosen ones', can be regarded as having a relatively high socio-­ economic status, which weakens the eco­nomic argument against buying drinks. On the contrary, by buying drinks the man gets the opportunity to consolidate his economic s­tatus vis-a-vis women in a self-presentation indicating that money is of no concern. – Many brokers are rather generous about their accounts when they're out on the town (Hanne 31 years, 'the chosen ones')

The process of erotic contact seeking among 'the chosen ones', 'the traditionals', and 'the unconventionals' has been described in a ­previous paper (Træen & Hovland 1998). At Lipp, it seems that the man's offer to buy the woman a drink comes late in the process of erotic contact seeking. This contrasts with 'the traditional' man: in his case, the offer c­ omes early in the process. The process of ­erotic contact seeking is most often ­initiated by the exchange of glances. Once eye contact is established, the man is expected to take the initiative in establishing further ­(verbal) c­ontact,

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

79

and the woman is supposed to accept or reject his initiative. Common s­ignal p ­ hrases aimed at establishing further contact include 'Do you often come to this place?', 'Where are you from?', 'What is your name?'. These phrases may seem meaningless, but they are certainly not. They all have the ­purpose of finding out whether there is any point in going further in the process; which there most often is if the two find each other interesting as potential partners. It is at this point in the erotic contact seeking process that the man in Lipp offers the woman a drink. As the man and the woman have by then been through several of the initial steps in the ­process, it is almost certain that she will not ­reject his offer. When the woman accepts the man's offer of a drink, it is expected that she will spend time with him. The man Øyvind (34 years old, 'the chosen ones') expresses his expectations of women for whom he buys drinks as follows: – I have no expectations in this respect, but I would feel it was impolite if she had the drink and then disappeared, if I can put it that way.

Øyvind has expectations – not necessarily of erotic contact, but of getting to know the ­woman better – when he buys her a drink. It is interesting to note that he uses the term ­'impolite' when describing a woman who accepts a drink and then leaves him. Erving Goffman (1990) uses the terms 'politeness' and 'decency' to distinguish between two ­different norm groups. The norm of politeness is connected to manners, whereas the norm of decency is connected to moral claims and duties. Among 'the chosen ones', the norm of politeness seems central. When ­offering to buy a woman a drink, the man does so in a polite way: 'May I offer you a drink?'. Behaviour may be different among men in other social categories. Among 'the traditionals', 'social competence' consists not 80

first and foremost of politeness but of decency or propriety. – Many times I feel like buying someone a beer, but I don't feel I'm such a big shot at clubs so I don't every time, no. (Sverre 27 years old, 'the ­traditionals')

Among the informants assigned to 'the ­traditionals', the traditional pattern of gender roles is more evident. Men and women seem to live in more separate social realities than do the men and women of the two other social categories in this study. One expectation ­ ­placed upon the traditional male gender role is a moral obligation to provide for women and children. As doing this expresses the man's decency, buying a woman a drink may also be connected to decency. Not only does 'the traditional' man offer the woman a drink at a far earlier stage of the erotic contact ­seeking processes; in making his offer to her, he also seems more sure of himself than do men in Lipp: 'I'll buy you a drink!'. The offer thus becomes the gateway to further contact, often before the verbal exchange of personal information. The field observations detected men who send over alcohol to women sitting at another table via the waitress before they have ascertained whether the women want the drinks or not. This is a game of chance that men at Lipp do not seem to play, as they buy drinks when they are more or less sure that the women will accept their gift. 'The traditional' man is likely to harbour expectations towards the women who accept their drinks. When a woman accepts a drink, she is obliged to spend time with the man. As the woman ­Vigdis (25 years old, 'the traditionals') says: – If it's someone I really don't feel like getting to know better, I usually say no. I feel there are ­obligations involved, really. If I accept I have to stand talking to them.

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

If the woman rejects an offer of a drink, the field observations indicate that this may lead to disappointment, or even aggression, on the part of the man. Within this social category, buying drinks symbolises having invested ­money – as opposed to time – in the woman, and she should recognise and appreciate the investment that the man has made. This may lead to a problem for the woman if she wants to reject his offer. She may feel obliged to ­negotiate for intimacy. There also appears to be an element of women's traditional caring function in the interaction. The woman may feel that the man has 'given so much of himself' by buying her a drink that it becomes more difficult to reject him. A man's certainty when he offers to buy a woman a drink seems to create a dilemma for the female ­informants assigned to the social category of 'the traditionals'. First, if the woman rejects the man's offer to buy her a drink, she runs the risk of encountering negative sanctions, such as aggression. One the other hand, if she accepts the drink offered to her she is obliged to spend time with the man. On the basis of the interviews with the ­women in this study, there is reason to believe that the issue of whether to accept or reject an offer of a drink is more difficult for 'the ­traditionals' than for 'the chosen ones'. The ­situation in which the negotiation takes place is different for a woman among 'the chosen ones', and the man offers to buy her a drink only after he has received so much positive feedback that he is certain that she wants to spend time with him. Even so, we may claim that men and women among both 'the chosen ones' and 'the traditionals' act on the basis of a traditional gender role pattern in which the man takes the initiative, and the woman accepts or rejects it. This contrasts with what we find among 'the unconventionals', even though among this group of people it also seems fairly common to buy drinks for ­another person or a round for a group of ­persons.

What distinguishes 'the unconventionals' from the two other groups studied is the strong position of the ideology of gender equality. As Jonas (28 years old, 'the unconventionals') stated: – No, I never offer to buy girls a beer. We talk about equality, and then I think they might just as well buy a beer for me.

The ideology of equality has just as strong a ­position in women's lives as it does in men's. However, this is not expressed in women's ­offering to buy drinks for men whom they do not know. Rather, gender equality is expressed by the fact that the women do not necessarily feel that they have to enter into a more ­intimate relationship if they accept and are not concerned with negative sanctions on the part of the men if they reject the offer. ­Furthermore, a woman's positive or negative response to the offer does not appear to be as symbolically loaded for the 'unconventional' man as it is in the case of men at Eilif's and Lipp. Several of the male informants from ­Rebekka West describe how they offer drinks to women because they want to be nice to them. The offer to buy a woman a drink seems to symbolise a pal-gesture. This does not mean that buying a woman a drink is not also a negotiation strategy aimed at deeper intimacy. A man's offer to buy a woman a drink is not, however, closely tied to traditional norms and rules governing the gender roles among 'the unconventionals' as it is in the two other social groups. Generally, equality and treating are not correlated (Gullvæg-Holter 1981); but among 'the unconventionals', women are not regarded as passive objects to the same extent as they are among 'the chosen ones' and 'the traditionals'. Concluding remarks In addition to the strong emphasis on

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

81

i­ mpression management, social competence is characterised by an individual's making use of socio-psychological knowledge and being ­instrumental, as the purpose of such competence goes beyond the social interaction itself (Lyttkens 1989). This is exactly the case when a man offers a woman a drink in the bar. By connecting a value to the act, one also reveals a social attitude. In this way the social norms which regulate social interaction are con­ firmed and supported. The research question in this paper was whether offering someone a drink could have different meanings in ­different social categories. The answer to this ­question is yes. What it means to act in a ­socially competent fashion in the process of erotic contact seeking varies between different social categories of the population. Meta­ phorically, we may describe men among 'the chosen ones' as acting like 'gentlemen' when offering to buy unfamiliar women drinks as part of a process of negotiating for intimacy. In contrast, men among 'the traditionals' act more like the traditional 'provider', and men among 'the unconventionals' behave more like the women's 'pals'. But what about gender differences? As ­noted, buying drinks may be interpreted as a form of transaction (cf. Barth 1966). In this transaction, men and women apply different strategies, acting in accordance with complementary roles. Thus it seems that there are gender-specific ways and means of achieving one's chosen goals. When men among 'the traditionals' and 'the chosen ones' buy drinks for women in public arenas, the women seem to be passive, often employing non-verbal communication, whereas the men seem more active and verbal. However, the 'power of ­passivity' should not be underestimated as a strategy. Women seem to be playing their own game of morality, resisting the label of bought woman. It is particularly among 'the tradi­ tional' women that one may detect signs that accepting a drink means having been bought 82

as a person. This acceptance may derive from such women's fear that the man is going to react to their refusal with aggression. Even in this sense, then, it is evident that the women cannot be considered passive objects of men. They are actively employing a passive strategy of action. Form cannot, here as often else­ where, be considered equal to content. Passivity may well be activity in disguise. Not only does the overtly active part in the interaction communicate; the silent partner speaks well, too, in her language of passivity.

REFERENCES

Barth, F. (1966): Models of social organization. Glasgow: Robert MacLehose & co. Ltd. Beck, U., Giddens, A. & Lash, S. (1994): ­Reflextive modernization. Politics, tradition and aesthetics in modern social order. Cambridge: ­Polity Press Berger, P., Berger, B. & H. Kellner (1973): The homeless mind. Modernization and consciousness. New York: Vintage Books Bleskestad, B. (1989): Caféliv i Oslo i 80-årene. Café som teater i urbant perspektiv (The life in cafés in Oslo in the 1980s. The café as a theatre in an urban perspective). Oslo: University of Oslo, Institute of Social Anthropology Bourdieu, P. (1984): Distinction. A social critique of the judgement of taste. Cambridge, Mass: Harvard University Press Crook, S., Pakulski, J. & Waters, M. (1992): Postmodernization – change in an advanced society. London: Sage Publications Elias, N. (1978): The Civilizing Process. Vol I. The History of Manners. Oxford: Basil Blackwell Featherstone, M. (1990): Global culture. Nationalism, globalization and modernity. ­ ­London: Sage Publications Ferris, J. (1995): Courtship, drinking and risk limitation. A qualitative analysis of women's ­ ­experiences. Paper presented at the 21th Annual Alcohol Epidemiology Symposium in Porto, ­Portugal, June 5-9 Giddens, A. (1991): Modernity and self-identity. Cambridge: Polity Press Goffman, E. (1990): The presentation of self in

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

everyday life. Harmondsworth, Middlesex: ­Penguin Books Gullvæg-Holter, Å. (1981): Sjekking. Kjærlighet og kjønnsmarked. Oslo: Pax Forlag Gusfield, J.R. (1987): Passage to play: Rituals of drinking time in American society. Chp. 3, pp. 7390. In: M. Douglas (ed.): Constructive drinking. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press Lalander, P. (1998): Anden i flaskan : alkoholens betydelser i olika ungdomsgrupper. Thesis. Eslöv: B. Östlings bokförlag Lyttkens, L. (1989): Den disiplinerade människan. Stockholm: Allmänna Förlaget Mauss, M. (1969): The gift: Forms and functions of exchange in archaic societies. London: Routledge/Kegan Paul Mead, G.H. (1962): Mind, self & society from the standpoint of a social behaviorist. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press Patton, M.Q. (1990): Qualitative evaluation and research methods. Newbury Park/ California: Sage Publications Reinarman, C. & Leigh, B.C. (1987): Culture, cognition, and disinhibition: notes on sexuality and alcohol in the age of AIDS. Contemporary Drug Problems Fall: 435-460 Sennett, R. (1977): The fall of public man. ­Boston: Faber and Faber Træen, B. & Nordlund, S. (1992): Cognitive structures underlying visits to public drinking ­places in Oslo. Paper presented at the 18th Annual Alcohol Epidemiology Symposium, Toronto, ­Canada, June 1-5. Træen, B. & Nordlund, S. (1993): Visiting ­public drinking places in Oslo: An application of the theory of planned behaviour. Addiction 88: 1215-1224 Træen, B. & Hovland, A. (1998): Games ­people play. Sex, alcohol and condom use among urban Norwegians. Contemporary Drug Problems Fall: 3-48 Ødegård, G. (1996): Erobring og forbrødring. Alcohol, distinksjon og mening i det moderne uteliv. Oslo: Department of Sociology, University of Oslo.

Summary Bente Træen & Arild Hovland & Guro Ødegård: Can I buy you a drink? Alcohol as symbolic communication in erotic encounters The purpose of the study is to clarify the ­status of alcohol as a form of symbolic communi­ cation in the process of erotic contact seeking among ­members of three social categories of the urban Norwegian population. In 1995, a field ­observation/depth interview study on alcohol and sexuality was undertaken among patrons of three clubs designed to attract people from different ­social categories in Oslo. 33 persons (25-52 years) visiting the three clubs were interviewed. The ­informants were classified on the basis of background and lifestyle as belonging to three different social categories: 'the chosen ones', 'the traditionals' and 'the unconventionals'. In all three clubs it seemed to be common for men to offer to buy women drinks. The traditional gender role pattern was evident in all social categories. However, there were also differences among them in this respect. Men of the 'the chosen ones' category might be described as acting like 'gentlemen' when offering to buy drinks for women whom they did not know. In ­contrast, 'traditional' men acted more like the traditional 'provider', and 'unconventional' men behaved more like the women's 'pals'. There are thus consequences for both men's and women's motives for, and reactions to, o­ffering somebody a drink. Key words: urbanity, alcohol, courtship, ­intimacy

N O R DISK ALKO H O L- & N A R KOTIKATIDSK R IFT, VO L 1 5 , 1 9 9 8 ( E N G LISH S U P P L E M E N T )

83