Developing Empathy & the Courage to Make Wise Decisions - bcpvpa

Some of École Glenmore’s Mavericks practice their problem-solving, leadership, and communication skills as they untangle themselves in the Human Knot game.

Developing Empathy & the Courage to Make Wise Decisions by Leslie Dyson

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cole Glenmore, in Kelowna, offers two programs designed to help students develop their social and emotional skills: Voices for girls and Mavericks for the boys. Voices is a seven-week program created in 2006 in Winfield, a neighbourhood near Kelowna. It was developed by Courage for Youth, a group of university students, led by Serena Charleton, who saw a need for a program for elementary school-aged girls. Charleton, with a bachelor’s degree in psychology, said, “It’s completely volunteer run and by young women from many different backgrounds.” Mavericks was created by the school’s principal Des Sjoquist. Four years ago, the school’s parent group raised concerns about the relationship challenges they saw facing the girls in grades 4 and 5. So the school contacted Courage for Youth (courageforyouth.com). The Voices program encourages young girls to develop and maintain positive and healthy girl-to-girl friendships by: • understanding the complexities of these relationships; • discovering who they are and what they personally stand for; • learning effective communication techniques; • identifying stressors and building healthy boundaries; and, April 2015 • Adminfo • 4

“Students came up with hundreds of different things they do to calm themselves. That leads into a conversation about healthy and unhealthy ways to cope.” The problems associated with turning to comfort food, alcohol, drugs, and excessive video gaming become part of the conversation. • developing empathy and the courage to make wise decisions. The program employs small group and one-on-one conversations, ice-breaker and art activities, and daily challenges to do with their parents. The Grade 5 students then take what they’ve learned and lead activities with Grade 3 girls. Students who have moved on to middle school in Grade 7 have the opportunity to come back and talk to the students in Grade 5. “That cycles the program and keeps the spiral effect going,” said Sjoquist. On the last day, the Voices volunteers give each girl in their groups a personalized letter, listing all the positive traits they see in each student and their hopes for the future. “The students love that part,” said Charleton. Voices is “incredibly reasonable,” added Sjoquist. The charge for seven sessions with the Grade 5 girls, two sessions with the Grade 3s, and two with the Grade 6s is just $1000. “The costs are kept down because it’s delivered by volunteers,” he said. “It’s very reasonable when you see the millions of dollars being spent by the province for anti-bullying programs.” Charleton said, “This isn’t something we do to make a profit. We are a non-profit, volunteer-run organization and just charge enough to cover our costs. I do this stuff on my lunch break at work and in the evenings.” Charleton’s paid work is do-

ing housing outreach for New Opportunities for Women in Kelowna. Sjoquist said that parents and staff believe the program has been very effective but it left a question about what do with the boys while the girls were busy with Voices. Sjoquist created the Mavericks program 15 years ago while he was a vice-principal in Coquitlam and in response to growing concerns that young boys were coming to the attention of youth-gang recruiters. “It was similar to Voices, but I didn’t know it at the time.” Sjoquist drew from his experience teaching in other countries and the work of child psychologists Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson, authors of Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys. So while the girls are busy, Sjoquist works with the Grade 5 boys. “It’s built around Sean Covey’s Seven Habits of Effective Teens and self-regulation. We spend time talking about anger and how to control the ‘anger

mountain.’ “I really believe in peaceful relationships but I remember going to a hockey game. I was shocked to realize that I was sitting on the edge of my seat when a fight broke out. For some reason, we (and particularly males) are attracted to violence when it’s presented in an organized way. And I remember thinking we never talked about this in school. Would it be OK if a fight broke out at school?” Over the years, the Mavericks program has been tweaked and different forms of bullying are addressed, including cyber bullying. Students also brainstorm all the ways there are to deal with stress. “They came up with hundreds of different things they do to calm themselves,” he said. “That leads into a conversation about healthy and unhealthy ways to cope.” The problems associated with turning to comfort food, alcohol, drugs, and excessive video gaming become part of the conversation. Athletics are a good reference point, he added. “We talk about sportsmanship and they understand it. Then we talk about how it relates to bullying. And we talk about refereeing.” After the talk, comes the game.

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VOLUME 27 NUMBER 4

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The boys troop out of the school to play soccer, with some students acting as refs. “After the game, we talk about it and debrief. “We have a lot of fun and I keep it as active as I can. It’s a secret society and if any girls walk into the room while we’re talking, we cover up the board with the notes on it.” Other activities include back-toback drawing to develop communication skills and relaxation techniques to help them come down from “anger mountain.” Aidan, Grade 6, explained that “if you’re calm, you’ll stay low.” If you don’t keep it low, “you’ll go higher and higher until you lose it.” He was in the program last year. To demonstrate good communication skills, Aidan told the story about his older brother who stepped in a couple of years ago to help him and his friends who were being forced off the basketball court by older students. “He said, ‘Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you get to have the court. They were here first.’” Aidan has also had to deal with rising anger when that same brother bothers him at home. “I just walk away and take a couple of deep breaths.” He also tries to pause and think about his own actions. “Just because you’re having a bad time doesn’t mean you can treat others not nice. If you’re nice, they’ll be nice back.” “Everyone gets angry sometimes,” added Isaac, Grade 6. “But it [Mavericks] taught me new ways to blow off steam without hurting other people, like do a sport you like, take deep breaths, and tense and loosen your muscles.” Kyle, Grade 6, said the things he learned in the program last year are “still relevant. It’s changed our school a lot. There isn’t as much bullying … It gets down to the ba-

sics. Don’t be a bystander.” Faced with a bullying situation, he said, “I feel I would be ready and not be a bystander. I’d go up to the person and I’d be funny. I wouldn’t use a mean voice. I’d use a lay low voice. A cool voice. I’d say, ‘Seriously, is this the right choice? Is it going to make you happy or the other person happy?’ I wouldn’t push him around. I’d use my words or get a teacher.” Jeremy, Grade 6, said there is a difference between the way boys and girls handle conflict. “Girls use their voice and boys are more violent. I don’t totally know why, but boys are just rough … Let’s say a guy is playing tetherball and he’s lost but he keeps playing. Girls would say ‘It’s not fair,’ but boys would push him away.” Now, Jeremy said, “I’d say ‘It’s not fair. Just because you’re having a rough day, you don’t have to make someone else have a rough day.’ You can control your anger. When I’m really mad, I’m going to stay away from people.” Hayden, in Grade 5 and who’s just completed the program, said he liked playing a game that had them lie on the ground and tense


and release their muscles. He said it might help him when “my brothers get in my face and talk rudely to me. I get angry and I lose it. I try not to get angry ‘cause I don’t want to hurt anybody or them. I want to be respectful and nice because I don’t want people to think I was mean or didn’t care very much.” Brett, also in Grade 5, said he liked learning how to relax. “You take a few deep breaths. At my house, when my brothers were punching me, I’d punch them back or walk away. Now I will tell them to stop.” It’s difficult to measure or track behaviours, Sjoquist said, “but we have seen a decrease in the number of students being referred to the office and there are almost zero conflicts. We still have issues with young boys as they grow through the stages of development, but the older students are incredible role models.” The Mavericks and Voices programs are effective in improving the school climate, he said, “but they don’t address the socio-economic conditions that can lead to a path of violence.” He noted that, “In light of the continues page 14

written from teachers and peers, and are also given the opportunity to become an active participant in 1. Where am I going and how their learning through two-way disam I going? cussions and reflection. 2. What progress have I made Implementing the adaptive intowards my goal? structional strategy of Inquiry Proj3. Where to next? (Hattie and ect addresses what is required for Timperly, 2007, p.86) students to be successful and prepared for the future. The Inquiry Throughout the instructional pro- Project is an example of improved cess, students receive ongoing con- instruction towards improved learnstructive feedback both verbal and ing. A community of professional

educators dedicated to continuous improvement is what I believe we should all strive to be (Wagner and Keegan, 2006). Our obligation is to implement instructional strategies that effectively promote success for all learners. The obligation for our profession is to reflect on Shelley’s famous words and accept the inevitability of societal change and how it impacts our education system. Instituting new strategies such as the Inquiry Project is one path we can explore as we practice continuous improvement, because “without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning” (Benjamin Franklin).

Gordon Li, continued from page 3 school configurations, and blended environments that combine online and in-person sessions. Online programs have become so innovative that many feature synchronous delivery, parent advisory councils, and student leadership. I have visited districts that have been experiencing success for our

Aboriginal learners and listened to mentors talk about courageous leadership, inspiring leaders into action, and empowering learners who have been suppressed. It seems to me that, as members of BCPVPA, we are part of a learning network that holds great potential to move learning practices forward and improve the circumstances for all students in

public education. It has been a gift to get an insight into how you know your students. It has inspired me to a vision of where we may grow in the areas of leadership development, applications of our Leadership Standards, and advocacy for the role of principals and vice-principals. I am challenged to refine our network into a learning tool for all to use.

Dyson, continued from page 6 stats, potentially up to one-quarter of our students have seen some domestic violence. We have intense discussions and students have talked around the subject but there have been no disclosures to date. “We touch very gently on family dynamics, but this is an incredibly sensitive subject. There will be some physical abuse in some homes. It’s a global societal issue, but this is a step in the right direction with a message that starts to stick: It’s not OK to treat each other that way.” Through conversations, games, and activities, the boys define their goals and how they want to be viewed and remembered. “They learn to look at their behav-

iours and ask themselves ‘Are they helping me move toward my goals?’ “We talk about legacy and answer the question “How do I want to be remembered?’ They learn that they are in control of their voices, their words, and their actions. “We haven’t advertised Mavericks,” he said, “but it is effective and could be applied in any school. The challenge is the logistics. It should be taught by a male and you need someone who can connect with the students. And it has to fit into the schedule. It would be difficult for a regular teacher to pull out just the boys for the program. It’s easier for me as a principal.” Charleton said she recalls being the same age as the girls she works

with. Without knowing why, the girls she thought were her friends at the time suddenly wanted nothing to do with her. The experience left her distrustful and overthinking everyone’s motives. “I’m 30 years old now and we hear the same stories. “This program really has a piece of my heart. I wish I had something like this when I was in Grade 5, and I have had so many adults tell me that same thing … It’s so beautiful to watch the students connect with the volunteers and open up and share and ask questions. They really do form relationships with our Voices mentors.”

“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.”

— Benjamin Franklin

model suggests effective feedback must consider three major questions:


Leslie Dyson is a regular contributor to Adminfo. She can be reached at [email protected]