Crime Prevention Services .... Persistently following someone, harassing telephone calls/e-mails/text messages. ... Toll
FACT SHEET
Domestic Abuse & Violence Domestic abuse occurs when one person in a spousal or common-law relationship tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone! COMMON-LAW, MARRIED, SEPARATED, DIVORCED
Most people think that domestic abuse involves a loss of control that, in extreme cases, may result in physical violence. This is rarely true. Domestic abuse and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to gain control over you -- it should not be confused with the abuser losing control over his or her behaviour. Unchecked verbal forms of abuse should not be tolerated as it can often lead to violence and physical and emotional scars. It is therefore important that you are aware of the different types of abuse, tactics and risk factors associated with abuse. It is also important that you: - recognize the signs that you, or someone you know, is in an abusive or problematic relationship, and - take action to get / provide help and prevent further harm.
RISK FACTORS
The following factors can increase risk and with it, the potential for abuse. Risk factors should be minimized and / or taken into account whenever possible. High risk factors include:
• HIGH RISK FACTORS - Obsessive Partners Obsessive partners are controlling and can be abusive. Strategies and tactics used by obsessive partners can include coercion, deceit, threats and other forms of PRP 52 REVISED – NOVEMBER 2014
intimidation, manipulation, mind games, money, and violence. Obsessive partners can become especially dangerous during and after a break-up. Obsessors will not accept that a relationship is over. Obsessors commonly resort to stalking, threats and violence after a marriage or relationship break-up. - Pregnancy Pregnancy, especially unplanned, can be a risky time as 25% of victims reported that violence began shortly after it was known that they were pregnant. Violence included blows to the stomach. - Separation Separation can be a difficult and dangerous time, particularly if your partner is obsessive. Research shows, that the most dangerous period of time for a woman in an abusive relationship, is the first 3 to 4 months after separation. This is when most women are severely abused and most murders occur. It is important that you take some action, in the event that you feel intimidated. This can include setting boundaries for obsessive ex-partners and reporting all threats, violence or harassment to Police should they occur. Call 9-1-1 for immediate assistance. - Removal of Property Removal of property can be contentious at the best of
times and often develops into a dispute / spark abuse. Police are available to stand-by for the purpose of keeping the peace during the removal of property. Police will not assist with the removal of property where an unmediated dispute develops. - Divorce Divorcing an abusive partner can spark rage. Planning is therefore critical when dealing with an abusive partner. The first step in planning is finding supports without letting your partner know. Be especially careful when using the web or sending / receiving e-mails. - Child Visitation Child visitation can complicate matters particularly when your ex-partner is obsessive. Obsessors can use children as a cover to their obsessive behaviour or as a means to punish their ex-partner. Harassment and stalking can be done under the guise of normal contact. This may not be apparent to others. Custody orders should be sought when dealing with obsessive expartners.
A SAFER COMMUNITY TOGETHER
PEEL REGIONAL POLICE Crime Prevention Services 7750 Hurontario Street Brampton, Ontario L6V 3W6
Dial............ 905-453-2121 ext. 4021 Fax.............................905-456-5910 Online................. www.peelpolice.ca
@PeelCrimePrev
DOMESTIC ABUSE & VIOLENCE HIGH RISK FACTORS VICTIM
ABUSER
Age (under 30) Alcohol / drug use
Abuses alcohol / drugs
History of previously being in an abusive relationship
History of abuse including former partners and pets
Witnessed or was the victim of abuse as a child
Witnessed or was the victim of abuse as a child
Unemployment, poverty or poor living situations
Unemployed / underemployed
Physical / mental disabilities
COMMON ABUSER TACTICS
Abusers use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert their power. This includes: - Dominance Used by individuals who need to feel in charge of the relationship. - Humiliation Designed to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way. - Isolation Designed to increase your dependence upon him or her. - Threats Designed to keep you from leaving or otherwise control your behaviour. - Intimidation Designed to scare you into submission. - Denial & Blame Designed to minimize the abuse, deny it occurred or shift the responsibility onto you.
ARE YOU IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?
What may be obvious to others may not be obvious to yourself. This is especially true in relationships where the partner has not become violent. If you have ever had a concern that you may be in an abusive relationship, please take a moment to complete this self-evaluation.
• ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP CHECKLIST - You are being treated as a child, servant or possession. Used by individuals who need to feel in charge of the relationship. - Your self-esteem has eroded, you feel powerless and embarrassed. Uses insults, name-calling, shaming, public put-downs, minimizes your opinions and accomplishments. - You feel isolated. Cuts you off from the outside world by keeping you from seeing family, friends, going out etc., and constantly checks up on you. - You are afraid of your partner much of the time. Threatens to hurt/kill you or the children, commit suicide, file charges against you, smashes things in front of you, hurts pets, puts weapons on display. - You believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated. Will shift the responsibility for their behaviour onto you. They may also blame their childhood, deny it has occurred or “brush” it off by chalking it up to having a bad day. - You feel emotionally numb. If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship.
SIGNS THAT SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
Domestic abuse may not be obvious to a person outside of the relationship as both the abused and abuser may go to great lengths to hide it. Domestic abuse is best spotted by studying the behaviour of both the victim and the abuser. - Goes along with everything their partner says and does; seems afraid or anxious to please their partner. Abuser may appear overly controlling or coercive. - Have frequent injuries with the excuse of “accidents” including bilateral (involving both sides of the body) and/or defensive injuries to parts of the body used to fend off an attack. Abuser acts excessively jealous and possessive. - May dress in clothing designed to hide bruises (long sleeves in summer, sunglasses indoors). - Undergo major personality change including low self-esteem (quiet, poor eye contact), anxiety, depression (crying, drained, confused), suicidal. - May abuse alcohol/drugs.
DOMESTIC ABUSE & VIOLENCE WHAT TO DO IF YOU SUSPECT SOMEONE IS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
Many people who are in an abusive relationship need help to get out. If you suspect that someone you know is in an abusive relationship speak to them in a private place and let them know that you’re concerned. Point out the things that you have noticed and tell the person that you are willing to assist them when they’re ready to seek help.
SEEKING HELP
The earlier you recognize and deal with signs of abuse or obsessiveness the better as you have more options, such as marriage counselling, and your resolve will be stronger. It is important to seek help in cases of physical or longstanding abuse as there is a high risk of repeat victimization and long-term effects of domestic abuse can significantly weaken your resolve thanks to depression, fear and / or confusion. You should also not expect domestic abuse to be obvious to others, as abusers are able to control their behaviour which includes leaving marks in visible areas. Help is just a phone call away! Call these agencies for help 24 / 7: • Peel Regional Police - 905-453-3311 Ask for communications to assist with peace keeping during removal of property, child custody disputes. - 9-1-1 In the event of any crime in progress, for instance you feel threatened or are assaulted, child abduction.
• Victim Services of Peel - 905-568-1068 Or www.vspeel.org with respect to crisis counselling, accessing transitional support / shelter and / or developing a safety plan for your home, work and school. • Assaulted Women’s Help Line GTA......................416-863-0511 Toll Free 1-866-863-0511 TTY......................416-364-8762 Toll Free 1-866-863-7868 Mobile.................. SAFE (7-2-3-3)
WANT FURTHER INFORMATION INCLUDING A SAFETY PLAN?
Contact the Peel Regional Police Family Violence Unit and / or request a copy of the Intimate Relationship Domestic Violence / Abuse pamphlet (available in – French, Polish, Punjabi, Urdu) for information on what happens if the Police become involved, agencies that can assist you, their support programs and safety tips. For a copy of a comprehensive safety plan, visit: http://www.peelpolice.ca/en/ crime prevention/resources/ mypersonalsafetyplan.pdf
COMMON FORMS OF ABUSE VERBAL EMOTIONAL
Insults, shouting, swearing, put-downs, threats and degrading language. Threatening behavior (i.e. threats to harm or murder the victim or loved ones including taking away family members, threats to commit suicide and/or murder-suicide).
PSYCHOLOGICAL Inducing fear, accusations, excessive suspicions, isolating and undermining a person’s self-esteem. FINANCIAL
Controlling the family finances to disempower the person/defrauding the person.
PHYSICAL
Threats, slapping, shoving, hitting, stabbing, beating, assault with a weapon, torture, and/or murder.
SEXUAL STALKING
criminal harassment
Any act of sexual nature that is unwanted. Persistently following someone, harassing telephone calls/e-mails/text messages.
DOMESTIC ABUSE & VIOLENCE TIPS FOR AVOIDING GETTING HURT
Domestic violence can occur despite our best precautions. In the event that you find yourself embroiled in an incidence of domestic violence you should follow these simple points. •
During an incident - Stay away from the kitchen where the abuser has access to weapons. - Stay away from bathrooms, closets or small spaces where the abuser can trap you. - Go to a room with phone, preferably one with a lock on the door. Call Police, if possible.
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After the incident - Seek treatment and/or assist Police with the filing of your report. - Make notes and/or add this to a journal. - Follow through as required.
