Everyone is Welcome! - York Jewish Community Center

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Mistreating vs. Bullying By Cathy Bollinger, Director of Diversity and Organizational Development

TZEDAKAH PARNTERS

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Experts say that bullying is present when:  a repeated and consistent negative behavior occurs between children;  contrasting feelings exist between the target and the bully (the target feels fear while the bully feels empowered and excitement);  an imbalance of power is present (the bully controls the target). But what about the students who endure cruel taunts, gossip, ridicule, or even physical abuse by a variety of different students throughout the school day and week? Recently I presented a program at an elementary school and discussed with the children that it’s not okay to purposely mistreat someone and if you are being mistreated, or see a classmate being mistreated, you need to tell an adult. At the end of my presentation, the school’s guidance counselor stood up and said to the children that they should only report acts of bullying, and then went on to define what bullying is. The guidance counselor told the students that they shouldn’t report “one act” of mistreatment. We disagree. York JCC diversity programs believe that mistreating is as serious, if not more, than bullying. The student who is a target of frequent put-downs, social embarrassments, and acts of feeling less than by different students throughout the school day feels just as helpless and shamed as a student who is bullied by the same student repeatedly. The sting of the words and the zingers of the ostracizing are just as deep. We never know what one act of mistreatment will be the one thing that pushes someone to their limits. People are human; and we hurt each other sometimes. But all the little things, like being pushed away at the lunch table, a slur in the hallway, a post on a social network, the “just kidding” rude comment, the laugh at one’s clothes, etc.…if left unaddressed, can lead to horrible consequences. York JCC’s diversity programs are designed to help people better understand the impact of mistreating one another and provide ideas for reducing such everyday acts in schools, businesses, and the community. We believe it’s important to turn mistreating moments into teachable moments. That’s a huge challenge in today’s society where mistreating each other is often portrayed in the media as being comedic and entertaining. Just take the popular reality shows for example. The more “in your face” and “pushing the limits” it seems to be, the higher the ratings. So what’s the answer and where do we go from here? It has to start with acknowledgment that mistreating is a real issue; one that’s just as important as bullying. It also has to be acknowledged that both bullying and mistreating truly affect children and adolescents; that they are indeed societal problems that can wreck a childhood and keep someone from reaching their fullest potential.

Everyone is Welcome! Jewish Community Center | 2000 Hollywood Drive | York, PA 17403 tel 717.843.0918 | fax 717.873.6988 | www.yorkjcc.org

Mistreating vs. Bullying

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Tell us what you think. We want to hear your thoughts about this and ask you to post your comments on our Facebook page. Simply log into your Facebook account and type Diversity Programs at the York JCC in the search box. Then hit the Like box to like our diversity page. Then, go to the Discussion Tab on the Diversity Programs Facebook page and tell us your thoughts on mistreating vs. bullying; as well as ideas for how we can address these problems. We look forward to seeing your posts. Remember, together we will make a difference in the lives of those we touch. Copyright 2010 York Jewish Community Center Diversity Programs. All Rights Reserved.