very positive. One died from heart disease, five from cancer. It is not clear how much of a role hospice played for most of these families, although in two there were specific references to hospice, one mother calling her nurses, "Ladies of the last hurrah!" In any event the palliative care orientation was pervasive. Two common topics characterized the deaths: the need to have the parent "let go" as well as the value of having been present at the moment of the parent's death. Although both were described as desirable, they are not typical of most deaths of older parents, who often die alone without family permission. Three major themes emerged: the differential impact of the death on the families and on the meaning of family, the ways that the parent's death became interwoven into the lives of the surviving children, and the ways that the child maintained a viable tie with the deceased parent. The film is given further breadth by the interweaving of subthemes including the intergenerational impact of the death, the shift in the surviving child's worldview, and the (lack of) guilt. Throughout the film the viewer is led to recognize the wide range of a child's responses to the parent's death: from painting the fingernails of a coReference matose mother; to writing a continuing journal for Kushner, H. S. (1981). When bad things happen to good people. New York: months to mother, her best friend. The normalcy of the Schocken Books. dreams and the daily thoughts and associations, months and years after the death, is emphasized. Charles A. Cuarnaccia, PhD The ending of the film is particularly poignant, as it Department of Psychology highlights the essence of child-parent ties in adulthood. University of North Texas The impact of the loss was intensified when seeing phoDenton,TX 76203-1280 tographs of the parent on the screen as each child spoke E-mail:
[email protected] to the parent and reaffirmed love, expressed how the presence of the parent is incorporated into the child's life, and said simply what was missed from the parent: Grown-Up TEARS: Adults Grieving the Death of a Parent,their role as a mentor, guide, protector, best friend, link 1997, 28 min. Directed and Produced by Leslie Kussman. to the past, and symbol of family unity. Distributed by Aquarius Productions. 5 Powderhouse This film could be a valuable addition to the resources Lane, P.O. Box 1159, Sherborn, MA 01770, 508-651-2963, of hospices, nursing homes, and hospitals, as well for colE-mail: [
[email protected]]. Preview $50, Purlege courses in death and dying and training of health chase, $225. care and mental health professionals working with individuals and families. It can also provide a basis for discusHow do adults view, feel about, and cope with the sion in support groups. It affirms the depth of parentdeath of a parent? Surely this is a topic that is considered child ties in adulthood and evokes the multi-varied ways of minimal significance if we view the literature on geronthat parent death is experienced. It is a valuable begintology or thanatology: grief for an elderly parent is often ning in a hitherto unexplored area for this medium. disenfranchised, not considered socially or culturally acceptable. Grown-Up TEARS: Adults Grieving the Death of a Parent, is a film that may be the first to legitimize the Miriam S. Moss, MA, Senior Research Scientist Sidney Z. Moss, ACSW, Research Analyst deep feelings of bereaved adult children. The very first Polisher Research Institute words of the film are, "Probably my greatest fear in life, if Philadelphia Geriatric Center I had a greatest fear in life, was that some time I'd have to 5301 Old York Road live without my mother." Essentially this is both a film Philadelphia, PA 19141 about death and about the strong and deeply meaningful tie between adult child and parent. Through the words of five women and two men, all highly articulate, the viewer Facing Death, 1994, film, 56 minutes. Distributed by Filis drawn into the world of children who have lost a parent makers Library, 124 East 40th St., New York, NY 10016, as long as ten years ago, and as recently as a few months 212-808-4980, E-mail: [
[email protected]] web: ago. Although three clergy who also carried roles as be[http://www.filmakers.com]. Rental (video) $75, Purreavement counselor or nurse did not speak at all, their chase (video) $275. silent presence in the group heightens the viewer's attention to the words of the bereaved. With minimal narration throughout, the surviving children clearly articulated For both Scandinavian film producer Lars Westman and their experiences in their own words. Although each perhis mother, Karin, exploring the meanings of the present son spoke of his or her individual loss and although there moment comes as naturally as picking berries in the sumwas no verbal interaction between the bereaved, much of mer or dying in old age. The son interviewed his mother what was said would likely be shared in a support group. on camera for many years; then he made this film of her last five years and of her death. The version distributed in For the first half of the film we hear highly emotional North America has subtitles. varied stories of the deaths of the parents. The settings of their endings (their own home, hospital, nursing home, The scenes can be very intimate in both senses of that and the death of both parents in a plane crash) were diword. The camera stays still for what seems a long time as verse, but the quality of their relationships was always an attendant wipes and washes Karin's bottom and crotch experience. This commonality of experience is the most emotionally effective aspect of The Pitch of Grief. Closeup shots draw the audience to these people; we share the intimacy of their homes as they share the intimacy of their grief. In these interviews we do not hear analyses, but only the labor of these four people to understand the death of their loved one and their struggle to reestablish their own day-to-day lives. The topics they cover form the mainstream of grief and bereavement theory. For academic use, with only one older adult represented in these interviews, this video is less directly appropriate for a course in gerontology and would fit better into course work on death, dying, and bereavement. For newly bereaved family members this video may provide some insight into the affect of those closest to the loved one who died. The video is unlikely to foster academic discussion, but gives viewers personal emotional accounts of four people currently struggling with grief. These interviews may act to normalize the uncomfortable and unusual feelings experienced by many newly bereaved persons.
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The Gerontologist
Grief in America, 1997, Video, 55 minutes. Distributed by Fanlight Productions, 800-937-4113, E-mail: [fanlight® tiac.net], web: [http://www.fanlight.com]. Rental (video) $50. Purchase (video) $245.
after she has soiled herself. Karin says, "I'm like a baby again." The camera stays still even longer as Lars strokes his mother's face when she lies dying. Over and over he asks her if she recognizes him and over and over he tells her, "I am here." When she finally says, "Yes," indicating to him that she is aware of his presence, he gets water, wets her lips and then wets and wipes her face, then the lips again, then helps her as she tries to swallow. In both kinds of intimacy the viewer is a spectator drawn into the pathos of death and into the deep bond between the wizened old woman and her burly son. But the black and white film and the privacy of the moments shown also keep the viewer feeling like an intruder who should gracefully leave so mother and son can have their time together. Westman seems to realize that he is making his audience uncomfortable. He includes a long segment in which he asks his mother to assure him that he is not exploiting her by making this film. Her reply—"You wouldn't do that to me"—is not quite an answer to his question. Early in the film, viewers are introduced to the mother in her late middle age as a robust country woman picking and cleaning berries and reflecting on life's meaning. Chickens are better than cows, she says, because with their eggs hens pay for their room and board every day while cows can go for long periods without giving milk. She remembers when they first got electricity, but thinks perhaps that the price humanity paid for it was too high. In her youth the river rapids "were white with foam. That was music to our ears. But when the rapids became silent when the power plant came, it seemed to me the river mourned." So now Karin is dying and her son makes a film. They are both as aware of the meanings of dying as Karin was about the meaning of chickens and power plants. The film shows euthanasia in all its socially prescribed ways, for it is a death with dignity. Viewers see many instances of excellent care from the nursing home staff. Even the attendant cleaning Karin's exposed private parts treats her with respect. There is dignity in the constant loving care her filmmaker son gives to her even as he does not want to lose her. "Mom, keep breathing, please, oh, please," he says just before she dies. Karin is dignified in her stoic acceptance that she will die and later as she dies. Yet at the same time, the viewers know that death is not easy. We don't feel at home, Karin says, no matter where we are. As the film and her dying process drags along, viewers are likely to think it is time to get it over; and some viewers will wonder if they would choose assisted voluntary euthanasia were it legally available to them. Viewers are shown enough suffering that some will think the price of a good death, like the price of electric power, is too high. The film has many ambiguities in its message. The film is about love and death. Love is about losing and death is about suffering. But love is also about holding and death is also a natural event. Film buffs will recognize the Scandinavian style especially in the visual references to Bergman and in its mixture of stoicism with evangelical piety. Facing Death's length of 56 minutes might be too long for it to be followed by the discussion it deserves; but if it can be fitted into a class or workshop schedule, it is an excellent presentation of one life, one death, and especially one bond between an aged parent and her adult child.
Grief in America presents an overview of grief and its many manifestations in the context of American society today, and in reality, is a mix of the personal, societal, interpersonal, and cultural aspects of grief. It consequently deals not only with grief per se, but also bereavement and mourning. Throughout the presentation, very brief, yet personal conversations with persons who have experienced a variety of losses are accompanied by views of professionals such as grief counselors, ministers, grief support group leaders, and a funeral home director. The especially honest and emotional statements by grieving persons is perhaps the most outstanding facet of this videotape, especially with regard to the fact that each loss experienced was unique in some way, ranging from death by suicide to cancer, AIDS, Alzheimer's disease, and violent death by murder. Grief in America is organized into five sections: (1) What grief is like—emotionally, behaviorally, and cognitively, (2) societal and interpersonal aspects of grief—what is said by others that is and is not helpful, expectations of the grieving persons by others that is and is not helpful and avoidance by others of the person who has experienced a loss, (3) societal costs of grief—increased health-care costs, impaired work performance, suicide, and stemming the pain of loss via eating, drinking, isolation, and drug use, (4) what others can do and say that is helpful, including a discussion of cultural differences in grieving—how African Americans, Mexican Americans, and Latinos express their grief, and (5) a section entitled "Completing the Relationship," which emphasizes attaining closure in relationships before, rather than after death. The remainder of Grief in America is organized around Worden's four tasks of mourning: (1) accepting the reality of the loss, (2) feeling the pain of loss, (3) readjusting to a new environment without the deceased person, and (4) relocation of the deceased person in one's life. The video ends with an upbeat emphasis on the importance of going on with life and on remaining connected to a loved one who has died in a way that leaves one stronger emotionally. Throughout the tape, the views of persons who had been introduced initially are presented, as are the opinions of professionals who deal with grieving individuals. Grief in America achieves its goals of presenting an overview of grief that is likely to be equally valuable to persons who have experienced the loss of a loved one, professionals, and educators alike, though the presentation is clearly pitched to grieving individuals themselves. Its personal style is quite effective in allowing the viewer to connect emotionally with those who are hurting, though in some cases professionals' comments did little to enhance this effect, and in some cases, actually undermined the essential personalness of each loss. Music was used effectively to emphasize the human quality of loss, and the presentation was done in a manner that most laypersons would find easy to understand and relate to their own experiences. The emphasis on a sense of community is interwoven throughout and serves to highlight the fact that grief is not an isolated experience—that we all grieve in concert with our relationship to others with whom we live and work. Throughout the video, repeated emphasis was made on the importance of communicating with grieving persons in meaningful ways that (1) enables them to express themselves in an open manner, and (2) communicates that someone still cares and is indeed in-
Dennis Klass, PhD Webster University 470 E. Lockwood St. Louis, MO 63119 314-968-7046 E-mail:
[email protected] Vol. 38, No. 1,1998
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