Enrolled in: Associate Degree in Psychology, Islamic Online University. Former Assistant Professor. Dr. Panjwani Center for Molecular Medicine & Drug ...
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Integrative behavioral couple therapy: An effective approach for marital distress, and its compatibility with Islamic concepts Talat Makhmoor, Ph.D. Enrolled in: Associate Degree in Psychology, Islamic Online University Former Assistant Professor Dr. Panjwani Center for Molecular Medicine & Drug Research International Center for Chemical & Biological Sciences University of Karachi, Pakistan
In general, personality difference between spouses is the main cause which hinders the development of a good relationship between them. In this case, the couple may misunderstand each other’s point of view or start fighting over trivial matters which can affect essential relational components such as harmony, respect, love, cooperativeness, emotional support, etc. Research has shown that the integrative behavioral couple therapy (IBCT) provides effective outcome for such kind of marital distress because it offers acceptance-based techniques to manage troublesome personality differences between spouses. On the other side, the main techniques offered by IBCT are compatible with the relevant concepts in Islam. This includes good communication, respect of each other’s perspective, behavior change, etc. We learn from the life of the Prophet Muhammad that good communication skills can capture the hearts of people and transform their lives. The personalities of the companions of Prophet are the best examples of how the divine message, when delivered in a courteous manner, transformed their personalities. We also notice that although they all had followed the same path, yet they were distinct in their personalities. When we learn about the Prophet and his wives, we observe harmony between different personalities. This was the result of the message of Islam that taught them how to behave nicely, communicate effectively, and accept the differences decently in order to please Allah . A brief introduction to IBCT is that it is an “acceptance and tolerance” based approach, which was developed by Christensen and Jacobson as an integrative model of traditional behavioral couple therapy (TBCT) (Jacobson and Gurman, 1995, pp. 31−64). The TBCT is a problem-solving approach which focuses on “behavioral change” of spouses, whereas IBCT stresses that acceptance is the key to satisfactory relationships (Cordova, Jacobson, and Christensen, 1998). It incorporates both change and acceptance in the therapy process but in a balanced way (Mairal, 2015). Literature also shows improved marital satisfaction in couples 1
that received IBCT, confirming it as a promising strategy (Jacobson et al., 2000; Christensen et al., 2004; Christensen et al., 2010; Lebow et al., 2011; Baucom, Baucom, and Christensen, 2014). Thus, the IBCT as an effective approach is used to solve the problems of a distressed couple who faces adjustment problems due to differences in their personalities. The most important supportive element of IBCT is its acceptance-based techniques that are applied to manage the unresolved problems or the differences that seem uncompromising at some point in life (Mairal, 2015). The fact is that every one of us is different not only in our outlooks, but also in terms of personalities too. It is because Allah has created us that way. When we understand this fact, then we appreciate the beauty of difference and learn to respect the differences. The IBCT works through three important features: conceptualization, which is based on thematic analysis of a couple’s problem, such as closeness versus distance; process polarization, which focuses on emotional acceptance in order to make a change; and identification of mutual trap, in which partners feel stuck and are unable to resolve their issues (Mairal, 2015). Mostly, a couple seeks counseling for a problem that is presented with two stories because each partner has his own perspective and puts the blame on his partner. The IBCT provides a forum where couples can resolve such issues through acceptance building techniques (Integrative behavioral couple therapy, 2016). The techniques include empathic joining, detachment from the problem, tolerance building and techniques for behavior change, i.e., behavior exchange and communication, and problem solving training. The first three techniques are evocative, and treatment is based on acceptance. If these do not give effective outcome then the therapist includes the latter strategies (Mairal, 2015). The first technique is based upon the concept of “empathy” which is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others from their perspectives. In this technique, spouses learn to understand the feelings of the other partner by expressing their sadness or grief in an uncritical manner (Mairal, 2015). This is indeed a great technique because when a spouse shows that she/he understands him/her, it brings comfort and peace to the other partner. Showing empathy leaves even greater impact than advice (Families, 2012). Empathy is also encouraged in Islam as Prophet Muhammad said: “The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever” (Bukhari, Vol. 8, Hadith 6011). The Prophet himself had empathetic nature which is stated in the Quran: “There has certainly come to you a Messenger from among yourselves. Grievous to him is what you suffer, (he is) concerned over you and to the believers is kind and merciful” (Quran 9: 128). The second technique is “detachment from the problem”, in which couples are helped to describe and discuss their problems without blaming their partners. Here, they learn to focus on problems without involving each other. This is, in fact, a good way to resolve an issue because it is human nature to become defensive when accused of something. The self2
defensiveness from one end in response to blaming from the other side often results in intense arguments, which ultimately lead to a conflict. The technique helps the couple to analyze or face the problem together instead of accusing each other. Thus, the problem becomes “it” instead of “you”. For example, the problem, “where mother is going to stay” will transform into “our problem” on which both partners will take a mutual decision (Mairal, 2015). The third technique is based on “tolerance building”, which is slightly different than acceptance, and applied when the above two techniques have not given expected results. By this technique, couple learns not to criticize each other’s behavior, but to tolerate and accommodate with it. The purpose here is not to completely change the behavior, but rather see the positive aspects of a partner’s behavior, understand how their differences complement each other and learn to be resilient when the other shows the hurting behavior (Mairal, 2015; Keshavarzi, 2013). In Islamic conceptualization, it would be much easier to show tolerance if the couple does it to please Allah . Finally, the therapy also offers techniques for behavior change. It emphasizes to behave nicely and selflessly regardless of the other’s behavior (Mairal, 2015). This is only possible when one expects nothing from the spouse in return for good behavior, but expects reward from Allah , for example, the Prophet used to do many chores at home without expecting his wife to do them for him. Another technique is to learn communication skills like listening and speaking. These skills help to clarify misunderstandings, control the mood and situations, etc. Most of the times, couples do not realize what is causing the conflict, due to which they are unable to resolve their issues. Therefore, another technique is used to train them how to rectify the problem and work together on alternative solutions and possible outcomes (Keshavarzi, 2013). In short, with the help of acceptance-building techniques, spouses learn to respect differences, communicate effectively and solve problems without blaming each other. Moreover, the same techniques can also be used with integration of Islamic concepts that are related to empathy, unconditional love, tolerance, acceptance of differences, etc.
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Bibliography Bukhari (1997) The Translations of the Meanings of Sahih al-Bukhari. Available at: https://futureislam.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/ sahih-al-bukhari-volume-8-ahadith-5970-6860.pdf (Accessed: 18 June 2016). Baucom, K.J.W., Baucom, B.R. and Christensen, A. (2014) ‘Changes in Dyadic communication during and after integrative and traditional behavioral couple therapy’, Behavior Research and Therapy, 65, pp. 18–28. Christensen, A., Atkins, D.C., Baucom, B. and Yi, J. (2010) ‘Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy’, Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78(2), pp. 225–235. doi: 10.1037/a0018132. Christensen, A., Atkins, D.C., Berns, S., Wheeler, J., Baucom, D.H. and Simpson, L.E. (2004) ‘Traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy for significantly and chronically distressed married couples’, Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 72(2), pp. 176–191. doi: 10.1037/0022-006x.72.2.176. Cordova, J.V., Jacobson, N.S. and Christensen, A. (1998) ‘Acceptance versus change interventions in behavioral couple therapy: Impact on couples’ in-session communication’, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 24(4), pp. 437–455. doi: 10.1111/j.1752-0606.1998.tb01099.x. Families, S. (2012) Great communication: Love, respect, and empathy. Available at: http://www.oxygenforyourrelationships.com/ wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Oxygen-Participant-Guide-Session-4.pdf (Accessed: 18 June 2016). Integrative behavioral couple therapy (2016) Available at: http://www.apa.org/pubs/videos/ 4310904.aspx?tab=2 (Accessed: 17 June 2016). Keshavarzi, H. (2013). Lecture 19: Integrative behavioral couple therapy (Power Point slides). Retrieved from Islamic Online University PSY 102. Jacobson, N.S., Christensen, A., Prince, S.E., Cordova, J. and Eldridge, K. (2000) ‘Integrative behavioral couple therapy: An acceptance-based, promising new treatment for couple discord’, Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 68(2), pp. 351–355. doi: 10.1037/0022-006x.68.2.351. Jacobson, N.S. and Gurman, A.S. (eds.) (1995) Clinical handbook of couple therapy. New York: Guilford Publications. Lebow, J.L., Chambers, A.L., Christensen, A. and Johnson, S.M. (2011) ‘Research on the treatment of couple distress’, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), pp. 145– 168. doi: 10.1111/j.1752-0606.2011.00249.x. Mairal, J.B. (2015) ‘Integrative behavioral couple therapy (IBCT) as a third-wave therapy’, Psicothema, 27(1), pp. 13–18. doi: 10.7334/psicothema2014.101.
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