Join the TogetherForever.Club

Join the TogetherForever.Club



1



7 Phases of a Long, Lasting & Loving Relationship YOU Yearn For… Are you looking for a long-term relationship? I expect you are, or else you wouldn’t be here. If so, do you understand that a relationship has different phases and each one has a different approach or stage of development, which grows with the relationship? Relationships, like everything in life, can be broken down into 7 simple yet easy to follow phases… EACH PHASE POSES IT’S OWN UNIQUE CHALLENGES. TRUE RELATIONSHIPS WORK AT EVERY STAGE. IT’S NOT A RACE BUT A JOURNEY. A ROLLER COASTER RIDE OF MIXED EMOTIONS, OF TESTING TIMES MIXED IN WITH THE MOST UNBELIEVABLE EXPERIENCES. But where do you start? Where and how does the bonding begin? There‘s an abundance of advice regarding relationships and dating out there, which tells you how to ‘keep a man interested’ or the ‘perfect romantic setting to make him fall in love with you’. This is great advice, which can really help a relationship blossom and grow… so long as you already have a love interest. If not, you are still left asking the question, how do you kick start that loving feeling if you don’t have a lover to begin with? How do you find your perfect match these days, when the time of meeting someone in a coffee shop is a thing of the past, instead replaced by online dating services? Why do people resort to online dating services to find their perfect match? Is their soul mate not all around them, hoping and seeking for the same things they are? Ready and waiting for a life of love and

Join the TogetherForever.Club



2



true happiness, if only they were to open their eyes and look? People who claim to be desperate for love, seem to forget one of the simplest principles of human attraction, similar interests. For example, at University/College or any educational institution for that matter, is there not an abundance of people of like-mindedness? People with whom have entered the same course, with the same goals, morals, beliefs and interests? The same goes for any kind of involvement in a sporting, environmental or social group. Could your working environment or location be the key to creating opportunities to meet and get to know your perfect match? Could a stroll down to the Local Park, beach or shopping mall afford you a chance meeting with that special person for you? So why, with all of these romantic opportunities ready and available, do people feel like they need to heavily rely on going to a bar, nightclub, blind dates or resort to online dating services to find their perfect match? Of course there is nothing wrong with this setting or scenario. In fact, I myself found my perfect match, the love of my life and better half in the exact same way (a story I will share later). However, it seems crazy to seek out a partner, endlessly hoping for your ‘magic movie moment’ when your eyes lock from across a crowded bar, when your soulmate could already be within your everyday environment, ready and waiting for an opportunity to make a connection with you! Sadly, this is a fact that most people don’t understand, and even fewer use in their everyday dating lives. Sometimes the obvious is staring you right in the face without you knowing and instead of acknowledging it, you waste time and energy endlessly chasing a fantasy that gives you pain when you could be experiencing great pleasure!



Join the TogetherForever.Club



3



Have you ever been attracted to someone but done nothing about it? Do you, as the woman, understand that you are in full control of any possible initial interaction? Do you honestly understand that YOU have the POWER to have any man eating out of the palm of your hand? So why is it, that if you, the woman, having such powers on your side that you are having troubles finding the relationship you so desire and deserve? What would it mean to your quality of life to know what such powers are? Men, given the right signals, will fall head over heals to please you. Given the right signals, a man becomes powerless, unable to control his own emotions, driven only by pure desire to impress you. All they need is a signal. Men are like puppy dogs, they want to impress, need to impress just waiting for you to give the right signals and understand what the signals are. Once a woman and a man understand the role they play in a relationship, the process of meeting, greeting and interacting is quite simple, enjoyable and rewarding… But before we dig deeper, let’s take a look at the 7 phases of a true & lasting relationship.

1/ THE COURTING STAGE Obviously, the most important phase of any relationship is the courting stage. Once it has been kick started into action from the initial meeting, greeting and interaction, a process is set in motion that could dictate a large part of your future life. For a woman is there any better feeling in the world then showing up to a first date and instantly being able to make a man feel a rush of desire for you that is so INTENSE, so REAL that he feels spellbound

Join the TogetherForever.Club



4



by your very existence? Captivating a man by the slightest touch, driving him to a complete state of ecstasy at the very thought of you? Think about it. If you were the man, would getting all the right signals not allow you to relax, allowing you to be confident and the best version of yourself? The courting stage of a relationship, better known as the “GET TO KNOW YOU” phase’, is full of romance, bliss, sweeping romantic gestures and an uncontrollable desire for the other person that makes you feel sweet tingles in your stomach. You can’t eat, sleep or think straight because your mind is too preoccupied with the thought of this person. Nothing can compare to the first romantic kiss when he holds you tight in his arms or the first time he whispers the words “I love you” softly in your ear. Many people ask, how do I get to feel this way? How do I get that feeling of warmth and excitement that I so desire and yearn for? Through many past dating experiences of my own and intense research into the subject matter, I have found that the first date is ultimately the most important part of any early relationship. I am sure that you have been told in the past that first impressions are crucial in how a relationship will develop. Usually I am very cautious myself when it comes to the “one fits all” common secrets to dating, however I cannot stress enough how true this point is. So let’s start with a few givens… 1/ First interaction, first meeting (chance or date?) 2/ First impressions can be deceiving - so take the time through the courting stage to take things to the limit in order to find out exactly what the true nature of your future is with this particular person. 3/ Because after the courting stage (believe it or not) it is hard to reconstruct the ecstasy and feeling.



Join the TogetherForever.Club



5



Therefore, if you are not enjoying this first phase, then you are going to fight an uphill battle. It is as simple as that. Now there may be plenty of doubts and concerns…this is expected and natural aspect of every new relationship. However if there is no chemistry, there’s simply no relationship. Without the euphoric feeling of joy or the desire to be in each others company for every minute of every day, without butterflies in your stomach, anticipation or an unconscious smile on your face at the thought of them, this is most definitely a sign that maybe its time to get out before moving onto the next phase… 4/ Now obviously if you are not experiencing the feeling of walking on air at the mere thought of that “other person” in the courting phase, your relationship may not be worth savouring. If you do not have this feeling then all that is left is sex and intimacy. Sex and intimacy are a predominant and extremely important part of any relationship (especially during the courting phase). Therefore if your relationship is lacking both chemistry and psychical attraction/activity, it is clear to see that you and your partner are in trouble and headed for disaster… By now you are probably thinking… “Yes this is me! I am at this stage, but how do I know if I am ready to move to stage two? Is the relationship ready? Are they ready? I don’t want to scare them away” With these concerns in mind, I have formulated an - ‘are you ready’ checklist for you. I did this to show you just how important understating the courting phase truly is and how without it well, too be quite frank, your relationship is doomed…



Join the TogetherForever.Club



6



The 9 Signs That Your Relationship is Ready to Move From Stage One to Stage Two 1. “Exes” are no longer an issue, concern or source of pain and/or love; 2. You’ve talked about your future aspirations, goals and lifestyle with each other; 3. You have made a serious commitment together such as adopting a pet; 4. You no longer have the urge to meet other men; 5. You have declined dating prospects with the excuse that you are “already seeing someone”; 6. It is easy to be yourself around them; 7. Your relationship has survived an argument; 8. You have similar desires and interests; and 9. You have introduced them to your friends and/or family. Family, friends and co-workers, has there ever been a larger influence on the future of a relationship? This phase is delicate and needs to be dealt with extreme caution. It is the next test of a true and lasting relationship...

2/ FAMILY; FRIENDS AND WORK INFLUENCES This stage, I have to admit, is a delicate situation indeed. Trying to impress others who have taken on the role of judge, jury and executioners can be one of the most challenging aspects of an early relationship. After all, they are only trying to protect their loved one from you, the mysterious stranger they know nothing about.



Join the TogetherForever.Club



7



The important thing to remember in this stage is that, no matter how unfair it may seem, you WILL be damned if you do AND damned if you don’t. The annoying truth is that it can only take one member of the family or friend group with whom takes a disliking to you to cause chaos and misery within the relationship. After that, nothing you do or say will heal the wound created. It’s important to remember that, naturally, some of them will like you and accept you whilst others will detest the sight of you, for reasons clear or unknown. This is not something you can avoid. However, you can make sure you make the best impression humanly possible. Meeting the future in laws and friends can be scary and intimidating. Being accepted into the tribe isn’t as easy as a mere “hello” and polite smile…it’s more to do with - what do you have to offer? The judgments can overwhelm you and scare you back into that lonely hole you’ve so hard to get yourself out of. The question remains… Do you get along with the family, the friends and vice visa do they get along with yours? Do not underestimate this stage as it will ultimately determine whether you will hibernate amongst yourselves secluding friends and family from your lives, or compromise your position, swallowing pride and faking emotions in order to remain well connected to those outside connections.

This is not a position you want to find yourself in if you have the longer-term view in mind… Believe it or not, friends and family will tempt you as well. Flirtation and obvious advances, if taken further, can leave you in an undesirable circumstance. One I’m sure you will want to avoid like the plague… At the beginning of every new relationship friends, co-workers and family start feeling left out. This leads to them trying to influence you

Join the TogetherForever.Club



8



because that “OTHER” person is taking you away from them – their circle of influence. They are no longer the most important person or part of your life. Now is the time that you begin to ask yourself, do I really want to be a part of this? It’s decision time…

3/ THE DO OR DIE PHASE So you’ve seen through courting stage and experienced the family, friends and co-workers test, now you’ve reached decision time… is it to be or not to be? Now some important aspects you need to consider… 1/ Have you had a confrontation yet that needed resolving? Now if you haven’t had a confrontation or argument yet, congratulations… the perfect couple. Yet consider how will you react when the situation arises…and it will? There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship - trust me. I myself have an extremely good relationship built over many years and countless confrontations, which contributed to the near perfect relationship we continue to share till this very moment. Yet it’s not without it’s constant challenges. So, it is at this stage you must ask yourself, how’s affective is your make up process? How’s your compromising skills because they will need to be top notch. How you deal with confrontations, compromise and disagreements and the degree you allow the relationship to grow from the experience is a telling sign as to the chances of a long and lasting relationship. 2/ The speed you move out of the courting stage Remember, the courting stage is that phase of the relationship you

Join the TogetherForever.Club



9



always want to hold onto, cherish or rekindle. So don’t be in any rush to move out of it.

Because once you have moved out of the courting stage, things will evidently start to get more serious. I’m not going to put a time frame on this, it is different for every relationship – trust me you will know… 3/ The decision to commit The do or die stage is when you make a dual commitment such as moving in together. Now you start to learn about people’s habits and behaviours - this is when you REALLY start to get to know one another. When you see them, live out of each other’s pockets 24/7/365 under ever situation when in the courting stage it was only every now and then. It is only in this stage that you will begin to see people for whom they really are - they are showing you a side of them that YOU have never seen before. This is when you will start to get the signals of whether you should be with a person or not - this is where you should trust your gut instinct. 4/ The honeymoon is over Yes as sad as it is things change, as does everything when you bring responsibilities into the playing field. The fun and games need not stop but there’s a more serious tone or air about the things you do or don’t do… Take note of one another’s sexual appetite and if it changes over time – this is a definite giveaway to the true nature of how the relationship is faring. 5/ Influence of the in - laws and friends Meeting the future in-laws and friends is one thing, but when you have to step up to the plate and become part of their inner circle, that’s another.

Join the TogetherForever.Club



10



Especially if they still want some influence over the relationship – your reactions whether you like it or not are constantly being judged 6/ Decision time – do or die You will either decide to walk back to your comfort zone (friends, family, single) or you go through to the next stage (commit for life – the unknown). Obviously this phase is most crucial to a lasting relationship. This is when you have to decide if you are in for the long haul or if you want to get out – it’s called COMMITMENT.

4/ MARRIAGE – WEDDING BELLS I could talk for days about marriage it certainly has been a large part of my life. But briefly… The result of all the time and effort of the previous phases is marriage. Starting with the main event – the wedding. Ah…the wedding – memorable or a disaster? So many people build this day up as the highlight of their lives and come crashing down when one minor detail is out of whack. Honestly, the wedding day is such a tiny part of the whole marriage process you got to wonder why all the fuss… The Wedding Day certainly is a judgment day, as is the honeymoon. It is from here you truly start to see the responsibilities, conflicts and challenges ahead. Now the relationship is more than just romance and fun. It transitions into conflicts about bank accounts, budgets, mortgages and getting ahead. This can lead to a change in attitudes stemming from such financial situations, or the loss of freedom and choices, as you now have responsibility for each other. Marriage is major compromise. At the end of the day, it is the couple

Join the TogetherForever.Club



11



that can compromise that has the most success in marriage and their relationship. Bringing two minds together to act as one, requires some doing. Each time someone has to give a little not every situation will present itself as a cohesive union of minds – thus the art of compromise is paramount. Compromise goes hand in hand with communication, a skill or lack of that will determine the success or failure of your relationship. Sorry to harp on this point but compromising is an art form, a skill that you hone over time. There’s no magic to it apart from doing it, experiencing it and perfecting it with your partner, oh and later with your children. I know I’ve kept the subject of SEX low key and that’s been quite deliberate… So let me summarise marriage in 3 words if I may… 1/ Communication; 2/ Compromise; and 3/ Sex - intimacy. From my experience, I have found that communication and compromise make up 50% of a healthy marriage whilst sex makes up the other 50%. Now you may well disagree and want to debate this point at a later stage…

5/ PREGNANCY, CHILDBIRTH, WOMAN’S NEST Now first of all I’d like to take my hat of to every mother past, present and in the future…having witnessed and experienced 3 children with my better half, I’m simply amazed at the sheer courage and resilience

Join the TogetherForever.Club



12



of the female gender. A female’s coping mechanism is something we men could never imagine. We men were just not naturally built that way physically (obviously) but more so mentally. With that briefly out of the way let’s dig into the change a relationship/marriage endures during this phase. 1/ First of all pregnancy Each and every one of us, both women and men, takes differently to the pregnancy process. Because it’s change and change is difficult. Some see the beauty, some are disgusted, and some get carried away and some just don’t cope well at all… This report again wasn’t meant to give a blow-by-blow description of each and every phase. That will however come later… So I’ll skip some the challenges for both women and men during pregnancy. It’s a long list, trust me it is challenging times for both parties – there’s no two ways about it. Having said that, it is also one of the wonders of life that no “fit for family” human being should shy away from… Unfortunately, we weren’t all meant to be parents and yes I am referring to those that are parents but should never have been. However, I do feel for those that should be parents but unfortunately are not. 2/ Childbirth I don’t know about you, but watching the wifey give birth was one of the most difficult experiences I have had to endure in my lifetime. Each and every one of our three children posed their own dramas all I have to say is that my wife is an absolute champion in my eyes.

Join the TogetherForever.Club



13



The result of the dramas my wife and I experienced is three of the most precious and unique human beings alive (and yes that’s a touch of bias). Childbirth is a wonder of nature and holding your newborn for the first time is a moment to be cherished and remembered forever. Again, I won’t harp on this phase too much because it would literally take me days to share each experience. What I will say is how any man could cheat or even think of cheating on his woman after experiencing the WONDERS of childbirth baffles me… 3/ Adding children to the mix When children are brought into the mix it poses a very testing time in marriage. It’s a great event for most that wanted children and an even bigger event for those that didn’t want children. Let me explain… You see, the male starts to feel like the odd one out. He has grown accustomed to having the wife/mum all to himself – remember he fought away the family and friends in the earlier phases and now this child, the new addition to the family, poses as a new threat to the established status quo. The child is now getting all the attention that he once had and when bedtime nears the wife is so exhausted that she’s in no mood for him and you know what… The competition for the attention is all too much and for some. Deep resentment creeps in leading to a harmful jealously – men are just like little kids. I know what you’re saying – dude this is the 21st century get with the prograrmme. True, things have in fact changed. Mums out working and dad’s home caring…



Join the TogetherForever.Club



14



But what I do know is this. Mum will always have the connection with the children after all she carried them for 9+ months and than gave birth to them. The first feed they ever got in their new environment was the one from their mum after all. There’s a natural maternal connection where dad on the other hand must continually work at “winning” the children’s affection – dad slip up and ignore them and I guarantee you will pay the price. Forget about making up for lost time later… 4/ Woman’s nest A woman instinctively needs to build her nest or be comfortable with the fact that she’s taken care of. This is traditionally the man’s job – yeah I know things are changing – we’ll discuss this later… This puts financial pressure on the relationship because the woman wants the best of everything and the man knows that a “happy wife is a happy life”.

6. FINE WINE - RELATIONSHIP BLOSSOM OR BREAKS So now the kids are growing, everyone’s getting older and so is the relationship. You will go one of two ways either getting closer or you will drift apart. The choice is yours as there are many ways to rekindle that “loving feeling”. But each and every one of us goes through some mid-life crisis identity stage. It’s how we see our achievements in life and ourselves that pulls us through to the other side. How does that affect our relationship during this phase? Will you begin asking yourselves questions like; have I lived a full and happy life? Am I satisfied with where I am today?



Join the TogetherForever.Club



15



Invariably one looks at their day-to-day grind – their job, their associates, their material worth, friends and family. If there are holes in what you see, then the questions begin to get deeper, scratching surfaces that are painful and require some thought and deliberation. Everyone is different in regards to relationships. However, if you have laid the proper foundations, then you have a rock solid platform to build on. The more effort, commitment and energy (love) you have given the relationship the more likely the vintage of wine you produce is more refined and finer and one to be proud of and cherished for eternity… With that being said however there are still great challenges ahead. Financial, physical, and mental challenges that will test any and all relationships no matter how solid they are or appear to be. This phase will make or break a relationship at great cost financially, emotionally and physically (health wise). I’ve seen it in others and its not pretty. It leaves deep, deep scars that never fully heal. Thus, your relationship is either going to either blossom or break…

7/ RETIREMENT - GRANDPARENTS – REKINDLING LOST TIME Now we enter the final phase where reliance on one another is crucial for survival. The rock you rest upon in your hour of need… By now life has just about turned a full circle – it’s time to kick back and enjoy the spoils of your massive achievements. The children have grown into fine upstanding human beings. They are now married and settled down raising their own family and children with a mortgage (the whole 9 yards)…



Join the TogetherForever.Club



16



Thus, there’s a new lease of life for your relationship with plenty to look forward to as you continue your journey into your twilight years. You now have a second chance with grandchildren that you love and adore, to watch them grow and spoil them rotten. The beauty though with grandchildren is that you can give them back its not a 24/7/365 day deal. Health issues are on the rise, the threat of loss, and grief amongst other challenges. It’s also the time to relax, travel, let your hair down and enjoy the fruits of your labour. Now is the time to reap the rewards of the constant hard work and commitment to your relationship.

SUMMATION In summation, hopefully you have enjoyed reading this short report .If you have gained something from it please let us know by sending as an email at [email protected]. The purpose of this article was to introduce the seven phases of a relationship. The topic warrants a lot more thought and discussion, which we will endeavor to deliver to you in the future. Again should you have any suggestion or queries please do not hesitate to let us know at [email protected]. In the meantime, all the best in your relationship and dating endeavours!



Join the TogetherForever.Club



17