Plain English Writing

Plain English Writing

Dr Ashwin Kumar (BA, MA (Distinction), PhD) is an academic researcher whose research interests and areas of expertise include: Complementary and alternative medicine (CAM), ageing and social gerontology, sociology, social anthropology, sociology of care, public health, health promotion, Indigenous health, migrant and refugee health, disability and chronic illness. Ashwin is the author of 3 books and numerous academic journal articles in the field of public health, health sociology and anthropology of health and illness. His books: The Lived Experience of Caring; The Lived Experience of Ageing; and The Lived Experience of Using Complementary and Alternative Medicine are available at:

Plain English Writing

Dr Ashwin Kumar

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&sort=releva ncerank&search-alias=books&field-author=PhD.%20Ashwin%20Kumar

Dr Ashwin Kumar

5 800054 736178

PLAIN ENGLISH WRITING Dr. Ashwin Kumar BA, MA (Distinction), PhD.

Copyright © 2011 Lulu Press, New York. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. Published in the United States by Lulu Press, New York. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data: Kumar, Ashwin. Plain English Writing / Ashwin Kumar.—1st ed. p. cm. ISBN 1-57685-442-6 (pbk.) 1. Report writing—Handbooks, Manuals, etc. LB1047.3 .S73 2002 808'.02—dc21 2002013959 Printed in the United States of America 98 7 654321 First Edition ISBN 1-57685-442-6

CONTENTS • • • • • • • • •

Preface

v

1. What is Plain English? 1 Plain English: practical workplace payoffs 5 Plain English: some definitions 6 Plain English: not just words 7 Writing in plain English: what's the plan? 7 2. Planning 8 Document design: a process model 8 The document itself 12 3. Structure and Clarity 13 Structures: creating shape for yourideas 13

6. Graphic Communication and Clarity 38 Visuals: pro 38 Visuals:con 40 Visuals:what they are, and how to use them 40 Some guidelines for presenting visuals 52 7. The Irresponsible Writer: Use of Passive Voice and Disjuncts 55 Disjuncts, or sentence modifiers 57 Talking points:You don't say? What people say about plain English 60

4. Structure and Clarity Again: Sentences and paragraphs 23 Readers, skimmers and scanners 23 Sentences 23 Paragraphs 25

8. The Remote Writer: Nominalisations, Abstractions, Circumlocutions and Reification 62 Nominalisations ·62 'Verbings' 65 Abstractions 65 Circumlocution 76 Reification 82

5. Layout: Headings, Numbering, Typefaces and Other Aids 29 Headings 29 Numbering 30 Bullet points 30 Types and fonts 30 Space 37 Colour 37

9. The Ambiguous Writer: Confusing and Ambiguous Expressions 85 Pronoun reference 85 Misplaced modifiers 86 Notm stacks 88 Ambiguous groups of words 89 Ambiguous conjtmctions 89 Semantic ambiiguity 90

10. The Sloppy Writer: Cliches and Tautologies 92 Cliches 92 Tautology I02 Talking points:You don't say? More of what people say about plain English 105 11. The Deceptive Writer: Euphemisms, Gobbledegook, Doublespeak and Jargon Ill Euphemisms Ill Jargon II2 Doublespeak II2 Talking points: 'Sirhumphreyspeak' - jargon, doublespeak and gobbledegook from a master 120 12. Tone: Personal, Positive and Reader-centred I22 The personal approach 123 The positive approach I23 The reader-centred approach I25 Tone in plain English documents I26 13. Gender I28 14. Using Punctuation to Aid Clarity I30 End ptmctuation I30 The comma I33 The semicolon 139 The colon I40 The apostrophe I40

iv

Capitalletters I44 Parentheses and brackets The dash I46 The hyphen I47 Quotation marks I48

I44

15. Readability: Can Your Readers Read What You Write? I50 The Fog Index I50 The Flesch Scale 151 Readability scores: how reliable are they? I52 Easy words and hard words I53 Readability formulas: means to ends 155 Cutting through the 'fog' and renonncing the 'flesch' I55 16. Useability Testing: Does the Document Work? I57 Creating documents:a writing/ editing sequence I57

Appendix A: Some basic grammatical ideas 162 Appendix B: Samples of documents 166 Endnotes

178

Reference list Index

193

183

PREFACE • • • • • • • • •

Plain English has become an important and controversial topic in the past few years. Although the idea means different things to different people, most would agree that plain English documents are those which are free of jargon and ambiguity. That is, plain English is clear and simple English, a style that allows communication with a large, rather than a restricted, audience. This does not mean, however, that the plain English approach always involves choosing the shortest, simplest word or sentence: it is about choosing what is appropriate for the reader or readers, the purpose, and the context. In this book we will examine the distortions in meaning that occur when writers employ jargon and other faulty approaches, such as unnecessary wordiness, use of words remote from everyday experience, and ambiguous or confusing expressions. To produce documents that are clearly understandable, however, we also need to consider other factors, such as structure, tone, punctuation, layout, graphic communication, gender and readability, not to mention the planning and testing of documents. All of these factors are considered in Writing in Plain English. These factors are relevant to an extremely broad range of documents - from legal contracts to job instructions, from insurance policies to letters and memos, and from policy statements to forms. It is important to note that the mles for clear communication discussed here are as relevant to spoken expression as they are to written expression. Throughout the book, you will find various activities to help you build your skills. More information about the specific points in the text is contained in numbered endnotes at the back of the book. If you wish to read further still in this area, a large and up-to-date reference list is provided.

• • • • • • • • •

Rain

English, to most people, means English that is simple and clear. It means English that is mercifully free from the jargon and gobbledegook 1 that clogs up so much writing today. The fight for plain English has been going on for some time, however. George Orwell noted in 1946 that 'official' language had a way of mangling meaning beyond recognition. To demonstrate, he took a famous passage from the Bible, and 'translated' it into the administrative jargon of the day:

I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

Ecclesiastes

Objective consideration of contemporary phenomena compels the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity, but that a considerable element of the tmpredictable must inevitably be taken into account.

(Source: Adapted from Orwell 1946 (1967).)

Orwell's parody is 60 years old, and yet could easily fit into many documents written today in public and private sector organisations. The fight for plain English was continued in the 1950s with the publication of ground-breaking books such as Sir Ernest Gower's The Complete Plain Words, and The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jnr and E. B.White. Plain English as a social movement began to pick up speed in the late 1960s, partly in reaction to the jargon that emerged from the Vietnam War. In 1971, the American Council of Teachers of English formed a committee on ' public doublespeak', and later began to issue a journal, the Quarterly journal of Doublespeak (see p. 116). Governments in the United States, United Kingdom and Australia began to issue orders that legislation was to be drafted in 'clear' and 'simple' English.2 In 1979, a group known as Plain English Campaign was set up in Britain, dedicated to the idea that many public and private documents could be much clearer than they were. An example of one of the campaign's 'translations' into plain English is shown on the next page. WHAT IS PLAIN ENGLISH?

1

Your enquiry about the use of the entrance area at the library for the purpose of displaying posters and leaflets about Welfare and Supplementary Benefit rights, gives rise to the question of the provenance and authoritativeness of the material to be displayed. Posters and leaflets issued by the Central Office of Information, the Department of Health and Social Security and other authoritative bodies are usually displayed in libraries, but items of a disputatious or polemic kind, whilst not necessarily excluded, are considered individually.

Thank you for your letter asking permission to put up posters in the entrance area of the library. Before we can give you an answer we will need to see a copy of the posters to make sure they won't offend anyone.

(Source:Utter Drivel, Plain English Campaign. Reproduced with permission.[1994].)

Such 'translations' have become a hallmark of the plain English movement. Some other examples of this approach are given over the next few pages. Figure 1.1. shows the 'before' and 'after' versions of an agreement used in the New South Wales Technical and Further Education system. The agreement is signed by clients when they have their hair done by students of the hairdressing course. (Note that the original version is written in legalistic language, and consists of only three sentences.) Figure 1.2 shows the 'before' and 'after' versions of safety rules issued to employees in an Australian clothing factory. With all of these examples, most people would agree that the 'after' versions, or 'translations', are clearer than the 'before', or original versions. 2

WRITING IN PLAIN ENGLISH

HAIRDRESSING CLASS AGREEMENT In consideration of the Managing Director agreeing at my request to arrange for the following work namely hairdressing beauty culture and/or allied work to be performed on my person by students and/or trainees of TAFECOM or some or one of them I the undersigned acknowledge that I am aware that the said studen ts and/or trainees are not qualified to perform such work AND I AGREE that any such work so performed by such students and/or trainees or some of one of them including bleaching ti nting and colouring permanent waving by any process whether or not en tailing the application of sachets and/or heaters to my hair shall be performed entirely at my own risk AND I FURTHER AGREE that Her Majesty the Queen Her Heirs and Successors the Minister the Government of the State of New South Wales and the Director-General and their servants and agents or any of them shall not be held liable for any injury to person or damage to property w hatsoever which I or any other person may suffer either (i) in the course of or as a result of the performance of the aforesaid work and/or (ii) in the cou rse of or as a result of entering leaving passing throu gh traversing or using in any way whatsoever any premises or buildings or grounds or any part of or parts thereof under the care control and management of Her Majesty the Queen Her Heirs and Successors or the Government of the said State or the Minister or the Managing Director and each of them and their servants and agents and each of them whether such injury or damage be attributable to lack of skill or care defective equipment or premises the nature or quali ty of the materials used or any other cause whatsoever AND I FURTHER AGREE to release and indemnify Her Majesty Her Heirs and Successors the Government of the State of New South Wales the Minister the Managing Director and their servants and agents and each of them the said students and trainees and each of them and their instructors and each of them and to hold them harmless and free from all claims demands acti on suits cause or causes of action or suit sum or sums of money compensation damage costs charges and expenses which I or any other person or persons at any time hereafter may have or but for this writing might have against Her Majesty the Queen Her Hei rs and Successors the said Government of the State of New Sou th Wales the Minister the Managing Director or their agents or servan ts or any of them or the said students or trainees or any of them or their instructors or any of them for or on account of the matters before specified or for or on account of any other matter or thing caused by or arising ou t of same.

HAIRDRESSING AND BEAUTY THERAPY AGREEMENT I agree to have the following work done by the students of Hairdressing and Beauty Therapy at ............................ College of TAFE. I agree and understand that:

*

I may have to stay in the class for the whole lesson.

*

the students are training and may not yet be qualified to do the work.

*

the students may have to use cutting tools, heated equipment, bleaches, tints, colours and other chemicals on my hair, nails or skin.

*

any work is done at my own risk.

*

I must accept the teacher's advice on the su itability of the work I want done.

*

I cannot claim any costs for injury or damage to myself or my property either while the work is being done or after it has been completed. This injury or damage could be due to lack of skill, defective equipment, the quality of materials or some other cause.

• TAFE and i ts employees and students are not liable for any injury or damage I might suffer while I am at the College or on any part of the college bu ildings or grounds. I have read this i ndemnity agreement and I understand what it means.

For the purposes of this Agreement unless the context otherwise requires 'Minister' means that the Minister for Education of the State of New South Wales and includes his successors in office. 'Managing Director' means the Managing Director of TAFECOM for the State of New South Wales or the person acting as such for the time being. Figure 1.1: NSW TAFE Hairdressing Agreement: original version, and 1992 plain English version (© NSW TAFE. Reproduced with permission.)

WHAT IS PLAIN ENGLISH?

3

SAFETY AND SAFETY RULES NO EMPLOYEE SHALL: 1. Operate a machine unless properly guarded. 2. Fail to observe good housekeeping procedures. 3. Fail to notify Supervisor of any injury. 4. Fail to wear safety equipment for the purpose for which it was intended. 5. Run in the factory. 6. Attempt to repair or clean a machine whilst it is operating. 7. Indulge in horseplay or fighting of any type. 8. Operate a machine which has a tag or sign indicating it is under repair. 9. Wear unsuitable or unsafe clothing in the work areas. (This includes thongs & slippers.)

SAFETY RULES

OF THIS WORKPLACE

1. Make sure your machine is properly guarded. 2. Keep work area clean and tidy. 3. Report any injury. 4. Wear safety equipment. 5. Walk in the factory.

6. Clean machines when they are not in use.

Figure 1.2: Health and safety rules (Source: AustralianTextiles, Clothing and Footwear Industry Training Board (1994].Reproduced with permission of the Australian Light Manufacturing Industry Training Advisory Board,132-138 Leicester Street,Carlton, Vic. Australia 3053.}

4


PLAIN ENGLISH: PRACTICAL WORKPLACE PAYOFFS Plain English is seen by some as being critical to the market success or failure of organisations. Figure 1.3 shows material from a brochure jointly developed by a law firm and a management consultancy. The material demonstrates to these companies' clients that plain English has a cash pay-off value in the marketplace. This is because plain English can link people, processes and technology, and can lead to increased competitiveness, effectiveness and efficiency. (See also pp. 105-7.) The levers that create change and improvement

Business improvements Increased competitiveness -image is enhanced and sales are improved • Better communication creates a positive image of an efficient, responsive and friendly business • Customers are not 'put off' by intimidating documents • Legal documents become selling documents.

Plain English communication enables your customers to understand your products, and your staff to understand your business processes. People are given new opportunities to be productive and innovative, and to support a continuous improvement culture. Processes can be re-engineered to support the new way of communicating. As a result, nonvalue adding processes, such as dispute resolution, are reduced or abandoned. Technology can streamline processes.

Increased effectiveness -the job is done better • Customers more clearly understand what they can and cannot do • Administrative staff do their work more accurately • Courts are less likely to decide that your documents are invalid • You can understand the document - you can make sure it is accurate. Increased efficiency -the job is done more cheaply • Documents match business processes • Complaints, queries and mistakes caused by misunderstandings are reduced • Staff training is easier • Management and staff spend less time monitoring compliance • There are fewer disputes and there is less litigation.

Figure 1.3: Plain English as a business improvement tool (Source: Phillips Fox/Ernst & Young (1995]. Reproduced with permission of Phillips Fox and Ernst & Young.)


5

PLAIN ENGLISH: SOME DEFINITIONS As plain English develops, as a communication discipline and as a social move· ment, definitions of just what plain English is are rapidly emerging: Plain English is clear, straightforward expression, using only as many words as are necessary.It is language that avoids obscurity, inflated vocabulary and convoluted sentence construction. It is not baby talk, nor is it a simplified version of the English language. Writers of plain English let their audience concentrate on the message instead of being distracted by complicated language. They make sure that their audience understands the message easily. This means that writers of plain English must vary the way they write their documents according to the composition of their audience. For instance, a document can contain a number of technical words and still be plain. Robert Eagleson3 But what is really meant by plain English? Is it anything more than a slogan used by campaigners to publicise themselves and their favourite cause, and by businesses selling editing and document design services? Undoubtedly, plain English is a woolly term. As no formula can genuinely measure the plainness of a document, I would rather describe plain English than define it. In my view, plain English refers to: 'The writing and setting out of essential information in a way that gives a co-operative, motivated person a good chance of understanding a document at first reading, and in the same sense that the writer meant it to be understood. This means pitching the language at a level of sophistication that suits the readers and using appropriate structure and layout to help them navigate through the document. It does not mean always using simple words at the expense of the most accurate words or writing whole documents in kindergarten language even if, as some adult illiteracy surveys claim, some seven million adults in the UK and about 70 million adults in the US cannot read and write competently . .: Plain English is not an absolute: what is plain to an audience of scientists or philosophers may be obscure to everyone else. And because of variations in usage across the English-speaking world, what is plain in Manchester may be obscure in Madras or Maine. Similarly, what is plain today may be obscure in a hundred years from now because patterns of usage, readers' prior knowledge, and readers' expectations will all alter over time. Martin Cutti

4

6

WRT I ING IN PLAIN

PLAIN ENGLISH: NOT JUST WORDS The plain English concept has attracted its share of critics. Writers such as Penman have argued that if plain English simply means using shorter words and sentences in documents, then it isn't much good to anyone, and certainly doesn't guarantee that all people will understand such simplified prose. Other factors need to be taken into account, she suggests, such as the visual layout of documents and the individual learning styles of readers. Documents also need to be tested while still in draft form, to ensure that users of such documents really understand them. This in turn means that 'plain English' may be too narrow a term, and that a broader (but less catchy) term - such as 'information design' - may be needed.5

WRITING IN PLAIN ENGLISH: WHAT'S THE PLAN? All of these issues will be covered in this book. We will consider various faulty styles of writing, tmderstood in terms of use - and misuse - of various concepts of grammar and usage: • the irresponsible writer (passive voice and disjuncts) • the remote writer (abstractions, circumlocutions, nominalisations and reification) • the ambiguous writer (confusing or ambiguous expressions) • the sloppy writer (cliches and tautologies) • the deceptive writer (euphemisms, doublespeak and jargon). Before we look at such specifics of langttage, however, we will look at the bigger picture of planning documents. We will then look at the language matters, together with aspects such as structure, tone, readability, gender, punctuation, graphic communication, layout and useability testing. All of these factors can critically affect the look and effectiveness of documents. If you feel you need to brush up on basic concepts of grammar and usage, appendix A should be of some use.6 For a more detailed treatment of traditional grammar, see Writing Skills, another book in the Communication Skills series.7 Appendix B contains more examples of 'before' and 'after' versions of various documents subjected to the plain English 'treatment'.


7

• • • • • • • • •

Resume for the moment that you have been asked to write a document. Such a document might be: • operating instmctions for machinery • a brochure describing a new insurance policy • the insurance policy itself • a form • a letter • a memo • a report • a regulation. Most of Writing in Plain English is concerned with techniques that will help you to write such a document. But before you put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, you need to ask yourself some basic questions, only some of which have to do with writing.

DOCUMENT DESIGN: A PROCESS MODEL Creating a document should be seen as part of a process. Figure 2.1 shows a model of such a process developed by Redish, Felker and Rose.8 Looking at this model, we see that writing is only a part of the whole process (Phase II: Design steps), and even then, only a part of that part. There is a phase after writing, and a phase before writing.

The message and the medium

8 WRITING IN PLAIN ENGLISH

The first phase is concerned with determining just what message tt ts you want to convey. Bound up with this is the question of your purpose: do you really need a document? This is not quite as silly as it sotmds. There are other channels of communication apart from written communication. You might be better off: • making a telephone call • having an informal conversation • holding a meeting • calling a media conference • making a TV or radio commercial. If this is the case, then you would be better off using those channels. Keep in mind, of course, that virtually all of the advice given in this book about plain English is relevant in spoken communications as well as in written communication.

1-------- I Pre-design steps -------11--II Design steps ---+-- Ill Determine content

Determine task

(What message

• fill out form

_..

do you want to convey?)

• read and act • read and remember

..

,.

' ''

...

/

/

,. ,.

- - ------

Post-design steps

',

/

'

/

-

I

I

/

I

I I

+ Define purpose (Why do you need a document?)

--..

Define audience (Who will use your document? What are their needs?)

I

/

I

\

\

' \

'\

I \

\

I

I I

y

• select appropriate content • organise for your audience • write clearly • use graphics to help clarity your message

-+

'

---

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Evaluate (Does your Review, revise

...

document achieve its purpose

and

for its

edit

audience?)

D

0

c M E

N T

Determine contextual constraints posed by • the system • how the document is used • how the document is distributed

Figure 2.1: The process model of document design (Source: Redish J., Felker, D. and Rose, A.[1981]. 'Evaluating the effects of document design principles', Information Design Journal, vol..2, p.236. Reproduced with permission.)

The audience

If you decide that your message really is best conveyed by a document, then

you need to consider just what kind of document will be appropriate. Perhaps the kind of document you originally had in mind will not be appropriate. Appropriateness will be determined by knowing just who is your audience. Some questions about your audience, and appropriate responses, are given in PLANNING 9

table 2. 1.


Table 2.1: Analysing your audience Factor

Question

Personal style

Is the audience composed of people who prefer details to the big picture?

Concentrate on detail, but be ready to show how details make up the big picture.

Is your audience composed of people who prefer the big picture to the detailed approach?

Give the big picture, but be ready to show how the big picture is made up of details.

Is your audience composed of people who are familiar with and comfortable with the area's key ideas, assumptions and jargon?*

Don't waste time on background explanations, as the audience might feel insulted.Jump straight in at the technical level, but be on guard against in-group complacency (which occurs when a group gets cut off from reality because its world of jargon and assumptions is too comfortable and non-threatening).

Is your audience composed of people who are not familiar with and comfortable with the area's key ideas, assumptions and jargon?

Define terms, assumptions and key ideas.Make it easy for them with glossaries, simplified visual models, analogies, demonstrations and historical overviews.Don't patronise people; put them at their ease so that they feel confident enough to ask 'stupid' questions. Remember that all people even you - are ignorant in different areas, and that by having to prepare an ultra-basic view of the area may in fact give you insights which you would otherwise have missed (because you have been too close to the action to see it in perspective).

Does the audience value formality?

Keep it formal.

Does the audience value informality?

Keep it informal.

Is it remotely possible that people outside the official audience will read the document?

The answer to this is always yes -or you should at least believe that it's yes - and act accordingly. It pays to be paranoid. Beware of sweeping generalisations, unsupported assertions, libellous statements and cheap jokes at the expense of others not present. Let your document help, not haunt, your career.

Positive

Good. Don't lose it by being complacent. Work on it (by paying attention to the above-listed factors, questions and responses) to make it still more positive.

Neutral

Good. Work on it (by paying attention to the above-listed factors, questions and responses) to make it positive.

Hostile

Not so good, but not necessarily disastrous. Pay attention to the above-listed factors, questions and responses. Are the audience's vested interests threatened by what you are talking about? Are you in competition with them for the same scarce resources? Can you show them a mutually beneficial outcome? (See p. 12, 'Contextual restraints'.)

Technical background

Status

Initial attitude

Response

• Note the discussion on jargon, p. 112.

PLANNING 11

Sometimes it is possible to write differentially - to write in a specific way for a specific audience. Unfortunately, sometimes you need to write for multiple audiences, which makes it much harder to write differentially. If you have identified multiple audiences by using table 2.1, the question might be: which audience do I write for? The answer to that question is usually - all of the above. Consequently, your responses should be all of the above, as well. Remember, the difficult takes a little while, and the impossible takes a little longer.

Audiences: what can they understand?

There are, however, some even more basic considerations concerning your audience, or audiences. For example, how well can they read, and indeed, can they read at all? Keep in mind that, merely because a country is Englishspeaking is no guarantee that all of its citizens will have a high level of facility in English. Consider the following points. • The US army found, in 1982, that almost 40 per cent of its junior enlisted personnel had reading abilities below the sixth grade level - that is, were illiterate by United Nations standards. • Some 7 million adults in the UK cannot read and write competently. • A survey in 1989 found that 46 per cent of Australians could not tmderstand the directions on a medicine bottle. • One in two Australians have difficulty coping with language more complex than that found in tabloid newspapers - that is, have a reading age of about year 10.9 Consider also that English-speaking countries may also contain people from other, non-English-speaking cultures. Also consider that, as communication becomes more global, and as the language of global commtmication tends to be English, some of the documents that you write may well be seen by people whose first language is not English. Does this mean, then, that the extraordinary variety and power of the English language has to be replaced with a lowest-commondenominator English? The short and brutal answer to this is, in certain circumstances, with certain audiences, yes. Subtlety and flexibility should not be abandoned, however. Writers of English have a responsibility to lead, as well as to foHow. Readers with even limited abilities often tire of documents written entirely in simple sentences (pp. 26-8). They crave something more in sentence stmcture, and so they will probably crave more in vocabulary and in ideas. Audiences like to be talked to , not talked down to. Plain English should not be a code phrase for what has been called the 'dumbing down' of the language (see pp. 60-1).


Task analysis

Once you have a clear idea of who your audience is - or who your audiences are - you need to consider just what it is you want them to do. Are you giving them information only, with no response expected on their part? Do you want them to absorb information, and then act upon it? In other words, are they reading to do, to learn, to be entertained, or a mixture of these three? 10 The response you expect from your reader will affect the way you write and what you write about.

Contextual constraints

All organisations are systems, and all systems have rules, both official and unofficial. The ways in which people within organisations communicate with the customers or clients outside the organisation, and with colleagues inside the organisation, will critically affect the success or otherwise of your document. A message sent is not necessarily a message received. How will the document be used? How will it be distributed? Are there any stakeholders or vested interests within the organisation who would prefer to see the document serve their own interests rather than the interests of the customers or clients? In other words, will there be political interference in what appears to be the simple technical matter of document creation? 11 Given that the answer to this is almost always yes, how will you handle such interference?

THE DOCUMENT ITSELF Having survived the pre-design phase, you can now move into the design phase. It is useful to stress the broader concept of design rather than just the narrower concept of writing. There's nothing narrow about the writing techniques we will be considering, but it's useful to bear in mirld that writing is only part of document creation. The total look of a document is vital to its success (or failure). The use of layout and graphics is as vital as the use of words. Underpinning both text and non-text material is the basic plan or structure of the document: if that is not clear, then the message, no matter how attractively presented or eloquently expressed, will not be clear.

Review, revision, editing and evaluation

The first draft of a document is rarely the last. You have to be ready to shape your message, re-shape it, and then re-shape it again. You need to be your own best critic of your work, looking at it unsentimentally and impartially. Reviewing, revising and editing a document often takes as long as writing the first draft, so make sure you budget your time accordingly. The document needs to be evaluated by actual or potential members of your audience. Documents need to be tested by rwo groups: 1. people who have been chosen precisely because of their expertise 2. people who have been chosen precisely because of their lack of expertise. In fact, with certain types of documents, such as manuals, policies and regulations, the evaluation never stops: even when a final draft has been released, there will always be another version down the track, and there's always room for improvement (see chapter 16, Useability testing). Let's now consider how to plan a document, and then go on to the practical techniques of writing. PLANNING 13

• • • • • • • • •

We shall soon see how we can create clarity in our documents by eliminating or modifying certain words and groups of words, and also by using correct punctuation, layout and graphic commtmication. Such factors can only do so much to create clarity, however. The simplest words, punctuation, layout and graphic commtmication are not of much use unless your documents have a clear and logical strucn1re, and unless the sentences within those documents also have a clear and logical structure.

STRUCTURES: CREATING SHAPE FOR YOUR IDEAS When you write, where do you start? What do you say? There is a number of ideas that you can use to structure your thoughts in a document. Not incidentally, these techniques can not only help you to create structure, but to simply create - in other words, to break any writer's block you might have when it comes to putting pen to paper or fingers to the keyboard. Let's now consider the direct versus indirect technique, the 5W-H technique, the AIDA technique, the diagramming technique, the question and answer technique, and the principle and example technique. In creating documents, you may decide to mix and match these six techniques or models, according to your message and your audience.

Indirect versus direct technique

You will use a direct or indirect approach according to whether you think your audience wants to hear what you have to say - whether you have good news for them or bad news. If you have bad news, you will probably use an indirect approach - that is, you will try and convey some good or neutral news first. This is not hypocritical or procrastinating: it is merely placing bad news in some type of context so that the reader does not give up after the first few words. If you have good news - yes, we can give you what you want - then the direct style is appropriate. 12 An abuse of the indirect style can be seen when writers beat about the bush and do not get to the point, even when they have good news to convey. This abuse is often related to having an 1/we attin1de instead of a you attitude (see pp.125-6).

The 5W-H technique

The SW-H technique is a very simple one learnt hy all journalists: when writing a story, answer these questions: • Who? • When? • Why? • What? • Where? • and How? STRUCTURE AND CLARITY

13

It is a useful model to follow for ensuring that aU aspects of a topic are covered.

Although all six aspects are not always appropriate, it is surprising just how often they are. When composing a workplace document, you may find it useful to take an enlarged copy of figure 3.1 and use it- use it not only as a planning tool but, as with all of these techniques, as a blockbuster for writer's block.

Topic: Question

Answer

Who?

What?

Where?

When?

Why?

How?

Figure 3.1: The 5W-H plan for writing

The AIDA technique

AIDA is simply an acronym for: A

AITENTION

I

INTEREST

D

DESIRE

A

ACTION

When your reader starts your document, you want he or she to finish reading it. To make that outcome more likely, you need to take readers through a sequence of behavioural phases, each phase flowing on from the previous one. The AIDA model is just such a sequence, and it can be a very effective one, too, particularly for persuasive commtmications (table 3.1). 14


Table 3.1: The AIDA model Phase no. 1

Phase name Attention

Emphasis

Attention of the reader needs to be gained at the outset. If the document is slow-moving, if the bad indirect approach of beating about the bush is employed; if the language is lifeless, then the document is probably doomed.No matter what pearls of wisdom await the patient (or masochistic) reader, such pearls will remain undiscovered in the majority of cases -they will languish with the rest of the text in the waste-basket. Attention can be gained by throwing unusual openings at the reader - a quotation, a startling statistic, an anecdote.

How the writer wants the reader to react What? Oh that's interesting .. . tell me more ...

2

Interest

Interest in the reader can be awakened by showing the features of the product or process being talked about, and giving objective proofs of excellence such as guarantees or samples. This is an objective appeal to the logical side of the reader.

Hmm ... so it can do that, hmm?

3

Desire

Desire can be created by stressing the personal benefits of the product or process for the reader, and tapping deeper motivational patterns. This is a subjective appeal to the emotional side of the reader.

Hey ... I've got to get that ...

4

Action

Action can be triggered by showing the reader what she or he

How do I get it? What do I do now?

can do: respond, telephone, fax, mail a card or letter, get a sample sent, attend a demonstration, etc.

The diagramming technique

We will consider two types of diagram here - the pattern diagram and the outline or tree diagram. Ideally the pattern diagram is the basis of the outline or tree diagram. Pattern diagramming (also known as mind-mapping) is a simple technique for visualising ideas you wish to convey, without imposing a premature and possibly limiting structure upon them. Let's say, for example, that you are the fleet manager for a transport company. You have just leased thirty new vans, and need to brief your drivers on their features. The vans are the latest model of a make you have been using for some years, and have added features that the drivers need to know about. You decide to write a memo to the drivers. Copies of this will be placed in the drivers' pay packets, and will also be posted in the despatch room on the noticeboard. Copies will also be placed as the top sheet on the drivers' schedule clipboards for the first two months of operating the new vehicles. Where do you start? The indirect/direct, SW-H and AIDA models can help, but perhaps the pattern diagramming approach would be most appropriate here. Here's how it works: 1. Start with a clean sheet of paper and coloured pens. 2. Print words rather than using cursive script. 3. Write your central concept in the centre of the page. 4. As related sub-concepts or related ideas occur to you, draw lines away from the central concept, and identify those lines as sub-concepts. 5. If the main concept is a tree trunk, and the sub-concepts are branches, what about twigs? Develop these twigs, or sub-sub-concepts which flow out of the branches, or sub-concepts. STRUCTURE AND CLARITY

15

Sketching your thoughts on a diagram, you might come up with something as illustrated in figure 3.2. This pattern diagram in turn could be turned into an outline or tree diagram (figure 3.3). Hands Feet

\I

Big loads

Less fatigue

\ / Hilly terrain Lower gear still needed

New habits

/

Automatic transmission

i

Plan

More

?en

Cheaper

More

""'

.

""' stopping --Plan Mor e wear

powerful routes -- thirsty -Engine

LPG

Louder /

1

M' ..

1/ and tear

lnlllse

Fewer service stations

Side-access door

/1

Bigger

Safety alert \

and . starting

\ Safety precautions

loads

Plan routes

\ Map

Don't stack loads against

Legal alert

Figure 3.2: A pattern diagram Level 1

Level2

Level3 Newhabits

Automatic

Less fatigue

------

Level 4

Level S

Hands Feet

Don't rev

/ Cheaper

transmission

Lower gear still needed

Big loads Hilly terrain

lj 16


/------- More wear and tear LPG fuel :...-----

•y•tem

----...

Mini ise ------- stopp1ng -- Plan loads and starting Plan Map

stations NEW

routes

Safety precaution

MODEL

VAN

Bigger Side-access door

Safety alert

Legal alert

Don't stack loads against More powerful Engine

More thirsty

Plan routes

Louder

Figure 3.3: An outline or tree diagram

STRUCTURE AND CLARITY

17

If you wanted to be super-organised, you could develop alphanumeric or decimal outline patterns of your memo (figure 3.4).

Alphanumeric system

Decimal system

Automatic transmission A. New habits 1. Hands 2. Feet B. Less fatigue c. Lower gears still needed 1. Big loads 2. Hilly terrain II. LPG fuel system A. Cheaper B. More wear and tear 1. Don't rev 2. Minimise stopping and starting a. Plan loads c. Fewer service stations 1. Plan routes a. Maps D. Safety precautions III. Side access door A. Bigger B. Safety alert 1. Legal alert c. Don't stack loads against rv: Engine A. More powerful B. More thirsty 1. Plan routes c. Louder

1.0. Automatic transmission 1.1. New habits 1.1.1. Hands 1.1.2. Feet 1.2. Less fatigue 1.3. Lower gears still needed 1.3.1. Big loads 1.3.2. Hilly terrain 2.0. LPG fuel system 2.1. Cheaper 2.2. More wear and tear 2.2.1. Don't rev 2.2.2. Minimise stopping and starting 2.2.2.1. Plan loads 2.3. Fewer service stations 2.3.1. Plan routes 2.3.1.1. Maps 2.4. Safety precautions 3.0. Side access door 3.1. Bigger 3.2. Safety alert 3.2.1. Legal alert 3.3. Don't stack loads against 4.0. Engine 4.1. More powerful 4.2. More thirsty 4.2.1. Plan routes 4.3. Louder

I.

Figure 3.4: Alphanumeric and decimal representations of figures 3.2 and 3.3

The alphanumeric system uses upper- and lower-case letters of the alphabet, together with Arabic and Roman numerals: Arabic

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

20

Roman upper case

I

II

III

IV

v

VI

VII

VIII

IX

X

XI

XII

XX

Romanlower case

i

ii

iii

iv

v

vi

vii

viii

ix

X

xi

xii

XX

18


The usual order for alphanumeric outlines is: Levell

Roman upper case numeral

Level2

Level 3

Level4

Level5

Alphabetical upper case

Arabic numeral

Alphabetical lower case

Roman lower case numeral

If you were wntmg a report, instruction manual or other formal, multipaged document, such multiple levels of ideas, sub-ideas and so on would form the structure of the headings, sub-headings and so on. 13 Such structure might be overkill in a one- or two-page memo, however. Major sub-points could be made in complete sentences within paragraphs, or else could be made using a combination of headings, sentences and bullet points, such as illustrated in figure 3.5. A number of questions need to be asked about the organisational pattern of our sample memo in figure 3.5. Some authorities suggest that in tree diagrams or alphanumeric or decimal outlines, there should be at least two points arising from the point at the previous level. Thus such authorities would be happy with the two points 1C.1./1.3.1. Big loads and 1C.2./1.3.2. Hilly terrain coming out of LC. /1.3. Lower gears still needed. They would not, however, like the single point ILB.2.a./2.2.2.1. Plan loads coming out of Il.B.2./2.2.2. Minimise stopping and starting, or the single point IILB.1./3.2.1. Legal alert coming out of IILB./3.2. Safety alert. This preference seems to be based upon: • the idea that the eye can more easily follow patterns when lines connecting levels are at angles, rather than flat, and • the idea that most ideas have at least two further sub-divisions.


19

JJ1

r;J m

t:tJIJlllEll ttlJ'llVICE

Get it there in a Flash!

To: All drivers

FROM: (your name)

SUBJECT: New Racer 3 Vans

Date: 21 September, 1996

We take delivery of the new vans next Tuesday. They look much the same as the Racer 2 model we have been working with, but d1ere are a few key differences you need to know about. These are: Automatic transmission • If you are not familiar with automatic transmission , you will need to develop new habits. • You will need to keep your hand on the wheel. Resist the habit of resting your gear hand on the gear. • You will need to put your clutch shift foot on the foot rest provided. Tell that foot it has now retired. • You will probably experience less fatigue now that you do not have to shift gears. • Lower gears (D2, D3) will still be needed, however, for: • hilly terrain • big loads. LPG (Liquid Propane Gas) fuel system

• LPG is cheaper than petrol. • LPG will cause more wear and tear on engine, however, and thus drivers • will need to avoid tU111ecessary revving. • will need to minimise unnecessary stopping and starting. This means you will need to plan loads, avoiding loads of lots of small deliveries. • All vehicles will be filled each morning from our base's stocks, but please remember that not all service stations carry LPG. If you are travelling far from base, therefore, you will need to plan your route carefully. • Note that there is a map of the entire state, showing LPG outlets, near the pumps on base. • Note d1at LPG is more volatile than petrol, and special refuelling routines are called for. Side access door The Racer 2 has a hinged rear access door, but the Racer 3 has a sliding door on the driver's side. I think we need to note the following: • The Racer 3 door is bigger, whicl1 will make loading and unloading easier. • The Racer 3 door is on the driver's side. This means that if you have to unload in the street, you will have to watch out for traffic. • Don't illegally park so that the door opens on to the footpath. If you are booked by the police, this will go on your record. • We have always stacked loads in Racer 2s against both side walls. Don't stack loads against the sliding door.

Engine In comparison to the Racer 2, the Racer 3's engine is: • more powerful • more thirsty. Thus, as with LPG, you will need to • plan your routes carefully. • Louder. Figure 3.5: A memo based upon diagramming approaches

20


It may be worthwhile spending a short time brainstorming to see if this can be done, to help your reader, and also to further explore the logical structure of your plan. For example, if road maps marked with LPG outlets were provided with each van, then IIC.1./2.3.1. Plan routes could lead on to two points:

IIC.l.a./2.3.1.1. See maps at base IlC.l.b./2.3.1.2. See maps in vans It may not always be possible to draw out two points from one, however. It

will always be preferable to have one real point emerging from another than one real point and one bogus point created just for the sake of a more pretty planning diagram. Other points can be made about the pattern diagram in figure 3.2. For example, Plan routes occurs twice at level 4, but the similar-sounding Plan loads appears once at level 5. Is this a problem? If so, how could the diagram be re-done to prevent such a problem? You may have your own ideas about a more ideal set of planning diagrams, acting as the foundation for a better memo. If you do, then the diagram system may well be useful for you - useful as a way of stimulating thoughts, and shaping those thoughts into a document that gets the reader to keep reading.

Question and answer technique

A question and answer approach to getting ideas across can also be very useful. Most human learning takes place using questions and answers, and thus this model works through sequences most people are already familiar with. Note, for example, figure 3.6(a) and (b). Sec. 30.100

Purpose.

30.101

Authority.

30.105

Applicability and scope.

30.110

Publication.

30.115

Copies.

30.120

Citation.

30.125

Public comment.

30.130

Grant information.

30.135

Definitions..

30.135-1

Administrator.

30.135-2

Agency.

30.135-3

Allowable costs.

Subpart A -

Basic Policies

30.200

Grant simplification goals and policy.

Figure 3.6(a): A typical regulation - before


21

Table of Contents What are EPA grants for? What kinds of grants are there? Grant programs Unsolicited proposals Who is eligible to apply? How does someone apply for a grant? Overview of the process Details of the steps Allowable costs in a grant Deadlines How will EPA process grant applications? Criteria for awards Procedure How does EPA award the grant? How does EPA pay the grant? How the recipient puts in claims How EPA pays What requirements must recipients satisfy while receiving the grant? What about patents, data, and copyrights? Can the grant be changed? Changes that the recipient may make Changes that EPA may make How to appeal EPA changes Figure 3.6(b): A regulation that is easier to understand - after (Source: Redish [1991: 14- 15].Reproduced with permission.)

Figure 3.6(a) shows a table of contents for a regulation document, using decimal headings. Not very inviting or informative, is it? Figure 3.6(b) shows the same table of contents, with the main categories now changed to question format. In the main text of the regulation document, these questions become headings, with answers following: How does the EPA award the grant?

The EPA awards the grant ... Question and answer format allows a dialogue to take place between writer and reader. The reader is drawn into the process. Questions mean that verbs will be used, which always adds vigour to writing (seep. 62). The only drawbacks to question and answer writing are: • that the writer may not be able to anticipate all of the reader's questions • that the approach can become boring and irritating when sustained over a long document. 22


Principle and example

A method of development similar to the question/answer approach is that of principle and example. This simply means that the writer states a general principle, ntle or situation, and then gives an example. Here is an example: If you hold the car for less than 12 weeks, the period must be the

entire period for which you held the car. The period may overlap the start or end of the income year, so long as it includes part of that year. Example: Ian buys a new car on April 22, 1996 to be used for business purposes. Up to Jtme 30, 1996, only 10 weeks have expired. Therefore the log book should be continued for at least the next two continuous weeks up to the week ending Saturday July 15, 1996. (Source: Motor Vehicle Log Book [1995] Carlton: Professional Information, p.5.Reproduced with permission.)

The principle/example method allows a writer to state general principles, and then move to specific instances. This means that an overview can be given, without losing the reader with an approach which is too abstract (see pp.65-7) or too impersonal (see p. 123).

AtnVmES

1. Create a pattern diagram and an outline or tree diagram of a concept you are familiar with. 2. Create a better version of the pattern diagram and the outline or tree diagram shown in figures 3.2 and 3.3. 3. Analyse the strengths and weaknesses of the different approaches to structuring documents, namely, direct/indirect pattern, 5W-H, AIDA, diagramming, question and answer, and principle and example. Draw up a table like the one below to fill in your responses. How might it be possible to combine various approaches?

Approach

Strengths

Weaknesses

Direct/Indirect

5W-H (Who, Why, Where, When, What, How?) AIDA (Attention, Interest, Desire, Action) Diagramming (pattern and outline or tree diagrams) Question and answer

Principle and example

• ••••••• • •• •• ••••••• • • •• •••• ••••• • •• •• •••••••• • •• • STRUCTURE AND CLARITY

23

• • • • • • • • •

We have seen in the last chapter how the structure of ideas in a document

can aid our readers in understanding just what it is we want to say (and indeed can help us in deciding for ourselves just what it is we want to say). Let's now look at strucntre within paragraphs and sentences. In chapter 5, we will consider how layout can reinforce the structural cues within paragraphs and sentences.

READERS, SKIMMERS AND SCANNERS Various approaches can be used to keep the reader moving through a document. These approaches include paragraphing, varied sentence structure, headings, bullet points, and transitional expressions. Some of these relate to the way we use words, but they have a visual impact as well, and thus are, from another point of view, relevant and important layout factors. All too often these days readers are not readers, but skimmers and scanners. If you provide a visual pattern for your words that reinforces the tmderlying structure of exposition, the scarmers and skimmers may well become interested enough to become readers again.

SENTENCES

A sentence expresses a complete thought. The boundaries of a sentence are defined by its punctuation system (see pp. 130-49). A common misunderstanding about plain English is that plain English writing means writing containing only short words and sentences. This, to say the least, would be monotonous, and would also be patronising to the reader: we would be assuming that all documents would need to be written in the style of a kindergarten or elementary school reader (see Eagleson's remarks, p. 6). We need to be aware of the different types of sentences, and what their strengths and weaknesses are. The four major sentence types are: o the simple sentence o the complex sentence o the compound sentence o the compotmd-complex sentence. Table 4.1 gives examples of each of these four sentence types, together with their strengths and weaknesses. It is apparent, for example, that a document composed only of simple sentences would be choppy and fragmented, and would irritate our readers. Similarly, a document devoid of simple sentences might be too complicated and confusing for our readers.Variety in the way we develop our ideas, and variety in the rhythm of our words on the page, can have a strong positive effect upon our readers. (See appendix A (pp. 162-5) for further definitions of sentence types.) STRUCTURE AND CLARITY AGAIN: SENTENCES AND PARAGRAPHS 23

Table 4.1: Strengths and weaknesses of the four types of sentence structure Sentence structure Simple - has a single main idea (independent clause). Example: The boat capsized.

Compound - has two or more main ideas. Example: The boat capsized and the passengers got wet. Complex - has one main idea and one or more lesser ideas. Example: When the boat capsized, the passengers got wet.

Compoundcomplex -has two or more main ideas and one or more lesser ideas. Example: When the waves came up, the boat capsized and the passengers got wet.

Positive effects

Negative effects

1. Simplicity: reader can concentrate on a single unit of thought. 2. Emphasis: ideas are set apart from those in surrounding, longer sentences. 3. Brevity: as start of paragraph, compels reader to find out more. 4. Rhythm: balanced with longer sentences, lures audience. 5. Isolation: breaks complex subject into manageable units.

1. Over-simplification: can alienate reader. 2. Undue emphasis: contents automatically highlighted, even when wrong to do so. 3. Fragmentation: string of undifferentiated ideas.

1. Correlation: creates dynamic, inherent relationship between two ideas: equality, sequence or juxtaposition. 2. Rhythm: balance between two ideas of equal importance.

1. Inappropriate correlation: makes inaccurate relationship of equality, sequence or juxtaposition. Misleads reader. 2. Fragmentation: string of undifferentiated ideas.

1. Subordination: indicates clear-cut relationship between two or more ideas. 2. Emphasis: idea in main clause receives greater attention. 3. Flexibility: variety of conjunctions to express wide range of relationships. 4. Economy: eliminates redundancy of separate sentences.

1. Inappropriate subordination: depicts inaccurate relationships between two or more ideas. 2. Inappropriate emphasis: idea in main clause does not deserve greater attention. 3. Inappropriate relationship: inaccurate indicator of relationship selected.

Compactness: combines many ideas into a single packet of information.

1. Density: too many ideas combined. 2. Lack of clarity: relationships between ideas become jumbled. 3. Lack of emphasis: importance of any one idea is lost in the mass.

(Source: Frances B.Emerson, Technical Writing. Copyright© 1987 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Reproduced with permission.)

24


You may notice when working with some word processing software packages that the packages will give messages about 'inappropriate'sentence length. These packages embody some useful warnings about sentence length, and provide a useful reality check every now and then. Be careful, however, about slavishly following the recommendations built into such packages. So-called readability formulas are guidelines only, and not profound truth. Let your eyes and ears, and the eyes and ears of your readers, be the best guide (see chapter 15).

PARAGRAPHS

The most visually obvious approach to expression and layout is paragraphing. Words are the building blocks of sentences; sentences are the building blocks of paragraphs; and paragraphs are the building blocks of larger aggregates documents, letters, memos, or sections or chapters of larger reports, proposals, novels or non-fiction works. What is a paragraph? A paragraph is normally a group of sentences that express different aspects of the one idea. When the writer moves on to a new idea, then a new paragraph is begtm. Nevertheless, if a writer can express an idea in one sentence, and then moves onto a new idea, it is quite possible for a paragraph to be composed of only one sentence. How do we know when a new paragraph has begun in something we are reading, or should begin in something we are writing? We can tell firstly if there is a change in idea, and such a change is often shown by the presence of a topic sentence. Such a sentence may come at the beginning of the paragraph, but it may also occur at the end, or at some stage between the beginning and the end. The topic sentence sums up what the paragraph is about, and is usually a statement; but sometimes it is a question, as in the question that begins this paragraph. STRUCTURE AND CLARITY AGAIN: SENTENCES AND PARAGRAPHS 25

We can also tell that a new paragraph has begun simply because of the layout of the words on the page. A new paragraph can be shown by indenting or moving the text in slightly from the left margin. This indentation can vary considerably in size, depending upon whether we are writing by hand or using a keyboard. The main criterion of the size of the indentation is that it be easily visible. Another way of laying out text in paragraphs is not to indent text, but to simply leave a space between paragraph blocks on the page. This style is sometimes favoured in business correspondence. The purpose of paragraphing is twofold. Firstly, it is a discipline for writers, ensuring that there is a logical framework or pattern of progression for the ideas being expressed. When we write, we develop a logical progression of ideas, from the introduction to the conclusion, in discrete or separate steps. Secondly, paragraphing makes the task of reading the entire passage of writing that much easier. The indentations or spacing provide cues to the reader about the flow of ideas, and make the entire passage much more 'digestible'. One tminterrupted block of text would be rather forbidding, but paragraphing makes that same block of text much more manageable. Making a transition between paragraphs entails making a transition between ideas, and this process can be helped by the use of various connective words and phrases (figure 4.1). Such connectors can also be used within paragraphs, of course: they can be used at the head of sentences where you develop the one subject or theme, as opposed to developing a new subject or theme in the first sentence of a new paragraph. There is an almost infinite number of ways that ideas can be developed in a sequence of paragraphs. You might choose to develop your ideas in a chronological sequence ('To start at the beginning .. .' I 'The historical background to this problem is .. .'), a reverse chronological sequence, a general to specific sequence, a specific to general sequence, a problem/solution or question/ answer sequence ('How do we know when a new paragraph has begun? We know this when .. .'), and so on. Sometimes the material itself will suggest a sequence. Sometimes it is only imposing a sequence on your material that allows you to start writing.

26


A. Connectors that add assertions to one

and, also, too, moreover, or, nor, furthermore, so too, then too, similarly, likewise, besides, in addition

B. Connectors that bring assertions together

but, yet, however, though, although, on the contrary, at the same time, on the other hand, in contrast, instead

another in coordinate relationships

in contrast, opposition, or contradiction to one another

c. Connectors used

therefore, thus, and so, so, hence, consequently, all in all, in short, on the whole, as a result, in brief, in general, in other words, in summary

D. Connectors used to introduce an illustration for an assertion

for example, for instance, for one thing, illustratively, to illustrate

E. Connectors that introduce a reason or a

because, inasmuch as, since

F Connectors that introduce an amplification

or elaboration upon an assertion

frequently, occasionally, usually, specifically, especially, in fact, as a matter of fact, in particular, actually, indeed, even

Connectors for conceding a point that does not support a generalisation

it is true that, of course, no doubt, understandably, to be sure, granted that

when summing up the consequences or the results of a series of assertions or minor points

justification for an assertion

G.

H. Connectors for reasserting a generalisation after making an exception to it

despite, still, nevertheless, in spite of, notwithstanding

I. Connectors used to build towards a climax

more important(ly), more significant(ly), what is more

]. Connectors to help narrow your focus

specifically, more to the point, looking more closely at

towards a specific point K. Connectors to indicate a forward

movement in time

L. Connectors indicating a backward

movement in time

then, later, next, after that, finally, at last, at long last, in time, in a while, eventually, subsequently, thereafter previously, earlier, before that, prior to that, formerly

M. Connectors that shift a reader's focus in space

above, below, ahead, behind, to the right, to the left

N. Connectors that indicate simultaneity

meanwhile, in the meantime, simultaneously, at the same time, at that moment

Figure 4.1: Connective words and phrases (Source:Wells (1988: 142-143]. Reproduced with permission.)

STRUCTURE AND CLARITY AGAIN: SENTENCES AND PARAGRAPHS 27

ACTMnES

1. Take a sample of writing (an extract from a book, a letter, an extract from an essay or report you have written). Analyse the approach to paragraphing. Is it effective or ineffective? Rewrite the passage with different paragraphing. Is this an improvement or not? Compare your efforts with those of someone else. 2. The following passage is comprised entirely of simple sentences. Rewrite the passage, linking related ideas. Connector words and phrases (p.25) may be of use here. You may, of course, find it appropriate to leave some simple sentences untouched. You may find it necessary to delete and add certain words and perhaps impose a paragraph structure. Compare your efforts with those of someone else. The new colour printer arrived in the office. It arrived today. It caused much excitement. It was very expensive. It cost over $7000. Will it prove to be money well spent? Only time will tell. Cynthia is my coworker. She thinks that the printer will be important. It will be important for her work. Her work consists of designing forms. She likes to experiment with colour. She says that colour can help customers' understanding of the forms. It can also hinder their understanding of the forms. My work does not require colour printouts of anything. I think that this is true for most people on this floor. An exception might be Jeff. Another exception might be Jared. Jeff and Jared often give presentations. They give presentations to area managers. The presentations are on accounting systems. Interest can be created in presentations by colour overhead transparencies. This printer will produce such transparencies. J tend to think that this is yesterday's technology. Graphics created on a computer can now be projected. A projector is linked to the computer. The projector projects colour images onto a screen. Such projections can be dynamic. 'Dynamic' means moving. An example of a moving image would be an animated chart. Audiences find these effects interesting. Half the battle of a presentation is holding your audience's attention. Jeff disagrees with my analysis. He thinks computer projectors are too young a technology. Too many things can go wrong. This is not true of simple overhead transparencies.They can't show movement. They can't break down.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

26


N U M B E R I N G, T Y P E FA C E S A N D 0 T H E R A I D S

• • •

•

•

•

•

• •

HEADINGS Subheadings

Parallelism

We have now considered how structure, paragraphing and sentence struc-

ture can influence the look and the logic of your document. In this chapter we will consider aspects of layout, and in the next we will consider the closely related technique of presenting data in graphic and other forms.

Just as paragraphing can help writers express ideas and help readers understand those ideas, so too can headings. Headings act like headlines in newspapers and magazines - they break up the text and give the reader instant cues as to the content of groups of sentences and paragraphs. Document headings can be identified by using different grammatical units. 14

Noun phrase

Computer system crashes

Participial phrase

Preventing computer system crashes

Descriptive statement

Subdividing documents may not necessarily solve the problem of applications packages locking up and causing PCs to crash.

Imperative statement

Identify software instability problems.

Partial statement

Document stability problems still present

Question

Is cutting and pasting of graphic material the real source of software crashes? You should try to avoid mixing grammatical units in headings, such as: 2.1. Background to computer crashes 2.2. Identifying shortcomings of current hardware system 2.3. Test for specific weaknesses in word processing packages 2.4. Are workers creating over-complex documents? 2.5. New operating systems (Windows 96) may solve problems anyway. Although parallelism can lend a pleasing unity to your documents, don't become enslaved to the idea. Don't, for example, mutilate the flow of your ideas merely to ensure parallelism. English is a rich language, but it is not so rich that it allows us to express all ideas in all grammatical units. LAYOUT: HEADINGS, NUMBERING, TYPEFACES AND OTHER AIDS

29

NUMBERING

In some styles of writing - some scientific and legal areas, for example - the numbering of paragraphs and headings is expected (see pp.17-18). This can lend a dimension of precision in the development of ideas, sub-ideas, sub-subideas, and so on. Roman numerals (1, II, III, IY, V) or Arabic numerals (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) can be used, as can letters (A, B, C, D, E.) These can be used in combination (Paragraph B.l.2/Section IV [a]), but be careful not to confuse your reader. Ensure also that the precision of such systems is real, and not spurious, and ensure that such numbering systems do not interrupt the flow of your ideas.

BULLET POINTS In this chapter, we are considering various aspects of document production, such as headings, parallelism, numbering, bullet points, typefaces, and white space. It's possible to present the information in the previous sentence in a different way, for example: In this chapter, we are considering various aspects of document production, such as: • headings • parallelism • numbering • bullet points • typefaces • white space. This mode of exposition uses bullet points. For certain types of information, it is very effective. Obviously a bullet point exposition of words will take up more space than a straight narrative exposition, that is, with words contained in normal sentences. It may well be, however, that for certain types of information and for certain types of audience, a bullet point exposition will at least increase the probability that the information is read. A narrative exposition may appear cramped and unattractive, and thus may contribute to the audience not feeling motivated sufficiently to read the message.

TYPES AND FONTS There are two main groups of type or typefaces - serif and sans serif. Serif literally means line, and thus serif types are ones that have small lines at the top and at the bottom of letters, while sans serif types lack such lines:

M

M

The letter M in Times New Roman (25 point). Times New Roman is a serif type.

The letter Min Arial (25 point). Arial is a sans serif type.

People tend to hold strong views on whether serif or sans serif types are better. 15 Serif types are more traditional, and may help the reader's eye along a line of words. Serif types also vary in thickness more than sans serif types, and may thus add variety. 30


Sans serif types, on the other hand, appear cleaner, bolder and more modern to some. Their legibility is apparent, for example, in reversed type Sans serifs, however, present some legibility problems to some readers, as in words such as Illustrate.

Type size

Type sizes are referred to in imperial or non-metric measures. There are 72

points to an inch, and there are 12 points in a pica. Figure 5.1 shows differing point sizes for Times New Roman and Aria!.

This

This

Times New Roman 72 pt

Aria! 72 pt

This is Times

This is Arial


Aria! 30 pt

This is Times New Roman type.

This is Arial type.


Aria!15 pt

This is Times New Roman. It is a serif type.

This is Arial. It is a sans serif type.


Aria! 12 pt

This is Times New Roman. It is a serif type.

This is Arial. It is a sans serif type.


Arial 9 pt

This is Times New Roman. It is a serif type. Some people prefer a serif type.

This is Arial. It is a sans serif type.Some people prefer a sans serif type.


Aria!6 pt

Figure 5.1: A serif series and a sans serif series

A font is simply the complete assortment of letters, numerals, punctuation marks and other characters of a specific type or typeface. Thus figure 5.2 shows an example of a font so defined: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

1234567890;'.,? Figure 5.2: An Arial font

Strictly speaking, figure 5.1 shows two type series - typefaces at different point sizes. The creators of computer software programs, however, tend to ignore the series/type/font distinctions, and simply use the general word 'font' LAYOUT: HEADINGS, NUMBERING, TYPEFACES AND OTHER AIDS

31

to cover all meanings. This meaning is now becoming the dominant one, much to the displeasure of some people who have worked with type for many years. Nevertheless, the change has some virtue, in that it may reduce confusion over the meaning of words: font mainly refers to typefaces, with any other meanings (baptismal font and font ffountj of wisdom) being quite separate, and easily grasped from the context the word might be fotmd in; type, however, refers to typefaces, but is also a general word meaning a class or category (that type of person), which can lead to confusion. Types or fonts can also be characterised by whether they are bold, italic, bold italic, light, medium, black, and condensed: Arial Bold

Aria/

Aria/

Italic

Bold italic

AriaI Black

Arial

AriaI Medium

Arial Condensed

Arial Black italic

Light

Typefaces of different weights and styles can be used to reinforce the idea of hierarchy in your headings, with main headings receiving the strongest treatment, subheadings using less dominant fonts, and so on (see pp. 17-18, 29). Word processing and desktop publishing packages now place many fonts in the hands of the layperson. Previously, such technology was available only to printers and graphic artists. Merely because you have a technology, however, does not mean that you should use it, or should use all of it. If you do vary fonts within the document, try and restrict the number of fonts to three otherwise the document will look messy and amateurish, like a painting done by someone who has just been given a big new box of paints, and has enthusiastically decided to use every colour.

Type in lines: kerning, pitch, leading and spacing

Increasing or decreasing the letter spacing of type is known as kerning. This means that the spacing of letters along lines is narrowed. Word processing packages have inherited much terminology from the world of typewriters, and horizontal spacing is referred to in such packages as pitch. Too little spacing between letters, or too much, can prove unattractive and distracting to the eyes of the reader: Increasing or decreasing the space between letters is known as kerning . Too little or too much spacing between letters can prove unattractive and distracting to the eyes of the reader.

i

Too much space

32


Increasing or decreasing the space between letters is known as kerning. Too little or too much spacing between letters can prove unattractive and distracting to the eyes of the reader.

i

Normal letter spacing

Increasing or decreasing the space between letters is known as kerning. Too little or too much spacing between

letters can prove unattractive and distracting to the eyes of the reader.

i

Not enough space

Kerning relates to horizontal spacing of text. The vertical spacing of text the space between lines - is referred to as leading (pronounced ledding). Too much or too little leading can also prove unattractive and distracting to your reader: Kerning relates toJlorizontal soacinof text.dThe vertical ac t - tne s,paveffceen 1mes - lS reterre to as teaatn ronouncecr te ainJZ . too much or too ume leaomg can lso prove t attractive an Oistt ctmg to your reaoer:

i

Too little leading

Kerning relates to horizontal spacing of text. The vertical spacing of text - the space between lines - is referred to as leading (pronounced ledding). Too much or too little leading can also prove unattractive and distracting to your reader:

i

Acceptable leading

Kerning relates to horizontal spacing of text. The vertical spacing of text - the space between lines - is referred to as leading (pronounced ledding). Too much or too little leading can also prove unattractive and distracting to your reader:

i

Too much leading

A nlle of thumb used by many editors and typesetters is to determine leading by adding two point sizes to the typeface or font size. A book or newspaper set in 10 point might thus have 12 points of leading (written as 10/12). Solid leading means that the point size and font size are the same (e.g., 10/10), while minus leading means that the leading is smaller than the height of the font (e.g., 10/9). Books often give details of font or typeface, together with leading, on the imprint page, which usually follows the title page. What are the font/leading details of this book? Word processing packages, as has been mentioned, have contributed to the term font squeezing out the term type. Perhaps something similar is happening here: word processing terminology is again taking over from typesetting terminology, so that pitch is squeezing out kerning, and spacing is squeezing out leading. It's not a waste of your time to know about such technological terms: if you need to create complex documents, then professionals from different fields (editors, copywriters, graphic artists, printers, desktop publishers, general keyboarding staff) will use different terminology for much the same things. Because of these differences, you may need to translate your ideas into someone else's terminology to get the look you want. LAYOUT: HEADINGS, NUMBERING, TYPEFACES AND OTHER AIDS

33

Type in lines: length

The length of lines on the page can also have a considerable impact upon your readers:

Here is an example of text. There's not much you can say about this text, except that it contains some quite short words, such as mu, I, me, eh, and hi, as well as some extraordinarily long words, such as supercalifragelisticexpialidocious and antidisestablishmentarianism. The main thing to note with text of this kind - and indeed with text of any kind - is that the reader should not be distracted from the content of the words to the actual look of the words and their constituent letters. As soon as that happens, then the reader is like an audience member at a concert where the piano tuner is still working on the piano while the pianist is playing: no matter how hard that audience member tries, he or she simply cannot concentrate on the music. Text across full width

Here is an example of text. There's not much you can say about this text, except that it contains some quite short words,such as mu, I, me, eh, and hi, as well as some extraordinarily long words, such as supercalifragelisticexpialidocious and antidisestablishmentarianism. The main thing to note with text of this kind - and indeed with text of any kind - is that the reader should not be distracted from the content of the words to the actual look of the words and their constituent letters. As soon as that happens, then the reader is like an audience member at a concert where the piano tuner is still working on the piano while the pianist is playing: no matter how hard that audience member tries, he or she simply cannot concentrate on the music. Text across narrow width

The first block of text has lines that are too long. This means that the margins are too narrow, and there is not enough white space (see p. 37). The second block of text has lines that are too short, which means that the margins are too big, and there is too much white space. Setting up blocks of text like these two blocks means that the reader simply has to work too hard to concentrate on just what the writer is saying. A standard rule of thumb would be that if you have a document in a 12 point font, aim to get 70 to 75 characters, or ten to twelve words, on each line. Keep in mind that text set up in columns can be quite attractive, but that you will have more problems with justification (see next page) and hyphenation, or word-breaks. 34


Here is an example of text. There's not much yo u can sa y about this tex t , except that it contains some quite short words, such as mu, I, me , eh, and hi, as well as some extraordinarily long wo rds , such a s supercalifragelisticexpialidoci ous

and antidisestablishmentarianism. The main thing to note with text of this kind - a nd indeed with text of any kind - is that the reader should not be distracted from the content of the words to the actual look of the words and their constituent letters. As

soon as that happens, then the reader is like an audience member at a concert where the piano ttmer is still working on the piano while the pianist is playing: no rna tter how hard that audience member tries, he or she s imply cannot concentrate on the music.

Text set up in columns

Justification

Justification relates to horizontal spacing of letters, particularly in relation to margins. Here is an example of fully-justified text. There's not much you can say about this text, except that it contains some quite short words, such as mu, I, me , eh, and hi, as well as some extraordinarily long words, such as supercalifragelisticexpialidocious and antidisestablishmentarianism. The main thing to note with text of this kind - and indeed with text of any kind - is that the reader should not be distracted from the content of the words to the actual look of the words and their constituent letters. As soon as that happens, then the reader is like an audience member at a concert where the piano ttmer is still working on the piano while the pianist is playing: no matter how hard that audience member tries, he or she simply cannot concentrate on the music. Full justification

Here is an example of left-justified text. There's not much you can say about this text, except that it contains some quite short words, such as mu, I, me, eh, and hi, as well as some extraordinarily long words, such as supercalifragelisticexpialidocious and antidisestablishmentarianism. The main thing to note with text of this kind - and indeed with text of any kind - is that the reader should not be distracted from the content of the words to the actual look of the words and their constituent letters. As soon as that happens, then the reader is like an audience member at a concert where the piano tuner is still working on the piano while the pianist is playing: no matter how hard that audience member tries, he or she simply cannot concentrate on the music. Left-justified, flush left or ragged right justification

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35

Notice that the fully justified text has variable spacings between letters. This is necessary to ensure that words touch both left and right margins. Leftjustified, flush left or ragged right justification means that the spacings between letters are the same, with the result that the words at the right-handside margin finish at different points. As with so much of document layout, there is controversy about which is better. Some believe that ragged right is more relaxed and informal, and more natural. Others believe that people are used to full justification, and are made uneasy by ragged right. What convention has been followed with this book?

Upper and lower case

Try and avoid blocks of text solely in upper-case. The effect is wearing on the eye of the reader, particularly if leading or vertical spacing is narrow: HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF TEXT. THERE'S NOT MUCH YOU CAN SAY ABOUT THIS TEXT, EXCEPT THAT IT CONTAINS SOME QUITE SHORT WORDS, SUCH AS MU, I , ME, EH, AND HI, AS WELL AS SOME EXTRAORDINARILY LONG WORDS, SUCH AS SUPERCALIFRAGELISTICEXPIAL/DOC/OUS AND ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM. THE MAIN THING TO NOTE WITH TEXT OF THIS KIND- AND INDEED WITH TEXT OF ANY KIND - IS THAT THE READER SHOULD NOT BE DISTRACTED FROM THE CONTENT OF THE WORDS TO THE ACTUAL LOOK OF THE WORDS AND THEIR CONSTITUENT LETTERS. AS SOON AS THAT HAPPENS,THEN THE READER IS LIKE AN AUDIENCE MEMBER AT A CONCERTWHERETHE PIANOTUNER IS STILL WORKING ONTHE PIANO WHILE THE PIANIST IS PLAYING: NO MATTER HOW HARD THAT AUDIENCE MEMBER TRIES, HE OR SHE SIMPLY CANNOT CONCENTRATE ON THE MUSIC. Upper-case block of text

Upper-case letters are like shouting: when done every now and then for emphasis, they attract attention; when done all the time, they lose their novelty, and no-one pays attention any more.

36


SPACE

White space

White space refers to the amount of white paper visible on a page featuring text. This means space around the text (margins) and within the text (kerning, pitch or horizontal spacing, and leading or vertical spacing). It can also mean space around blocks of text, like paragraphs and sections. Jamming text up to try and save space and paper is, unfortunately, false economy. It irritates and distracts the reader, and may in fact mean the difference between your message being read and not being read. Try and think of white space as a balance to your text, just as a painter uses blocks of colour to balance against each other, or a composer uses silence against sound.

Response space

If you want your readers to do something - for example, write in their name, address, signature and other details on a form - then you have to give them the space to do this. Some people have quite long names and/or addresses, and some people's handwriting or printing takes up a fair amount of space. As with white space, don't resort to false economy by cramping up your page it irritates readers, and it may lead them to make illegible and thus useless responses.

COLOUR

Colour in documents costs money, although the cost is coming down as printing technology advances. Even if you can afford colour, however, you should restrict its use. As with fonts, it is tempting to use something just because you've got it, but overuse is a mistake. Use colour sparingly, to give your readers cues to headings, fill-in boxes and other significant areas (note the remarks about colour in graphics, pp. 53-4).

ACnvnlES

1. Gather together a number of documents or publications - letters, newsletters, magazines, books, reports, advertisements. Compare and contrast the ways in which they have been designed (headings, numbering, bullet points, parallelism, font/type, leading, kerning/pitch, justification, white space, and colour). Would you have treated them differently? If so, how? 2. Find a block of solid text - for example, a long encyclopaedia entry. Restructure it by using different paragraphing, numbered headings and bullet points. Compare the original text to your re-write.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

LAYOUT: HEADINGS. NUMBERING.TYPEFACES AND OTHER AIDS

37

• • • • • • • • •

VISUALS: PRO

36


We now have a clearer idea of the role of planning structure and layout in

documents. The look of your document also can be critically affected by the way in which you present data. Some ideas can be conveyed more effectively using graphic or visual commtmication. The software revolution of the past few years has meant that complex graphic tools, such as charts or diagrams of various kinds, can now be created by any of us. But care has to be exercised. When using visual communication of data in graphs, charts, tables, or other visual forms - we need to be aware of the strengths and weaknesses of the individual visual modes. We need to ask questions such as: what is our purpose here? What is it we are trying to show? Once we know the answers to such questions, we can choose different visual modes according to their unique strengths. We will soon look at the pros and cons or strengths and weaknesses of specific visual modes, but first let us consider the bigger picture: what are the pros and cons or strengths and weaknesses of visual commtmication in general? Visuals can give a quick summary or overview of a situation or a phenomenon that might otherwise take htmdreds or thousands of words to explain or describe. It is not always true that a picture is worth a thousand words: most visual presentations of data would be meaningless without words identifying just what it is we are looking at in a table or graphic or photograph, and words can sometimes be the major part of a chart or table. Table 6.1, for example, provides a summary of this point together with various cons and other pros. With words and visuals, it's not a case of words versus visuals: they are complementary, not in competition. Visuals can thus reinforce and back up the verbal message you are communicating in print or, for that matter, in speech. Visuals can reveal trends and comparisons that might otherwise be buried in a mass or words or numbers. A table can clarify the patterns embedded in wordy descriptions, while a graph may, in turn, make such patterns even clearer. Visual presentation of data can lead to a shorter document. There's simply no need to describe everything in tedious detail. Visual presentation can add variety to your text or presentation. The monotony of just words, words, words can be avoided. Visual presentation can grab the interest of your audience. There is a sense of entertainment or fun with visual presentation, and fun is a serious business when you are trying to communicate. People process information in different

ways, and shape, colour and pattern in your visuals can reach your readers in ways that words alone cannot. This becomes more true every day, with people becoming more dependent - some would say over-dependent upon the razzamatazz presentation of information on television and in colour magazines and newspapers. Table 6.1: Visuals: the good and the bad (a visual aid about visual aids) Hooray! Visuals can ...

Boo! But visuals can ...

1. summarise

1. confuse and distort

2. back up your words

2. trivialise

3. clarify and reveal

3. distract from your words

4. shorten space and time needed

4. lengthen space and time needed

5. add variety

5. be expensive and bothersome

6. entertain and permit visual processing of information

6. demonstrate your amateurism

7. stimulate you to discover trends, comparisons and possibilities 8. be cheap and/or cost-effective 9. demonstrate your professionalism

The sense of fun and play is important for the producer of visuals, not just for the consumer. People who write documents rarely have their imaginations challenged by the slabs of descriptive text or tables of numbers that they have to deal with. Visual presentation of the same data, however, may reveal to them trends, comparisons and entirely new possibilities that were not obvious before, or at least if they were, were only made obvious after the undertaking of incredibly hard work. Such revelation comes easily with the full exploitation of the visual capabilities of graphics, spreadsheet and database software packages: the writer can transform data quickly and in many ways, with colour and shape not only giving form to his or her initial perceptions of the data but also stimulating new perceptions. Visual presentation can be cheap, and if not cheap, then cost-effective. Again, software packages have been helpful, as have printers linked to computers: writers/presenters can quickly create complex visuals, and reproduce them more cheaply than if the visuals had to be created by hand and reproduced via large-scale colour printing processes. If the visuals are instrumental in persuading the audience to adopt your point of view, then any production costs for such visuals might be repaid many times over. Finally, visual presentation of data can convey the message that you are a professional, that you know what you're talking about. The audience may be flattered that you have gone to so much trouble, and that may mean that the audience is more receptive to your ideas. Good visuals can give you high credibility. GRAPHIC COMMUNICATION AND CLARITY 39

VISUALS: CON

There is a downside to visuals, however. It is easy to produce visuals that are confusing and that distort the original message. The generation of such confusion and distortion may be purely accidental and be quite innocent, or it may be part of a deliberate strategy of deception. Visuals can trivialise your message. Sometimes the succinctness and power of words alone, or words aided by only a few visuals, are all that is required for effective commtmication of complex ideas to take place. A visuals-happy person, however, may trivialise her entire message by attempting to reduce complex ideas to a series of graphs, charts, tables, diagrams, illustrations, logos, symbols, and cartoons - all of which may be pretty, but which may be pretty over-simplified as well. Visuals can back up your words if used correctly, but if used incorrectly, can just as easily distract from your words. This may be because the visual is 'too successful', that is, the visual is so well done that people give more attention to it than to the accompanying written words. Or it may be because the visual exposes too much information at one particular stage of an argument. For example, if you display a complex table, graphic or diagram while only writing about a part of it, you may find that the audience is no longer concentrating upon your words, but the picture. Visuals may allow you to shorten the space and time needed to commtmicate a message, but equally, they may lengthen the space and time needed. Visuals can rarely stand on their own: tlhey need an accompanying commentary, to bring out what is explicit and implicit within them. It still might be quicker to use a visual and some commentary than to use just words, but there is no guarantee that this will always be the case. This may not always be a problem, but sometimes it may be. Visuals can be cheap, but they can also be expensive and bothersome. 'Cheap' and 'expensive' are relative concepts. A Mercedes-Benz car may be cheaper than a Rolls-Royce, but such 'cheapness' does not necessarily enable you to buy the Mercedes. Similarly, it may be cheaper to produce visuals on a computer and printer, using specialised software, than it is to produce visuals using artists and full scale colour press printing, but you may not be able to afford the computer, printer and software in the first place. It also takes time to learn how to use such technology, and such learning can be expensive in terms of your time, and also can be an arduous and bothersome process. Finally, while good visuals can be a testament to your professionalism, bad visuals can be a testament to your amateurism. This amateurism might be conveyed in the selection, execution or presentation of visuals. You might choose the wrong ones, indicating your lack of experience and knowledge in this area. Having chosen the right ones, you might execute them badly (clumsy execution, inappropriate or garish colours, poor layout within the surrotmding text, ignorance or abuse of visual conventions of scale, labelling, attribution of sources, etc.).

VISUALS: WHAT THEY ARE, AND HOW TO USE THEM The strengths and weaknesses of the various modes of visual presentation relate to the type of communication problem you are trying to solve. What are you trying to say, and what is the nature of your data, or raw information? Are you trying to describe a trend - a phenomenon that happens over time - for example, the growth of plants in a garden? Or are you trying to draw a comparison between different parts of something, where time is not 42


immediately important - for example, the amounts of money allowed for the budgets of different departments in the one organisation, expressed as proportions or fractions of the total budget? Are you trying to measure a constant - something that doesn't change - or a variable - something that does? Perhaps you are measuring a continuous variable, which is one that can theoretically assume any value between two given values - for example, the height of an individual (height can be, say, 1.7 metres, 1.71 metres, or 1.711111 metres). Or perhaps you are measuring a discrete variable, which cannot theoretically assume any value between two given values - for example, the number of children in a family (the number might be three or four, but cannot be 3.56). 16

Within the visual itself, different parts - lines, slices of a pie, and so on can be labelled with words placed within the graph, or by lines from different parts leading to explanatory words (called callouts), or they can be identified by a legend or key. Such a legend or key is an explanatory table or list of symbols (by colour or shape) placed near the graph. The terms graph and chart are sometimes used interchangeably to refer to pies, bars, lines and so on. The convention adopted here will be to refer to these things as graphs, while charts will be used to refer to flow charts. Let's now turn our attention to the various modes of visual presentation.

Pie graphs

These are also known as circle graphs. Pie graphs (figure 6.1) are very useful when you need to show the components or parts of one particular set of data. The different components should add up to 100 per cent. The largest slice or component is placed at the 12 o'clock position (on an analog clock, of course), and then other progressively smaller slices or components are arranged in a clockwise direction. If you need to draw a pie chart by hand, remember: • there are 360° in a circle • therefore 3.6° equals 1 per cent • therefore percentage values of pie slices need to be multiplied by 3.6 to determine the arc or length of the slice, e.g., 20 per cent X 3.6 = 72° To measure degrees precisely, you need to use a protractor. GRAPHIC COMMUNICATION AND CLARITY 41

Juggernaut Manufacturing Budget allocations, 1996-1997 Training (5.79%) Service (10.74%) Manufacturing (35.53%) Administration (17.36%)

Sales/Marketing (30.58%) Figure 6.1: A pie graph

Pie charts are very useful for showing proportional relationships, but don't overload them. If you need to show more than six values, a pie chart can be cluttered. This clutter can be minimised by simply combining a number of the smaller values into a miscellaneous or 'other' slice, or else by using another visual entirely- for example, a 100 per cent bar graph, or a table. A slice can be emphasised by 'exploding' it (figure 6.2).

Juggernaut Manufacturing Budget allocations, 1996-1997 Training (5.79%) Service (10.74%)

Manufacturing (35.53%)

Administration (17.36%)

Sales/Marketing (30.58%) Figure 6.2: An exploded pie graph

Comparisons with other similar sets of data - for example, budget allocations in four different years - may mean that multiple pie charts might be used. If you need to use more than four sets of data, it might be best to use a multiple line graph. Pie charts can be rendered in two dimensions or in three. Threedimensional pie charts are more dramatic, but they might prove fractionally harder to read if your audience needs precise data. Pie charts are not good for showing variation over time, and are not useful for showing negative values. They are also not very good for showing precise values. If real precision is needed, use a table. 42


Bar graphs

There are numerous types of bar graphs. Most of them are used to show discrete values, usually varying over time. Some people prefer to restrict the term ' bar graph' to graphs where the bars are arranged horizontally, using the term 'column graph' for graphs where the bars are displayed vertically. Others use the term 'bar graph' to cover both horizontal and vertical displays of bars. We will use this broader definition. Note that with bar (and line) graphs, time is plotted on the horizontal (x) axis, while other values are plotted on the vertical (y) axis.

Simple bar graphs

Simple bar graphs are useful for showing data such as annual sales - a discrete figure.

Gizmo sales are recovering 5000 "0

4000

g 3000 (/)

·"§ ::::>

2000 1000 0

1993

1994

1995

1996

1997

• Gizmos Figure 6.3: A bar graph

If you need more precision - for example, monthly, weekly or daily sales - you would be better off with a line graph or a table. A simple bar graph, however, can make a clear, bold statement about trends.

Multiple bar graphs

Multiple bar charts can be useful for showing sets of discrete data (figure 6.4). They are useful for comparing, say, sales of four products over a number of years. Displaying more than four items can lead to visual confusion, and a line graph or a table would be preferable in such cases.

Gizmos are our best seller 5000 "0

4000

0 (/) 3000

- c::

::::>

2000 1000 0

1993

1994

• Gizmos Dooverlackies

1995

1996

1997

• Whatsits •Thingummybobs

Figure 6.4: A multiple bar graph

GRAPHIC COMMUNICATION AND CLARITY 43

Stacked bar graphs

Stacked bar graphs have values stacked on top of each other (figure 6.5).

Gizmos are our best seller 10000 8000 "0

"£ 6000 .l!l

·c: 4000 :::>

2000

1993

1994

1995

• Gizmos Dooverlackies

1996

1997

• Whatsits • Thingummybobs

Figure 6.5: A comparison stacked bar graph

The stacked bar graph is useful for showing components of wholes or aggregates. The stacked bar graph, however, like the area graph (see p. 47), has a major drawback - while the value at the bottom of the stack is relatively easy to read off the y, or vertical, axis, all further values up the stack are more difficult to read off.

100 per cent bar graphs

Whereas the stacked bar graph shows the absolute or real quantities of a particular variable, the 100 per cent bar graph shows the relative quantities of that variable (figure 6.6).

Juggernaut Manufacturing Budget allocations: 1995-1996, 1996-1997

1996-1997

1995-1996

0%

20%

• Manufacturing • Administration

40%

60%

• Sales/Marketing Service

80%

100%

• Training

Figure 6.6: Multiple 100 per cent comparison bar graph

As such, it has much in common with the pie graph, which shows proportions or relative quantities. If one wanted to see the absolute or real quantities involved (dollars, kilograms, etc.), reference would need to be made to a table or a graph with real values. Note that this particular example is rotated, i.e., the bars are displayed horizontally rather than vertically. This can be done with any bar graph. 44


Threedimensional bar graphs

Three-dimensional rendering of graphs can give you dramatic and attractive effects, and the 3-D bar graph is no exception to this (figure 6.7).

Gizmos are our best seller

5000 "0

0

4000

en

3000

.

2000

c :::>

1000 0 \99'?> \99/J. \99? \990 \991

Figure 6.7: Three-dimensional bar graph

You need to exercise care, however, as 3-D can present unique problems. The values of any layer of data need to be greater than the values of the layer in front of it, otherwise data will obscure or mask data, just as a mountain will obscure or mask a valley immediately behind it. Data do not always behave in such tidy ways, so edit 3-D graphs with even greater care than you would 2-D graphs.

Variation/ deviation bar graphs

It is often necessary to express negative values, and the variation or deviation bar graph (figure 6.8) can help you do that.

Juggernaut Manufacturing Net profit/loss ($ million) 60 40 20

0 -20

-40

1993

1994

1995

1996

1997

Figure 6.8: Variation/deviation bar graph

The origin (zero) shifts upwards from its traditional place in the lower lefthand corner to a point where the full vertical range of positive and negative values can be displayed. GRAPHIC COMMUNICATION AND CLARITY 45

Line graphs

Simple line

Line graphs are most useful for showing trends and comparisons in large amounts of continuous data. As such, they are more useful than bar graphs for showing subtle and frequent changes, although complete accuracy with data can only be guaranteed by using tables.

A simple line graph shows one set of data (figure 6. 9).

graphs

Gizmos are in decline 5000 4500 4000 "0 3500 0 (/) 3000 . c 2500 :::J 2000 1500 1000

1993

1994

1995

1996

1997

1998

1999 2000

2001

• Gizmos Figure 6.9: Simple line graph

As with most bar graphs, time is plotted on the horizontal (x) axis, and other values are plotted on the vertical (y) axis.

Multiple line graphs

Multiple line graphs show more than one set of data (figure 6.10).

Gizmos are in decline 5000 "0

4000

3000

:g

(/)

:::J

2000 1000

1993

1994 1995

1996

• Gizmos • Dooverlackies

1997

1998 1999 2000

2001

• Whatsits Thingummybobs

Figure 6.10: Multiple line graph

Multiple line graphs can get cluttered quickly, so try than four sets of data on the one graph. 46


to

avoid plotting more

Area graphs

Area graphs (Figure 6.11) are similar to line graphs.

Gizmos are in decline

1993

1994

1995

1996

• Gizmos • Dooverlackies

1997

1998

1999 2000 2001

• Whatsits Thingummybobs

Figure 6.11: Area graph

Notice, however, that the values have been stacked vertically: while the data depicted in figure 6.11 are the same as those depicted in figure 6.10, the scale of the y (vertical) axis has changed. Area graphs (also known as band graphs) are dramatic, and can quickly reveal comparative and overall trends. As with stacked bar graphs, however, it is not easy to read off values apart from the one on the bottom of the stack. This becomes a real problem when falling trends in upper areas or bands or layers are masked or distorted by rising trends in lower areas or bands or layers.

Combination graphs

Sometimes it is necessary to plot two sets of data, with each data set referring to a different type of variable. In this case, it becomes necessary to use the right-hand y axis or y2 axis. While it is quite possible to plot these different sets of data using the one type of visual - a multiple line chart, for example - this can lead to confusion. A combination graph (figure 6.12) can remove confusion, and it can make comparisons much clearer. Such a graph also gives us a way of plotting different types of data (for example, continuous and discrete) on the one visual.

Gizmo sales feel the heat 5000-

-o 40000

..

----

(/) 3000-

-

--

:5 2000-

-

' 25

r-.

I- 20

E

15 iii :::l c: I- 10 c:

rn

I- 5

1993 -e-

ci.

I-

10000

0

1994

Average annual temperature

1995

1996

1997

0

Ol

>

Q.

IInvestment expenditure

""

0

Q .

8. X

_§

UJ

I

f)

Foreign sector

Figure 6.16: A circular flow chart (Source:Breckon, Jones and Moorhouse [1986: 115].Reproduced with permission.)

Diagrams

Diagrams can be useful for showing dynamic processes, cutaway views of interiors of machines or organisms, the structure of organisations, and many other situations where charts, photographs or words would be inadequate. Dynamic processes, for example, can be shown in phases (figure 6.17). Induction

Compression Inlet and exhaust Exhaust valve valves closed closed

I

Power

Exhaust Exhaust valve

I

Connecting rod

Figure 6.17: The four-stroke cycle (Source: Breckon, Jones and Moorhouse [1986: 104). Reproduced with permission.)

GRAPHIC COMMUNICATION AND CLARITY

51

SOME GUIDELINES FOR PRESENTING VISUALS 1. Note that graphs and diagrams are known as figures ('Figure 28(a) shows ...' ). Tables are known, tmsurprisingly, as tables ( 'Table ...'). Photographs are known as plates ('Plate 2 shows ...').

4 shows

2. Number all visuals. If visuals are part of a report, ensure that visuals are numbered consistently with the rest of the report - for example, if a bar chart is the third figure in the second section or chapter of your report, it will be figure 2.3 (or II.iii., or II.(c), or whatever numeric/alphabetical/ alphanumeric system you are using). 3. Consider listing figures, tables and plates at the front of the report, immediately after the table of contents. 4. Label all visuals. Place numbering and labelling of tables at the top of the visual. Place numbering and labelling of other visuals at the bottom of the visual. Labels, headlines or captions are usually placed outside the structure of visuals, but they may be placed inside for effect. This may be more the case for visuals used in spoken presentations than for those used in written documents (see, for example, the layout of the visuals for Juggernaut Manufacturing used in this chapter). Labels, headlines or captions may be neutral and descriptive ('Market share within the industry, 1996-1997') or they may be interpretative and emphatic ('Is this what we really want to happen?'). 5. Ensure that all components of visuals are identified. With graphs and diagrams, labels may actually be written, typed or printed onto the visual. Such labels may be actually near or over the part of the visual they are identifying, or connected to those parts by arrows or lines (called callouts).

Alternatively, a key or legend may be used. Such a key or legend will explain to the viewer what identifying systems of colour or cross-hatching actually mean. If the visual is going to look too cluttered with labelling of components, try to use a key or legend system. 6. Ensure that units of measurement on axes are clearly labelled. Ensure also that the units of measurement on an axis are tmiform. Changes can lead to (unintentional or intentional) distortion. 7. Cite the source of your data. 8. If additional explanatory information is needed, place this in footnotes below the visual. 9. Lay out visuals to ensure maximum clarity. Ensure that there is a fair amount of white space around the visual, separating it from the surrounding text of your document. With tables, use white space, lines, shading and typography or fonts to make blocks of data more digestible. With graphics, follow guidelines on colour use (see p. 53). 10. Position visuals with care. • If possible, place visuals in the middle of the page, with text above and below. If you have some skill in layout, and the visual is appropriate, position text on one side or on both sides of the visual. Be careful, though: the page may end up looking cluttered and confused. When in doubt, don't wrap text around visuals. 52


• If a visual or group of visuals is large, and may break up the flow of the

text, consider placement in an appendix at the back of the document. • Place a visual close to the part of the text where you are discussing it. Don't compel your reader to shuffle back and forth between pages. • Refer to visuals in text. This sotmds too basic to mention, but some writers are guilty of placing a visual largely for decorative effect, or of placing an effective visual but simply forgetting to mention it. Lead your reader into consideration of the visual: 'For example, in table 6.2 we see .. .'. 11. Remember the differences between written and spoken presentation of data. • Visuals in a document can convey more detail, as the reader can spend time inspecting data, i.e., the reader is in control of the perceptual process and is physically close to the visual. With spoken presentations, the presenter is in control, and the reader/viewer is not physically close to the visual. Zelazny (1991) suggests that: ... A chart four times between a past it and

used in a visual presentation must be at least twice as simple and as bold as one used in a report. It's the same as the distinction billboard that must be read and understood in the time you drive a magazine advertisement that you can study in detail. 17

• A visual suitable for a doctm1ent may need to be broken up into a sequence of visuals for a spoken presentation. Thus you may need to prepare more visuals for a spoken presentation than for a written one covering the same ground. • Tables will tend to work better in documents, particularly if they are complex ones. Documents allow the writer to present combinations of graphs and tables: it is quite easy, and often quite desirable, to place different perspectives on the one issue side by side. This is less easy to do in visuals used for spoken presentations.

Using colour, patterns and shading18

Hatching (diagonal, criss-cross, dotted or other patterns) and shading can be used in colour or black and white reproduction of visuals, but tend to be used more in black and white or where a full range of colour is not available. When reproducing visuals in colour or black and white, keep in mind the following guidelines: • On a pie graph, match the pattern to the size of the slice: the smallest pattern on the smallest slice, and so on. • On other graphs, put the smallest or heaviest pattern next to the axis and build progressively with less dense patterns. • Note that some patterns can be quite unattractive. If you differentiate between the bars in a bar graph with heavy diagonal lines travelling in different directions, the illusion may be created that the bars are not vertical. Experiment with patterns until you get a combination that achieves maximum differentiation without repelling or confusing the viewer. • Colour is extremely important in communicating your message. Colour can dramatically differentiate parts of your visual, and can also add an air of professionalism to your work. Colour can also entertain - a not insignificant factor in these days where people routinely consume messages from colour television, magazines and newspapers, and thus have fairly high expectations about the way in which information is packaged. GRAPHIC COMMUNICATION AND CLARITY

53

• Keep colours to a minimum number. Merely because you have the capacity to create a lot of colours does not mean that you should use a lot. As Zelazny remarks in relation to presentation graphics: 'I'm told that some computer graphics systems can create 8000 000 permutations of colours, give or take a few thousand. That's 7 999997 more than I recommend showing on a typical slide.' 19 Keep your colours to a maximum of five per visual: if you need to use more, perhaps your visual is too complex, and needs to be broken into two or more visuals. • When working with colour in print, it is often preferable to use dark text on a light background. • Be aware that different colours send different messages to some people: red connotes vibrancy for some, danger for others, and insolvency for a third group. Blue by turns can connote restfulness, coldness and institutional impersonality. If you are communicating with people from outside your home culture, enquire as to what messages different colours send within that culture - you might be surprised. • Try to avoid red-green patterns - for example, red backgrotmd and green text. Some viewers will have trouble with such combinations and may be unable to decipher the text. • Finally, in preparing visuals in colour, it is wise to see whether the visual still makes sense in black and white. You never know what use your visual might be put to, and it may end up being photocopied or faxed. You may not approve of this, but you nevertheless still want your message to get through, despite the distortions it might be subjected to.

ACTIVmES

1. Find examples of documents (newspaper/magazine articles, reports, memos, instruction manuals, etc.) which have no visuals, but which could benefit from their inclusion. What kind of visuals would be appropriate? 2. Find examples of documents which have visuals. How effective are such visuals? If you were to redesign such documents, what changes would you make? Why?

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • • • •

54


• • • • • • • • •

When we read documents, it is useful to know the answer to a very simple question: who is the writer? It is not always vital to know the specific identity of the individual who penned or typed the piece, but it is vital that that individual, or the organisation on whose behalf the author is writing, takes responsibility for what is written. In plain English documents, this is not a problem: here, the process is transparent - we know what's going on. It is, however, a problem in documents that have been written within the more bureaucratic organisations, and/or have been written by individuals who most certainly do not want to accept responsibility for what they have written. Here, the process is not transparent, but opaque: we don't have much idea at all of what is going on. We always need to ask the owl question: Whooooo? If the answer is not obvious, then the document is flawed. This lack of responsibility and accountability is particularly obvious when writers use, and misuse, grammatical concepts such as the passive voice and sentence modifiers or disjuncts. (For definitions of basic grammatical terms, see pp. 162-5.) Some grammatical buzz-words will come in handy here. A simple sentence can be understood in terms of three basic components:

subject

verb

object

I

like

you

The subject of the sentence is the actor in a process. The verb describes the action, and the object receives the action. There is, however, another way of expressing the idea in the above sentence, and that is like this:

subject

verb

prepositional phrase

you

(are) liked

(by) me

Here, the subject receives the action. A preposition (by) is needed to define the actor, and a form of the verb to be is needed to help the verb. 20 The first sentence is an instance of active voice, while the second sentence is an instance of passive voice.

THE IRRESPONSIBLE WRITER: USE OF PASSIVE VOICE AND DISJUNCTS 55

Now consider these three sentences: I sent that memo yesterday. That memo was sent by yesterday. That memo was sent yesterday. Here, the first sentence is an example of active voice, the second sentence is an example of passive voice, while the third is an example of the impersonal passive. Active voice sentences are more direct, and are usually shorter. When writers use passive voice, particularly the impersonal passive, there is always the suspicion that something is being covered up, that such writers are being evasive or dishonest. With the impersonal passive, it is very difficult to say just who did what to whom or what, and thus it is equally difficult to say just who is responsible in the situation being described - particularly when something has gone wrong.21 Compare these sentences, for example: Evasive passive

Direct active

The modem has been damaged.

I damaged the modem.

Those documents have been lost.

I have lost those documents.

A reduction in ftmding for this department is recommended.

I recommend a reduction in ftmding for this department.

It was not possible to match last year's productivity figures.

We were not able to match last year's productivity figures.

Passive voice is appropriate where the identity of the actor is not of vital importance: Passive

Active

Supplies of photocopy toner are replenished on the second day of each calendar month.

A Duplic8 copier representative replenishes our supplies of photocopy toner on the second day of each month.

In some circumstances, it might be useftll to know just who supplies the toner, but for many routine purposes it might be tmnecessary, and thus the passive would be appropriate. The passive is also appropriate where the actor is unknown: Passive The dinosaurs were eliminated from the face of the earth.

56


Active (?) eliminated the dinosaurs

from the face of the earth.

The passive can be used as a tool for tactful expression, whereby sensitive points can be made without provoking conflict with or loss of face by another person: Passive This letter needs to be more precisely written.

Active You need to write this letter more precisely.

The passive is also useful when the writer wishes word or group of words:

emphasise a certain

Active

Passive The Metz account will need to be carefully monitored (by the accounts team).

to

The accotmts team will need to carefully monitor the Metz account.

Be wary of shifts in voice within the one sentence: Faulty shift You should mail these letters before 5 p.m., and the other letters will need to be proofread.

Correct expression You should mail these letters before 5 p.m., and proofread the other letters/ These letters should be mailed by 5 p.m., and the other letters will need to be proofread.

Use active voice and passive voice appropriately, according to the particular character of the passage you are writing. 'Correct' usage aside, you may choose to give variety to your writing by mixing active and passive voice, in the same way that variety can be given by mixtures of concrete and abstract words (see pp.65-75) and of nominalisations and verbal structures (pp.62-4).

DISJUNCTS, OR SENTENCE MODIFIERS Adverbs modify verbs, adjectives and other adverbs. (For definitions of these terms, see pp. 162-5.) Some adverbs modify entire sentences: Naturally, I'll be there. Regrettably, she couldn't come. Such sentence modifiers are also known as disjuncts. Fashions come and go in usage of the language, and some observers have noted that disjuncts are being used more often in recent years. While such observers have noted the change, they have not always noted it with pleasure, seeing in some disjtmcts the same behavioural pattern of dishonesty and evasion that is sometimes seen in the use of the passive voice. THE IRRESPONSIBLE WRITER: USE OF PASSIVE VOICE AND DISJUNCTS 57

For example, controversy has arisen in recent years about disjuncts such as hopefully, arguably, interestingly, reportedly, basically, presumably, and so on. Let's take hopefully first.The traditional meaning of hopefully is as a normal modifier: She waited hopefully (i.e., with hope) for them to arrive. The newer, more controversial usage is that of a disjunct: Hopefully (i.e., it is hoped) they will arrive soon. Critics of this usage include the novelist Kingsley Amis, who argues that the person who uses the word in this way .. . can't say 'I hope' because that would imply that he has surrendered control of events; he can't really use ]. F.. Kennedy's favourite: 'I am hopeful that', without being ]. F. Kennedy; he can't say 'with luck' which is all he means; so he says 'hopefully' and basks in a fraudulent glow of confidence.22

Others believe that no psychological games are being played, and that hopefully is as legitimate as naturally, regrettably, and so on.23 However, virtually all of those modifiers - thankfully, luckily, happily - usually relate to events in the past, and therefore events over which one has no control. Hopefully, in contrast, usually relates to events in the future, and therefore to events which one might be able to act on or influence. The hopefully user, however, may not want to act - that may be the whole point. Hopef ully here may be code for 'hopelessly', or 'I don't have too much hope at all - go away and don't bother me.' Other commentators have noted - sometimes in a spirit of facetious humour - some negative aspects or meanings of other disjuncts: Disjunct

Translation/comment

Commentator

arguably

I haven't done my research

Alex Buzo24

presumably

code word telling the reader that the writer is about to take a wild guess

Paul Dickson25

reportedly

this means we have no idea if this is so, but it sounds good

Paul Dickson

basically

an unnecessary filler word

Grammatik 5.0 grammar checker

Behavioural games played with disjuncts may then be similar to behavioural games played with passive voice constructions - which, as we have seen (pp.55-7), can sometimes be word-games signalling evasiveness and avoidance of responsibility. This disjunct plus passive combination can be a powerful one, but its message may not be dear until you challenge it. 58


When writing documents, be careful of the 'disappearing person' trick: Open conununication

>>>>>

Closed communication

Stage 1

Stage 2

Stage 3

Stage 4

Stage 5

1st person singular

1st person plural

3rd person

Impersonal passive

Disjunct

I regret

We regret

The company regrets

It is regretted

Regrettably

I hope

We hope

The government hopes

It is hoped

Hopefully

This is a sequence beloved of bureaucrats the world over, and one all too familiar to the hapless readers and listeners who have to deal with such bureaucrats. If you find yourself being pushed from the left to the right of the continuum in communicating with others, retaliate by asking the 'owl' question. If you find that your own style of communication is more to the right rather than to the left of the continuum, it might be wise to start considering your motives, or, if you work in an organisation, at least to start analysing the organisational culture that permits and encourages such communication. Plain English documents use language that occurs more on the left of this continmun. The usage tip with disjuncts, then, as with passive voice, is to use them sparingly, and be alert to extragrammatical meanings which might be being deployed - consciously or unconsciously - by yourself or others.

,,

AC'nVITY

Correct any errors in the usage of active or passive voice and disjuncts in the following passage. You may need to re-cast sentences. Regrettably, your long-term account records appear to have been mislaid. It will turn up, hopefully in the near future. This is basically a computer error, and presumably will not occur in the future.Interestingly, your short-term account is overdrawn. You should pay it right away.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • • • • • • • THE IRRESPONSIBLE WRITER: USE OF PASSIVE VOICE AND DISJUNCTS 59

YOU DON'T SAY? WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT PLAIN ENGLISH

TALKING

POINTS • • •

•

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

• • 60


To achieve plain style, writers and managers at all levels of an organisation must agree that inflated writing is counterproductive, irresponsible, and unkind to the reader. Without a consensus on this point, simplicity stands no chance, and writers will continue to 'express' themselves at the reader's expense. Here are some examples of sentences expressing something or other: The previous staffing requirements were adjusted to recognise that the idealised fractionalisation and time phasing of communication support skilled personnel desired by proposal managers will often not be possible. - by a mid-level professional at a Fortune 100 company The undersigned has devised a narrative that delineates chronological aspects of a given environment, twice pronounced in differing configurations, of which one is decidedly superior to its counterpart. - by a mid-level professional at a federal agency A proactive position vis-a-vis the escalation of the matter of ongoing sudden outage interference with the making of long-distance indials by customers has been taken. - by a customer service representative at a telecommunications company SOME FURTHER COMMENTS ON PLAIN ENGLISH

Such a monstrous 'style' - cut off from the rhythms of ordinary speech and utterly alien to reason - is learned nowhere but in the workplace. No one learns to write that way in college or graduate school. Such infected writing results from the very contagious virus known as 'that's our style'. Must it be so? How long will we continue to pretend that such writing does anything other than waste time and money? The plain truth is that as long as managers and executives tolerate bloated and pretentious language, they are tacitly encouraging it.As long as outmoded or poorly conceived formats dictate complexity, language will be complex. This is bad for business: contacts are lost, customers outraged, deadlines missed, sensitive intelligence misunderstood, and time squandered. Richard Lauchman Young Americans, already deemed to be the first generation to be poorer than their parents, now face more disconcerting news: they are thicker, too. Thanks to a new phenomenon known as 'dumbing down ', the language skills of children have hit a record low, says Professor Donald Hayes of Cornell University. In a research paper that has received national attention, Professor Hayes blames schoolbooks written at 'the level at which a farmer talks to his cows'. The professor set out to explain why today's teenagers score substantially below the 1950s average when tested on their command of English. He discovered that the 17-year-olds are learning from books that are as simple as those read by 13-year-olds before the Second World War. Aided by a computer scan of children's texts, Professor Hayes saw that publishers were avoiding precise words and preferring common 'general purpose' words.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

'We've allowed texts to grow simpler;Professor Hayes said. 'And if you don't push a child as hard, then you don't broaden their knowledge base.' The cause of the problem is, it seems, a long-established trend in US education.Teachers prefer to see pupils 'succeed' than to challenge them, experts have suggested.The result is material 'dumbed down'. 'When it comes to sport or the school band, we push our children very hard; notes Professor Hayes. 'But with serious intellectual work, we don't. It's curious.' jonathan Freedland The Guardian

Plain English supporters have de-skilled the population and taken language to the lowest common denominator. We can't 'detechnicalise' language. Jargon is a very useful thing to learn. It is imperative that students learn it, otherwise they have to explain things in such a roundabout way. Hermine Scheeres

No person shall prune, cut, carry away, puH up, dig, fell, bore, chop, saw, chip, pick, move, sever, climb, molest, take, break, deface, destroy, set fire to, burn, scorch, carve, paint, mark, or in any manner interfere with, tamper, mutilate, misuse, disturb or damage any tree, shrub, plant, grass, flower, or part thereof, nor shall any person permit any chemical, whether solid, fluid, or gaseous, to seep, drip, drain or be emptied, sprayed, dusted or injected upon, about or into any tree, shrub, plant, grass, flower, or part thereof, except when specifically authorised by competent authority; nor shall any person build fires, or station or use any tar kettle, heater, road roller or other engine within an area covered by this part in such a manner that the vapor, fumes, or heat therefrom may injure any tree or other vegetation. US National Park Service regulation,

•

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

pre-plain English treatment Do not harm the plants. The same regulation, in revised form.

The purpose of business writing is to inform or persuade, not to mystify. Business writing isn't experimental fiction, and writers who take liberties with standard spelling, grammar, and punctuation not only impose an undue burden on the reader but risk being judged as incompetent. In the competitive environment, credibility is a priceless commodity; when customers encounter sloppy writing, their reaction is swift and severe. You would certainly (and tmderstandably) hesitate to award a contract to any company whose proposal was infested with errors in basic English. The subtextual message of sloppiness is inferred by all: the writer is negligent and inattentive (at best), or ignorant and unable (at worst). Such a response may not be noble, but it is swift and sure. Richard Lauchman

Why do lawyers write so that no-one can understand them? They say it is because they need to be precise, and that their language has been honed by centuries of litigation. But this is baloney. The real reason is that, although they are paid for their skill with words, most lawyers are dull and clumsy writers who have not broken the bad habits they learnt as students. Clarity UK lawyers' group

THE IRRESPONSIBLE WRITER: USE OF PASSIVE VOICE AND DISJUNCTS 61

ONS, ABSTRACTIONS, CIRCUMLOCUTIONS AND REIFICATION

• • • • • • • • •

Rain English is clear and direct. It is commtmication between one human being and another. We have seen how writing can send unclear and evasive messages when passive voice and disjuncts are misused (pp. 55-9). Let's now see how other types of distortion can enter into the writing process, producing writing that is remote, impersonal, alienating, and at times almost impossible to understand. In this chapter, we will consider four ineffective styles of writing - nominalisation, abstraction, circumlocution and reification. Note that the question of personal versus impersonal style or tone is considered later (p.123).

NOMINALISATIONS Consider these two sentences: We undertook a comparison of photocopiers. We compared photocopiers. Both sentences mean the same thing, but the first is six words long, and the second is only three words long. Notice how the noun comparison in the first sentence is easily converted to the verb compare in the second sentence, while the verb undertake, the indefinite article an and the preposition of are dropped completely in the move from the first sentence to the second sentence.26 Notms which are formed from verbs are called nominalisations, or embedded or buried verbs. While they have their place, excessive use of them can clog up your prose, and also make it more abstract and less concrete (p. 65). Nominalisations often occur in passive constructions (pp. 55-7). Examples of typical nominalisations, and alternative verbal expressions, are given in table 8.1. Table 8.1: Nominalisations and alternatives Nominalisation (embedded or buried verb)

62


Verbal form

arrive at a conclusion

conclude

arrive at a decision

decide

a fax was used in the transmission of the message

a fax was used to transmit the message

Nominalisation (embedded or buried verb)

Verbal form

bring to a conclusion

conclude, finish

come to the conclusion that

conclude

conduct an interview with

interview (verb)

conduct an investigation into

investigate

delivered these recommendations

recommended

develop a critique of

criticise

draw the conclusion

conclude

draw the inference

inferred

enter into negotiations on/upon/over

negotiate

enter into an agreement

agree

enter into deliberations over/upon

deliberate over/upon

enter into discussions concerning

discuss

extend an invitation to

invite

give a demonstration of

demonstrate

give an explanation of

explain

give assurances that

assure that

give consideration to

consider, think about

give an undertaking to

undertake

give encouragement to

encourage

give endorsement to

endorse

give indications that

indicate that

give permission to/for

permit (verb)

grant authorisation for

authorise

grant an extension for the deadline

extend the deadline

have a conversation with

converse/talk with

have/lodge an objection

object (verb) (continued)

THE REMOTE WRITER

63

Table 8.1 (continued) Nominalisation (embedded or buried verb)

Verbal form

am in compliance with

comply with

make some calculations

calculate

make/take a decision

decide

reach an agreement/understanding

agree

make the remark that

remark that

make allegations concerning

allege

make an adjustment to

adjust

make an assessment of

assess

make an examination of

examine

make/formulate a response to

respond to

my belief is that

I believe that

perform an appraisal

appraise

perform an audit

audit (verb)

perform an operation

operate

provide documentation concerning

document (verb)

provide justification for

justify

provide an undertaking that

undertake to

provide with an introduction

introduce

put in jeopardy

jeopardise/risk

put in an appearance

appear

show a preference for

prefer

take into consideration

consider

tender my resignation

I resign

undertake an inspection of

inspect

undertake a study/analysis of

study/analyse

Your writing can be more clear and forceful, and responsibilities for specific actions can be more apparent, if you minimise your use of nominalisations. 64


'VERBINGS'

Just as verbs can be turned into nouns, so too can nouns be turned into verbs. We take for granted verbs such as telephone, film , and itemise , but there was a time when these words did not exist; and when the verbs were coined, there almost certainly would have been some opposition to them on the grounds that the coinages were clumsy, tmnecessary or barbaric jargon, or all three. This process has been called 'verbing', 27 but such is the contro· versy surrounding the process that it seems unlikely that the word will ever lose its quotation marks (cuing the reader to the fact that it is an unusual usage). Some 'verbings' that are in use today - but which by no means are universally liked - are shown in table 8.2. Table 8.2: 'Verbings' in current use diarise

Please diarise that appointment.

action

This needs to be actioned right away.

agenda

Please agenda that item for Tuesday's meeting.

input

Input those figures, and see what total you get.

prioritise

If you want funding for this, you'll have to prioritise it above your other requests.

fax

Fax it to me, will you?

impact

How will that impact our budget?

courier

I'll courier it over to you today.

back-burner

We'd better back-burner this one until administration calms down.

To many people's ears, these sound like horrific jargon, and as such should be strenuously avoided. Other people are quite comfortable with some, or all, of them. Again, it all comes down to audience: determine what is acceptable to your audience, and act accordingly. This, of course, is easier said than done. Language change is a slow and conservative process, and thus if you have fears that your audience may regard a 'verbing' as barbaric, then don't use it.

ABSTRACTIONS The effect of inappropriate use of passive voice, and of nominalisations and perhaps of 'verbings', is to make your prose less immediate and understandable. Writers need to be very careful that their writing does not become too abstract, so that the audience has difficulty in grasping just what it is that is being communicated. It's useful to think of abstraction or generality as a ladder or hierarchy. In figure 8.1, for example, we see such a ladder. The most abstract terms are at the top, and as we proceed down the ladder or hierarchy, the terms become progressively more concrete, or closer to specific human experience. THE REMOTE WRITER

65

Information science

Abstract

/

software

hardware

/I\ laptop

hand-held

micro mini

1\ /\

Apple

PC

\ Pentium

486

/\

ox

Concrete

Antony's (330MB hard disk, external disk drive)

Mary's (1 GB hard disk)

Amiga

IBM

c Pentium Pm

mainframe

386

sx

Joe's (400MB hard disk, CD ROM)

Figure 8.1: A hierarchy or ladder of abstraction

Consider these two sentences: Organisational information science resources will need to be rationalised.

Brian Marsden of the Facilities Department is going to take Mary's PC out of room 312 this afternoon at 3 o'clock, and she and Antony and Joe will have to share the remaining two machines.

The sentence on the right is longer than the one on the left, but its language is quite concrete and specific, and the message it communicates is quite clear. The sentence on the left, by contrast, is so abstract as to be virtually meaningless. Abstractitis28 is a disease which afflicts much prose, and you should be wary of it. Abstract writing cannot only confuse, but also mislead: in many circumstances, the further up the ladder of abstraction a word is, the less chance it has of meaning to the reader just what it did to the writer. 29 66


In your writing, strive to eliminate inappropriate abstraction, and give more weight to concrete expressions: Abstract

Concrete

Make careful adjustments to the document using the appropriate techniques.

Convert the text to two columns, change the font to 12 point Arial, and ensure that headings are in bold capitals with Arabic numbers.

Photocopiers should have appropriate performance parameters.

Photocopiers should be able to produce fifty stapled copies of twenty double-sided sheets in under three minutes.

Does this mean that abstract expressions are always wrong? Not at all. There are occasions when abstract or general statements are precisely what is needed - for example, when giving an overview of a situation, in formulating a general rule, or in reaching a conclusion. Writing which is unflinchingly concrete in approach may cause both writer and reader to become bogged down in details, with no chance offered to organise such details in meaningful wholes. Good style means striking a balance between the concrete and the abstract. Some writers find it useful to make abstract or general statements, and then proceed to more concrete matters by: • rephrasing ('in other words . . .') • giving examples • using analogies or metaphors • using colloquialisms or slang, where appropriate. Abstraction is often created by the cumulative effect of certain words. Such words are often of Latin rather than Anglo-Saxon origin (see pp.153-4), and are favoured by writers in private and public sector organisations which have a bureaucratic culture. This is language with its 'official' hat on. Readers tend to interpret messages written in such language as hostile, impersonal, controlling and alienating. Avoid the more abstract terms in table 8.3, and give preference to the plain English alternatives. Table 8.3: Abstract expressions and plain English alternatives 30 Abstract expression

Plain English 'alternatives'

accentuate

stress

accommodation

where you live, home

accordingly

in line with this, so

accrue

add, gain

accustomed to

used to (continued)

THE REMOTE WRITER

67

Table 8.3 (continued) Abstract expression

66



acknowledge

thank you for

acquaint

inform, tell

acquiesce

agree

adjustment

change, alteration

ad valorem

by value

advantageous

useful, helpful

address (verb - to consider)

tackle, deal with, consider, look at

advice

information, instructions

advise

inform, tell

affix

add, write, fasten, stick on, attach to

aforesaid

this, earlier in this document

aggregate (noun and verb)

total

alleviate

ease, reduce

allocate

divide, share, add, give

amendment

change

anticipate

expect

applicant (the)

you

apprise

inform, tell

approximately

about, roughly

ascertain

find out

as regards

about, on the subject of

assistance

help

attend

come to, go to, be there

beneficial

helpful, useful

bestow

give, award

calculate

work out, decide

capability

ability, can

category

group

caveat

warning

cease

finish, stop, end

claimant

you, the person claiming

Abstract expression


clarification

explanation, help

cognisant of

aware of, know about

commence

start, begin

communicate

talk, write, telephone (be specific)

comply with

keep to, meet

component

part

(it is) compulsory

(you) must

concerning

about, on

concur

agree

consecutive

in a row

consequently

so

constitutes

makes up, forms, is

construe

interpret

consult

talk to, see, meet, ask about

contrary to

against, despite, different

convenient

suitable

correspond

write

corroboration

evidence, proof, support

covenants

agreements, contracts

currently

now (or delete)

deduct

take off, take away

defer

put off, delay

demonstrate

show, prove

denote

show

dependent

someone you support

depict

show

designate

point out, show, name

despatch

send

determine

decide, work out, set, end

detrimental

harmful, damaging

diminish

lessen, reduce (continued)

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70



disburse

pay

discharge (verb)

pay off, settle

disconnect

cut off, unplug

discontinue

stop, end

disseminate

spread

distinguish

show, point out

documentation

papers, documents

domicile

home

duration

time, life

dwelling

home

echelons

levels

eligible

allowed, qualified

elect (verb)

choose

eligible

allowed, can get, have the right to get

eliminate

cut, drop, end

emanate from

come from, stem from

emoluments

earnings, money

emphasise

stress

employment

job, work

empower

allow, let

enable

allow

enclosed

inside, with

encounter

meet

endeavour

try, attempt

ensure

make sure

entitlement

right, what you have the right to get

envisage

expect, imagine

equivalent

equal, the same

erroneous

wrong

establish

set up, create, form

evaluate

test, check, set a price for

Abstract expression


eventuate

result, occur, happen

evince

show, display

excessive

too many, too much

exclude

leave out, prevent

exempt from

free from

ex officio

because of his or her position

expedite

hasten, speed up

expenditure

spending

extant

current, in force

facilitate

help

factor

reason

failure to

if you do not

feasible

can be done

forfeit

give up, lose

formulate

plan, devise

forthwith

now, at once

forward (verb)

send

furnish

give, provide

further to

after, following

gratuity

tip

henceforth

from now on

hereby

now, by this (or delete)

herein

here (or delete)

hereunder

below

herewith

with this (or delete)

hitherto

until now

identical

same

immediately

at once, now

impact (verb)

affect, change, hit

implement

carry out, do

incapacitated

unable to work (continued)

THE REMOTE WRITER

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72



inception

start, beginning

increment

step, increase

incorporating

which includes

incurred

have to pay, owe

indicate

show

infirmity

illness

inform

tell

initiate

begin, start

institute (verb)

begin, start

irrespective of

despite, even if

issue (verb)

give, send

jeopardise

risk, threaten

juncture

point, situation

locality

place, area

magnitude

size

marginal

small, slight

merchandise

goods

methodology

method

minimise

decrease, lessen, reduce

mislay

lose

monies

money, amounts of money

monitor

check, watch

moreover

and, also, as well

necessitate

need, have to, require

nevertheless

but, however, even so

notify

tell, let us know

notwithstanding

even if, despite, still, yet, but

numerous

many

objective

goal

obligate

bid, compel

observe

see, adhere to, obey

Abstract expression


obtain

get

on numerous occasions

often

on receipt

when we (you) get

operate

work, run

option

choice

optimum

best, greatest, most

other than

except

outstanding

unpaid

parameters

limits, guidelines

participate

join in, take part

particulars

details, facts

per annum

a year

permissible

allowed

personnel

people, staff

peruse

read carefully, look at

portion

part

potable

drinkable

predominant

main

premises

places, property

principal

main

prioritise

rank

prior to

before

procedures

rules, ways

proceed

go ahead

procure

get

profession

job

prohibit

ban, stop

projected

estimated

promptly

quickly, at once

promulgate

advertise

prosecuted

taken to court (continued)

THE REMOTE WRITER

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74



provided (that)

if, as long as

provisional

for the moment, for the time being

provisions (of a law, policy)

the law, the policy

proximity

close, closeness, near

purchase

buy

purport (verb)

pretend, claim, profess

pursuant (to)

under, because of

quote

say, give

re

about

recapitulate

sum up

reduce

cut

reflect

show, say

regarding

about, on

regulation

rule

reimburse

pay, pay back

reiterate

repeat, restate

relocate

move

remittance

payment

remuneration

pay, wages, salary

represents

shows, stands for

reside

live

restriction

limit

retain

keep

review

look at (again)

said/such/same

the, this, that

save (preposition, conjunction)

except

scrutinise

read, (look at) carefully

settlement

payment

shall (future action)

will

shall (legal obligation)

must

shortfall

shortage

Abstract expression


signature

sign here

solely

only

statutory

legal, by law

submit

send, give

subsequently

later

stipulate

state, set, lay down

supplementary

extra, more

terminate

end, stop

thereafter

then, afterwards

thus

so, therefore

transpire

happen, occur

undersigned

I, we

undertake

agree, promise, do

utilise

use

validate

confirm

verbatim

word for word, exact

verify

check, prove

viable

practical, workable

virtually

almost (or delete)

vocation

job

voluntary

by choice

warrant

call for

whatsoever

whatever, what, any

whensoever

when

whereas

since, because

whereby

by which, because of which

whether

if

whilst

while

wilfully

deliberately

witnessed

saw

zone

area, region

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75

CIRCUMLOCUTION Related to the sin of 'abstractitis' is the sin of circumlocution. 'Circumlocution' literally means talking in circles. In commtmication, a straight line is preferable to a circle: if it is possible to say something in fewer words rather than more words, without distorting your message, use fewer words. Note that some circumlocutions also use some nominalisations (pp. 62-4). Table 8.4: Circumlocutions, and preferable alternatives 31 Minimise using ...

76


Prefer using ...

absence of, an

no, none

according to our records

our records show

accede to

allow, agree

acknowledge receipt of

thank you for

afford an opportunity to

allow

a great deal of

much

a greater length of time

longer

a high degree of

much

a large majority of

most

a large number of

many

a number of

several

a proportion of

some

are found to be in agreement

agree

a small number of

few

a sufficient number of

enough

accounted for by the fact that

because

according to our records

our records show

acquaint yourself with

find out about, read about

afford an opportunity

let

after this has been done

then

aimed at

for

are of the same opinion

agree

as a resuiVconsequence of

because

as of the date of

from

a sufficient number of

enough

Minimise using ...

Prefer using ...

at a faster rate

faster, more quickly

at a later date

later

at a rapid rate

rapidly

at an early date

soon

at its discretion

can, may

at that point in time

then

attached herewith is

here is

at the present moment/at this point in time

now

attributable to

due to, because of

be that as it may

nevertheless

because of the fact that

because

be responsible for

handle

by means of

by, with

by provisions of the Act

the Act says that

by the same token

similarly

capacity in which you are employed

your job

check on

check

comply with

follow

count up

count

cylindrical in appearance

cylindrical

dark blue in colour

dark blue

based on the fact that

because

bring to a conclusion

finish

by and large

in general

costs the sum of

costs

deem to be

treat as

deliberately chosen

chosen

described hereon

shown

despite the fact that

although

due to the fact that

because

during the month of October

in October (continued)

THE REMOTE WRITER

n

Table 8.4 (continued) Minimise using ...

76


Prefer using ...

during which time/the time that

while

enclosed, please find

I enclose

equivalent as far as acceptability is concerned

equally acceptable

establish the location of

find

exempt from

free from

for the purpose of

for

following particulars

these details, this

for a period of

for

for the purpose of

to, for

for the reason that

because

fully cognisant of the fact that

aware that

gainful employment

paid work

given the fact that

because

goes under the name of

is called

has an ability to

can

has proved itself to be

is

have a responsibility to

must

have been shown to be

are

have the requirement for

need

if and when

if, when (but not both)

if conditions are such that

if

if it is assumed that

if

if this is not the case

if not

if this is the case

if so

if space is insufficient

if there is not enough room

if you knowingly give false information

if you give information that you know is false

I myself would hope

I hope

inasmuch as

since, because

in accordance with

in line with

in addition to

and, as well, as, also

Minimise using ...

Prefer using ...

in a number of cases

some (or say how many)

in all other cases

otherwise

in a timely manner

on time, promptly

in between

between

in case of

if

in conjunction with

and, with

in connection with

about, concerning

in consideration of the fact that

because

incumbent, it is ... upon you

you must

incurred expense

had to spend money

in excess of

more than

in isolation

alone

in lieu of

instead of

in light of the fact that

because

in most cases

usually

in order to/that

to

in point of fact

in fact

in receipt of

have received

in regard to

about, on

in relation to

about

in respect of

about

in settlement of

to pay for

in spite of the fact that

although

interface with

deal with, meet

in terms of

(omit)

in the absence of

without

in the amount of

for

in the context of

within, besides, along with

in the course of

during

in the event/eventuality of

if, when

in the nature of

like (continued)

THE REMOTE WRITER

81



Prefer using ...

in the near future

soon

in the neighbourhood of

about, around

in the present communication

here; in this paper/report/etc.

in the process of reviewing

reviewing

in the vicinity of

near

in this day and age

now

in view of the fact that

because

in view of the foregoing circumstances/ following

therefore

interestingly/it is of interest to note that

(omit)

irrespective of

whether or not, even if

is in accordance with

agrees with, follows

is of the opinion

thinks

is not in a position to

cannot

it is apparent therefore that

hence, thus

it may well be that

perhaps

it would appear that

apparently

(a) large number of

many, most (or say how many)

later on

later

liable to, you are

you have to

liaise with

coordinate, talk with

limited number

few

loud and clear

emphatically

make an attempt to

try

(it is) mandatory

(you) must

most of the time

usually

necessitate, it may

we (or you) may have to

not infrequently

often

not later than

by

not less than (twenty)

at least (twenty)

not more than (twenty)

(twenty) or less, (twenty) or fewer

notwithstanding the fact that

although

Minimise using ...

Prefer using ...

(it is) obligatory

(you) must

occasioned by

caused by

of a reversible nature

reversible

on a regular basis

regularly

on account of the fact that

as

on behalf of

for

on numerous occasions

often

on the grounds that

because

on two separate occasions

twice

over a period of the order of a decade

ten years

owing to the fact that

because

pertaining to

about

place of residence

where you live, home

point in time

point, time

provided that

if, as long as

prior to the start of

before, preceding

quote this reference number

give this reference number

readily apparent

obvious

referred to as

called

reported to the effect that

reported that

source of livelihood

what you live on

spell out in depth

explain

streamlined in appearance

streamlined

subsequent to

after

taken into consideration

considered

that being the case

if so

the law provides that

the law says

the question as to whether

whether

the treatment having been performed

after treatment

there can be no doubt that

undoubtedly, doubtlessly

through the medium of

by (continued)

THE REMOTE WRITER

81


Prefer using ...

to say nothing of

and

to the extent that

if, when

try out

try

until such time as

until

utilise

use

very necessary

necessary

which goes under the name of

called

with a view to

to

with effect from

from

with regard/reference to

about

with the exception of

except

with the minimum of delay

quickly (or say when)

with the result that

so

you are requested to

please

your attention is drawn

please see, please note

your enquiry will be dealt with

we will reply

Circumlocutions are used by some people because they believe that such roundabout expressions are more impressive, more professional. Unfortunately, the opposite impression is often created. Circumlocutions are also used by lazy people, pompous people, and people who prefer padding and waffle to thought. We all use them, of course, particularly in spoken, as distinct from written, language; they allow us to play for time, so that we can work out just what it is we want to say in the rest of the sentence we are uttering. We should, however, use less of them, rather than more of them - particularly in written language.

REIFICATION


Reification means to treat an abstract thing as if it had existence. Reification usually occurs when writers and speakers attribute human characteristics to inhuman things, such as computers and organisations: The computer seems to think that you haven 't paid it yet. The computer argues that it will win. The figures argue that the seasonal variation is minimal. The system has rejected your loan application. The report argues that bankruptcy will follow. The course development process will identify appropriate support material. As with most of the 'sins' we are considering in Writing in Plain English, there is nothing wrong with reification if it is used occasionally. It is simply part of acceptable, idiomatic writing to occasionally attribute thoughts and feelings to entities who don't think and feel. 32

Problems arise when writers (and speakers) overuse reification, either by itself or in combination with other writing faults. When this happens, the writer creates an impression of impersonality: people don't seem to exist, and inanimate objects become animated. This is bizarre and disturbing. As with use of the impersonal passive voice and disjtmcts (see pp.55-9), when we hear and see reification in excess we should ask the owl question:Whoooooo? 'Who is doing this?' In other words, 'Who are the living human beings who created the hardware, software, systems, reports and other structures involved, and why are those human beings hiding?'

AcnvtnES

1. Rewrite the following letter, removing any abstractions. You may need to recast sentences.

32 Palm Road, Freedonia 8011 Telephone 61.8.440.4400 Fax 61.8.440.4401 E-mail [email protected].

14 June 1996 Ms Felicity Harris, 32 Anson Way, Sodor 3212 Dear Ms Harris: I am communicating with you to advise you that the Council cannot accede to any further extensions of time on payment of the amount outstanding on your electricity bill ($198.25). Please endeavour to ensure that your remittance, affixed to the aforementioned invoice, is despatched forthwith. Failure to comply with payment of the said invoice may necessitate our having to disconnect supply, as stipulated in the official regulations. Notwithstanding the statutory provisions regarding disconnection, this office will endeavour to render assistance, if genuine hardship is involved. If you are able to furnish us with particulars of the said condition, the undersigned will undertake to review the situation. Yours sincerely

Team leader, Customer Relations

THE REMOTE WRITER

83

2. Rewrite the following letter, removing any circumlocutions. You may need to recast sentences.

"-PCABlE TV

INTERACTIVE SERVICES

142 Pole Sr;ete;t, --.;;;;::::::::::::::::::::: Freedonia011 Telephone 63.5.643.5400 Fax 63.8.140.6391 E-mail [email protected]. 18 September 1996 Mr Pat Atoh, 44 Basildon Drive, Trenton 2176 Dear Mr Atoh: Your attention is drawn to the fact that, according to our records, your PIX Economy Account has not been paid for two months. It would appear that you are fully cognisant of the fact that the account is overdue at this point in time, inasmuch as a PIX phone representative spoke to you in connection with it on 12 September. If you acquaint yourself with the contractual details reprinted on the back of your bill, you will see that it is mandatory that all payments be made within fourteen days of their due date. In view of the foregoing circumstances, I myself would hope that you will attend to this matter with a minimum of delay.

During the month of October, we will be introducing a new channel, which goes under the name of the Adrenalin Channel. This will feature, on a regular basis, a large number of high risk sports and activities, deliberately chosen from the best around the world. Despite the fact that there have been some minor problems with your payment record, I am in a position to offer you three months' free membership of the Adrenalin Channel if and when you pay your Economy account within seven days. Yours sincerely,

Sophia Rydon, Subscription Coordinator

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 84 WRITING IN PLAIN ENGLISH

ONFUSING AND AMBIGUOUS EXPRESSIONS

• • • • • • • • •

T he simplicity of plain English documents does not come only from shorter and more commonplace sentences and words. As we will see in dealing with areas such as jargon (p. 112) and ptmcntation (pp. 130-49), we need to pay close attention to meanings, to ensure that our readers get the message we intended to send. In this chapter, we will look more closely at meanings, particularly those meanings that depend upon the placement of words in sentences.

PRONOUN REFERENCE Consider these sentences: Jack

talked

to

Mary.

notm

verb

preposition noun

He

annoyed

her.

pronoun

verb

pronoun

We use pronouns to stand in the place of nouns, mainly to add variety to our expression, but also in direct address to others. When a pronoun stands in for a noun, we refer to the noun as the antecedent of the pronotm. Thus, the antecedents of He and her in our second sentence are jack and Mary, respectively. Ambiguity problems arise when antecedents are not clear. For example, this often occurs when the verbs said or told are involved: Jack said to Jim that he was needed urgently at head office. The problem can be solved in a number of ways:

Strategy

Wordings

Restate the sentence

Jack said to Jim that Jim was needed urgently at head office. Jack said to Jim that Jack was needed urgently at head office.

Place the antecedent in parentheses

Jack said that he (Jim) was needed urgently at head office. Jack said that he (Jack) was needed urgently at head office.

Use direct speech

Jack said to Jim, 'I am needed urgently at head office.' Jack said to Jim, 'You are needed urgently at head office.'

THE AMBIGUOUS WRITER: CONFUSING AND AMBIGUOUS EXPRESSIONS

65

The parenthesis solution is clumsy, and should be avoided wherever possible. Restatement of the antecedent or using direct speech are more acceptable solutions. Problems also arise with pronouns such as it, which, this or that. To avoid ambiguity, such pronouns should be placed closer to their antecedents, or the antecedents should be restated: Ambiguous expressions

Clearer expressions

Celia placed the computer in the service room which had a virus.

Celia placed the computer which had a virus in the service room./The computer which had a virus was placed in the service room by Celia.

The manager wrote a memo as well as a reference yesterday afternoon, but I haven't seen it.

The manager wrote a memo as well as a reference yesterday afternoon, but I haven't seen such a reference/memo.

She fmmd the letter inside the report that her brother had been writing.

In the report, she fotmd the letter that her brother had been writing./She found the letter that her brother had been writing in the report./She found the letter. It was inside the report that her brother had been writing./ln the report that her brother had been writing, she found the letter./She found the letter in the report that her brother had been writing./She fotmd the letter that her brother had been writing. It was inside the report.

MISPLACED MODIFIERS Modifiers are words that modify the meanings of other words. They are usually adverbs or adjectives. Such modifiers operate as single words, or as groups of words such as phrases or clauses (see pp.162-5). The

black

dog

ran

quickly.

definite article

adjective

noun

verb

adverb

Here, the notm dog is modified by the adjective black. That is, the adjective tells us which dog. The verb ran is modified by the adverb quickly. That is, the adverb tells us how the dog ran. limiting modifiers (only, scarcely, just, hardly, almost, even) need to be positioned carefully. Consider, for example, the variations in meaning in the following sentences by changing the position of the word only: Only I ran down the corridor. I only ran down the corridor. I ran only down the corridor. I ran down the only corridor. I ran down the corridor only.

86


Careful placement is needed also with modifiers such as other and another: Ambiguous sentences

Clearer sentences

She was talking to another man near the steps.

She was talking to a man near the steps./She was talking to another person near the steps.

We will need to set up negotiations with management personnel and with other union representatives.

We will need to set up negotiations with management personnel and with union representatives.

Ambiguity can also occur when adjectives are placed so as to modify more than one word. A sentence like the following is clear enough: The teacher talked to the happy boys and girls. Commonsense and context suggest that both boys and girls are happy here. If the situation was otherwise, we would need to assign a separate modifier (for example, unhappy) to girls. Confusion can arise, however, when it is not dear just what is being modified: Ambiguous sentences

Ambiguity

Clearer sentences

Quiet guitars and drums are prominent on this song.

Are the drums quiet, or not?

Drums and quiet guitars are prominent on this song./ Quiet guitars and pounding drums are prominent on this song.

All her memories were of happy times and ftmerals.

Are the funerals happy experiences, or not?

All her memories were of funerals and happy times./ All her memories were of happy times and sad funerals.

Staff members who had been hired unofficially complained to the union.

Were they hired unofficially, or did they complain unofficially?

Staff members who had been unofficially hired complained to the union./ Staff members who had been hired complained unofficially to the tmion./ Staff members who had been hired made an unofficial complaint to the union.

This policy covers serious damage or loss.

Does it cover serious loss, or not?

This policy covers loss or serious damage./This policy covers serious damage or serious loss.


87

NOUN STACKS

Ambiguity can also arise when nouns are used as modifiers, or at least appear to be modifiers. Consider these word groups: emergency pilot orientation program minister automobile transport certificates How many meanings can you get out of these stacks? Unfortunately, quite a few. A 'stack' can mean a pile or sequence, but it also is a colloquialism for 'collision,' and a collision of meanings is what we have here. Noun stacks are beloved of bureaucracies, but they should be avoided because of the ambiguity they create. Strategies for avoiding them appear below. Ambiguity reduction strategy

Examples

Change noun to adjective

ministerial automobile transport certificates

Change noun to possessive case

emergency pilots' orientation program

Change notm to a modifying phrase

program in emergency pilot orientation

Rewrite sentence

A program for orientating emergency pilots An emergency program for

orientating pilots Certificates for transport vehicles carrying ministerial automobiles Certificates for transporting ministerial automobiles

88


AMBIGUOUS GROUPS OF WORDS If placed incorrectly in sentences, groups of words can also cause modifier problems. Ambiguous sentences

Ambiguity

Clearer sentences

The woman tickled the baby wearing crimson lipstick.

Was the baby wearing lipstick?

The woman with the crimson lipstick tickled the baby.

We are committed to eliminating all traces of discrimination in the law against women.

Is there a law against women?

We are committed to eliminating all traces of discrimination against women in the law.

Climbing up the ladder, the fire now became visible.

Was the fire climbing up the ladder?

As I climbed up the ladder, the fire now became visible.(fhe fire became visible as I climbed up the ladder.

The camels were located using helicopters.

Are the camels flying the helicopters?

The camels were located by keepers using helicopters.

The rocket was latmched, and then we all celebrated with champagne when the fuse was lit.

When did we drink champagne?

The rocket was latmched when the fuse was lit, and then we all celebrated with champagne.

AMBIGUOUS CONJUNCTIONS Conjunctions such as and and or can often cause confusion. Here are some examples: Treasury and Finance or Foreign Affairs will sponsor the conference. Who are the sponsors? They might be _c_e_o_r-F :-:o- rei,.g..._n_A--:f:-f::ca-t.:rs--1.· Sponsor one: Treasury or -s=-ponso_r_two_:-:F..,-i,nan I

,-

But they might also be: Sponsor one: Treasury and Finance or Sponsor two: Foreign Affairs It's just not clear. Spell out just what options you are giving your reader. Consider also this sentence: You will need compasses, theodolites, oscilloscopes and laptop computers that can tolerate high temperantres. Which of these things do and do not need to tolerate high temperatures? Re-casting the sentence may clarify its meaning. You will need lap-top computers (which will need to be able to tolerate high temperatures), compasses, theodolites and oscilloscopes. Another solution is to break the sentence into two: You will need compasses, theodolites, oscilloscopes and laptop computers. All of these items of equipment will need to be able to tolerate high temperatures.

I I

I·


69

Another approach to such sentences is to turn them into lists: You will need You will need 1. Compasses 1. Compasses 2. Theodolites 2. Theodolites 3. Oscilloscopes 3. Oscilloscopes and and 4.. Laptop computers 4. Laptop computers that can that can tolerate high temperatures. tolerate high temperatures.

SEMANTIC AMBIGUITY Ambiguity can also arise from the use of certain words in certain contexts: Ambiguous sentences

Source of ambiguity

Clearer sentences

This form needs to be .filed with us biennially.

Is that twice a year, or every two years? (In fact, the actual meaning is every two years.)

This with This with

We will not sanction her conduct.

Does sanction here mean endorse or penalise?

We will not endorse her conduct./We will not penalise her conduct.

Please note that this material is inflammable.

Will it burst into flames, or not?

Warning:This material is flammable./Please note that this material will burst into flames if exposed to heat./ Please note that this material is non-flammable/ non-combustible.

Anyone who is more than twenty years old is eligible.

What about someone who had her twentieth birthday six months ago?

If you have had your

Applications will be accepted between September 6 and September 12.

What about on the 6th or 12th?

Applications will be accepted on or between September 6 and September 12./Applications will be accepted on or between September 7 and September 11.

Payments must be made by the last day of each calendar month.

What about on the last day?

Payments must be made by or on the last day of each calendar month./Payments must be made before the last day of each calendar month.


form needs to be filed us every two years./ form needs to be filed us every six months.

twenty-first birthday, you are eligible.!If you have had your twentieth birthday, you are eligible.

ACDVITY

Rewrite the following document, eliminating ambiguities. You may need to give alternative interpretations of certain words and groups of words.

MINISTRY OF ADMINISTRATIVE AFFAIRS INTERNAL MEMORANDUM To: Linda Krasno

From: Ralph Towner

Subject: agenda for Monday meeting

Date: 16 June, 1996

We need to discuss our approach to maintenance funds withdrawals and also deposits, which has been a cause of concern for some time. I'm particularly concerned that the two emergency deposits which were withdrawn mysteriously failed to appear in the balance sheet for last year. John and Jacki or Renata can give you full details of it. The auditors will go over these accounts and give us a grilling with a fine tooth comb, have no fear of that. To forestall any flak, I think you'd also better check details on hotel accommodation, entertainment expenses and tips that were not budgeted for. I also would like to discuss the temporary staff leave roster. • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •


91

• • • • • • • • •

CLICHES

92


So far in Writing in Plain English, we have considered various faults in writing, such as inappropriate use of passive voice, disjuncts, abstractions, circumlocutions, nominalisations, reiiication and ambiguous expressions. Apart from the obvious sins of ambiguity, there is nothing wrong with the other stylistic approaches - it is the over-use of such approaches that makes documents clogged and unclear. We are talking here about differences of degree, rather than differences of kind. We will shortly consider the stylistic faults of euphemism, doublespeak and jargon. These approaches can lead to quite serious distortion of messages. Before we do so, let's consider some sins which are relatively minor, namely, cliches and tautologies. When writers use these to excess, they are guilty, not so much of irresponsibility, impersonality or deceptiveness, as of simple sloppiness.

Cliches are words and groups of words that once were fresh ways of describing situations, but through over-use have become somewhat stale. What constitutes a cliche is often very much a matter of opinion: one person's cliche is another person's fresh, imaginative and irreplaceable expression one man's meat is another man's poison, in fact. To cut a long story short, with cliches, it's six of one and half a dozen of the other, although it's as plain as the nose on one's face that while some are more sinned against than sinning, others are not worth the paper they are printed on. In fact, a world without some of the cliches listed in table 10.1 would be rather drab and lifeless. Cliches, like tautologies (see pp. 102-4), do not comprise a major usage problem when used sparingly - say, once in every ten sentences. It's also true to say that we tend to tolerate cliches more in spoken language than in written language. When they are used frequently, however, particularly in written language, we are probably correct to assume that the users of cliches have a rather tired, trite and stereotypical view of life, and may be in desperate need of an infusion of new ideas - indeed, are something of cliches themselves. Sometimes cliches can be simply replaced by other expressions, sometimes they can be simply omitted (because they are meaningless), and sometimes the sentence containing a cliche needs to be recast entirely. Without further ado, let's get down to tin tacks with cliches, and breathe a sigh of relief as we bid them a fond farewen.33

Table 10.1: Cliches and their meanings Cliche

Meaning/alternative expression

acid test

test

Achilles heel

vulnerable or weak spot

according to the record

the record shows that

add insult to injury

make (a situation) worse

after all is said and done

really

albatross around one's neck

problem, burden

all comes down to this

in summary/the essence is

all other things being equal

given the same circumstances

all systems go

everything is ready

answering yours of

(omit)

anticipating your order/reply

(omit)

are of the opinion

think/believe

as luck would have it

as it happened

at one fell swoop

all together

at the end of the day

finally

at the crossroads

at a critical point

avoid like the plague

avoid/shun

back to the drawing board/back to square one

let's begin again

ball is in their/your court

it's your/their turn

bark up the wrong tree

concentrate on the wrong thing/cause

beg to advise you

(omit)

behind the eight ball

in a bad situation

best bet

best decision

between a rock and a hard place

in a dilemma

between the devil and the deep blue sea

having no real choice

big picture

overall view

bite the bullet

we'll just have to do it

blood, sweat and tears

hard work

boils down to

really means

bone of contention

source of disagreement (continued)

THE SLOPPY WRITER:CLICHES AND TAUTOLOGIES

93

Table 10.1 (continued) Cliche

94



bottom line

situation/essence/final position/total/ goal

bring home the bacon

succeed

brass/tin tacks, get down to

get down to basics/focus on reality

brownie points

credit/kudos/thanks

bull in a china shop

clumsy

by and large

generally

cake, to have one's and eat it too

have it both ways

can of worms

complex problem

can't see the forest for the trees

focusing on small details while missing the broader picture/missing the point

cart before the horse, don't put

don't get things out their natural order

catch with their pants down

surprise them

champing at the bit

be impatient

chapter and verse, cite/give

give a precise authority

cheek to cheek

close to

chickens have come home to roost

the past has caught up/consequences are apparent

coals to Newcastle

unnecessary

cold comfort

little or no consolation

cold water, to throw on

to discourage

come hell or high water

come what may/no matter what happens

come up/out smelling like roses

emerge unscathed/with reputation intact

conspicuous by one's absence

missed

crawling out of the woodwork

appearing/emerging

cross that bridge when we come to it

hold off making a decision until it is necessary

cry all the way to the bank

to profit from a situation, despite criticisms of others

dead horse, to flog

to pursue a futile goal

deadly earnest

serious

drive a truck/coach and horses through

ignore/exploit the weaknesses of

due in large measure to

due largely to

Cliche


duly noted

(omit)

each and every

all

early bird catches the worm

those who get there first have best chance of success

egg on one's face

to have made a fool of oneself

enough is enough

that is sufficient/no more is wanted/that is too much

every cloud has a silver lining

the worst situation has some element of hope

everything but the kitchen sink

virtually everything

everything you ever wanted to know about ... but were afraid to ask

comprehensive treatment of .../details concerning ...

face the music

confront it

fact of the matter

the truth

fair sex

women

fast lane, in the

under pressure

feast or famine

an overabundance or a shortage

few and far between

few

first and foremost

first

fish out of water

someone out of their element

flash in the pan

brief triumph/failure following a promising start

fly in the ointment

problem

follow in the footsteps of

to succeed someone/to imitate

for the purpose of

in order to; to

from the horse's mouth

from the best authority

garden path, lead up

deceive

...gate (after the US Watergate scandal of the 1970s)

... crisis/scandal

get down to the nitty-gritty

get down to basics

give an inch and they'll take a mile

yield only a little, and you'll be taken advantage of

give the green light to

approve

gloom and doom

pessimism

go overboard

go to extremes

(continued) THE SLOPPY WRITER:CLICHES AND TAUTOLOGIES

95


96



go with the flow

accept things as they are

goes without saying

is obvious

good team player

works well with others

gory details

unpleasant particulars

green with envy

envious

half a loaf is better than none

something is better than nothing

hang in there

keep at it/persevere

have a nice day

enjoy the day

heart of the matter

essence

here today and gone tomorrow

passing fancy/fad

hit the ground running

seize an opportunity/act quickly

hold your horses

be patient

hook, line and sinker

completely

horse of a different colour, a

a different matter

hot potato

embarrassing issue

I am/we are (ending last sentence)

(omit)

its, ands or buts

reservations/restrictions/excuses

if the shoe fits, wear it

if something applies to you, accept it

I have your letter of

(omit)

in for a penny, in for a pound

don't stop at half measures

in receipt of

(omit)

in the driver's seat

in control

in the event that

if

in the final analysis

finally

in the limelight

being the centre of attention

in the long run

finally

in the neighbourhood of

about

in the pipeline

imminent/upcoming

in this day and age

today/presently

it never rains, but it pours

when something happens, it often happens to excess

it will all come out in the wash

everything will be finally resolved

Cliche


jockey for position

manoeuvre

jump the gun

act prematurely

just desserts

deserved reward or punishment

keep under your hat

remain silent about

keep your shirt on

remain calm

kill two birds with one stone

achieve two objectives with one action

kindly advise

(omit)

kit and kaboodle (the whole)

everything

know the ropes, to

to be knowledgeable

last but not least

last

lay it on the line

speak frankly

lay/spread it on thick

exaggerate

leave in the lurch

abandon

leave no stone unturned

explore every option/possibility

left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing

uncoordinated action

leg, doesn't have a to stand on

to have no chance of success

let it all hang out

be frank

let's get this show on the road

let's go/start

let the chips fall where they may

whatever the consequences, do the right thing

like a bull in a china shop

clumsy/clumsily

light at the end of the tunnel

positive outcome

like a ton of bricks (come down)

very heavily/unsubtly

lion's share

greatest part

lock, stock and barrel

completely

loose cannon

serious and unpredictable threat

low man on the totem pole

last, least important

make inquiries regarding

ask

make no bones about it, to

to do or say something without hesitation, formality, or evasion

manna from heaven

sudden or unexpected advantage or help

matter of life or death

quite serious (continued)

THE SLOPPY WRITER: CLICHES AND TAUTOLOGIES

97


96



meet one's Waterloo

experience a major defeat

millstone around one's neck

a burden

mince words, not to

to speak plainly

mint condition, in

brand new, unused

moment of truth

test

money is the root of all evil

materialism is the source of evil

monkey wrench in the works, puVthrow a

sabotage

month of Sundays

very long time

more than one way to skin a cat

more than one way to do something

mum's the word

keep a secret

nail in the coffin, put another

destroy, contribute to destruction

name of the game, the

the heart of the matter, the true purpose

napping, to be caught

to be surprised off guard, taken unawares

needle in a haystack, like finding a

something difficult or impossible to find

needs no introduction

is well known

never a dull moment

something exciting is always happening

never say die

never give up

nipped in the bud

stopped

no accounting for taste, there is

each to his or her own preference

no dice

nothing doing/it won't happen

no (not a) problem/no worries

it's alrighVdon't worry about it

no way (Jose)

it won't happen/not possible

nose to the grindstone

hard at work/focused upon

nothing to write home about

nothing out of the ordinary

nothing ventured, nothing gained

if you won't take a chance, you can't be expected to gain anything

not to be sneezed at

not to be dismissed

now or never

last chance to speak or act

no-win situation

a condition in which none can benefit or succeed

of the above date

(omit)

Cliche


of that ilk

of the same kind or class

off the deep end

to overreact

off the record

to speak confidentially

off the top of one's head

impromptu, spontaneously

oil on troubled waters, to pour

to smoothe over, to calm things down

on a shoestring

on a limited budget

on the cards

likely

on the level

honest/straightforward

on the rocks

ruined

on the ropes

on the brink of collapse

on the up and up

honest/straightforward

once in a blue moon

rarely

on tenterhooks, to be

in a state of painful suspense

on thin ice, to be/skate

a hazardous course of action or conversation

orchestrate a scenario

plan a situation

out of the woodwork

from everywhere

out of sight, out of mind

what is absent is soon forgotten

out of the frying pan into the fire

from bad to much worse

over my dead body

I will not allow it

panic button, push the

to overreact

patience of Job

long-suffering

permit us to remind

(omit)

pie in the sky

unrealistic

piece of the action, a

a part, a financial share

play ball with

cooperate with

plot thickens, the

the situation is becoming increasingly complex

(at this) point in time

now

proof of the pudding is in the eating

performance is the only valid test

put on hold/the back burner, to

to postpone, delay

put one's money where one's mouth is

back up your stated position with action

quantum leap

sudden spectacular advance (continued)

THE SLOPPY WRITER: CLICHES AND TAUTOLOGIES

97


100



read the riot act

bring to order

referring to yours of

(omit)

regarding the matter

(omit)

regret to inform/advise/state

(omit)

reinvent the wheel, to

to belabour the obvious

rest assured

be sure

right on!

keep going/1 agree

rob Peter to pay Paul, to

to take funds from one source in order to pay another

rock the boat, to

to disturb a stable situation

Rome was not built in a day

major achievements take a long time

round peg in a square hole

misfit

running on empty

at the end of one's resources

school of hard knocks

learning from experience

selling like hot cakes

popular

separate the men from the boys, to

to distinguish those who are mature and competent from those who are young and green

separate the sheep from the goats, to

to sort the good from the bad

.. . situation

(omit)

$64 000 question, the

the hardest question of all

skeleton in the closet

secret

shooting fish in a barrel, like

very easy

smell a rat

suspect

snowball's chance in hell, no more than a

no chance at all

state of the art

best

stick out like a sore thumb

is obvious

straight from the shoulder

blunt, outspoken

strike while the iron is hot

take advantage of favourable circumstances

take the bull by the horns

confront/take control

take into consideration

think about

take the rough with the smooth, to

accept the bad along with the good

Cliche


talk turkey, to

to get to the point, to speak plainly

thanking you in anticipation

(omit)

that's the way (how) the ball bounces/ the cookie crumbles

this is the way things have turned out, and there is nothing that can be done about it

the pits (it's)

the worst

throw out the baby with the bathwater, to/don't

to discard the good along with the bad

to/for all intents and purposes

in practical terms/virtually

to the nth degree

to the utmost possible

track record

sum of a person's achievements

under separate cover

mailed separately

upset the applecart, to

to ruin carefully laid plans

valued favour/order

(omit)

vexed question

question/problem

viable option

effective alternative

warts and all

with all one's faults

we are pleased to advise/note

(omit)

wheels within wheels

complex motives or actions that interact with one another

when all is said and done

finally/overall, or omit

when in Rome, do as the Romans do

follow the local customs

when the chips are down

in extreme situations

whole ball of wax

whole thing/in its entirety

whole new ball game/ball of wax

an entirely changed situation

win some, lose some (you)

accept the fact that some ventures end in victory and others in defeat

win/win situation

a condition in which all can benefit

wish to advise/note

(omit)

with reference to

about

you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs

to accomplish something, you have to make sacrifices

your letter of recent date

(omit)

your valued patronage

(omit)


101

The cliche generator

Rees (1984) has devised a 'cliche generator' to be used by journalists and editors. The concept is obviously satirical, but like all good satire, it comes tmcomfortably close to the truth. It works like this: you simply take one word - any word - from each of the three columns, and- hey presto! -you have a headline which could be used by virtually any newspaper in the English-speaking world (particularly the more down-market ones). The concept has much in common with the jargon generator (see p.112). axe

looms

shocks

ban

monster

stalks

bid

move

storm

call

plea

strike

clampdown

probe

survivor

dash

riddle

terror

fear

row

test

horror

sex-romp

threat

leak (Source: Aees [1984:92]. Reproduced with permission.)

TAUTOLOGY

A tautology is a redtmdant expression, or a way of saying something (unnecessarily) twice. As with circumlocutions, abstractions, rei.fications, nominalisations, disjtmcts and cliches, most of us use tautologies, and they are harmless when used every now and then. It's wise, however, to check your written and spoken expression for tautologies: if you are using them to excess, then it may be that you are not using language as precisely as you should. As with circumlocution and cliches, tautologies may betray a certain flabbiness of thought. Table 10.2: Tautologies, and preferable alternatives3 4 Minimise using ...

102


Instead use ...

a distance of four metres

four metres

absolutely essential

essential

an assassination attempt on the life of

an assassination attempVan attempt on the life of

as for example

as/for example

as an extra added bonus

as a bonus

at a later date

later

basic essentials/fundamentals

essentials/fundamentals

Minimise using ...

Instead use ...

but ...however

but/however

but nevertheless

but/nevertheless

collaborate together

collaborate/work together

completely filled

filled

completely surrounded

surrounded

consensus of opinion

consensus or opinion

continue to remain

continue/remain

count up

count

current trend

trend

definitely proved

proved

disappear from sight

disappear

end result

result

equal halves

halves

equally as good

equal/as good

estimated at about

estimated at

every individual one

every one

fair and square

fairly/correctly

far and away

easily

fewer in number

fewer

filled to capacity

filled

finally ended

ended

for a period of 10 days

for 10 days

forward planning

planning

grouped together

grouped

in actual fact

in fact

in close proximity to, near

close to

in conjunction with

with

irregardless

regardless

join/link together

join/link

look back in retrospect

look back

may in the future

may, might, could

may possibly go

may go

(continued) THE SLOPPY WRITER:CLICHES AND TAUTOLOGIES

103


104


Instead use ...

mutual cooperation

cooperation

my own personal opinion

my opinion

native habitat

habitat

natural instinct

instinct

new beginning

beginning

on Friday 25 December next

on Friday 25 December (context will clarify which one)

one after another in succession

one after another

or alternatively

or/alternatively

other alternative (for second choice)

alternative

originally created

created

open up

open

pair of twins

twins

percolate down

percolate

permeate throughout

permeate

penetrate into

penetrate

postponed to a later date

postponed

pre-plan

plan

rate of speed

speed

related to each other

related

reason is because, the

reason is, the/because

repeat again

repeat

revert back

revert

seal off

seal

spell out in detail/depth

spell out

still in use today

still in use/in use today

suddenly exploded

exploded

symptoms indicative of

symptoms of

temporary loan

loan

tentatively suggest

suggest

tentative hypothesis

hypothesis

triply redundant systems (to describe a system with two back-up systems)

doubly redundant systems

Rewrite the following letter, removing any cliches. You may need to recast sentences.

ACDVITY

I have your letter of the 21st of August. We regret to inform you that we are unable to fill your order at this point in time, but rest assured that we are of the opinion that each and every item you have requested will be in your hands soon. We have given the green light to your line of credit, but we beg to advise you that we are between a rock and a hard place when it comes to considering the barter arrangements you mentioned. While it goes without saying that there are many commercial transactions in this day and age outside the cash economy, the bottom line is that we have had little experience with such transactions. In the final analysis, however, I am of the opinion that management here will face the music and bite the bullet and accept your barter offer, seeing it as a viable option. •••••• • •• •• •••••••• • •• •• ••••••• • •• •• •••••••• • •• •• •

,........

TALKING p0 IN T s

YOU DON'T SAY? MORE OF WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT PLAIN ENGLISH

•

• • • • •

Myth

Fact

1

Formal documents can't be written in plain English. They need complex language and 'proper English'.

The aim is to get the message across quickly and easily so there is no confusion. A readerfriendly document has clear, precise writing presented in a way that readers can easily tmderstand. Being readerfriendly saves money because it saves time.

2

If I write in plain English the

The most complicated legal documents can be expressed clearly and simply. Documents do not need complex language and jargon to have the desired effect. In fact, unintelligible documents in legalese may be tmenforceable.

•

• •

•

• • •

•

• •

•

documents won't be legally binding. Legal language is complex; there is no way you can make it plain.

• • •

•

• •

•

• • •

•

• •

•

• • • • • •

3

If people had a reasonable

standard of education, plain English documents wouldn't be necessary.

Education levels are not the issue. Even people with a tmiversity degree can be left totally confused by poorly thought out and badly written documents. (continued)


105

._.1,

'••• ' • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

• •

• 106


(continued) Myth

Fact

4

Clear communication is only needed for people from nonEnglish-speaking backgrounds who don't speak English very well.

Poorly written documents confuse all readers. If a message is badly written and designed, everyone will have trouble tmderstanding it.

5

Making documents readerfriendly will cost too much. That won't help our profit margin.

Using reader-friendly documents will save you money. Improved information flow leads to greater efficiency and improved profit margins. Even major investment by big firms in reader-friendly programs reaps dividends.

6

It's not necessary. I can talk people through anything they don't understand.

You can, but every time you do, you waste time. What happens when you're not there and something is misunderstood? It could cost you thousands. It's essential to make sure documents and instructions make sense - to everyone.

7

Our processes require the use of long, difficult words. There is just no way around that. We can't possibly simplify our procedures manuals.

Being reader-friendly or writing in plain English is not about getting rid of all the words with more than three letters. It is about understanding, clarity and good design. It is not large words which confuse readers, it is the way they are used. Using technical terms is not a problem, provided your target readers understand them.

8

People who can't understand documents and forms must be stupid.

Documents which are not reader-friendly also confuse intelligent, educated people. A judge recently ruled that a contract was not binding because no-one, not even members of the legal profession, could understand what it meant.

(Source: SocialChange Media [1993] Communicating for Success, Canberra: Department of Education, Employment and Training.Reproduced with permission.)

You must communicate effectively to succeed in the 1990s.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

1. MEET QUALITY STANDARDS All Australian companies are doing their utmost to reach quality standards. To get accreditation to international quality standards everyone in your workplace must understand workplace procedures. 2. SAVE MONEY

You can save a fortune by making sure the message is understood the first time. The NRMA is saving hundreds of thousands of dollars by making their communication clear and easy to follow. Other companies have also made huge savings. You can do the same.

3. GET IT RIGHTTHE FIRST TIME A written instruction that is misunderstood could cost your company a fortune in lost productivity. Even if it's not a major disaster, whenever people have to get a second opinion on something they've read, they are wasting your money. Make sure they understand it the first time.

4. THINK BEFORE YOU WRITE Don't do it the same way just because that's the way it's always been done. Think about your message. Maybe there is a better way. A message on the computer might be better than a newsletter. Maybe a poster is better than a memo. 5. AIM FOR YOUR AUDIENCE Make sure the message is right for the people who have to read it. The people who have to read the document you write should be able to understand it easily. Being reader-friendly doesn't mean you can't use technical words. It means you have to make sure the message is understood.

6. TEST IT BEFORE YOU USE IT Never assume you've got it right. Test everything. Even informal testing, like getting a couple of the people you are writing the document for to look at it, is better than nothing. Make sure that people can do more than just read it - make sure they understand what you are telling them, or asking them to do.

(Source: Social Change Media [1993] Communicating for Success, Canberra: Department of Education, Employment and Training. Reproduced with permission.)

Mr Speaker, I said the honourable member was a liar it is true and I am sorry

for it. The honourable member may place the punctuation where he pleases. Richard Brinsley Sheridan (on being asked to apologise for calling a fellow member a liar. Attributed.) THE SLOPPY WRITER:CLICHES AND TAUTOLOGIES

107

•

• • • •

•

• • • • • • •

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 108


LATIN ISN'T MUCH USE FOR COMMUNICATION BETWEEN LAWYERS AND THEIR CLIENTS - UNLESS THE CLIENTS ARE ANCIENT ROMANS

Maria Htmter and Amanda Chambers give some advice to lawyers who sometimes prefer Latin to plain English. Why do writers of legal documents use Latin when many modern readers do not understand Latin? Centuries ago lawyers used Latin because they considered it more precise than the fledgling English language. But most Latin used in legal writing is no longer more precise. In fact, the original Latin words have taken on a life of their own by acquiring extra meanings. In the list below we give the 'translation' of 40 Latin words lawyers like to use. We also show some extra meanings which are not always the same as the 'translation'. We recommend you use plain words to say exactly what you mean rather than relying on archaic words which may not mean what you want.

Meaning(s)

Latin term a priori

deducing the effect from the cause; deducing by assumed principles; by deduction

ab initio

from the beginning; at the start; it is also used to mean thoroughly (as in from first to last)

ad valorem

according to value

amicus curiae

literally friend of the court; it is also used to mean a person who is not one of the parties and who the court permits to argue facts of law; an independent witness appointed by the court

bonafide

in good faith; with honest intentions; it is also used to mean genuine

corpus delicti

literally the body of the crime; substance or foundation of the crime

de minimus

trifling, insignificant

et al

and others

et seq

and following

Latin term

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Meaning(s)

ex gratia

as a favour; it is also used to mean (of a payment) made without admitting legal liability

ex officio

due to the position a person holds; (of powers) implied due to the person's position rather than given specifically

ex parte

(of an application) made by one party to a legal action when another party is absent

in loco parentis

in the place of a parent; in the role of a parent; instead of a parent

in pari delicto

equally at fault

in personam

(of legal action) involving a person's personal rights

in rem

(of legal action) involving a person's rights over property

inter alia

among other things

jus tertii

the rights of a person who is not one of the parties involved in a dispute

mens rea

guilty intention

mutatis mutandis

with the necessary changes; with the changes needed

obiter dictum

literally 'words otherwise'; an opinion or comment expressed incidentally to a court's decision

pari passu

(of division) equally according to their rights/proportionately and simultaneously

per annum

each year

per se

by/of itself

prima facie

at first appearance; at first glance; on the face of it (continued)


109

(continued)

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Latin term

pro bono publico

for the benefit of the whole community

pro rata

in proportion; proportional; proportionate

pro tanto

to that extent; as far as it goes

quid pro quo

something received in return for something else; compensation

ratio decidendi

the reason(s) for a court's decision

res ipsa loquitur

the act or thing 'speaks' for itself

seriatim

one by one; one after another; separately

sine qua non

a necessary condition or requirement

sub judice

being considered/heard by a court

sui generis

in a category of its own; in a class of its own

sui juris

of a person's own right; of legal capacity (e.g.: age)

supra

above

ultra vires

unauthorised; beyond a person's power

viva voce

spoken

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

• • •

110


Meaning(s)

(Source: Hunter, Maria and Chambers, Amanda [1994] 'Save Latin for your clients who are Ancient Romans', Explain [Newsletter of the Centre for Plain Legal Language/University of Sydney Law School],June.)

• • • • • • • • •

EUPHEMISMS

People don't always say what they mean. They will often distort a message, using verbal strategies such as euphemisms, jargon or other types of inflated or distorted language. Plain English documents should be free of such unintentional or intentional distortion.

Euphemisms, for example, are used when people talk about unpleasant things, but wish to mask the unpleasantness. Thus, instead of saying that a person has been fired, sacked or dismissed, we can say that they have been involved in or have been the victim of one of the following: career change coerced transition deselection executive culling involuntary separation redeployment elimination selective separation voluntary severance work force imbalance correction

opportunity decruitment downsizing force reduction outplacement redundancy rightsizing transitioning voluntary termination

(Source:Crystal1995.)

THE DECEPTIVE WRITER

111

Euphemisms are also often used to disguise matters relating to sex or bodily functions, and sometimes employ other languages, such as French or Latin, to mask the literal and basic English meanings (see pp. 153-4).35 Note that so-called 'politically correct' language may be a form of euphemism.36 Euphemisms can, of course, often be employed for perfectly honourable reasons, particularly when users use them to spare the feelings of others.

JARGON

The jargon generator

DOUBLESPEAK.

112


Jargon also can perform a useful fimction when it is a technical language used among specialists in certain areas, and used without the intent of deceiving or confusing others outside that specialist group. Some level of jargon, in other words, is tmavoidable.37 All too often, however, jargon is used by professions or groups of people to exclude others. As George Bernard Shaw once observed: 'All professions are conspiracies against the layman.' When used to deceive, jargon is sometimes referred to as gobbledegook, doublespeak, bureaucratese or bafflegab. The jargon generator, below, has proven to be an excellent deflator of the pomposities of people addicted to jargon and gobbledegook. If you simply say or write one word at random from any of the three coltmms, you will immediately sound as though you have expertise in a highly specialised area (compare this with the cliche generator, p. 102). The jargon or buzz-phrase generator has been around for almost thirty years now, and it is still as vicious and accurate a parody of jargon, gobbledegook or meaningless waffle as it was when first invented. Indeed, it is something of a worry that this parody from the 1960s, and Orwell's parody of gobbledegook from the 1940s (p. 1), are still relevant in the 1990s. integrated

management

options

total

organisation

flexibility

systematised

monitored

capability

parallel

reciprocal

mobility

functional

digital

programming

responsive

logistical

concept

optimal

transitional

time-phase

synchronised

incremental

projection

compatible

fifth-generation

hardware

balanced

policy

contingency

Inflated language is sometimes used in a harmless way, when individuals or professions adopt absurd titles as a form of self-parodying humour. Lutz (1989) has attempted to classify uses of euphemism, jargon, gobbledegook and inflated language (table 11.1). You may not have come across all the meanings in table 11.1, but you will probably be familiar with similar verbal strategies from your own experience. As with misuse of passive voice, disjuncts, abstractions, circumlocutions, nominalisations and reification, such strategies create a type of commtmication where it is not clear where responsibility lies and where it is not clear precisely what meaning is being conveyed.

Table 11.1: Four types of doublespeak Type of doublespeak Euphemism (tactful)

Euphemism (used to mislead or deceive)

Example

Analysis

passed away (death)

User protects feelings of another person; also communicates concern for another person's feelings during a period of mourning

rest room (toilet)

User shows respect for social taboos about discussing bodily functions; also indicates sensitivity to feelings of audience, which is usually considered a mark of courtesy and good manners

radiation enhancement weapon (neutron bomb)

User avoids discussing unpleasant reality

incontinent ordinance (bombs and artillery shells that fall on civilian targets)

User avoids discussing unpleasant reality

period of accelerated negative growth (recession) zap (kill) blow away (kill) eliminate with extreme prejudice (kill) atmospheric deposition of anthropogeneticallyderived acidic substances (acid rain) gaming (gambling) members of a careeroffender cartel (Mafia/La Cosa Nostra/mobsters in Atlantic City, as described by the New Jersey Division of Gaming Enforcement) ballistically induced aperture in the subcutaneous environment (bullet hole) (continued)


113

Table 11.1 (continued) Type of doublespeak

Example

Jargon (used as technical shorthand within a specialised group)

involuntary conversion

Used by American lawyers to describe loss or destruction of property through theft, accident or condemnation

Jargon (used when deceptively communicating with persons outside the specialised group)

involuntary conversion of a 727

A 727 crashed in 1978, killing 52 passengers. This yielded a $1.7 million after-tax insurance benefit. The airline company did not wish to mention a crash, and so referred to it using these jargon terms in a footnote in its annual report.

Gobbledegook! bureaucratese

'I think our performance in terms of the liftoff performance and in terms of the orbital performance, we knew more about the envelope we were operating under, and we have been pretty accurately staying in that. And so I would say the performance has not by design drastically improved. I think we have been able to characterise the performance more as a function of our launch experience as opposed to improving it over time.' NASA engineer, commenting on 1986 Challenger shuttle disaster.

Created by piling on words, overwhelming the audience with words, the bigger the words and the longer the sentences the better

'We were not micromanaging Grenada intelligence-wise until about that time frame.' US admiral explaining why US forces had poor intelligence information in 1983 invasion of Grenada.

114


Analysis

Type of doublespeak Inflated language

Example automotive internists (car mechanics) Non-multicolour capability (description of black and white TV set) vertical transportation corps (elevator operators) initiate a career enhancement program (lay off 5000 workers)

Analysis Designed to make the ordinary seem extraordinary; to make everyday things seem impressive; to give an air of importance to people, situations, or things that would not normally be considered important; to make the simple seem complex.

negative patient care outcome (the patient died) rapid oxidation (fire in a nuclear power plant) pre-emptive counterattack (American forces atta·cked first) engaged the enemy on all sides (American troops were ambushed) backloading of augmentation personnel (retreat by American troops) pre-dawn vertical insertion (invasion) (Source:Adapted from Lutz, 1989.)

Problems arise when euphemism, jargon, gobbledegook and inflated language are used to deceive others. As Lutz observes: Doublespeak .. . that defines cab drivers as 'urban transportation specialists', elevator operators as members of the 'vertical transportation corps', and automobile mechanics as 'automotive internists' can be considered humorous and relatively harmless. However, when a fire in a nuclear reactor building is called 'rapid oxidation', an explosion in a nuclear power plant is called an 'energetic disassembly', the illegal overthrow of a legitimate government is termed 'destabilising a government', and lies are seen as 'inoperative statements', we are hearing doublespeak that

attempts to avoid responsibility and make the bad seem good, the negative appear positive, something unpleasant appear attractive; and which seems to communicate but doesn't. It is language designed to alter our perception of reality and corrupt our thinking. Such language does not provide us with the tools we need to develop, advance and preserve our culture and our civilisation. Such language breeds suspicion, cynicism, distrust, and, ultimately, hostility. (Lutz 1989: 20)


115

More on doublespeak

The Quarterly journal of Doublespeak takes great delight in recording examples of jargon, euphemism, gobbledegook and doublespeak. The following matching quiz was taken from a 1994 edition of the journal. Try it, and see how adept you are at translating misleading or overblown language into plain English.

1993 Doublespeak quiz What kind of year was 1993 for doublespeak? Match the two columns and find out.

D 1. Penile insertive behaviour

D

2. Maximum incapacitation

D 3. Age-controlled environment

D

4. Rough-and-tumble neighbourhood

D 5. Subsistence specialist D 6. Permanently remove from society

D

7. Being walked

D 8. Impoverished agricultural worker

D

9. Sales credits

D 10. Pedestrian facilities D11. Thermal soil remediation kit D 12. Thermal therapy kit D13. Victim of habitually detrimental

A. Fired B. Slaughter large numbers of people

c.

Horse racing

D. Bag of ice cubes E. An alcoholic F.

Peasant

G. Bribes and kickbacks

H. Sexual intercourse I.

Car salesperson

].

Zoo

K. Open pit for burning trash L.

Down payment

M. A cook

lifestyle

D14. Employee repositioning Customer capital cost reduction D16. Transportation counsellor D 17. Owner pretested D18. Physical examination D19. Wildlife conservation program with

N. A bar

D15.

0. Sidewalks

p

Death penalty

Q. Incinerator R. Slum or ghetto S.

Lie detector test

some permanent facilities

D20. Purification D21. Large, agriculturally-based industry D22. Forensic psychophysiological

T. A casino

u.

Kill

V

Drug test

detection of deception

D23. Multidimensional gaming

with an

W Used

entertainment complex

D24. Air curtain incinerator

X. Destroy an entire village

(Source:The Quarterly Journal of Doublespeak [January, 1994, p. 9). © 1994 NationalCouncilof Teachers of English. Reproduced with permission.)

116


ACTIVmES

1. The clarity or otherwise of all documents is critically affected by the level and type of jargon present. All jargons develop as specialised technical languages, their prime purpose being to help, not hinder, communication. But what is jargon? All too often, one person's impenetrable jargon is another person's transparent and indispensable short-cut language. (a) Make multiple copies of the communication analysis table on p. 118. (b) Use copies of the table to record sample opinions of people working in industry or your area of inquiry. Sampling may occur through interviews, by leaving copies of the table with sample participants, or by mailing or faxing copies out. If sample participants are difficult to contact, or are uncooperative, then people teaching in the industry or area may be an acceptable substitute. Participants may need more than one page. (c) Discuss results, noting, in particular, areas of disagreement between recipients. What implications do such disagreements have for the industry or area of inquiry? (The group sampled may appreciate some feedback on this exercise.) Other questions that might be discussed are: • How many of these terms would be comprehensible to outsiders/lay people? • How might specialists inside an industry or area of inquiry modify or translate such terms when communicating with outside audiences - for example, in a submission/proposal for funding, a report to a parliamentary committee of inquiry, or an advertisement?


117

I YOUR NAIME

=i

c:I :

G'l rn

z

m

z

!;::

-c

z G'l z

])

I INDUSTRY/AREA OF INQUIRY I

GENUINELY USEFUL TERMS

CONFU NGJARGONTERMS

Please try and think of as many terms as possible that are unique to your industry or area of inquiry. In particular, try to think of terms that a person outside your industry or area of inquiry might have difficulty in understanding.Such terms might be specialised names of processes, concepts, items of equipment, abbreviations, acronyms (initials) or slang.These terms might be in official or unofficial use. Which terms do you believe are genuinely useful aids to communication in your industry or area of inquiry, and which terms are confusing jargon?

I

COMMUNICATION ANALYSIS TABLE

0>

...

I

2. Refer to the jargon generator (p. 112). Think of an area of inquiry, job or hobby you are familiar with. Draw up a blank table like the one below and create a jargon generator of your own, relevant to that area, job or hobby. Does such a generator give an insight into the language used in that area, job or hobby, or does it merely trivialise and distort that field? JARGON GENERATOR FOR

_

3. Find examples of tactful and deceptive euphemism, and of inflated language. What plain English alternatives might there be to such terms?

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • THE DECEPTIVE WRITER

119

TALKING POINTS

'SIRHUMPHREYSPEAK' -.JARGON, DOUBLESPEAK AND GOBBLEDEGOOK FROM A MASTER

• • • • • • • • • •

• • • • • • • • • • •

• • • • • • • • • • •

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 120


The main characters in the BBC television series Yes, Minister and Yes, Prime Minister were a bumbling politician, Jim Hacker, and a scheming public servant, Sir Humphrey Appleby. Sir Humphrey was a master of gobbledegook, as these extracts show. From 'The Tangled Web' episode (Sir Humphrey drove from Number 10 Downing Street directly to Broadcasting House, where he gave his first-ever radio interview Only one copy of the recording now exists, not at the BBC itself but in Sir Humphrey Appleby's own private archive. With the kind permission of Lady Appleby, his widow, we gained access to the strongroom of the Midland Bank in Haslemere, and we made a transcript of the recording, the relevant portion of which we print below - Ed.) Sir Humphrey: Whereas there must inevitably be some element of shared responsibility for the governance of Britain as between the legislators on the one hand and the administrators on the other, the precise allocation of cause to consequence, or agency to eventuality, in any particular instance is invariably so complex as to be ultimately invalid, if not irresponsible. Interviewer:Yes. If I could press you for a more precise answer or a concrete example, how much blame can the Civil Service take for the present level of unemployment? Sir Humphrey:Well, of course, unemployment is a single name applied by the media to what is in effect a wide range of socio-economic phenomena whose most politically viable manifestation happens to be ... Interviewer (interrupting): But to be precise, how much blame.... ? Sir Humphrey: One moment. Happens to be a current frequency of weekly registrations on the national unemployment register which is deemed to be above what has historically been held to be an acceptable level. But even separating out the component causes, let alone allocating the responsibility for them, is a task of such analytical delicacy as not to be susceptible of compression within the narrow confines of a popular radio program such as this ... Interviewer:Sir Humphrey Appleby, thank you very much. (At this point, when the interview apparently ended, it is possible to hear the bored but polite voice of the Producer - Ed.) Producer (over studio intercom): Thank you very much, Sir Humphrey. Absolutely splendid. (And now the conversation continues, the tape still running even after the interview is finished - Ed.) Sir Humphrey:Was that all right? Interviewer: Couldn't you have said a little more? At least about unemploy· ment? Sir Humphrey: Such as? Interviewer:Well, the truth. Sir Humphrey laughs.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Interviewer:Why do you laugh? Sir Humphrey: My dear chap, no one tells the truth about unemployment. Interviewer:Why not? Sir Humphrey: Because everyone knows you could halve it in a few weeks. Interviewer: How? Sir Humphrey: Cut off all social security to any claimant who refused two job offers. There is genuine unemployment in the north, but the south of England is awash with layabouts, many of them graduates, living off the dole and housing benefit plus quite a lot of cash they pick up without telling anyone. Interviewer:You mean moonlighting. Sir Humphrey: Well, it's cheating really. They'd need to earn nearly £200 a week to be better off working full time. But there are thousands of unfilled vacancies and most employers tell you they're short-staffed. Offer the unemployed a street-sweeping job and a dish-washing job, and they'd be off the register before you can say 'parasite'. Frankly, this country can have as much unemployment as it's prepared to pay for in social security. And no politicians have the guts to do anything about it. Interviewer: I wish you'd said that before. Sir Humphrey: I'm sure you do. (The tape ends at this point.) The rest of the episode is concerned with Sir Humphrey's panic when he realises that there is a copy of the interview, plus his 'tmofficial' comments, in circulation. The contrast, of course, is between the gobbledegook spoken for public consumption and the all-too-plain speech uttered in what he thought was private conversation.

From '1be National Education Service' episode I Oim Hacker) stayed calm. 'So you think they'll (public servants) block it (a reform program)?' 'I mean,' he (Sir Humphrey) said , tight-lipped and angry, 'that they will give it the most serious and urgent consideration, but will insist on a thorough and rigorous examination of all the proposals, allied to a detailed feasibility study and budget analysis before producing a consultative document for consideration by all interested bodies and seeking comments and recommendations to be incorporated in a brief for a series of working parties who will produce individual studies that will form the background for a more wide-ranging document considering whether or not the proposal should be taken forward to the next stage.' He meant they'd block it! (Source: Extracts reproduced from Yes, Prime Minister by Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn with the permission of BBC Worldwide Limited.)


121

• • • • • • • • •

he tone or feel of a document is a difficult thing to pin down, but we can at least attempt to do so. Let's presume that you want to invest some money, and you contact two companies to find out about how they would manage your money. Both companies respond with letters. Extracts from the letters run like this:

Organisation A

Organisation B

The company will administer these funds to maximise the profit of the client. A full statement will be issued at the end of each quarter. The client must not fail to make deposits into the ftmd before the end of each calendar month. Failure to do so will cause serious account-keeping problems. Under no circumstances should the client attempt to directly contact the portfolio manager managing the client's funds. No commtmication should take place except through my office.

We will administer your funds to maximise your profit. We will issue you with a full statement at the end of each quarter. In order to achieve maximum benefits and avoid lost opporttmities, we recommend that you place deposits into the ftmd before the end of each calendar month. Portfolio managers work very hard on your behalf, and we are proud of their record. Should you wish to speak to your manager, please contact me, and I will arrange a meeting. I should be able, however, to personally provide you with any information you seek.

Who would you invest your money with? Most people would feel inclined to go with Organisation B, but why? Because the tone of the letter is more attractive. Tone tells us about the writer's attitude, how he or she feels about the reader. The writer from Organisation A comes across as: • impersonal • negative • concerned with the company's interests rather than those of the reader.

122


Good plain English style has tone that is: • personal • positive • reader-centred.

THE PERSONAL APPROACH You are not a robot, and you don't deal with robots every day, so why should you write like a robot? Many organisations prefer a house style of writing that is impersonal: Official policy on this is ... Acme Electronics will not buy at this price ... The applicant must submit three copies ... Customers need to observe the following regulations ... People who write such words do not conduct conversations with their colleagues, friends and loved ones using such expressions. Instead, like all human beings, they use normal personal pronouns such as I, we, ours, you and yours. This shows a certain amount of warmth and empathy. Why then do organisations persist with impersonal style? Impersonal style is often adopted because the people adopting it think that such style is professional, and coolly detached. This can be a good thing, but when carried to extremes, the impersonal style is seen as cold and hostile. Again, contrast Organisation .A:s letter with that of Organisation B. Users of the impersonal style thrive on the use of passive voice and disjuncts (pp. 55-9), and nominalisation, abstraction, circumlocution and reification (pp.62-84). In an age when organisations claim that they want to communicate more directly with customers, it is time to use the personal style more often. People respond to directness and empathy, not to abstraction and remoteness. This is not to say that writers should adopt a gushingly familiar tone with readers; it is merely to say that a personal style is • more civilised • more polite • more effective.

THE POSITIVE APPROACH Consider the various negative words and phrases in English, some of which we have already seen in Organisation A's letter: NOT UNABLE YET PROHIBITED RESTRICTED AVOID NOTYET PROVED LACKING How do these terms make you feel? Negative expressions produce reactions of fear, insecurity, resentment and aggression in readers and listeners - and, for the most part, that is not a good thing (see discussion of warnings, p. 125). Negative expressions, in combination with impersonality and writercentredness, produce an authoritarian, bullying, bossy feel to documents. NO NEVER HOWEVER FORBIDDEN UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE NO OBJECTIONS CEASE WITHOUT

TONE:PERSONAL, POSITIVE AND READER-CENTRED 123

Negative expressions, however, are also hard work: they present readers and listeners with another level of meaning that has to be translated. Consider, for example, these contrasting passages: Negative phrasing

Positive phrasing

It is not obvious to us that this fee should not be disallowed at this juncture, and we would have no objections to work beginning in the not too distant future, providing the company has not ceased to attract the non-permanent government tax concession unavailable for all types of work except this.

It is dear that this fee should be approved, and we would be happy to see the work begin soon, provided the company still receives the temporary tax concession granted by the government for this type of work.

Notice that you have to work hard to decipher just what is going on in the negative version. Sentences suddenly take on the look of equations, and readers have to adopt the role of mathematicians, crossing out negative values to produce a final result. Sentences, however, shouldn't be such hard work. Notice also that, in comparison with the positive version, the negative version is cold and tmenthusiastic. Most of us would prefer to read the positive version rather than the negative one. The murkiness of negative expression, and the clarity of positive expression also can be seen in figure 12.1, which shows some health care regulations, before and after rewriting. Before $228.40 Minor medical and remedial care. (a) FFP is not available for medical care, other than fantily planning services, except when it is an integral but subordinate part of a service described in the services plan, and the medical and remedial care is not available to the individual under the State's approved title XIX plan and to the extent the individual or the provider is not eigible to receive payment under title XVIII for the provision of the service to the individual.

After $228.40 Minor medical and remedial care. (a) FFP is available in the cost of family planning services with no limitations. (b) FFP is available in other medical and remedial care only if the following conditions are met: (1) The care is an integral but subordinate part of a service described in the State's services plan; (2) The care is not available to the individual under the State's title XIX plan; and (3) Neither the recipient nor the provider of the care is eligible to receive payment for that care under title XVIII of the Act. If partial payment is available tmder title XVIII, FFP is available under title XX for that portion not covered by title XVIII.

Figure 12.1: Rewriting negative clauses in a health care regulation (Source:Redish 1991: 33. Reproduced with permission.)

124


Some subtlety can be given to writing with the use of double negatives: not be disallowed . . . not dissimilar to . . . not unsympathetic to . . . not infrequently . .. not unconnected with . .. However, a little of this subtlety goes a long way. Ultimately, double negative constructions mean more work for your reader, and you should thus be 'not uneconomical' in your use of them. Negative expressions do have their place, however, in sin1ations requiring warnings. These situations include those where there might be physical danger for the reader, or where there might be serious legal consequences for the reader.

DO NOT PLACE THIS BOTTLE NEAR A NAKED FLAME.

DO NOT TURN ON THE MACHINE UNTIL YOU HAVE READ THIS PAGE. THE SALE OF ALCOHOL TO PERSONS UNDER 18 IS NOT PERMITTED. PLEASE DO NOT FAIL TO RESPOND TO THIS SUMMONS. SUCH FAILURE MAY LEAD TO YOUR BEING ARRESTED AND CHARGED.

THE READER-CENTRED APPROACH The bureaucratic, stuffy letter from Organisation A (p. 122) is impersonal and negative. It also shows that the writer is primarily concerned with his or her own interests and problems rather than the reader's interests and problems. In other words, it shows a writer-centred, rather than a readercentred, approach. The writer has an //We attitude, rather than a you attitude (see p. 13). Your readers - unsurprisingly - are concerned with their own world, and with how you can help them. This is not necessarily egotistical and narrow on their part - merely practical. Writers using the bureaucratic style often neglect the point of view of the reader. The person being addressed - the applicant, the buyer, the student/trainee, the complainant, the user, the lessee, the taxpayer - is seen as an afterthought, a nuisance. This is a mistake. The reader is usually the customer or client of the writer, and thus, in a very real sense, the writer's employer. Without clients or customers, the writer would TONE:PERSONAL, POSITIVE AND READER-CENTRED 125

not have a job or role. Means and ends have become confused. The means the system driven by the writer - has become an end in itself, rather than something to serve the reader. Writers of plain English should thus adopt a reader-centred approach. This is not necessarily the same thing as a personal approach. Writers can make their documents more personal by the use of personal references, but if firstperson references - I, me, mine, our, we, our organisation - outnumber the second-person references - you, your, yours, your organisation - then the approach is personal, but writer-centred. It is, in fact, useful to calculate the empathy inde:08 of your documents to check the focus. The empathy index of a document is constructed by subtracting the number of all firstperson references from the number of all second-person references. Here's an example:

Company C

CompanyD

We think you will like our new income loss insurance plan. Our planning staff at Perennial Insurance have researched this area of policy development intensively, and we think that we have come up with the best possible product here. Cover of up to $50 000 a year is available should a loss of income occur. Only Perennial can offer such high levels of cover. We recommend automatic deductions of premiums from salary. This will speed processing through our new, state-of the-art computer system.

A loss of your income - it could be a disaster for you, your colleagues and your family. Perennial may be able to help you with our new income loss insurance plan. You can be covered for loss of income of up to $50 000 dollars a year. You can't get better coverage than that. For your convenience, we can make provision for premiums to be deducted from your salary.

Second-person references = 1 First-person references = 9 Empathy index = 1 - 9 = -8

Second person references = 9 First-person references = 3 Empathy index = 9 - 3 = 6

The empathy index, like readability scores (see pp. 150-6) is crude, but nevertheless often effective in keeping your writing on track.

TONE IN PlAIN ENGUSH DOCUMENTS As was mentioned at the outset of this chapter, document tone is often a difficult quality to pin down, but some aspects of it can be observed and controlled. Strive to make your documents as personal, positive and readercentred as possible. If you achieve this, your documents will be measurably clearer and more effective. 126


ACTIVmES

1. Collect a number of documents - letters, memos, regulations, contracts, instructions and advertisements.

2. Make a copy of the plain English tone sheet for each document (see below). Evaluate each document by placing check marks or ticks on each line of the sheet. 3. Rewrite the documents so that they have maximum values for personal tone, positive tone and reader-centred tone.

PLAIN ENGLISH TONE SHEET

DOCUMENT:

IMPERSONAL

I

PERSONAL

NEGATIVE

I

POSITIVE

I

WRITER-CENTRED

READER-CENTRED

Second-person references

First-person references

EMPATHY INDEX

=I

D D

I

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • TONE:PERSONAL, POSITIVE AND READER-CENTRED 127

• • • • • • • • •

In stnvmg to communicate in the most direct fashion possible with your reader, it is wise to consider making your writing as gender-neutral as possible. 39 Gender roles are changing throughout society. It is no longer appropriate to assume that all managers and computer staff are male, just as it is no longer appropriate to assume that all home-makers, nurses and secretaries are female. Take care to ensure that your writing does not convey gender stereotypes. In particular, watch your use of the male pronouns he, his and him: don't exclude the other half of the human race by presuming that everything in workplace documents pertains to the male gender. On the other hand, be wary of endlessly repeating constructions like he or she in your writing: this can show that you are sensitive to gender issues, but it can also become boring and clumsy, and thus can armoy your reader. Strive to achieve variety as well as appropriate gender balance. Some strategies to achieve this are given in table 13.1.

Table 13.1: Strategies for gender-neutral writing Rule

Unrevised form

Revised form

A manager needs to know what his project budget is going to be.

A manager needs to know what his or her budget is going to be.

Just ask any nurse what she thinks of her profession, and that might help your career planning.

Just ask any nurse what she or he thinks of her or his profession, and that might help your career planning.

Use the slash/combined form.

The clerk will need to have a requisition form signed before he can obtain a modem.

The clerk will need to have a requisition form signed before s/he can obtain a modem.

Recast the sentence to omit the gender-specific pronoun/s.

The average student may end up spending too much of his money on software.

The average student may end up spending too much money on software.

The operator needs to equip himself or herself with these protective devices.

The operator needs to become equipped with these protective devices.

He or she can load the floppy disk.

Load the floppy disk.

Use a pair of pronouns.

Use the imperative.

128


Rule

Unrevised form

Revised form

Use you.

He or she must clean up the conference room at the end of each meeting.

You must clean up the conference room at the end of each meeting.

Use the plural.

The modern plumber knows that he cannot neglect the paperwork if his business is to thrive.

Modern plumbers know that they cannot neglect the paperwork if their businesses are to thrive.

He or she will find that the Z2000 model has a number of advantages when compared to its predecessor.

Users will find that the Z2000 model has a number of advantages when compared to its predecessor.

Repeat the noun.

The builder will find all the traditional lines of nails and screws, now in metric or Sl. In fact, in converting from imperial measures, we have taken the opportunity to expand the product range, giving him or her more, not fewer, resources.

The builder will find all the traditional lines of nails and screws, now in metric or Sl. In fact, in converting from imperial measures, we have taken the opportunity to expand the product range, giving the builder more, not fewer, resources.

Replace he with a, an or the.

the manager or his assistant.

the manager or an assistant

Change a nominal to a verbal expression.

A person who has in his possession such prohibited substances will, in fact, have broken the law.

A person who possesses such prohibited substances will, in fact, have broken the law.

Change If ... then clauses to who/ which/that clauses.

If a staff member uses the scanner in such a manner, then he will damage it.

A staff member who uses the scanner in such a manner will damage it.

Change if/when clauses to on/ upon phrases, or modifiers without expressed subjects.

When the manager has completed this procedure, he should have the blue form witnessed by another person.

Upon completing this procedure, the manager should have the blue form witnessed by another person.

(Source: Adapted from Corbett [1990],Troyka [1996].)

ACDVITY

Rewrite the following passage, removing any sexist expressions. You may need to recast sentences. The typical accountant today needs to have his wits about him when it comes to software. While his forefathers may have been satisfied with ink and paper records, the accountant with his eye on future trends knows that such a 'hard copy' approach is simply too inflexible. He must be able to manipulate data electronically, and his data must be compatible with other software packages. If, for example, his spreadsheet and database files cannot be smoothly integrated with his assistant's word processing package, then she will not be able to quickly and flawlessly integrate text and data into meaningful reports. The professional man of the future must understand these technological matters, or else he will end up on the organisational scrap-heap.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • • • • • •• • • • • •• • • • ••• • • • • • • GENDER 129

• • •

• •

• •

• •

Learning how to ptmctuate well is vital if you wish to be an effective plain English communicator. Where you put - or don't put - punctuation marks can critically affect the way your reader interprets the messages in your documents. The advice given in this chapter overlaps that given in the discussion of sentence structure (p. 24). This is hardly surprising, as one of the primary uses of punctuation is to give us signals about sentence structure.40 Punctuation is also a critical part of the style of an individual writer. All writers use ptmctuation marks in slightly different ways, to create differences of emphasis and shades of meaning. Another writer, for example, might disagree with your decision to include (or not to include) a comma in a part of a particular sentence. Don't worry tmduly about this, as style differences are not all that important, as long as they do not introduce ambiguity or confusion into the words being used. This chapter also overlaps the chapter on ambiguity (pp.85-91). Remember that all the tools of expression we consider in Writing in Plain English - punctuation, grammar, style, usage - are only means to an end, and that end is clear, unambiguous communication. The test should always be: Does this punctuation mark help or hinder clarity? Punctuation, grammar, style, and usage are not ends in themselves, although you will meet many pedants and picky people who seem to believe that this is so. This attitude unfortunately ignores the way in which English has evolved over the centuries in an often haphazard manner, throwing up rules and conventions that usually make sense, but sometimes do not. 41 Prefer common sense to theories, and remember the rule about clarity.

END PUNCTUATION End punctuation is used to show the end of a sentence. There are three forms of end ptmctuation. These are: FULL STOP, or PERIOD - used at the end of a statement. I wrote the document.42 QUESTION MARK - used at the end of a direct question. Can you write that document please? EXCLAMATION MARK, or POINT - used at the end of a forceful and/or emotional statement. Write that document now! 130


Full stop or period

Full stops perform functions different from those performed by exclamation marks or question marks, but some commands and questions are more appropriately ptmctuated with full stops - for example, with a mild command or an indirect question.

Mild command Please fasten your seat belts. Fill in the form using ink, not pencil.

Indirect question She asked whether I would have it completed before five o'clock. (Compare this with the direct form: She asked, 'Will you have it completed by five o'clock?') Full stops are also used to show abbreviation, or shortening (table 14.1). Table 14.1 Abbreviation

Full form

M.D.

Medicinae Doctor (Latin, doctor of medicine)/ managing director

Ph.D.

Philosophiae Doctor (Latin, doctor of philosophy)

B.A.

Bachelor of Arts, British Academy

a.m.

ante meridiem (Latin, before noon)/amplitude modulation

p.m.

post meridiem (Latin, after noon)

B.C.

Before Christ

A.D.

anno Domini (Latin, in the year of the Lord)

etc.

et cetera (Latin, and the rest)

e.g.

exempli gratia (Latin, for example)

i.e.

id est (Latin, that is)

c.c.

Carbon copy/cubic centimetre

p.p.

per procurationem (Latin, by proxy)/past participle, pages

p.

page

Be aware, however, that usage in relation to full stops is changing all the time: some organisations and style authorities now prefer the full stop to be dropped in abbreviations, so long as ambiguity does not occur as a result. When in doubt, try to find out what is acceptable to the audience you are writing for. Closely related to abbreviations are acronyms.

USING PUNCTUATION TO AID CLARITY 131

Acronyms Acronyms are a form of abbreviation. Examples are RAM (random access memory) UNESCO (United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organisation) and SI (Systeme International). Acronyms are usually formed from the first letters of a group of words, and are rendered in capitals. They sometimes have full stops, but it is more common practice to have them without full stops. Acronyms can usually be pronounced as words.43 Some acronyms are in general use, while others are quite technical. Some common words started out as acronyms, such as scuba (self-contained underwater breathing apparatus), radar (radio detecting and ranging) and laser Oight amplification by stimulated emission of radiation). Acronyms can be of use to you as a form of shorthand - you don't have to spell out the full concept. However, they can quickly degenerate into confusing jargon (p. 112). To avoid this, follow these steps: 1. Define the acronym. Either do this in brackets the first time you use iit in the text, or else have a list of abbreviations and acronyms at the back of your document. Never presume 'everyone knows this one, so I won't bother to define it'. Err on the side of being obvious, rather than confusing. It's amazing how many people do not know the full meanings of acronyms which are in general, let alone technical, use. Definition is particularly important where the one acronym is used for multiple meanings (for example, PC = personal computer, police constable, politically correct, privy councillor, past commander, petty cash, prices current, per cent, post card). 2. Form plurals without apostrophes (see pp. 140-3) - for example, MECs (miscellaneous expense claims) using upper-case letters for the acronym and a lower-case letter for the 's'. 3. Where possible, avoid existing acronyms. Say or write doctor instead of MD, nurse instead of RN, computer instead of PC. 4. Resist the temptation to form new acronyms, wherever possible. This will make life more bearable. In other words, instead of coming up with a phrase, and then an acronym based on that phrase, try and use a single word. Coin a new word, if necessary. As Ibrahim sardonically suggests: Imagine if early scientists had forced us to use MTAFM, NHMM, PNHMM, EISPU, MPUV, RCDWT, DEU and UEBO instead of airplane/aeroplane, car, bus, computer, density, velocity, quanta, and appendix (HTAFM: Heavier Than Air Flying Machine; NHMM: No-Horse Moving Machine; PNHMM: Public NHMM; EISPU: Electronic Information Storage and Processing Unit; MPV: Mass Per unit Volume; DEU: Discrete Energy Unit; UEBO: Useless End of Bowel Organ!). (Ibrahim 1989: 28)

5. If an acronym seems unavoidable, try and make it a pronounceable one. Don't distort normal English word order too much to do this, of course. Resist the temptation to make the acronyms humorous and/or in problematic taste - for example, BURP = (spacecraft) backup rate of pitch; EGADS = Electronic Ground Automatic Destruct System. If you feel you have to do this, so that your acronym will be memorable within the welter of acronyms used in your field, see this as a warning signal: you - and your professional peers - are using too many acronyms, and may be seriously out of touch with the rest of the world.

Question marks

132


Question marks are used for direct questions, but not indirect ones. Remember that a question mark, like an exclamation mark, has the same punctuation weight or value as a full stop or period, and therefore does not require any additional punctuation to terminate a question. Thus: She asked, 'Is it plugged in?.' is wrong. The full stop or period is quite tmnecessary.

Questions in a series each take a question mark, even though each question may not be a complete sentence: We have to consider every possible aspect of this contract. What are the terms? Who benefits? What price will they offer? Over the market value? Under? About the average? Question marks are sometimes used to signal to the reader that the writer has doubts about a date or figure: Charlemagne (742?-814) was the first Holy Roman Emperor. We lost 300 (?) files in that fire. This usage is acceptable for brief statements of things such as birth dates and death dates about which there is uncertainty, but try to avoid it for other situations. Convey tmcertainty or approximation with words like about: We lost about 300 files in that fire. You should also try to avoid conveying sarcasm or irony with a question mark: You'll love the excellent (?) food in the cafeteria.

Exclamation mark

THE COMMA

The run-on sentence or comma splice

To maximise the impact of exclamation marks, minimise their use. Try to avoid constructions such as the following: We've really got to perform well this year! No if's but's or maybe's! It's number one or nothing at all for us!We've got to get the numbers up!All of us! You may think that you are being persuasive and inspirational, but others may think that you are merely being shrill and hysterical. Excessive use of exclamation marks, like excessive use of capitalisation, is the visual equivalent of shouting: if you verbally communicate only by shouting, then after a while no-one pays attention to you. In other words, over-use weakens the impact. Try to avoid using the exclamation mark to convey amazement, sarcasm or irony to the reader, or at least minimise this use: Joe thinks that the average employee will be able to master Windows '96 in 5 (!) hours. If you have doubts about a situation, and you are willing to draw attention to such doubts in print by the use of the exclamation mark, express the doubts in words, so that people are aware of what you are really saying: Joe thinks that the average employee will be able to master Windows '96 in five hours. My personal view is that we may run into difficulties if we only budget for such a low average training time. Commas can be used in sentences with conjtmctions or linking words like for, and, nor, but, or, yet and so:44 She called my name, but I heard nothing. The new model will be blue in colour, and it should be available next week. In shorter sentences, the comma can be dispensed with: The new model was available and it was affordable. Consider one of the sentences above:

I She called my name,

I heard nothing.

The groups of words on either side of the linking word but are known as independent clauses. An independent clause is a group of words containing a subject (or actor) and a verb, and which could stand by itself as a sentence.45 USING PUNCTUATION TO AID CLARITY 133

Note that the comma is too weak a connector to link two independent clauses: The new model will be blue in colour, it should be available next week. Fill in the form, ensure that you do it in ink and not in pencil. These are nm-sentences or comma splices, and they should be avoided. The thoughts conveyed in independent clauses should be given their full weight or value in the overall rhythm of the sentence. Looking at or listening to nm-on sentences is like listening to a dmmmer who can't keep time and who keeps hitting the beat too soon. Don't be in such a hurry. People do sometimes talk in sentences like these, but written English and spoken English are different. You probably would be most unhappy if an unedited version of your spoken words appeared word for word in a written document; you would want to impose a more disciplined pattern upon them when you 'put it in writing'. If you are linking independent clauses, use one of these means: Clauses/sentences

Link

Use

conjtmction + comma

We ran down the street, but they had already gone

semicolon

I was angry with her; she was angry with me.

colon

Our department has really excelled itself: our figures are up 43 per cent on last year.

full stop/period (break into two sentences)

We can't get there from here. We'll have to take the long way around.

commas to separate items in a series. Opinions vary on using commas in series. We will need castings on computers, printers, screens and modems. They walked in, looked around, and then walked out again. Whether a comma should come before the final and in such sentences is more than a matter of personal taste. You will have to consider the meaning of the sentence, and determine whether a pause - signalled by a comma will help that meaning. The emphasis in the second sentence seems to call for a comma before the and, while with the first sentence, such a comma is optional. If a list is complex, particularly if the items are modified by groups of words that in turn are set off with commas, then it is better to use semicolons as the major form of ptmctuation: That document will need to be signed by Mr Staines, the treasurer; by Ms Fenwick, the manager of the Eastern Division; and by Mr Chen, the board's representative on these matters.

134


U 5e

conunas to separate coordinate adjectives. Nouns name things or people: james, woman,field, anger, dog. Pronouns stand in the place of nouns: he, him, she, her, their, it. Adjectives modify the meaning of nouns or pronouns: taU woman, angry dog.

Coordinate adjectives modify the same noun or pronoun. They are separated by coordinating conjtmctions (/or, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) or by a comma. If their order is reversed, the meaning of the sentence does not change. This was going to be a long, drawn-out negotiation. The noisy, smoky cafeteria is not my ideal place to eat. Adjectives are not coordinate when one adjective modifies another adjective, which then modifies a noun or pronoun. The expensive portable computer had broken down. The angry assistant manager was irritating the customers. A comma would be inappropriate between the adjectives in these sentences. A conjunction between adjectives would not be appropriate, and meaningful reversal of adjectives could not take place.

U 5e

conunas at sentence beginnings. Sentences often begin with introductory words and groups of words. The comma can provide the pause needed to separate such introductions from the major message of the sentence. Examples of such introductory tmits are given in table 14.2. Table 14.2: Commas at the beginnings of sentences 46 Introductory word/s

Example in sentence

however, still, indeed, finally, consequently

Finally, we come to the Z200 model.

on the other hand, in addition to, for example, as a result, in conclusion

For example, consider the Z200.

over the border, down the street

Over the border, we felt free at last.

Walking down the street, opened only yesterday

Walking down the street, he noticed her there.

To win the lottery, to fly to the moon

To win the lottery, we may need to buy a lot of tickets.

Training funds now being available, other things being equal

Training funds now being available, she was able to improve her knowledge of spreadsheets.

Before you begin that course, unless we hear from you

Unless we hear from you, we will begin at the official time.


Some writers prefer to leave out these types of commas, arguing that such commas are just clutter, and are unnecessary. It is true that commas can be overdone (see pp. 137-8), but commas can help to reduce ambiguity and avoid confusion. Consider, for example, these sentences: He painted rose and left. When the operator has completed the wiring display voltage may decline. If all letters are signed quickly post them. For some people are just no good. DOS performance is not sacrificed providing instantaneous screen updates in the latest games. With added investigative powers available to police Victoria's rate of apprehending criminals is the best it's been for 18 years. Some of these ambiguities relate to words that can be either verbs or nouns, depending upon context. Plain English should be simple and tmambiguous. Your reader should not have to work hard to decipher your meaning. Your reader should only have to read your words once, not twice or a number of times. Even multiple readings may not yield the true meaning you are trying to get across if the ambiguity is deep in the structure of the sentence. For example, which of the following do you mean? When the operator has completed the wiring

or When the operator has completed the wiring display

' '

display voltage may decline.

voltage may decline.

Any mistmderstandings arising from such confusion might be minor, but they could well be major in certain circumstances. Note that legal writers, for example drafters of legislation and contracts, often leave out punctuation such as commas, apparently due to fears that such punctuation might introduce ambiguity. While this occasionally may be true, omission can also introduce ambiguity, as we have just seen. Omission can also make the reader work and can create a most user-unfriendly feel to documents. In fact, not only may such documents feature too few commas but also too few full stops with the result that sentences are over-long, forbidding and confusing.

Use

136

commas to set off non-restrictive elements.


Groups of words47 act as modifiers in sentences. Some of these sentence elements need to be punctuated with commas, and some do not. Consider, for example, these sentences: Companies, battling downsizing pressures and inflation, are finding this year to be a tough one. Companies using this software may have an advantage. Both sentences feature groups of words modifying or telling us about the same subject, Companies. In the first sentence, the phrase battling downsizing pressures and inflation could be chopped out, and the sentence would still be meaningful and fairly specific: Companies are finding this year to be a tough one.

In the second sentence, the word group using this software cannot be removed as tidily. If removed, the sentence now reads: Companies may have an advantage, which is almost so general as to be meaningless. Such non-restrictive elements can be removed from a sentence without doing too much damage to the basic meaning of the sentence.These elements are usually set apart with commas, although sometimes parentheses (brackets) or dashes are used. Restrictive elements cannot be removed without changing or destroying the meaning of the sentence, and should not be set off with punctuation like commas.48 Examples of such elements are shown in table 14.3.49 Remember, if space dictates a pair of commas, don't forget to include the second one. Table 14.3 Restrictive

Other uses of the comma

Companies using this software may have an advantage.

Companies, battling downsizing pressures and inflation, are finding this year to be a tough one.

All members of our staff who are qualified are eligible to apply for training programs.

All members of our staff, who have been worried about their skills level for some time, are eligible to apply for training programs.

The computer manufacturer IBM has had a difficult year.

IBM, the large computer manufacturer, has had a difficult year.

After salutations:

Dear Mary, Ladies and gentlemen,

After closings: With titles:

Yours sincerely, Prakesh Shastri, Manager,Acquisitions Division Robert Sanborn, Jr. Celeste Sanborn, Ph.D. 2056 Lagrange Grove, Oldtown 68023

With addresses:

Comma overload: more comma faults

Non-restrictive

Some writers believe that text should be ptmctuated to reproduce the way people speak. Avoid this practice, because it does not always help the reader to clarify meaning, and may in fact be confusing. Punctuating in this manner might lead to passages such as this one: Accounting Department staff, should not be unduly concerned, about the alterations being made, to the fire escape on the east wall, today. It is quite possible for writers to use commas in a technically correct fashion but still produce sentences that are unclear, or just sheer hard work. For example: The quality evaluation team, based, for this month only, in the Human Resources Department, will need to, and I must be emphatic, indeed, very emphatic, about this, rapidly, consistently and thoroughly consider all quantitative, as opposed to qualitative, measures which relate to work flow, especially that of the western wing of the main complex, as budget changes for any type of restructuring of facilities need to be considered by June 4, at latest, if not, indeed, sooner. USING PUNCTUATION TO AID CLARITY 137

Such meandering sentences may be at home in a 19th century novel, but they have no place in practical documents created today. If a sentence contains more than three commas, you should carefully consider whether you need to recast that sentence, or split it into two or more smaller sentences. Punctuation and sentence structure are thus merely two sides of the one coin.

ACnvrrY

Correct any errors you find in the document below.

1/tl:

COMMAS

c;a.zc;a..a.• c.a.:a;r:KE :P-r"Y :1:...-:J:II:K»

INTERNAL MEMORANDUM

To: Melissa Strang Data Resources

From: Joanne Wensley South Team Coordinator

Re: Sundry, accounts

Date: 14 September, 1996

Thanks for your memo, was I surprised to hear about those Malaysian currency transfers? I'll get onto, those right away. The Kuala Lumpur manager, Ron Shadbolt has since informed me that electronic, funds transfers, between the two countries, have had their problems (!) of late, perhaps that's the cause of our problems. I think because of this, that we need to develop a policy, to the effect that all branches, that are handling international electronic funds transfer, need to have priority access to head office computer specialists especially when we know systems pc's faults are increasing. I attach copies of an account that has had money wrongly credited to it, if you can immediately fix this debit it appropriately, if not? get back to me right, away.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • • • • • •• 138


THE SEMICOLON U 5e

semicolons to separate independent clauses not joined by coordinating conjunctions. Independent or main clauses are often separated by coordinating con junctions (jor, and, nor, but, or, yet, so), but they can also be separated by semicolons, colons and full stops or periods. The full stop or period is used to break the clauses into separate sentences, and is chosen when the writer wants to emphasise the differences of the thoughts embodied in the clauses/sentences. Writers use semicolons and colons when they want to emphasise the linkage between the two (or more) clauses. The semicolon is used when the clauses are relatively equal and balanced, and when the writer wants to create mild suspense or expectation in the reader: Here is the first statement; here is the second statement. On the one hand I say this; on the other hand I say that. I was angry with her; she was angry with me. Handling databases was one of her skills; handling spreadsheets was another. The semicolon is sometimes an invitation to read the first part of the sentence with a rising inflection, and the second part of the sentence with a falling inflection.

U 5e

semicolons to separate independent clauses linked by conjunctive adverbs. Conjunctive adverbs are words such as accordingly, also, anyhow, anyway, besides, consequently, furthermore, hence, however, indeed, meanwhile, moreover, namely, nevertheless, similarly, still, therefore and thus. These words link independent or main clauses. The semicolon is used to link such clauses, the comma being too weak for such a purpose and the full stop or period being too strong. She has the qualifications; consequently, she must be considered to be a candidate for the job. The machine is only producing 305 units an hour; therefore, we know that something is amiss. The semicolon can be replaced by a comma (or by nothing) if a coordinate conjunction is added to the link between independent clauses: She has the qualifications, and therefore she must be considered to be a candidate for the job.

U 5e

semicolons to prevent ambiguity. The semicolon is a medium pause signal, being halfway in strength between the comma (short pause) and the full stop or period (long pause). It can be usefully employed when a sentence contains a number of phrases and clauses already separated by commas: That document will need to be signed by Mr Staines, the treasurer; by Ms Fenwick, the manager of the Eastern Division; and by Mr Chen, the board's representative on these matters. USING PUNCTUATION TO AID CLARITY 139

Consider, for example, how you might punctuate the following passage in order to communicate the idea that three people, not four, are involved: The docwnent will need to be signed by Mr Staines Ms Fenwick the manager of the Eastern division and Mr Chen The clearest way is by using semicolons, together with a comma: The document will need to be signed by Mr Staines; Ms Fenwick, the manager of the Eastern division; and Mr Chen.

THE COLON U 5e

colons to introduce new information. The colon is used primarily to link an independent or main clause to a word, phrase or dependent (subordinate) clause which amplifies, exemplifies or summarises the independent clause. This system has even greater capacity: it can hold 4.2 gigabytes of data. We have only one aim this year: to beat the competition hands down. My fantastic success can be explained by one personal quality: humility. Some writers use a capital letter for the first word after a colon, but logically speaking, there is no justification for this: the colon does not have the full weight of end punctuation, and thus a capital letter for the first word - indicating a new sentence - is inappropriate. (Capital letters are, of course, appropriate in the first word after the colon if that word is a proper name.)

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colons to introduce quotations or series. The colon is also used to .introduce a list or series: Production levels, in the final analysis, will depend upon three factors: good weather, low equipment downtime, and harmonious industrial relations. The colon is also used to introduce a quotation: (see, there's one there) One expert sums it up thus: 'The greenhouse effect could be substantially slowed if people simply walked, used bicycles, or drove electric cars.'

Other uses of the colon

To separate hours, minutes, seconds:

Dear Mary: To:You From: Me Re/subject:The Meaning of Life Date: 4th June, 2004 10:32:16 PM

In Bible citations:

Psalms 23:6

After salutations: In memos:

THE APOSTROPHE The apostrophe has three uses: to show possession or ownership in nouns and indefinite pronouns, to show that one or more letters have been omitted from a word, and to forms plurals of letters and numerals. 140


U se

apostrophes to show the possessive case in nouns and indefinite pronouns. With singular nouns, the apostrophe plus an s - hereafter known as 's - is placed at the end to indicate possession: the boy's book the child's crying Indonesia's economy a week's salary With plural nouns, only an apostrophe is placed at the end to indicate possession: the boys' books the two countries' economies two weeks' salary If a plural noun does not need an -s suffix to form a plural - for example, children, sheep, women - then the plural noun behaves like a singular, taking

the apostrophe before the -s: the children's laughter the women's refuge Indefinite pronouns include anybody, anyone, everybody, everyone, everything, neither, nobody, no-one, one, some and somebody. These behave like singulars, even if plural reference is obvious: Everybody's property usually means nobody's property. When singular nouns end in-s, add-'s to indicate possession: the glass's contents Santa Claus's beard Barry Thomas's anger


When plural nouns end in -s, add the apostrophe alone to indicate possession: the glasses' contents the Santa Clauses' beards the Thomases' anger In compound words or word groups, add the -'s only to the last word: her sister-in-law's phone number the comrades-in-arms' morale the plant manager's schedule When two or more words show individual or separate possession, add-'s or an apostrophe to each of them: Laurel's and Hardy's differing styles Personnel's and Marketing's parking slots Barry's and Melinda's results When two or more words show joint or combined possession, add -'s or an apostrophe only to the last word: Linda and Michael's wedding Marks and Spencer's sale the Thomases and ]ohnsons' fence

Uae

apostrophes to show omission. Apostrophes can be used to show that letters, numbers or words have been omitted or abbreviated: Original form

142


Shortened form

Original form

Shortened form

can't

can not

shan't

shall not

we've

we have

we'll

we will/shall

who's

who is/has

they're

they are

you're

you are

doesn't

does not

I'm

I am

let's

let us

won't

will not (contraction of wonnot, an assimilation of wol not)

aren't

are not

surfin' (non-standard)

surfing

talkin' (non-standard)

talking

o'dock

of the dock

'97

1997 (but context may suggest another century, e.g., 1897)

U se

an apostrophe to form plurals of letters, numbers and words used as terms. Mind your p's and q's. I can't tell his 2's from his Ts. There's no if's, but's or maybe's about this. Note that usage of apostrophes for these purposes, as with full stops used to denote abbreviations, can vary.

Don't

misuse apostrophes. Apostrophes are not used to form plurals of normal words: Vegetable's for sale

[K]

Vegetables for sale

IZJ

The workers' are not happy.

[K] The

workers are not happy.

IZJ

Apostrophes are not needed in verbs: He walk's

[K]

He walks

IZl

It barks'

[K]

It barks

IZl

Apostrophes are not needed to show possession in personal pronotms. Pronouns like his, hers, its, ours, yours and theirs are already possessives, and do not require an apostrophe to show possession: What's our's is yours' What's ours is yours It's bark

00

Its bark

IZJ

00 IZJ

It's/its causes much confusion. Remember that the apostrophe in it's shows omission, not possession. If in doubt, expand any its/it's you see to it is. If this expansion makes sense, then the it's in question is actually it is; if it doesn't make sense, then the its is a possessive: The dog is here on the verandah. It's wagging its tail.

It is wagging makes sense; therefore it's is ptmctuated correctly. It is tail makes no sense; therefore its is punctuated correctly. The dog is here on the verandah. Its wagging it's tail. Its wagging makes no sense within this sentence as a possessive pronoun before wagging; therefore its is punctuated incorrectly. It is tail makes no sense; therefore it's is punctuated incorrectly. USING PUNCTUATION TO AID CLARITY 143

CAPITAL LEITERS Capital letters are UPPER CASE letters (A, B, C), as opposed to lower case letters (a, b, c).

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capitals to begin a sentence. Please walk down the street. Walk down the street! Will you walk down the street?

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capitals for complete quotations. Hamlet said, 'To be or not to be.' However, note this construction: 'To be,' Hamlet said, 'or not to be.' Here, a capital begins the sentence, and begins the quotation, but a capital is not used for the second part of the quotation - lower case is quite adequate.

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capitals for proper nouns and proper adjectives. Proper nouns are those which identify persons by name or by title, divine/ sacred entities, geographical places, religions, days, months, festivals, organisations, family members (name, not role), common notms when personified and given unique reference, publications, languages, nationalities, and proprietary/brand objects (see p. 162). Proper adjectives are those adjectives formed from proper nouns. Proper nouns

Proper adjectives

England

English

Russia

Russian

Mahler

Mahlerian

Notice that some proper nouns become common nouns when a general, rather than a specific, meaning is called for: His last word was 'Mother', but his mother was nowhere to be seen. In the last minutes, he thought he was in Heaven, but the battlefield was not the most heavenly of places. Over time, some proper nouns become common nouns - zeppelin, kleenex, mafia - and have thus expended with capital letters.

PARENTHESES AND BRACKETS50 Parentheses, brackets and dashes are all ptmctuation marks that allow a writer or speaker to convey additional information, usually subsidiary to the main thrust or import of the sentences. Commas can also be used for this purpose, of course: She performed, unlike the others, extremely well in the test. 144


Such items of punctuation - commas, parentheses, brackets, and dashes occur in pairs - one before, and one after the additional information. One of the most common errors made by writers is to forget the second half of the punctuation pair. Watch out for this when you edit your document. The dash, as we have just seen in the first sentence on this page, can appear in pairs, or singly. Just to complicate matters, such additional information is usually referred to as parenthetical material (even though punctuation apart from parentheses, or curved brackets, may be being used). When reading aloud sentences which contain material set apart with commas, parentheses, brackets or dashes, the convention is to lower the pitch of the voice for the duration of the material set apart: She performed

extremely well in the test. unlike the others

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parentheses to provide relevant but not vital information. Information such as explanations, digressions, examples and references can be contained within parentheses. Abbreviations and acronyms (pp.l31-2) should be accompanied by an explanation or expansion in parentheses the first time they are mentioned, and then the abbreviated form can be used subsequently. His research was concerned with understanding the similarities between tsunamis (large waves caused by underwater earthquakes) and maelstroms (very large whirlpools). Ragged right justification is discussed elsewhere in this book (see pp.35-6). The beach was bathed in bright moonlight (a sight which reminded me of another beach, in another place, at another time). Further research, this time funded by WHO (World Health Organisation), produced findings that were quite different. Place the main sentence punctuation outside parentheses: She sat down at the machine, (a Compaq Pentium Pro,) and proceeded to show us just how fast she could type. (120 words per minute) [l] She sat down at the machine (a Compaq Pentium Pro), and proceeded to show us just how fast she could type (120 words per minute). [Z]

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parentheses with numbers and letters used in lists or series. To travel safely in that area, you are by law required to have (1) a fourwheel drive vehicle, (2) a winch fitted to the vehicle, and (3) a twoway radio. We were confused and upset, and didn't know whether we should (a) stay where we were, (b) walk along the highway, or (c) try and make our way back over the hills.

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brackets for parenthesis within parenthesis. For further information, consult an authoritative source (for example, Smithers, Jacob, Sporrin Taxidermy: Advanced Techniques [Aberdeen: Lallans Press, 1968]). USING PUNCTUATION TO AID CLARITY 145

U 5e

brackets within quotations to show changes and comments. Consider an original. passage from which you may choose to quote: 'Given the changes proposed, the best place for the Personnel Department will be on the twelfth floor. They will be closer to Central Administration, and they will be best placed to begin using the new mainfrJ.me virtually on the day it is to be installed. We believe that all these changes can be put in place by January, 1897.' Brackets can be used to show quoted material: with capital letters adjusted to fit the sentence in which you quote it: '[T]he best place for the Personnel Department will be on the twelfth floor' is the only recommendation I wollid take issue with in this report. with explanations and expansions: The good news in this report for our department is that '[the Personnel Department] will be closer to Central Administration, and they will be best placed to begin using the new mainframe virtually on the day it is to be installed Uuly 23, 1996].' • with mistakes not edited out of the original: The report concludes, 'We believe that these changes can be in place by January,1897 [sic].' Sic is the Latin word for 'thus' or 'so' and is used when a writer needs to quote the original passage without tampering with it, even though the original has a mistake in it.

THE DASH U 5e

the dash to show abrupt changes in tone or thought. He submitted his report - if we can dignify it with such a term - three weeks late. They chose me - why does it always have to be me? - to do the presentation to the board of directors.

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the dash to show hesitation or suspense. 'I don't know whether I should tell you about - ' she said, turning aside. The final outcome was - disaster.

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the dash to emphasise other parts of sentences. The focus of their deliberations - whether such a large budget item should be approved or not - was being lost. The paint that they had chosen - mixed especially for them - was ghastly.

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the single dash to follow an introductory series and final series and explanation. Famine, disease, war - all of these had hit the small country in the past three years. The small country had had numerous afflictions in the past three years famine, disease, war. Of the afflictions they had suffered in the past few years, the villagers feared one above all the bloody civil war that would rip their country apart again.

146


THE HYPHEN U 5e

The hyphen can be considered as being part of ptmctuation, but equally it may be considered as part of spelling.

hyphens to show word division. Hyphens are used when words are divided between lines, usually because there is not enough room in the line to give the word in its tmbroken form. For example: It is important when breaking a word between Jines to ensure that the hyphen ation does not cause confusion. Try to ensure that the hyphen falls between naturally occurring syllables, and try to ensure that there are two or more letters of the word at the end of a line and three or more letters at the beginning of a line - for example: hyphen-ation, not hyp-henation or hyphenati-on or h-yphenation Avoid hyphenating single-syllable words. Also try to avoid hyphenating words in a manner which might cause confusion. For example, if you hyphenate teething as tee-thing or redress as re-dress, you may confuse your reader.

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hyphens with compound adjectives. A compound adjective is formed when two or more words are placed before a noun and modify that notm. Hyphens are used for such compotmd adjectives: He was the author of a little-known novel. He read the ten-page document. When such compound adjectives occur after a noun, rather than before it, the hyphens are not used: That novel is little known arotmd here. The document was ten pages long.

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suspended hyphens appropriately. A suspended hyphen is used in parallel compatmd adjectives: The figures showed a clear contrast between pre- and post-war inflation rates. The first- and second-quarter figures were not impressive. Prefixes such as self-, all-, ex- and quasi- usually take hyphens: self-control, all-inclusive, ex-boyfriend, quasi-governmental USING PUNCTUATION TO AID CLARITY 147

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hyphens with numbers. Hyphens are also used with numbers, such as: • fractions (three-quarters) • double-digit numbers (sixty-six) • number-word combinations (20-to-1 odds, 70-minute recording)

QUOTATION MARKS U 5e

quotation marks to show direct quotation. 'I'm just not getting the productivity out of these machines that I expected,' Maria observed. Indirect quotation is used when the actual words of a person are being reported, but not necessarily word for word: Maria said that she was just not getting the productivity out of those machines that she expected.

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alternate types of quotation for quotes within quotes. There are two types of quotation marks: double quotation marks (" ") and single quotation marks (' '). Usage varies considerably, but there is no compelling reason to choose one over the other for basic ptmctuation. Choose one style, but then use it consistendy to avoid confusion. The two types of quotation marks can be useful for showing quotations within quotations: Mary whispered, "Did you notice that he said 'Some departments will be exempt from these cutbacks'?" Mary whispered, 'Did you notice that he said "Some departments will be exempt from these cutbacks"?'

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quotation marks only for short quotations. What is short? How long is a piece of string? Over time, the conventions have developed that if you wish to quote poetry of less than three lines' length, or prose of less than four lines' length, then you should simply incorporate it into your sentences, setting the words off with quotation marks. If, however, you wish to quote poetry of more than three lines' length, or prose of more than four lines' length, then dispense with quotation marks altogether, lead into the quote with a colon, and indent the text: One expert sums it up thus: 'The greenhouse effect could be substantially slowed if people simply walked, used bicycles, or drove electric cars.' (short quotation). One expert sums it up thus: The greenhouse effect could be substantially slowed if people simply walked, used bicycles, or drove electric cars. Electric vehicles powered from fossil-fuel-burning power plants are not necessarily a solution, of course, but if solar panels are installed on domestic garage roofs, then solar power can be collected throughout the day and stored in batteries. This battery power can then be transferred to cars overnight.

148


Correct any errors you find in the document below. ACTIVITY 14.2:

PUNCTUATION Site 39, Rintrah Indu stria l Park, Claymore 13111 Fre edonia Telephone (61 .5) 233.4352 • Facsimile (61.5) 233.4378

INTERNAL MEMORANDUM

To: Priscilla khan

Subject: new Markets

From: George Shaw

Date: 4 August- 1996

Thank's for you're memo's of the 31st June and: lst August ill pass the technical data from the first memo along to my technical staff

As our Pentium Pro sales grow old stock (e.g., the : 121 386s; the 192 486-Sx, the 154 486DXes' will need to be cleared out at what price is the real question; of course? We also need to examine our stocks of the palm topcomputers my inventory datas' on those' is'nt all that good Your right about software sales, we need to meet with the board on tho'se questions? There are, three main issues namely; [l how much further can we cut our prices' given thatthe major overseas' suppliers' are still cutting theirs' , (2.) Should we make an offer to the Surprise co for their presentation package? 3. And 3. Should we press our own CDS'. Ill put it on the agenda however id like to talk to you beforehand • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •


• • • • • • • • •

We now

have some ideas about how our choice of words, sentence structure and punctuation can create barriers to our readers being able to understand what we have written. To provide us with still more tools to analyse our writing, let's consider what are known as readability tests. As tools, such tests are crude rather than precise, but can nevertheless be useful.

THE FOG INDEX The Fog (frequency of gobbledegook) Index was developed by Robert Gunning.; 1 It can be used to give a rough measure of how easy or difficult a passage or section of writing is. This is how it works: 1. Take a section of at least 100 words. 2. Count the number of words in the section (anything with spaces on either side counts as a word). 3. Cotmt the number of sentences (in compound sentences, count each independent clause as a sentence -see pp. 23-4, 165 for discussion of sentence types). 4. Divide the number of words by the number of sentences to find the average sentence length. 5. Count the number of difficult words, or words containing three or more syllables, except for: • verbs that become three syllables by simply adding -ed or -es (Thus collapses and related would not be cotmted; note, however, that collapsing and relating would be cotmted.) • compound words, unless one of the compound's parts is three or more syllables (Thus moreover and anti-war would not be cotmted, whereas anti-abortion and self-congratulatory would be.) • capitalised words or figures. 6. Divide the number of difficult words by the total number of words in the section. 7. Multiply this figure by 100. 8. Add the average sentence length (step 4) to the percentage of difficult words (step 7). 9. Multiply this number by 0.4. This final number is approximately the school year age a reader would need to have attained to tmderstand a section or passage of words. Thus, a section with a Fog Index of 10 would be understood by someone with at least 10 years of post-kindergarten schooling. The Fog Index is meaningful up to year 13, and is accurate to within plus or minus one grade. Readings beyond 13 are not all that meaningful, but may well be a warning to a writer that very few people are going to completely understand what has been written. Note the Fog Indexes of the three passages shown in table 15.1. 150


THE FLESCH SCALE Another approach to measuring readability is the scale developed by Rudolph Flesch.52 With the Fog Index, a high score indicates low readability; with Flesch's Scale, the opposite is the case: high scores indicate high readability. The Flesch Scale is calculated in the following manner. 1. Take a section of at least 100 words. 2. Count the number of words. 3. Count the number of syllables (night = 1; voted = 2; 1997 = 6; $ = 2; o (degrees) = 2). 4. Count the number of sentences (independent clauses punctuated with colons, semicolons or dashes are counted as separate sentences). 5. Estimate the average sentence length by dividing the number of words by the number of sentences. 6. Estimate the average word length by dividing the number of syllables by the number of words. 7. Multiply this figure by 100. 8. Take figures from steps 5 and 8, and find these values on figure 15.1 (average sentence length (step 5) is shown on the left-hand vertical line, and average word length (step 8) is shown on the right-hand vertical line). 9. Draw a line between these two values. The intersection point gives the Flesch Scale of reading ease. Flesch scale values for the three samples of writing can be seen in figure 15.1. 120 130

Very easy { Easy{ Fairly easy {

5

Average {

10

Fairly difficult

90 80 70

140 150 160

60

{

15 Difficult {

20

50

Very d;fficult (

35 Average sentence length

170

40 30

25 30

100

20

180 190

10

Reading ease

Word length

Figure 15.1: The Flesch Scale

Calculations for Fog and Flesch figures can be found in the endnote section (p.183). 53 READABILITY: CAN YOUR READERS READ WHAT YOU WRITE? 151

Table 15.1: Fog and Flesch scores of three passages of text No. 1

Passage text Separate the wires into different piles.I Create one pile of red

Fog Index

Flesch Scale

7.6

85

11

55

36.4

z

-o

z

z G)

:3

;IJ

"' :;;::

"T1

(Jl

Ill

;:::;:

CD

"0

0

a.

a.

::I

(f)

or

(0

s·

CD

JJ

c.

::I

:::J

(Jl

a·

!:: a.

iii'

i!l

c

)>

CD

::J

g

CD

c: (0

gJ

3

0

U...i..

::J

CD

3

c

C)

0

a.

§,

a.

::I

(i)

0

CD

CD

iil

c

a.

CD

C)

0

"0

e1 3 (jj' s· (0