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Psychotherapy

Volume 38/Fall 200I/Number 3

PARENTAL OVERPROTECTION IN ASIAN AMERICAN CHILDREN: A PSYCHODYNAMIC CLINICAL PERSPECTIVE ROBERT JAY LOWINGER Great Neck, New York Parental overprotection, involving tight control of children and lack of parental warmth, although culturally tolerated in traditional Asian societies, may result in significant psychopathology for Asian children growing up in modern Western societies. The therapist working with disturbed children from Asian families with excessively overprotective parents can address the child's needs for emotional autonomy and warmth while remaining sensitive to the cultural values supporting family interdependence. The paradigm of the "autonomous-relational self (Kagitgibasi, 1996b), combining aspects of independent and interdependence, provides a theoretical foundation for clinical work. This paradigm is applied in the treatment of three Asian American early adolescents having overprotective parents and manifesting significant psychopathology. Both cultural and psychodynamic aspects supported the parental overprotection; nevertheless, the therapist was able to achieve some gains in emotional autonomy for these children. Parental overprotection involving stifling of the child's emotional autonomy and independence,

Correspondence regarding this article should be addressed to Robert Jay Lowinger, Ph.D., 8 Cornelia Ave., Great Neck, NY 11024. E-mail: [email protected]

HEIDE KWOK RAP Family Services along with nonresponsiveness to the child's needs for acceptance and approval, has long been recognized as detrimental to the psychological health of children and adolescents in modern Western societies (Barber, 1996; Greenberger, Chen, Tally, & Dong, 2000; Levy, 1970; Parker, 1983). Although overprotective parenting has been generally accepted in traditional Asian cultures (Ho, 1987; Sue & Morishima, 1982; Uba, 1994), a growing body of literature suggests that overprotective parenting behaviors are deleterious to the developing Asian child and adolescent growing up in modern Western societies (Florsheim, 1997; Greenberger et al., 2000; Huang, 1991; Lee, Choe, Kim, & Ngo, 2000; Sodowsky, Kwan, & Pannu, 1995; Xue, 1995) as well as in modern Asian societies (Greenberger et al., 2000; Lau, Hau, Cheung, Lew, & Berndt, 1990; Shek, 1989, 1997). Asian parents who are overprotective with their children growing up in modern Western societies are often resented and opposed by children who desire the freedoms available to their non-Asian peers, creating significant parent-child conflict (Lau et al., 1990; Lau & Yeung, 1996; Lee et al., 2000). Moreover, excessive parental overprotection has been implicated as a causative factor in various forms of maladjustment and psychopathology in Asian children and adolescents (Chung, 2000, April; Ekblad, 1988; Greenberger et al., 2000; Kong et al., 1988; Rin, 1967; Tseng, 1973). Increasingly, many Asian American parents are recognizing the need to be responsive to their children's needs for emotional independence and autonomy in order to facilitate their adjustment to Western society (Chao, 1995; Chiu, 1987; Lin & Fu, 1990; Nguyen & Williams, 1989; Rosenthai & Feldman, 1996). Nevertheless, other Asian American parents are unable or unwilling to grant their child's needs for autonomy and independence; rather, they cling to traditional notions of

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R. J. Lowinger & H. Kwok filial piety demanding unquestioning obedience, strict parental discipline, and control of children (Chiu, 1987; Huang, 1997; Nguyen, 1992; Sodowsky et al., 1995; Uba, 1994). This behavior may be motivated more by the psychological needs of the parent than by what is best for the upbringing of the child (Nguyen, 1992). These families may seek counseling manifesting significant parent-child conflict around issues of independence and autonomy as well as various forms of child maladjustment or psychopathology. To address the needs of these families, the therapist needs to be aware that although "the close mother-child relationship is tolerated and accepted culturally, the problems of excessive parental overprotection and indulgence still can be observed as needing mental health concern" (Tseng & Hsu, 1991). While there have been a growing number of clinical reports of therapists addressing issues of emotional autonomy and independence with adult Asian children in psychodynamic psychotherapy in the United States (e.g., Ham, 1993; Ho, 1987; Jung, 1998; Nguyen, 1992; Roland, 1996b; Smote, 1996; Tung, 1991; Wu, 1992; Yee, 1993), there is a dearth of literature concerning the treatment of Asian families in which parental overprotection is an etiological factor in child psychopathology. Although many Asian mental health professionals have advocated less dominating control by parents and more parental warmth (Chau & Landreth, 1997), there may be reluctance on the part of therapists to address the problem of parental overprotection with Asian families in light of the oft-cited admonition that Western cultures strive for independence from family while Asian cultures emphasize interdependence on the family (e.g., Brower, 1983; Chin, 1993; Roland, 1996a, 1996b; Yamamoto & Acosta, 1982). A recent paradigm advocating the development of an individual identity within the relational context of the family matrix (Allen, Hauser, Bell, & Thomas, 1994; Kagitcibasi, 1996b; Marcia, 1993) has undergirded much of the clinical work with adult Asian patients cited above, and can also be used as a model in working with parental overprotection problems in Asian families: a therapist can encourage a child's development of independence as well as a healthy mutual interdependence with their families, to achieve what Kagitcibasi (1996b) called an "autonomous-relational self." In spite of the theoretical possibilities, actual clinical practice with Asian families in which the parents

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are overprotective can be extremely difficult. Ellis (1994) noted severe difficulties working with overly protective mothers of Caucasian children. The problems are compounded in the case of Asian families in which the overprotection is culturally accepted. Although overprotective parenting is not limited to Asian families, as Tseng and Hsu (1991) point out, overprotective parenting is a relatively uncommon phenomenon among non-Asian families in contemporary Western societies because of the stress such societies place on the early independence and separation-individuation of the child. We do not mean to imply that overprotective parenting is necessarily present or pathogenic in every Asian American family; rather, we suggest that excessive overprotective parenting is commonly a salient etiological factor in parentchild conflict and child psychopathology in Asian American children that are seen in clinical practice. Moreover, the fact that the overprotection is supported by the culture poses severe difficulties for the treatment, and special adaptations in therapeutic approach and technique are often necessary. This article provides an overview of the problem of overprotection in Asian families, with an emphasis on issues related to clinical theory and practice. The first section addresses parental overprotection and its manifestations in Asian culture. The second section provides an examination of potential psychopathological effects of overprotection on Asian children and adolescents. The third section discusses clinical aspects and includes three case illustrations; complications caused by cultural factors are emphasized. A discussion and conclusions section follows. Parental Overprotection and Its Manifestations in Asian Culture Levy (1970) defined parental overprotection as excessive contact, infantilization, and prevention of independent behavior, and either lack or excess of parental control. Parker (1983) modified Levy's (1970) definition to include an insufficiency of care, love, and warmth, and used the term "affectionless control" to characterize what he meant by parental overprotection. Barber (1996) proposed a similar construct which he called "parental psychological control," which he defined at the most general level as "intrusion into the developing child's self-expression." Barber (1996) pointed out that "as young people more

Parental Overprotection in Asian American Children firmly define themselves as connected to—yet separate from—their significant others, it would be expected that intrusions into this process of self-formation would have negative consequences." Levy (1970), Parker (1983), and Barber (1996) all found parental overprotection to be a significant predictor of various kinds of psychopathology. Asian parents are commonly characterized as being overprotective. Chung (1997) noted that Chinese culture supports strict discipline and overprotection of children. Wu (1996) asserted that Chinese parents constantly try to control, monitor, and correct children's behavior. Uba (1994) stated that Chinese mothers are more restrictive, protective, and authoritarian than Western mothers. Children are treated as subordinates who must obey the commands of their elders (Wu, 1996). Dornbush, Ritter, Leiderman, Roberts, and Fraleigh (1987) found that of four different ethnic groups, Asian American parents scored the highest on a scale of authoritarian parenting. A major aspect of overprotection is stifling of the child's autonomy and independence in important areas of the child's life. Yao (1985) found that Asian American parents of children in grades 5 through 11 had more control than European American parents over their children's selection of clothes, extracurricular activities, and courses of study. Both Chinese and Chinese American mothers believe that the age at which children are competent to do things themselves such as find their way around the neighborhood, visit or sleepover with playmates, and resolve problems with other students is greater than the age that European American mothers think children are competent to do these things by themselves (Sue, Sue, 6 Sue, 1983). In Asian families parental overprotection can extend into adolescence and adulthood. Uba (1994) related the story of a 16-year-old girl whose father followed his daughter to observe her while on a date. It is not uncommon to hear about Asian American children whose college major was decided by their parents (Uba, 1994). A 19year-old Asian college student could not move out of the house because his mother would use shame and guilt to keep him home, saying that moving out meant he did not appreciate everything she had done for him (Uba, 1994). For Chinese, to leave one's parents, such as by purchasing a house independently, can be a serious offense (Roland, 1996b). Even adult sons are ex-

pected to obey their fathers: the rationale is that children are supposed to sacrifice their own desires for the benefit of the family (Uba, 1994). A critical aspect of overprotection is an infantilization that serves to keep the child dependent on the parent, and prevent him or her from developing an independent self. Tang (1992) stated that the primary identity of the Asian child is as part of the family, not as an independent individual. Huang (1997) observed that both inside and outside of the Asian family, seeking a definition of self is constrained by an elaborate system of family rules and obligations. The infantilized child is not encouraged to develop and express his own feelings, particularly feeling hostile to the family (Tang, 1992). In a study by Sollenberger (1968), 74% of Chinese parents preferred that children show no aggression under any circumstances. An additional aspect of overprotection is nonresponsiveness to the child's needs for acceptance and approval (Barber, 1996). Kohut (1977) referred to these needs as "needs for mirroring" and viewed their fulfillment as critical for healthy development. The child's needs to be assertive, expressive, and exhibitionistic, which children display in their budding abilities to run, play, jump, draw pictures, speak "big words" and so on, require the parent's approving look, smile, or nod of recognition so that children know they are loved (Rowe & Maclsaac, 1991). Moreover, these mirroring needs continue throughout the lifespan (Kohut, 1977). Many Asian parents do not express affection toward their children, and fail to praise their children for fear that this will encourage laziness; they fail to acknowledge the children's strengths and weaknesses or praise them for their efforts (Chung, 1977; Uba, 1994). This lack of praise is often manifested with respect to children's educational attainment, a particularly salient area because Asian parents place an enormous emphasis on the importance of high educational achievement (Chen, Lee, & Stevenson, 1996; Rosenthal & Feldman, 1996; Yu & Kim, 1983). For example, Chinese parents expect their children to get higher grades but are less satisfied than American parents with their children's grades (Chen et al., 1996; Yao, 1985). Shon and Ja (1982) reported that Asian parental expectations regarding children's language and general academic achievement were often unrealistic and beyond the abilities of the children.

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R. J. Lowinger & H. Kwok Potential Psychopathological Effects of Overprotection Chung (1997) posited that Chinese parents' rigid and strict structure with regard to toilet training, feeding, and other areas may threaten children's self-confidence and assertiveness. A child raised in an overprotective environment is less likely to be assertive or to feel that assertiveness is effective (Uba, 1994). Tang (1992) warned that since children must be filial to parents even if the parents are mean and murderous, it is possible that latent aggression will become displaced as violence against one's family or even against persons not in the family. Displaced aggression can also be channeled into socially sanctioned avenues such as beating children or those exercises of terror and murder perpetrated by Mao's Red Guards (Tang, 1992). Wu (1994) also noted that a lifelong inhibition against expressing any aggression, particularly aggression against authority figures, such as the parents, is likely to promote unconscious rage and a readiness to feel mistreated. Also, when parents fail to express approval and praise for their children's efforts, this can lead to children doubting their parents' love, and contribute to their being less confident and extroverted (Uba, 1994). Parental pressure for achievement without concomitant praise for accomplishments can cause children to become anxious, obsessivecompulsive, and depressed and result in learning problems (Chung, 1997). An Asian American student with academic grades of all As and one B felt angry and confused at his parents' nonchalance because he knew the parents of his nonAsian peers would be pleased with such a report card (Uba, 1994). A 17-year-old Korean student presenting with depression felt his parents only cared about his academic success and not about him as a person (Uba, 1994). Chung (2000, April) found that a lack of love and validation from parents accounted for suicidal behavior in Chinese adolescent college students. In addition, since the formation of a sense of identity is dependent upon the achievement of a sense of separation and autonomy from one's parents (Bios, 1979; Grotevant & Cooper, 1985), it is conceivable that children raised in overprotective environments will experience what Erickson (1950, 1959) termed, "identity diffusion"; that is, a lack of a sense of continuity about who one is, what one wants to accomplish in life, and how one relates to others. Tang (1992), bor-

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rowing notions from Winnicott, suggested that Chinese culture promotes the development of a "good false self." Clinical Issues Kagitgibasi (1996b) called for a new paradigm combining independence and interdependence in child-rearing stating, "A dialectic synthesis of these merging and separating tendencies is considered to engender a healthy personality, whereas too much stress put on one of these needs at the cost of the other, is seen as a problem." Kagitc,ibasi (1996b) used the term, "autonomousrelational self" to describe a healthy personality "manifesting both autonomy and relatedness." Marcia (1993)also advocated that healthy identity development depended on an ongoing dialectic between separation and relatedness. She pointed out that in discussing the need for separation, Western psychoanalytic theorists never intended to exclude relatedness as a critical element of personality stating, "Clearly, neither Erikson, in describing identity, nor Mahler and Bios, describing respectively the first and second individuation processes, nor we, in developing the identity status paradigm, had cowgirls or cowboys in mind." In working clinically with adult Asian patients, clinicians have been sensitive to their patients' needs to establish autonomy while at the same time maintaining a healthy interdependence upon their families. Jung (1998) wrote of his patient Ed Liu: Like many first-generation Chinese Americans Ed was caught between Western culture, which emphasized independence and personal happiness, and Chinese culture, which emphasized interdependency and family loyalty. Through the use of various clinical interventions, I was able to help Ed reconcile his personal desires and the needs of the family. He remained respectful and supportive to his parents and involved with them while at the same time meeting his own personal needs. By integrating the best of Western and Chinese cultures, Ed found peace within himself and with his parents, (p. 184)

Similarly, Yee (1993), noting that the situation of her patient Anna was typical of Chinese in the United States elaborated: The key issue is independence/dependence, how to make a healthy emotional separation from the mother, the embodiment of Chinese culture. This generalizes to separation from family, culture, and authority figures who represent the family symbolically. All other issues are subsidiaries of this primary developmental goal which is also an issue of culture conflict . . . Anna needs to find her own viable identity as a Chinese without being rejected by her Chinese family or failing in American society, (p. 112)

Parental Overprotection in Asian American Children In spite of the successes reported with adult patients, the clinician working on separationindividuation issues with children who have overprotective parents often faces a daunting task (Ellis, 1994). Even the culturally sensitive therapist working with Asian families to support family interdependence while encouraging adolescent children to merely "soften their rigid old identifications with parental values, goals, and beliefs in order to integrate them with new extrafamilial identifications" (Nguyen, 1992) is likely to meet with substantial resistance on the part of both parents and children. The work with the parent is particularly difficult since it must involve helping them work through their own unresolved separation-individuation issues, and prevent those issues from spilling into the issue of emotional separation from their children (Nguyen, 1992). According to Nguyen (1992), for many of these parents, any dim awareness of their own transgression of the sacred cultural norms of filial piety is likely to flood them with anxiety. To deal with the latter, they may unconsciously strive to redeem themselves and become fanatical defenders of the same traditions against potential transgressors, namely their adolescents, (p. 215)

The work with the child attempts to help him or her to achieve the developmental tasks of emotional autonomy and independence while at the same time keeping the child disentangled from the parents' emotional issues (Nguyen, 1992). In the three cases that follow, the therapist struggled to achieve some measure of independence for the child as well as an increased healthy interdependence between child and parents. Case Illustration 1 Thomas, 11-years-old, was lively and intelligent. He did quite well in school and had friends. His mother was from Taiwan and his father was from another Asian country. Thomas was bom in the United States. His mother frequently criticized him for being lazy, and she complained that he did not respect her or appreciate what she did for him. According to the mother, the father was an alcoholic and had only limited involvement with the boy. When the boy entered treatment, the mother was still sleeping in the boy's bedroom. The mother brought the boy to treatment to cure his enuresis, and phobias of the dark and of certain family photographs. The mother was changing the boy's wet bedding and clothes throughout the night.

The mother's overprotection presented a threat to Thomas' ability to develop a sense of autonomy and independence, and compromised the boy's ability to develop a healthy ego identity. The mother's attempt to control the boy and treat him

as an infant (by sleeping in his room, and changing his clothes and bedding) invoked feelings of shame which kept him tied to his mother (H. Podhoretz, personal communication, July 12, 1999). His own wishes to play by himself and with his friends were ignored; and he was told that he was lazy and not appreciative of what his mother did for him. This further strengthened his infantile ties to his mother and hindered his developing genuine feelings of autonomy. Thomas appeared to suffer from what Anders and Freeman (1979) termed "separation-individuation enuresis" in which the enuresis is a neurotic symptom of the power struggle between the developing child and the overprotective parent. The mother's overprotection often represents her wish to continue the dependency as long as possible (Knopf, 1979). Levy (1970) noted that maternal overprotection is associated with sexual maladjustment in the husband-wife relationship; in this case, the mother and father were not sleeping together, and the mother complained of infidelity on the husband's part. The close relationship to the son served to partially compensate for the mother's lack of male companionship. Another possible dynamic operative for the mother could be that the shaming of the boy represented her displaced anger toward the husband for his infidelity as well as toward her father for the beatings she received when she failed to live up to his expectations; therefore, she maintained an unconscious identification with her son who presumably experienced the "shame, guilt, feelings of inadequacy, rejection, despondency and hostility both for self and others" that Knopf (1979) attributed to the enuretic child. On Thomas's part, rather than trying to separate from his mother, he preferred that his mother sleep in his bedroom, and he refused to leave his mother to go away to sleep-away camp. He kept up his bed-wetting although he was capable of controlling it. (He did control his bed-wetting on one occasion when his father promised him money if he would not wet his bed). His behavior kept his mother involved with him, changing his clothing and bedding throughout the night. According to Fenichel (1945) one function of the enuresis for the child is to express the wish to have the privileges of a baby again, and this appears to be one of the important dynamics for Thomas. At the same time, the bed-wetting also appeared to serve as an expression of his repressed anger toward his mother and perhaps toward his

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R. J. Lowinger & H. Kwok father as well. Gerard (1939) cited cases in which the enuresis represented retaliation toward a punitive mother. Thomas had plenty to be angry about: he resented his mother's restrictions on his freedom, and perhaps blamed her for the parental arguments that kept his father away from home and distant from Thomas. At a deeper level, he probably also resented his mother's attempt to infantilize him, albeit this also served his own needs to be babied. At one point during play therapy when Thomas enacted a battle between a baby and mother dinosaur, the therapist pointed out that this represented Thomas's wish to battle with his own mother. He smiled broadly in knowing recognition. Treatment of the family was difficult, with many cultural complications. Thomas's mother referred to the evil ways of American society as a rationalization for not granting him more autonomy—she did not want him to be like other disrespectful, rebellious American kids. In addition, the mother cited the Buddhist philosophy that the world is a place of misery, and that life is necessarily full of pain (Wenhao, Salomon, & Chay, 1993), as a convenient rationalization in service of her resistance and to forestall understanding and change in the family. Thomas's mother used her Buddhist principles to ascribe her own marital difficulties as well as the problems with Thomas to "bad Karma." This was unfortunate since Buddhism, like other religions, can just as readily be used to support personal growth and healing within individuals and families. Yet she rarely attended services at her Buddhist temple, and she was unwilling to discuss her "deep" religious beliefs with the therapist, although the therapist encouraged her to do both. The therapist felt that contact with the Buddhist priest (whom she constantly praised) and the other members of the congregation would give her much-needed companionship. If she brought Thomas along to the temple, it would give him a chance to socialize with other children at the temple, and yet remain loyal to his mother's religious practices. However, she said she was unwilling to go to the temple with Thomas because Thomas once played ball there with another child and drew the attention of the priest, which embarrassed her. The therapist also tried to encourage her to send Thomas to sleep-away camp. She considered sending Thomas to a family retreat run by a Chinese religious group. However, even though she would accompany Thomas to the

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retreat, she and Thomas both rejected this option as well. As the therapy proceeded, Thomas began making more demands on his mother for freedom to play with other children and for an allowance to buy Pokemon cards. The therapist negotiated with him to meet his mother's demands to put more effort into his homework and practicing his instrument. In spite of his progress in these areas, his mother was unwilling to grant his requests for more freedom and an allowance. She was unsatisfied with his progress, and blamed the therapist for being too lenient with him. To her, the therapist was the wei guo ren (foreign devil), corrupting her son with his American ways. Like many overprotective parents she withdrew her son from therapy prematurely, and said she was sending him to Taiwan for the summer to live with relatives to learn how to be a respectful Chinese boy. Case Illustration 2 Michael was 13-years-old and an only male child. He was bom in China and came to the United States at age 8. When he entered treatment he was barely passing his school subjects, and did not have any friends. The parents were extremely unhappy with his school performance and frequently complained that he was lazy. During the sessions they yelled at him or hit him whenever they wanted him to sit up straight or pay more attention to what the therapist said. The father did his homework for him, and the parents enrolled him in various after-school programs without asking him whether or not he wanted to participate. They also supervised him in jumping rope so that he would lose weight. Although he enjoyed learning the Chinese language and culture, the parents did not send him to a weekend Chinese school program. When the therapist asked him if he wanted to go to one, for the first time in the therapy his face lit up, but he said that he did not because his mother considered it to be too expensive. Even when his mother and the therapist said it was okay, he still insisted it was too expensive.

This case also illustrates the potential deleterious effects of an overprotective authoritarian parenting style on the adolescent's development of a sense of autonomy and ego identity. Michael was highly controlled by his parents and not given any say about what activities he participated in or even how he sat in his chair. He never questioned the decisions of his parents, even when he was alone with the therapist and encouraged to do so. He was not only completely subservient to his parents but he was heavily invested in a parental introject that his own desire to go to Chinese school was wrong. Michael's prospects for developing a sense of autonomy from his parents and internalized parental introjects seemed limited; his ability to

Parental Overprotection in Asian American Children form reasonable goals for himself seemed unlikely. Even his ability to feel comfortable with his own body was compromised by his parents telling him how to sit and when to jump rope. His very limited socialization with children his own age impeded his chances of developing positive feelings of relating to others. Michael's father was very critical of Michael and reprimanded him for being lazy and not doing well in school. Parker (1983) noted that affectionless control is frequently imposed by the father, a result also suggested by Ho (1987) and corroborated in an empirical study of Chinese families conducted by Shek (1998). Earlier, Rin (1967) found a domineering and rejecting father to be important in the etiology of schizophrenia among Chinese in Taiwan. In working with Michael's father in family therapy it became clear that his failure to live up to the expectations of his own father to become an engineer represented a narcissistic injury, and that this injury was exacerbated by his difficulties starting up a business in the United States. Instead, he worked as a factory worker, a position he clearly considered demeaning. Having to tell his own parents about his son's poor performance in school was shameful for him, particularly in light of the cultural emphasis on educational achievement and the custom of ascribing the son's success or failure to the parents (Chin, 1993; Lin & Fu, 1990). The mother assumed the traditional role as a nurturing caretaker with a strong emotional bond between the mother and son. This also seemed to incur the father's jealousy, and he frequently argued with his wife that she was not critical enough toward the son. Michael's depression seemed highly related to his relationship with his parents. Chung's (2000, June) study showed that Asian American adolescents with depression had highly critical parents who displayed a lack of emotional warmth. Greenberger et al. (2000) also found a lack of parental warmth to be associated with depressive symptomatology and poor school grades in Chinese adolescents in mainland China. According to Chung (2000, April) the depression represents anger toward the parents that has been turned against the self. When his father hit him or yelled at him to sit up straight or to pay attention, Michael had to suppress his rage. The mother's overprotection, on the one hand, provided a respite from the father's frequent criticisms; on the other hand, it helped forestall feelings of emotional au-

tonomy from parental introjects, as evidenced by the son's inability to assert his desires to go to Chinese school. The therapist worked with Michael to encourage his independence as well as the positive aspects of his relationship to his father. The therapist suggested that perhaps Michael could help his father doing clerical work for the father's nascent business. The therapist also suggested that Michael travel to the therapist's office by himself after the parents mentioned that he was very good at getting around by himself using public transportation. The father seemed to perceive these suggestions to encourage his son's independence as a threat to his own authority even though the therapist was careful to first ask his permission before making these suggestions; the father's strict control over the family is culturally supported (Ho, 1987). The father's expectations that the therapist would train Michael to do better in school were apparently disappointed. Although he attained better grades and he even helped another Chinese immigrant in his class with English, he still did not live up to the unrealistic expectations of his father. Nevertheless, Michael seemed pleased that he was doing better in school, and he enjoyed telling the therapist when there were problems on his math test that were easy for him. He also showed an obvious delight at being able to help the other Chinese immigrant, and he told the therapist things that he explained to the boy in class that the boy could not understand because of his limited English. When the therapist first asked permission for Michael to come to the sessions by himself, the father made the suggestion into a command to Michael to travel to the office by himself. However, when Michael actually started coming to the sessions by himself, the father seemed upset and withdrew him from treatment shortly thereafter. Case Illustration 3 Jenny was a 14-year-old Vietnamese girl who came to the United States with her mother at the age of 1. Her father left the family before she was born and she never met him. When she was younger, Jenny had been sexually molested on two different occasions by strange men. Jenny had three younger siblings. Her mother brought her to treatment because she continued to insist that she felt "dirty" because of the molestations, and because she was getting failing grades in school. The mother blamed the girl for the molestations and on one occasion told Jenny that she would become a prostitute. She sometimes hit the girl, often criticized her for being lazy and

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R. J. Lowinger & H. Kwok stupid, and did not show affection to Jenny. She strictly limited the amount of time Jenny could talk on the phone, or watch television. She gave Jenny many household chores, which Jenny did not want to do, including taking care of her 2-year-old brother, and 4- and 10-year-old sisters. Even when Jenny did these chores, her mother was critical of her efforts, and Jenny felt that she could never satisfy her mother. Although Jenny wanted to see her father, her mother refused to let her see him. She did send her for tutoring and piano lessons, in which the girl reluctantly participated.

The mother's harsh criticism, authoritarian parenting style, and lack of emotional support resulted in Jenny's depression, which was characterized by low self-esteem, poor concentration in school, and suicidal ideation: the girl's repressed anger toward the mother for these behaviors as well as for refusing to let her see her biological father was turned inward and manifested in depression as per the mechanisms elaborated by Chung (2000, April). There was also considerable acting out on Jenny's part including failing in school despite average intelligence, physically abusing her ten-year-old sister, verbally arguing with her mother, and on one occasion, stealing from a local store. The therapist tried to encourage the mother to express affection toward the girl and to complement Jenny for those things that she did that pleased her mother. The mother said that she was embarrassed to show any affection toward the girl because she was not little anymore; in Asian culture the display of affection toward older children is discouraged (Chung, 1997; Uba, 1994). The therapist also encouraged the mother to spend more quality time with Jenny, but there was obvious resistance on the mother's part to take that suggestion as well: the mother claimed to be too busy with her job and the responsibilities of caring for the younger siblings. The therapist tried to negotiate more autonomy for Jenny. Jenny complained about the tutoring and piano lessons, but the mother refused to eliminate or reduce them. The therapist worked hard to negotiate 1 hour of time each day in which Jenny could talk on the phone with her friends or watch TV if she completed all of her homework. Jenny also resented the chores that she was given by her mother, especially to take care of her younger siblings and to help clean the house. The mother was constantly adding additional daily chores for Jenny to do, and the therapist negotiated with the mother to stick to a set written list of chores. The mother's compliance with this was only sporadic.

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The mother said that working hard to provide Jenny with food, shelter, and clothing and giving her daughter good advice was an ample expression of her love. In order to attempt to strengthen the bond between mother and daughter, the therapist supported the mother's notion that providing Jenny with food, clothing, shelter, tutoring, and piano lessons, in spite of being poor, was an expression of her love and concern for her daughter. The mother seemed pleased with this. In joint sessions with the mother and daughter the therapist encouraged Jenny's mother to talk about her own upbringing in a large, poor Vietnamese family. The mother's own parents had little time for their children, rarely showed affection toward Jenny's mother or their other children, and were preoccupied with getting food for the family. When the Communists took over, the children were separated from their parents, and Jenny's mother had to learn to take care of herself at a very young age. The mother's attitudes and behavior toward Jenny were undoubtedly related to cultural and situational factors in her own upbringing. In addition, when the mother gave birth to Jenny in the refugee camp, there was not enough food to go around, and a hungry baby was a burden to the mother. Furthermore, Jenny's mother had to take care of the baby all by herself, since the father had abandoned the family. The problems of caring for Jenny continued when the mother emigrated to the United States and she had to deal with a host of problems including the language barrier, financial hardship, and lack of childcare. Understandably, the mother had repressed resentment toward Jenny, who was and continued to be a financial burden to her. Also, the child was a painful reminder of the failed relationship with Jenny's father. In fact, her three children were fathered by different men, all of whom left the mother. It is reasonable to suppose that she felt shameful about this and felt herself to be a prostitute. Her saying that Jenny would become a prostitute appears to represent what Grotstein (1985) described as the parent's need to project her bad feelings into the child as a means of protecting herself from self-criticism derived from the superego. The mother's lack of satisfaction with Jenny's efforts to help her with the housework also suggests that she projected onto the daughter her own feelings of not being good enough. The therapist encouraged the mother to express in Jenny's presence her painful feelings about

Parental Overprotection in Asian American Children the difficulties she experienced emigrating from Vietnam and settling in the United States. Expressing these feelings in the context of the therapist's empathetic listening lessened the mother's feelings of shame and guilt. As the therapy progressed the mother was able to show increased affection toward Jenny, and Jenny became more understanding of her mother's problems. Over the course of treatment, her academic grades improved, and she was able to graduate from middle school. Jenny was also able to understand that her hitting her younger sister was motivated (at least in part) by her mother's hitting her, and this behavior also abated. The mother gave Jenny more autonomy to talk on the phone and watch TV. She also decided to allow Jenny to color her hair, which she had previously prohibited. While the treatment process was slow with many notable setbacks, the family remained in treatment and continued to make progress in softening the authoritarian bonds between mother and daughter. Discussion and Conclusions Most Asian American families appear to achieve what Kagit£ibasi (1996a) termed "relational autonomy" for their children. Chao (1995) noted that many Asian American families adopt a modified form of filial piety in which children remain loyal to the family and traditional Asian values, while at the same time achieving some independence and autonomy. While many extol the supportive and empathetic nature of parent-child relationships in traditional Asian families (e.g., Chao, 1995; Chao & Sue, 1996; Roland, 1996a, 1996b), for some families, parent-child relationships are described by what Parker (1983) aptly called affectionless control. While not necessarily the norm, these kinds of parent-child relationships are culturally tolerated. Evidently, overprotective parents love their children as much as parents who are not overprotective. However, due to a variety of psychodynamic and cultural factors they experience difficulties allowing their children the degree of autonomy that is appropriate for their age and developmental level within the context of modern Western societies and offering the emotional support that fosters healthy child development. Therefore, overprotective parent-child relationships often become dysfunctional and not uncommonly lead to parent-child conflict and various kinds of maladaptive behavior and child psychopathology. When these relationships lead to sig-

nificant impairment, the therapist is justified in trying to help the family to "allow its members to become autonomous" (Ho, 1987). Although many have offered clinical advice with respect to treating Asian clients and families (e.g., Huang, 1994; Lee, 1982; Ng, 1985; Roland, 1996a, 1996b; Shon & Ja, 1982; Sue & Sue, 1983, 1990), little attention has been given to the difficulties involved in treating Asian children with respect to the issue of excessive parental overprotection. This article examined two Chinese boys and a Vietnamese girl in early adolescence experiencing psychological difficulties caused by excessive parental overprotection. Clinical work with the three families focused on supporting the children's developmental needs for autonomy while trying to foster a healthy interdependence between children and parents. The therapist encouraged Thomas and his mother to go to temple and sleep-away camp together. Michael was encouraged to help his father in business, to go to Chinese school, and to travel to the office by himself. The therapist negotiated for Jenny to be able to talk on the phone with her friends and watch TV if she completed her homework. The therapist tried to encourage her to help her mother with the care of her siblings and the housework, tasks that are considered culturally appropriate for an older daughter (Lee, 1996), while at the same time negotiating some freedom from household chores. The therapist also tried to help her mother to be somewhat more emotionally available and supportive to Jenny. Although these arrangements in the three families respected Asian cultural values, the overprotective parents and the overprotected children found them threatening to the traditional authoritarian relationship that existed, and the parents continued to be overprotective. The parents of these three children did not routinely allow them to go out and play freely with their friends, to make their own decisions with respect to their after-school time and activities, or to earn praise for their accomplishments. Emotional support and warmth was also quite limited for all three children. Cultural differences regarding attitudes toward child-rearing supported rationalizations for the resistance to change. All of the parents justified their behavior by referring to Asian cultural values, and in both Thomas's and Michael's cases the parents explicitly rejected notions of independence of their children as Western ideas that were unacceptable to them.

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R. J. Lowinger & H. Kwok Although some therapists have suggested that issues of separation-independence with Asians be avoided or downplayed (e.g., Bracero, 1994; Lam, 1997) there does not seem to be enough evidence to warrant that conclusion. Despite the difficulties working with the families, Thomas and Michael remained in therapy for 6 and 4 months, respectively, even though the parents prematurely terminated the therapy, and Jenny continued in therapy for more than 1 year. All three children appeared to gain some benefit from working on separation-individuation issues. Thomas became more assertive in his demands and learned to assume some responsibility for his schoolwork and for practicing his musical instrument. He also appeared to gain some insight into his anger toward his own mother through the play therapy. While his mother did not take up the therapist's suggestions to bring him to the Buddhist temple or to send him to sleep-away camp, she did send Michael to Taiwan for the summer to live with relatives at the conclusion of the therapy. This may have been her way of acknowledging Thomas's need for some autonomy and independence. While little progress was made in getting Michael's father to acknowledge the boy's needs for independence, Michael himself seemed to find ways to express his individuality outside of the family environment. Michael experienced some pride in his better grades and in his ability to help another immigrant child with schoolwork, and presumably he felt pride in his ability to travel to the office alone although the treatment was terminated before the therapist could uncover his feelings about this. Jenny was pleased to be able to talk with her friends on the phone and to watch TV every day, and she was able to express some individuality by coloring her hair. Her mother was able to share some of her painful feelings with Jenny, and this brought a closeness to their relationship. Asian families rarely seek counseling, clinical work with Asians is often described as difficult, and premature termination is common (Chung, 1997; Lung & Sue, 1997; Uba, 1994). However, the work with the three families illustrated in this article lasted 4 months or more, and one of the three families remained in therapy after 1 year of treatment. The successes in getting these children to experience new feelings of autonomy and independence suggest that the new paradigm of an autonomous-relational self holds promise for

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