tension processing - Like Humans

tension processing

like humans v1.0 – June 2016

Copyright © 2016 www.likehumans.com

“To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love.” Thich Nhat Hanh


tension processing 2

tensions are the way Unconscious reaction. Our society trains us to think of negative emotion as the opposite of positive emotion. As a result, we seek to avoid negative emotions as much as possible. When they do occur, we get caught in a cycle of repression and violent expression that is characterized by our lack of control. When an emotion controls you, you are unlikely to get what you want.

Violent expression   of emotion Experience tension Repress emotion

Conscious response. Our emotions are the output of our subconscious minds. They represent our quality assessment of the alignment of our outer reality with our inner values. We can gain important information about what our subconscious beliefs are, how we can better act in accordance with them, and even how we might modify those beliefs. However, such insight requires we take time to reflect on our emotional experience.

1

NOTICE

2

UNDERSTAND Observe the situation

3

ACT Leave   situation Take action

Notice  tension

Observe your emotions

Change  situation Make a request

Understand your beliefs

Accept Situation

What do you want?



observe the situation Use this space to describe the particular situation(s) that you feel are related to your tension, with whatever language comes to you.

Now, adopt the role of the outside observer. Re-write the above from an objective point of view, without your subjective judgment. State only the facts (what could have been observed by anyone).

Example: “John was a jerk.” → “John said, ‘Your work wasn’t up to your usual standard.’” Example: “Maria is always late.” → “Maria has shown up late to work 3 times this week.” A



observe your emotions Mark where in your body you are experiencing tension.

Use this space to describe the sensations you are feeling in your body.

Examples: tightness, heat, jitters, emptiness…

Circle and write down the emotion(s) that best describe the tension you are feeling. B

Further reading: “Bodily maps of emotions,” Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions



understand your beliefs Use this space to write down your beliefs related to the situation(s). Use whatever language comes to you.

Example: “People shouldn’t criticize me.” Example: “I shouldn’t make mistakes.”

Now, shift the language of your beliefs from moralistic judgment to value judgment. Search for “shoulds” “can’ts” and “have tos” and replace them with “prefer,” “could,” or “if…then.”

Example: “People shouldn’t criticize me.” → “I would prefer if people didn’t criticize me.” Example: “I could never go to college.” → “I could go to college, but will have to figure out how

to pay tuition.” Example: “I have to do what my boss says.” → “If I do not listen to my boss, then he may

become angry.”

C



decide what you want Given this tension has already occurred, reflect on your desires about how to move forward from here.

What do you want of yourself?

What do you want of others?

D

How would you like to adjust circumstances?



take action Record the commitments you are willing to make. I commit to _______ by _______.

Record any requests you would like to make of others. When making requests, it can be very helpful for the other person to fully understand your point of view. The good news is this can be easily expressed using the exercise you’ve just completed.

A Based on… (objective situation)

B I am feeling… (name emotion)

C Because I believe… (state your belief).

D Would you be willing to (state your request) by (date, if applicable)?



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