The Kryptonian Extrapolation

The Big Bang Theory "The Kryptonian Extrapolation" by Torian S. Hughes

CONTACT: David Baird Kinetic Management Tel: (818) 348-0948 Cel: (818) 522-8246 Email: [email protected]

COLD OPENING FADE IN: INT. SHELDON AND LEONARD’S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON (DAY 1) (Sheldon, Koothrapali, Wolowitz, Leonard, Penny) SHELDON, FROM HIS USUAL PLACE ON THE COUCH IS ENGAGED IN A HEATED THREE-ON-ONE DEBATE AGAINST LEONARD, WOLOWITZ AND KOOTHRAPALI. SHELDON ... Therefore, I simply submit:

Even

the most dull-witted child would agree that the masks worn by the teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are entirely superfluous. KOOTHRAPALI (TO WOLOWITZ) Why do we hang out with him, again? WOLOWITZ Nerd decoy.

Anyone comes after us, we

throw them him. KOOTHRAPALI (NODDING) That should buy us a few seconds.

2.

WOLOWITZ You kidding?

They’d be beating him

for days. LEONARD The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are superheroes!

They have to protect

their identities. SHELDON I see.

And, a quartet of five-foot

tall, bipedal, talking turtles, can accomplish that simply by wearing masks? Because when they take them off, they can just blend in with all the other anthropomorphic amphibians walking the street?

Is that your

assertion? LEONARD (EMBARRASSED)Well, it was. THE FRONT DOOR OPENS AND PENNY ENTERS, EXCITED. PENNY You won’t believe this! SHELDON That you’ve decided to completely abandon any attempt at practicing the common etiquette for entering a dwelling?

It would be hard to remain (MORE)

3. SHELDON (CONT'D)

skeptical in the face of such overwhelming evidence. PENNY (IGNORING HIM) I got an acting gig! LEONARD AND WOLOWITZ SMILE BROADLY AND AD-LIB CONGRATULATIONS. KOOTHRAPALI SMILES AND SHOOTS PENNY A DOUBLE “THUMBS-UP.” LEONARD Wow!

A movie?

Television?

WOLOWITZ Pornographic View-Master reel? (OFF HER GLARE) Man, no one has respect for classic toys anymore. LEONARD So, what is it? PENNY Well, you know Comic-Con, right? SHELDON ROLLS HIS EYES, THEN: SHELDON Comic-Con?

The yearly four-day

gathering in San Diego to pay reverence to all things having to do with sequential story telling, genre movies, television and speculative fiction?

Where the often unfairly

maligned can spend nigh a week in a social group, that while frequently (MORE)

4. SHELDON (CONT'D)

disturbingly endomorphic, respects intellect, creativity and superior Klingon boggle skills? (BEAT) Never heard of it. PENNY GLARES AT HIM. LEONARD We’ve heard of it.

In fact, we’re

competing in the big comic book trivia contest there this year. SHELDON The other team will be competing.

We

will be attempting not to crush them by a margin that would seem unsportsmanlike. PENNY Well, I’m gonna be there, too. I’m working in the Warner Brothers booth! WOLOWITZ You’re gonna be a booth girl?! PENNY Yep, it’s the fiftieth anniversary of Supergirl, and I’m representing the very first one. WOLOWITZ Hmmm, the original.

I woulda’ hit

that.... Blonde, blue-eyed, wearing a (MORE)

5. WOLOWITZ (CONT'D)

female version of the classic Superman costume... LEONARD ... Only sixteen years old when she arrived on earth. SHELDON That’s a one-way ticket to the Phantom Zone. WOLOWITZ Thank you, dream rippers!

Just for

that, you can forget about even getting near my Catwoman fantasy. OFF HIS INDIGNATION, WE: CUT TO: MAIN TITLES

6.

ACT ONE SCENE A INT. 4TH FLOOR HALLWAY - LATER (Penny, Sheldon) PENNY KNOCKS ON SHELDON AND LEONARD’S DOOR. PENNY Sheldon? SHE KNOCKS AGAIN. PENNY (CONT’D) Sheldon? SHE KNOCKS AGAIN. PENNY (CONT’D) Sheldon? SHELDON OPENS THE DOOR. SHELDON Penny. PENNY I knocked this time. SHELDON Yes, it was surprisingly annoying. PENNY Welcome to my world. SHELDON Penny, what can I do for you that won’t keep me from my packing for Comic-Con or similarly more important tasks?

7.

PENNY Oh nothing, just thought I’d come over for a minute and bask in your warmth. SHELDON Forgive me, preparations for the con always effect my disposition.

I don’t

think you understand what this week means to me. PENNY I gotcha.

It’s your Fashion Week, the

time of year when top models get together, show off the latest fashions, drink, party and have lots of meaningless sex. SHELDON And now, I’m sure you don’t understand. PENNY Listen, I need your help.

I was

trying to get in character to play Supergirl when I realized I know nothing about her, except that she’s Superman’s girlfriend. SHELDON Well, I wouldn’t say you know nothing. PENNY SMILES

8.

SHELDON (CONT’D) (GLARING)You know less than nothing. PENNY’S SMILE VANISHES. SHELDON (CONT’D) Supergirl is the cousin of Superman and since the planet Krypton had no Appalachian region, romance between them is unlikely. PENNY See?!

That’s why I’m here.

You know

everything about comic books! SHELDON Well, thank you.

Though, I will admit

to being shaky when it comes to the entire Harvey Comics line.

It

featured Hot Stuff -- a devil in a diaper.

A concept that was more

frightening to my mother than the entire book of Revelations. PENNY So, can you help me get up to speed? You know, drop a little knowledge on me? SHELDON Penny, the smallest portion of my knowledge, if “dropped” on you, would (MORE)

9. SHELDON (CONT'D)

crush you like a teaspoonful of Dwarf Star matter. PENNY STARES AT HIM, CONFUSED. SHELDON (CONT’D) See?

Your knees are already buckling. PENNY

Sheldon, I’m an actress. I want to be the definitive Supergirl experience. SHELDON THINKS FOR A MOMENT, THEN: SHELDON Very well, Penny.

I can see you’re

serious. Perhaps you do have what it takes to enter my tutelage.

Return

here tomorrow at ten AM and I’ll be your Yoda.

Much, I will teach you.

This will be the most intellectually grueling ordeal you will likely ever face. PENNY I’m not scared. PENNY EXITS. SHELDON BEGINS TO SLOWLY CLOSE THE DOOR. SHELDON (A LA YODA)

You will be... You will

be. ON HIS INTENSE STARE, WE: DISSOLVE TO:

10.

SCENE B INT. LEONARD AND SHELDON’S APARTMENT - LATER (DAY 1) (Leonard, Sheldon, Penny) PENNY IS ON THE COUCH SURROUNDED BY FOLDERS AND BOOKS. SHE’S WRITING ON A THICK DOCUMENT. HER BROW IS FURROWED IN CONCENTRATION. SHELDON IS AT HIS DESK, READING A COMIC BOOK FROM THE STACK NEXT TO HIM ON THE DESK TOP. LEONARD ENTERS. LEONARD Hey, Penny. PENNY HOLDS UP HER HAND AND WAVES IT IN A “NOT NOW” MOTION, AS SHELDON HISSES AN INSISTENT “SHHHH!” AT LEONARD. LEONARD (CONT’D) (HUSHED) What?! SHELDON I’m testing Penny. LEONARD Yeah, you’ve been doing that since she first moved in. PENNY NODS TO HERSELF, AS IF TO SAY “THAT’S FOR SURE.” SHELDON I spent the day tutoring her, and now I need to measure her knowledge of all things Supergirl.

How else will I

know what effect my instruction has had on her? LEONARD You could wait and see if she runs from the room screaming.

11.

SHELDON I prefer a more quantifiable method. LEONARD Listen, I called Wolowitz and Koothrapali.

They’ll be over in a few

hours and we can all cram for the trivia contest. SHELDON I don’t “cram.”

I find my intellect

expands to allow new information to fit, quite comfortably, inside my head.

You might say I’m infinitely

upgradable. PENNY STANDS. PENNY I’m done. SHELDON You answered all the questions? PENNY No, but I’m finished. SHELDON Intriguing methodology.

If you’d like

a little more time to-PENNY --pull out my hair and scream?

12.

SHELDON I’m merely trying to help.

This test

is sixty-percent of your grade. LEONARD What’s the other forty? SHELDON Positive spirit and gratitude. PENNY THROWS UP HER HANDS, SIGHS HEAVILY AND EXITS, SLAMMING THE DOOR BEHIND HER. SHELDON (CONT’D) Oh, that’s not going to help her G.P.A. at all. DISSOLVE TO:

13.

SCENE C INT. LOBBY - MOMENTS LATER (DAY 1) (Alicia, Penny) PENNY TAKES A FEW ENVELOPES OUT OF HER MAILBOX, THEN CLOSES AND LOCKS IT. AT THAT MOMENT, ALICIA, HER UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR AND RIVAL ENTERS. SHE’S UPBEAT AND SMILING, UNTIL SHE SPIES PENNY. ALICIA (FROSTY) Hello Penny. PENNY (EQUALLY CHILLY) Alicia. THERE IS A TENSE BEAT, THEN: ALICIA Penny, about what happened between us a few months ago, that time we fought and I beat you like rented mule... PENNY STEPS UP TO ALICIA, GETTING RIGHT IN HER FACE. PENNY I don’t remember it that way. ALICIA (OFF PENNY’S GLARE)

Wait, this isn’t

how I wanted this to go.

I actually

want to apologize. I mean it. ALICIA OPENS HER ARMS FOR AN EMBRACE. PENNY, SUSPICIOUS, LOOKS HER OVER. FINALLY, PENNY’S SKEPTICISM MELTS AND THEY HUG. PENNY Hey, don’t apologize, it was as much my fault as it was yours.

14.

ALICIA Oh, definitely. UNSEEN BY ALICIA, PENNY MOUTHS THE WORD “BITCH.” PENNY Maybe a little more yours. UNSEEN BY PENNY, ALICIA MOUTHS THE WORD “BITCH” AS WELL. THEY BREAK THE EMBRACE. ALICIA Let’s forget about placing blame. We’re two young, single actresses in southern California.

We should be

supporting each other, not trying to tear each other down. PENNY You’re right.

No more back-biting.

ALICIA Good.

Things have been tough enough

lately. PENNY Career dry spell? ALICIA If it weren’t for the residuals for the six national commercials I’ve done, I’d have to stop eating out and start doing my own laundry again.

15.

PENNY Please, if I didn't have my tips from the Cheesecake Factory to fall back on, I wouldn't be able to afford Top Ramen.

And believe me, if that

stuff's the top Ramen, I don't even want to see the crap that came in second. ALICIA I’m ready to take anything that comes along.

Anything. PENNY

I know what you mean. I got lucky this week:

I’m actually gonna be

Supergirl. ALICIA (STUNNED) In a movie? right?

It’s an indie,

A student film?

Porn?

PENNY No.

(TO HERSELF) Why does everyone

guess porn? theater.

It’s more like live

Starting Thursday, I’m gonna

be a booth girl at Comic-Con. ALICIA Wait, you’re gonna be on display at some geek-fest?

You win, you are

doing worse than me.

16.

PENNY Well, a job’s a job. ALICIA I guess.

I’m a serious actress. I

think a gig as a Booth Bimbo-PENNY Babe.

It’s babe. ALICIA

--could be damaging to a career. PENNY Really? ALICIA Yeah, but on the other hand, you should probably go for it.

You really

don’t have much of a career to damage. ALICIA CROSSES AWAY. AS PENNY SEETHES, WE: DISSOLVE TO:

17.

SCENE D CONVENTION CENTER EXHIBIT HALL - THREE DAYS LATER (DAY-3) (Sheldon, Leonard) THE ROOM IS FILLED WITH CONVENTIONEERS IN COLORFUL SHIRTS WITH VARIOUS SCI-FI AND COMIC BOOK CHARACTERS AND LOGOS. THERE ARE MANY IN HOMEMADE REPLICA COSTUMES OF THEIR FAVORITE, NON-ROYALTY-VIOLATING HEROES AND VILLAINS. IT’S GEEK MECCA, FILLED WITH BOOTHS WHEREIN ONE CAN BUY PRACTICALLY ANYTHING “GENRE.” SHELDON, LEONARD, WOLOWITZ AND KOOTHRAPALI ENTER. SHELDON Remember gentlemen, exercise caution. Ferengi arms dealers have nothing on con merchants when it comes to deceit and treachery.

Leonard, are we

prepared? LEONARD PULLS SEVERAL LARGE PAPERBACK BOOKS FROM HIS KNAPSACK LEONARD (READING) “Overstreet Comics Pricing Guide,”

“Tomart’s Action Figure

Digest,” the “eBay Guide To Star Wars memorabilia” and “The Trekker’s Guide To Collectibles.” SHELDON Excellent.

Gentlemen, set phasers on

“haggle.” JUST AS THEY ARE ABOUT TO HEAD INTO THE FRAY, LEONARD LOOKS AROUND AND SPIES: PENNY WEARING HER HAIR IN A TASTEFUL FLIP, SHE’S DRESSED IN THE COLORFUL, IF SOMEWHAT TAME COSTUME OF THE ORIGINAL SUPERGIRL. SHE’S IN THE WARNER BROTHERS BOOTH, ALONG WITH A COUPLE OF CO-

18.

WORKERS WHO ARE DRESSED IN JEANS AND BLACK WARNER BROTHERS TSHIRTS. LEONARD, WOLOWITZ AND KOOTHRAPALI STEP UP TO THE BOOTH, AS PENNY HANDS A FANBOY A WARNER BROTHERS GIFT BAG. PENNY Hey, guys. LEONARD Penny, you look great! PENNY Thanks, I’m having a great time. How about you guys? WOLOWITZ (SMILING WOLFISHLY)I am now that I’m face to face with the “Maid of Might” - emphasis on “might.” PENNY Yeah?

Well, to you, I’m the “woman of

won’t” -- emphasis on “no chance.” How about you, Raj, you having a good time? BUT KOOTHRAPALI ISN’T PAYING ATTENTION. INSTEAD, HE’S STARING BACK TOWARD THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HALL. THE OTHERS FOLLOW HIS GAZE AND REALIZE HE’S LOOKING AT... ALICIA SHE’S STROLLING TOWARD THEM, BEAMING A THOUSAND WATT SMILE. SHE TOO, IS DRESSED AS SUPERGIRL -- THE CONTEMPORARY ONE. HER COSTUME, WHICH HUGS HER EVERY CURVE, FEATURES A DRAMATICALLY LONG CAPE AND A SEXY BARE MIDRIFF. HER HAIR IS DONE IN A SEXY CONTEMPORARY STYLE. SHE’S FREAKING HOT. AS SHE PASSES THROUGH THE ROOM, A COMMOTION ENSUES. CAMERAS FLASH AND GEEKS BUMP INTO EACH OTHER AS THEY STARE AT HER AND MOUTH “WOW.” SHE STEPS TO THE BOOTH, LEANS ACROSS THE FRONT OF IT, AND HUGS PENNY.

19.

ALICIA Hi, girlfriend! ON PENNY’S STUNNED FACE, WE: FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE

20.

ACT TWO SCENE F INT. HOTEL ROOM - LATER (DAY 2) (Penny, Leonard, Sheldon) IT’S A NICE SINGLE HOTEL ROOM, MID-UPPER RANGE. THE DOOR OPENS AND SHELDON AND LEONARD ENTER, TRAILED BY PENNY, WHO’S STILL IN HER COSTUME. SHELDON AND LEONARD ARE HEAVILY BURDENED WITH BAGS OF SOUVENIRS. PENNY FLIPS ON THE LIGHTS. LFX: LIGHTS ON PENNY I can’t believe Alicia horned in on my gig! LEONARD Well, you’re both actresses... SHELDON Though fortune seems to smile upon her thespian desires more frequently than yours. LEONARD Nice, Sheldon.

Why don’t you just

whack her with a Kryptonite bat next time? SHELDON It’d have no effect.

She’s not a real

Kryptonian. PENNY She’s over there strutting around like... like... Super Ho!

21.

SHELDON “Super Ho?”

That would never be a

comics code approved book. PENNY She wouldn’t even have this gig, if-SHELDON --you hadn’t sought to salve your ego by bragging to her about it, rather than leaving her in a state of blissful ignorance? PENNY (WEAKLY) Yes. LEONARD Penny, let it go.

The important thing

is you’re here, you’re getting paid, and you look great. PENNY CALMS, SMILES AND DOES A SPIN IN HER COSTUME. PENNY I do look awesome, don’t I? (LOOKING AROUND) By the way, Sheldon, nice room.

You really do Comic-Con right. SHELDON

I prefer a certain level of comfort when I travel to Comic-Con. I prefer a non-smoking room and wireless internet access.

Beyond that, I like my hotel (MORE)

22. SHELDON (CONT'D)

room to be suitable for some serious filking. PENNY Well, who doesn’t? SHELDON Indeed.

I had a group up here last

night after the Twisted Animation Festival. hours.

We filked into the wee

Filking is always more fun in

a group - although it can get loud. PENNY Ok, I can’t even picture that... LEONARD (LAUGHING) Penny, “filking” isn’t what you think it is. PENNY With him?

I’m sure it wouldn’t be. LEONARD

“Filking” is making up song parodies about science-fiction and fantasyoriented stuff. SHELDON (TO PENNY) This is one of my favorites, it’s to the tune of “I feel Pretty”: (SINGS) I'm a Trekkie!/I'm a Trekkie!/ (MORE)

23. SHELDON (CONT'D)

Adolescent, pubescent, and free/ And so Trekkie/ That I hardly can believe I'm me! PENNY It was creepier, yet somehow cooler, just a minute ago. LEONARD You know, Sheldon, between filking, our cram sessions, and attending discussion panels, you’ve really been burning the candle at both ends. SHELDON QUICKLY PICKS UP AND OPENS A COMIC-CON PROGRAM, SCANNING IT INTENTLY. SHELDON That reminds me, there are three especially interesting panels coming up: “Does size matter? - Small Press In A Big Industry,” “Frank Miller’s Broken Spirit” and “Imaginary Stories: Aren’t They All?”

I can’t miss those.

LEONARD Sheldon, you need to pace yourself. Why don’t we take a break, go down to the hotel’s cafe and get something to eat?

24.

SHELDON You and Penny go.

I’m gonna get back

to the convention center for a few more panels before the contest. LEONARD It’s Comic-Con: No one can see it all in four days. You’re gonna burn out. Even you have limits. SHELDON FROWNS.

HE CROSSES TO THE DOOR AND OPENS IT. SHELDON

Limits are artificial constraints. They mean nothing to me!

This is my

one extravagance all year and I mean to enjoy it to its fullest!

I am

Sheldon Cooper and this is my fashion week! HE EXITS. PENNY AND LEONARD LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER AND SHRUG. THE DOOR RE-OPENS AND SHELDON STICKS HIS HEAD INTO THE ROOM. SHELDON (CONT’D) Minus the pointless binge drinking and irresponsible sex. SHELDON EXITS. AMUSEMENT, WE:

ON LEONARD’S FRUSTRATION AND PENNY’S DISSOLVE TO:

25.

SCENE G

INT. CONVENTION CENTER EXHIBIT HALL - DAY (DAY 3) (Fanboy, Alicia, Penny, Leonard) ALICIA IS AGAIN BEHIND THE WARNER BROTHERS BOOTH. SHE LEANS OVER THE BOOTH TO SNAP A PICTURE WITH A FANBOY. FANBOY Wow, thanks. ALICIA Anything for a fan. THE FANBOY SMILES. ALICIA (CONT’D) That’ll be five dollars. THE AND FOR THE

FANBOY’S SMILE VANISHES. ALICIA SMILES BRIGHTLY AT HIM HE QUICKLY DIGS THROUGH HIS POCKET AND FINDS A FIVE-SPOT HER. HE CROSSES OFF AS PENNY, IN CIVVIES, STEPS UP TO BOOTH. ALICIA (CONT’D) Off for the day? PENNY For a few hours. Aren’t you? ALICIA I would be, but they asked me to do an extra shift.

I tell you, these geeky

nerds love me! PENNY I can see the feeling’s mutual.

26.

ALICIA Who ever thought I could find a fan base among spazzes and Poindexters? In high school, I used to make their lives hell. PENNY Yeah, the mean things we did in high school... ALICIA (WISTFULLY) They sure were fun. A HARRIED LEONARD STEPS UP TO THE BOOTH. LEONARD Penny, have you seen Sheldon?! PENNY I thought he’d be with you.

Isn’t it

time for the trivia contest?

I was

about to slip over and watch. LEONARD You were? PENNY You guys have been supportive of me. It’s the least I can do. LEONARD None of us have seen him.

He was

supposed to meet us after the “Build-ADalek” workshop, but he didn’t show. (MORE)

27. LEONARD (CONT'D)

I’ve called his phone, but he’s not answering. PENNY Ok, calm down.

Sheldon lives for this

kind of thing.

Let’s just get over to

the contest, and I’m sure he’ll be there.

What on earth would cause him

to miss it? FLIP TO:

28.

SCENE H INT. HOTEL ROOM - SAME TIME (DAY 3) (Sheldon)

THE CAMERA PANS AROUND THE ROOM AND WE CAN SEE THE COPIOUS AMOUNT OF SWAG SHELDON HAS COLLECTED OVER THE LAST TWO DAYS: ACTION FIGURES, DVDS, MODELS AND ALL MANNER OF SUPERHERO, AND SCI-FI MEMORABILIA. THE CAMERA COMES TO REST UPON SHELDON, IN BED, SOUND ASLEEP, THE SCHEDULE OBVIOUSLY HAVING CAUGHT UP TO HIM. CUT TO:

29.

SCENE I

INT. CONVENTION CENTER FUNCTION ROOM - MOMENTS LATER (DAY 3) (Leonard, Penny) THE ROOM IS SET UP FOR THE COMPETITION: THERE’S A STAGE AT THE FRONT OF THE ROOM, UPON WHICH SITS A LONG TABLE WITH EIGHT CHAIRS, SPLIT INTO TWO GROUPS OF FOUR SEPARATED BY A LECTERN. THERE ARE AT LEAST ONE HUNDRED FOLDING METAL CHAIRS FACING THE STAGE, FILLED WITH FANBOYS AND GIRLS. LEONARD, PENNY, AND WOLOWITZ ENTER AND LOOK AROUND FOR SHELDON. LEONARD He’s not here! PENNY He must be on his way. LEONARD This isn’t like him.

I’m getting

worried. LEONARD’S CELL PHONE RINGS, HE ANSWERS IT. SFX: CELL PHONE RING LEONARD (CONT’D) Hello?... Sheldon? Where are you!? CUT TO:

30.

SCENE

J

INT. SHELDON’S HOTEL ROOM - SAME TIME (DAY 3) (Sheldon, Leonard) SHELDON IS SITTING ON THE BED. SHELDON Before I answer that, I’d like to take a moment to remind you that there are times when the phrase “I told you so” is neither instructive nor helpful. INTERCUT: LEONARD ... You overslept?! SHELDON While technically not an “I told you so,” that did have the sting of recrimination. LEONARD Sheldon, this contest is about to start and we gotta have four players. (GLANCING AT PENNY) Wait...I think I have an idea... SHELDON ... Put Penny on the team? My God man! Have you gone mad?! THE CONTEST MODERATOR ENTERS.

31.

LEONARD We just need her to fill out the team. She doesn’t have to answer any questions. to start.

Look, this thing is about If we’re gonna make a

substitution, we have to do it now. Unless you’ve suddenly gained the ability to spontaneously teleport yourself. SHELDON One moment. SHELDON PUTS DOWN HIS PHONE, CLENCHES HIS FISTS, CLOSES HIS EYES AND CONCENTRATES. AFTER A MOMENT, HE RE-OPENS HIS EYES AND LOOKS AROUND. HE FROWNS IN DISAPPOINTMENT AND PICKS UP THE PHONE. SHELDON (CONT’D) We’re going to have to go with your plan. SHELDON HANGS UP AND RUSHES OUT OF THE ROOM, AS WE: DISSOLVE TO:

32.

SCENE K

INT. CONVENTION CENTER FUNCTION ROOM - LATER (Moderator, Sheldon, Penny, Leonard, Wolowitz) THE COMPETITION IS UNDERWAY. LEONARD, PENNY, WOLOWITZ AND KOOTHRAPALI ARE SEATED TO THE LEFT OF THE MODERATOR’S LECTERN. IN FRONT OF THEM IS A TABLE SIGN IDENTIFYING THEM AS “THE AVENGERS.” ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE IS SEATED ANOTHER QUARTET WHOSE TABLE SIGN READS “THE DOOM PATROL.” THE MODERATOR IS HOLDING A STACK OF INDEX CARDS. HE ADDRESSES THE ASSEMBLED CROWD AS SHELDON ENTERS. MODERATOR Well, this has been quite a contest. Despite a last minute substitution, the Avengers have managed to stay neck and neck with their opponents, the Doom Patrol. THE CROWD APPLAUDS AND CHEERS. SHELDON CROSSES TO HIS FRIENDS. SHELDON (Whispering) I can’t believe we’re still in this.

My study sessions were

more effective than I could have hoped. PENNY What took you so long to get here?! SHELDON I couldn’t get a taxi. a pedi-cab--

I had to take

33.

LEONARD --and you kept telling the driver the best way to get here... WOLOWITZ --and he dumped you on the sidewalk. SHELDON Why ask, if you already knew? PENNY Sheldon, switch places with me! MODERATOR Excuse me? Is there a problem here? KOOTHRAPALI WHISPERS IN WOLOWITZ’ EAR. WOLOWITZ (TO Koothrapali) I know. OTHERS)

Forget it.

(TO THE

We’ll never be

allowed to substitute this late. SHELDON Don’t be ridiculous!

In the grand

tradition of the very books that are the subject of this contest, I have arrived in the nick of time to save the day. LEONARD That’s thrilling.

The New York Times

calls it “a white-knuckled, ego-filled roller-coaster ride.”

34.

MODERATOR Hel-lo?

Epic moment here. (TO

SHELDON)I’m afraid you’ll have to leave the stage. SHELDON RAISES HIS HAND. SHELDON Point of order please. MODERATOR (TO SHELDON, CONFUSED) Excuse me? SHELDON STROLLS IN FRONT OF THE CONTEST TABLE AS IF HE’S IN FRONT OF THE ROMAN SENATE AND ADDRESSES THE MODERATOR. SHELDON Thank you.

I, Sheldon Cooper, am a

member of this team -- one of the original members.

I was previously

indisposed and would like to reclaim my place in the group. MODERATOR You and Pete Best.

But no

substitutions this late in the contest.

Sorry. SHELDON

I’d like a ruling on that. MODERATOR That was a ruling. SHELDON I’d like a better one.

35.

THE CONVENTIONEERS LAUGH AS THE MODERATOR FROWNS. MODERATOR How about this?:

Mr. Cooper, if you

don’t sit down and stop delaying this contest, I’ll rule that your team forfeits. SHELDON Well, that hardly fits the description of “better.” LEONARD MOTIONS TO SHELDON TO SIT DOWN. DOES SO.

SULKING, SHELDON

MODERATOR Okay folks, this is the last question. It’s for the contest.

First team to

buzz in and answer correctly wins. For the win and the trophy: (READING)”Who was Super-girl’s first romantic interest? BOTH TEAMS HUDDLE AND DISCUSS. WOLOWITZ Anyone got a clue? LEONARD Hell no. KOOTHRAPALI SHRUGS. PENNY Guys?

36.

WOLOWITZ Not now, sweetie. PENNY But... LEONARD Penny, it’s ok, we’ll get it. KOOTHRAPALI SUDDENLY POINTS AT PENNY. LEONARD (CONT’D) I know, that wasn’t polite. But she’ll be okay.

(TO PENNY) Won’t you... Oh

my God, you’re Supergirl! PENNY Duh... WOLOWITZ Do you know the answer? PENNY His name was Dick-WOLOWITZ Dick Malverne!

That was him!

LEONARD LOOKS AT KOOTHRAPALI, WHO NODS IN AGREEMENT. LEONARD Buzz in. BEFORE WOLOWITZ CAN MOVE, PENNY SLAPS THE BUZZER. SFX: BUZZ LEONARD (CONT’D) Penny?! THE MODERATOR POINTS AT PENNY.

37.

MODERATOR You have an answer ma’am? PENNY I do. LEONARD, WOLOWITZ AND KOOTHRAPALI START MOUTHING “DICK MALVERNE.” PENNY (CONT’D) The answer is Dick Wilson. LEONARD What?! PENNY Dick Malverne was named Dick Wilson when he first met Supergirl, at the Midvale Orphanage.

When he was later

adopted, he changed his last name to that of his adoptive parents, the Malvernes. THERE IS A PAUSE, THEN: MODERATOR The lady knows her stuff. right.

She’s

The Avengers win!

LEONARD AND PENNY HUG AS THE CROWD CHEERS. LEONARD That was awesome! SHELDON APPROACHES.

38.

SHELDON Penny, congratulations. Clearly you absorbed the material we covered in its entirely. PENNY Does that mean I get my grade raised? SHELDON Do you really care? PENNY Not in the slightest.

What am I, some

geek? AS THEY SMILE AT ONE ANOTHER, WE FADE OUT. END OF ACT TWO

39.

TAG INT. CONVENTION CENTER EXHIBIT HALL (Wolowitz, Koothrapali, Alicia) THE CON IS WINDING DOWN. ALICIA IS GREETING A FEW LAST FANS AT THE BOOTH. WOLOWITZ AND KOOTHRAPALI ENTER. WOLOWITZ (RE: Alicia) There she is!

Time for

“operation Super-Friend,” leading

to

“Operation Super Girlfriend.” KOOTHRAPALI Howard, this is a bad idea. WOLOWITZ This is a great idea. here all weekend.

Alicia has been

She’s had the

chance to see me in my element. We have made her one of us! KOOTHRAPALI She’ll never be one of us.

It’s only

a matter of time before she reverts to her true self and shatters your dreams. HOWARD SAUNTERS OVER TO THE BOOTH AND LEANS IN, GIVING ALICIA HIS BEST “COME-HITHER” LOOK. WOLOWITZ Have you had a good time at the con? ALICIA I never believed I would, but it’s been a blast!

40.

WOLOWITZ I bet you see us comic book fans in a new light now, eh? ALICIA I sure do. HOWARD SMILES “I TOLD YOU SO” AT KOOTHRAPALI. THAT MOMENT, A HANDSOME GUY, DRESSED AS A FRAZETTA-TYPE BARBARIAN, WALKS UP AND PUTS HIS ARM AROUND ALICIA. ALICIA (CONT’D) (TO HANDSOME GUY) Hey baby, ready to go? LINKING ARMS, ALICIA AND HER DATE CROSS AWAY. AS THEY GO, WE HEAR THE SOUND OF SHATTERING GLASS, SEEMINGLY FROM SOMEWHERE DEEP INSIDE WOLOWITZ. A SOUND THAT IS REPEATED AS ALICIA PASSES BY EVERY OTHER GEEK IN THE ROOM, SHATTERING THEIR DREAMS AS WELL. SFX: SHATTERING GLASS. KOOTHRAPALI LAYS A CONSOLING ARM ON A SHAKEN WOLOWITZ’ SHOULDER. KOOTHRAPALI Oh Howard, it’s not your fault.

Women

always go for the guy with the big sword. AS KOOTHRAPALI LEADS A GRIEF-STRICKEN WOLOWITZ AWAY, WE: FADE OUT END OF SHOW