By a large majority, today's godly woman yearns for her husband to be a spiritual
leader. ... What does a husband's dependency on Christ look like to a wife?
The Spiritual Leadership of a Husband Dr. Emerson Eggerichs By a large majority, today's godly woman yearns for her husband to be a spiritual leader. The number one complaint among godly wives IS NOT, "My husband isn't treating me equally." The broader complaint is, "My husband isn't the spiritual leader." A husband need not be a gifted leader in order to lead spiritually. Most husbands could do something spiritual, and just that something would thrill their wives in ways that few husbands realize. A husband who authentically practices certain spiritual disciplines will qualify in the heart of a wife as the spiritual leader. What does spiritual leadership look like? Husband, a little effort on a daily basis showing your genuine dependency upon Jesus invigorates the heart of your wife - assuming your wife loves Jesus. Few things energize a wife as much. Being a leader in this sense does not demand extraordinary leadership skills but an authentic dependency on The Leader. God has put into the heart of a godly wife a yearning to be under her husband's spiritual umbrella - when she feels her husband is walking under the umbrella of Christ. Husband, the primary purpose of your spirituality and leadership is not to please your wife. You are to please Christ. But, there is no question two birds are killed with one stone: both Christ and your wife are pleased when you depend on Christ. Conversely, when a man neglects his walk with Christ, not only does he hurt Christ and himself, he hurts his wife. What does a husband's dependency on Christ look like to a wife? Before answering what that looks like, this is not about performing for your wife's satisfaction. Even if you wanted to, you will still fall short of some of her expectations! However, if you resent her expectations and refuse to enter certain paths, you may overlook something that pays great dividends. Some of you want a happy marriage but you are neglecting the one area - the spiritual dimension that makes her most delighted. So, what can a husband do spiritually? 1. Is there a daily time of prayer? 2. Is there a daily time reading the Bible? 3. Is there a support group in which praying and sharing happens? 4. Is there a setting in which biblical teaching is being received? 5. Is there a regular portion of the resources given to God's work from each paycheck? 6. Is there some kind of ministry involvement? 7. Is there consistent effort in providing spiritual input into the lives of the children? 8. Is there a readiness to talk spontaneously about Jesus with believer and unbeliever?
Don't feel overwhelmed by this list. Let's get simple. Half of these can be fulfilled Sunday morning. To get practical and simple with you, attending Sunday morning worship, tithing, and teaching your child's Sunday school class can immediately take care of 4 of these (#'s 4,5,6, and 7). That leaves making a list of things to pray about (#1). For instance, you have felt needs at work and in the family. Praying about those things is a good thing. That should not be wearisome to you. Then, you can add to that time a period of meditation on selected promises of Scripture that encourage you (#2). For example, what would you like to see God do in your life? Find key Scriptures related to this and meditate on them. Who isn't energized by this? That leaves two things. Are there a group of guys you respect who are meeting a couple times a month for breakfast and who talk about Christ (#3)? Hey, just address in those times together what you are praying about and meditating on! And, as for being more spontaneous about talking about Jesus (#8), well, don't worry about it. It will take care of itself as a result of these other things. Finished! Your wife will feel she died and ascended to heaven. Does this list strike you as legalistic? The list should only strike you as legalistic if your heart is not right with Christ. And, if your heart is not right with Christ, is that why your wife is distressed? When this list of things is neglected, your wife grows fearful. These spiritual disciplines evidence your dependency on Christ, which frees your wife to depend on you and follow you. When these disciplines are absent, her world gets thrown off in relationship to you. She is uncertain about following you. She second guesses. You can tell her she ought not to do that, however God designed her as a woman to be under your spiritual leadership. She is created to respond to your initiatives but if she feels things are not right between you and God, she can get nervous and hesitates to follow. Do you feel your wife does not follow you? It may have little to do with the specific issue she is bucking. She may view you as a great decision maker not only on this topic, but on most issues. Here is her concern: If you make great decisions but do not depend on Jesus during that process, you are not reflecting that which Christ Himself modeled and taught. Jesus depended on Abba. Also, Jesus said, "Apart from Me you can do nothing." In fact, Jesus told the parable about the man who built bigger and better barns but was the fool for never seeking God. When he died he went to hell. The guy was successful. He made excellent decisions. He won every battle. In the end, he lost the war. Your wife fears the same with you. A wife feels if a husband makes excellent decisions all his life but never trusts Christ in those decisions, then this husband is accomplishing nothing for Christ and his Kingdom. Women do not always appear discerning to husbands who make good decisions. By way of analogy, men would rather go to the best brain surgeon
who is not a Christian and never prays then to a brain surgeon who is a prayerful Christian but is barely competent to do brain surgery. Some husbands feel their wives want to go to the incompetent surgeon who prays! Actually, godly women want to go to a competent brain surgeon; however this serves as a great illustration of how some men view their wives. "My wife wants me to pray about everything when I simply want to get on with the decisions. She asks, 'Did you pray about it?'" Why does a wife do this? The reason a wife can feel this way is she hears Christ call each person to trust Him. Further, she hears Christ promise to guard and guide those who trust Him. Consequently, she feels if the husband is dependent upon Christ even if he makes a poor decision here and there, over time all will be well because Jesus will protect and provide. Her faith tells her that over time Christ will shepherd her husband and thus the family. She believes Jesus will be involved in the decisions and over the years more good will come then bad. She believes this because the Lord calls her to believe this. She is to place herself under her husband's authority "as to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22). That phrase "as to the Lord" drives her life. She hears Christ calling her to trust Him. So, she looks beyond the shoulder of her husband to the Lord. That is her worldview. Obviously, if her husband is looking at the same Lord, she enters an incredible restfulness. God made her this way. She is not naïve about bad decisions but neither is she so earthly-minded she is no heavenly good! She believes a kingdom priority is touching the heart of Christ through faith. That is the first and foremost decision! She believes one must trust Christ during the process of decision-making. Consequently, when she sees her husband depending upon Jesus she now feels that both of them are looking at Him. In her opinion both of them are pleasing the Lord and that is a kingdom value. The final decision is not unimportant to her. That decision can be very significant, and she expects her husband to use his strength and leadership to make a good decision. But she always expects her husband to apply Proverbs 3:5,6. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Husband, you do not have to be a gifted leader to create in your wife a desire to follow you. If she senses you are depending upon Christ she will depend upon you. When a husband is aligned with Christ the godly wife aligns herself with her husband. Tranquility comes over the spirit of a wife when she sees the heart of her husband kneeling before Christ. One last thought. To put the icing on the cake, after your wife shares her burden about your child, or her frustration at church, or her feelings of inadequacy over something, offer to pray for her. Take two minutes and pray for her out loud. Make it a two-minute drill, like an NFL football team driving down the field. How many games are won or lost in the last two minutes? Similarly, you can win with your wife by praying for her. If your wife has ever asked you, "Do you pray for me?" then you are married to a woman who wants this. Carry her burden up to Christ. This will mean more to your wife than the world.
