Due to these problems, they cannot live a normal life, i.e. like all healthy people ..... Our life is perhaps partially different. It is strange that I used not to ponder on ...
Constructing the Professional "I" through Practical Experience and Reflecting on in Higher Education Remigijus Bubnys Faculty of Social Welfare and Disability Studies, Siauliai University, Lithuania Paper presented at the European Conference on Educational Research Post Graduate and New Researcher Pre-Conference, University of Ghent, 17-18 September 2007 ABSTRACT. The study is based on results of academic research, focused on experience reflections of students involved in special pedagogy in their practical studies at university. By applying the method of phenomenological hermeneutics, research data revealed the experience of students in practical activity context, what allowed to distinguish the assumptions, disturbances and limits of reflective learning at higher education: √ the contents of interaction with self ("I"), chosen profession, practice; counsellors and clients (children) as well as the expression of students experiences during the practice is revealed; √ the main needs of higher education students and expectations in their practical studies are identified; √ demand of practice; counsellor’s preparation, development of competencies and demand for specific competence development in formal educational process by participants was proved; √ the main factors (limits and disturbances) possibly determining reflective/non-reflective students learning in their further studies, were identified.
INTRODUCTION One of the main aims which should be striven for in higher education is to provide conditions for reflection which stimulates critical learning where essential elements are individual’s experience, thinking, emotions and actions, while acknowledging the social and political context where the individual lives and the values that are followed. In order to successfully educate a student to become a specialist of one’s field, it is necessary to teach one to learn finding out. A student alone must become an investigator of one’s activities and of experience as well: constantly being involved in activities, pondering one’s ideas and applied theories. Experience without reflection is unstable (Schön, 1983, 1987) because it little benefits to education of contemplation which is a part of potential of reflective practice. Qualitative and quantitative peculiarities of experience influence the process of adults’ learning. Experience of adults is a valuable source for learning. Usage of experience of learners can successfully change techniques and methods for knowledge rendering. Experience is an essential factor of learning. However, it should be noted that reaction towards one’s own experience can be different and even not stimulating learning (Tereseviciene et al, 2004). It is important to know for a student how and what ways are suitable for successful learning. A lecturer in this process performs the role of a supporting assistant (Cowan, 1998); that is why one should b acquainted with and clearly mastered methods and ways which benefit to learning, in order one could help a student and analyse one’s own experience as well. The research problem. The study is focused on key issues that include the following research questions: How do the students construct their professional "I" in higher education? Does the reflection stipulate the deeper meaning of this constructing? What are the essential factors in
practical studies which determine the professional identity or attitudes towards students’ chosen profession? 1. THEORETICAL BACKGROUND 1.1 The conception of reflection and reflectivity Independently from formal knowledge that are to be delivered during the learning process, an individual forms a peculiar understanding of a phenomenon or activities, i.e. creates own theories. Reflection is the form of response to experience by a learner. Experience which encompasses person’s thoughts, feelings and actions and its analysis enable finding meanings and conceptualising them (Brockbank, McGill, 2003). Reflection is entitled as a process during which experience is being turned into learning, i.e. the way to investigate the past, while finding new meanings. Boud et al (2005) name reflection during the process of learning as a general term for description of intellectual and affective activities where the learners take part in order to investigate their experiences, while gaining a new understanding and point of view. In proceeding of this process, experience is being turned into learning, while finding out new meanings and foreseeing new perspectives. Opportunities for observation, assessment and development of activities, while trying new ideas, makes the change of behaviour easier (Osterman, Kottkamp, 2004). Reflectivity from the point of view of learning is related with lifelong learning and is considered to be one of the essential preconditions for development of knowing how to learn, while providing conditions for clear realisation of one’s own experience by dissociating from everyday events and usual reality of things. Opportunities become one of the most important aims of education which stimulate feeling, experiencing and understanding. Reflection opens to us opportunities of conscious self-determination to get to know different character of other individual’s thoughts, to listen to the other person, to perceive and to allow oneself, too, to originally reveal the essence and meanings of investigated phenomena (Kraujutaityte, 2002, p.11). Reflectivity is one of essential abilities to learn while learning and "is considered one of the essential preconditions for development of knowing how to learn" (Zuzeviciūtė, 2005; p. 72). A reflective action requires any kind of conviction or assumed active, never-ending and thorough pondering on the form of knowledge; this is the process of analysis of consideration, while investigating how the process, means and context are related (Raines, Shadiow, 1995). 1.2 The aim of reflections and main principles of reflective learning in higher education The aim of reflections is to help students to look at themselves in the process of learning, to learn to recognise and express their feelings […] and to strengthen relations between a student and a lecturer (Ivanauskiene, Liobikiene, 2005); also, reflections help in considering on gained experience, better cognition and control of self, in diagnosis of one’s own mistakes and learning some detailed analysis (Zydziunaite, 2001). Reflection is important and valuable both at the beginning of accumulation of experience and later, i.e. while systematising obtained information and analysing feelings and experiences that arouse during learning. Reconstruction of experience is a central and continuous, overall aim. In order the learners would achieve this aim, they have to reflect, while analysing their values, attitudes, emotions which, in their turn, transform understanding and provide a new sense to ideas, while relating them with previous knowledge and obtained information. Knowles (1988), Mezirow (1990), Brookfield (1995), Barnett (1996), Ramsden (2000), Jarvis et al (2004), Jarvis (1999, 2006) characterise learning as a holistic, constructive, meaningful and creative process of world construction processes, connecting thinking, feelings and behaviour. The essential
aim in the educational process is oriented to the skill of students to learn constantly through a skill to reflect experience. The main principles of reflective learning and reflective practice theories (Dewey, 1933,1938; Kolb, 1984; Shön 1983, 1987; Calderhead, Gates, 1993; Loughran, 1996; Cowan, 1998; Moon, 1999, 2004; Brockbank, McGill, 2003; Johns, 2004; Osterman, Kottkamp, 2004; Boud et al, 2005), where one of the main higher education aims is training to learn constantly analyzing one’s experience and creation of conditions for reflection, when individual experience, thinking, emotions and actions become the main elements, acknowledging social and political context where individual resides and the values he keeps. Experience analysis through reflection enables student to realize his attitude to learning, associate theoretical and practical knowledge, protects form credulity, helps to foresee suitable strategies, to evaluate more efficiently and qualitatively and change made actions, to take completive decisions in different life situations. During reflection self-contained "foreseen" knowledge and skills are acquired, which result in development of practitioner’s skills, attitudes, i.e. complete competence of practitioner is developed. Usher (1985) argues that learners have to learn how to reflect: how to select from present external experiences and to shift to own (internal) experiences in order to learn and shift beyond what is known. A reflective student can be characterised as follows: (1) feeling respect to own professional development (more that just to learn "to do something") as of a specialist to be; (2) during practice, finding relations between theory and practice elements (more than simply recalculating someone else’s success) and (3) critically assesses own performed activities and relation with one’s clients or other people (Raines, Shadiow, 1995). While analysing issues of teaching and learning, attention is paid to the fact that the learners are little oriented towards gaining such abilities which would allow them achieving, selecting and assessing knowledge and abilities and to independently use knowledge and skills gained (Baranauskiene, 1999, 2000, 2002; Jarvis at al 2004; McGill, Brockbank, 1998; Ramsden, 2000; Zuzeviciute, 2005; Zydziunaite, 2001). Learning is turned into professional and personal perfection consequently perfection becomes a more perfect implementation of professional activities. 2. THE STUDY 2.1 The aim. To reveal the experience of students-special pedagogues in their practical studies at higher education, by highlighting the assumptions of reflective studying and expressed characteristics. 2.2 The method 2.2.1 Data collection. Unstructured written reflection and a reflective diary. 2.2.2 Data analysis. The phenomenological hermeneutical method. The phenomenological hermeneutic analysis of the text involves phases, which constitute a dialectic movement between the whole and the parts between understanding and explanation (Lindseth, Norberg, 2004): 1) a naive reading is the first interpretation of the text as a whole, which provides direction for further analysis; 2) structural analyses include various examinations of the parts of the text in order to explain what it says. In this phase have been formulated themes; 3) comprehensive understanding includes the summarizing and reflecting on the main themes, themes and sub-themes in relation to the research question and the context of the study; 4) formulating the results in a phenomenological hermeneutical way means that the results should be formulated in everyday language as close to lived experience as possible.
2.3 Research participants. 65 first-year students of Special Pedagogy (university level higher education). These students, after entering the university, go to observational practical placement on the second week of their studies. Purpose of this practical placement for them is to develop their skills of self-reflection and to understand themselves as prospective special pedagogues. After this practice, they returned and started writing a reflective diary. Everything lasted for three months. 3. RESULTS The results of the research are analysed in the context: "How did I feel and what did I experience during the practical placement". After analysis of one’s own feelings and experience during practice, 18 dimensions and 46 subjects which comprise them were distinguished. The article presents these dimensions, themes and sub-themes which were given as responses to the problematical research question. 3.1 Construction of students’ professional "I" during the practical placement Experience (orientation towards oneself) on personal transformation (personal change). The dimension reflects students’ personal change, change of attitudes and values in proceeding of the practical placement, over-estimation of self as a personality and a prospective specialist. Theme: Personal "growth". Children that were communicated to by the students during practical placement were the main individuals due to whom students’ attitude towards themselves as prospective specialists underwent changes, while reconsidering their attitudes and values from the point of view of the future profession. Communication with children allowed finding out these qualities and ways which are needed for work with children with special self-educational needs. Help for children is the way towards finding and getting to know self: "...Then I understood that there was my place, that I felt needed, that I could help…" Theme: Personal overcoming. During practical placement, the students used to occur in such situations where they had "…to overcome themselves…", "…step over themselves…", i.e. to learn to accept the existing situation: "…aggressiveness of children frightened me. When I saw them I almost started to cry, I thought that I would go mad…" At the end of the practical placement, selfdetermination to help the disabled arouse through experience of overcoming themselves and motivation increased. Theme: Over-estimation of personal life. The practical placement helped the students to assess themselves and their life more critically. Attitude of majority of students has changed after the practical placement: understanding of the idea that, except material things, students have everything fir being happy has occurred. Insignificant details are not the things worth "snivelling". Due to practical placement experiences, the students understood that had "…everything for complete living…" Cognition of disability of children during practical placement period and seeing how many children are disabled encouraged to increased appreciation of their health and joy of being healthy. Experience of successful adjustment through personal transformation. The dimension reveals change of students’ emotional experiences in the course of the process of adjustment. Theme: Change of emotions while adjusting. On the first day of the practical placement, when seeing children with special self-educational needs, the students felt ill at ease, while feeling sympathy for those children. A new and extraneous place and constant attention of children forced
them feeling ill at ease. Children were causing disgust by dribbling and striving to kiss the trainees. Some of the students even felt guilty that they could hear and children whom they communicated to could not. After several days and knowing children better, disgust and sympathy were changed by understanding that: "…those are the same children like many others, just having some problems. Due to these problems, they cannot live a normal life, i.e. like all healthy people…" Sympathy for those children was overcome due to constant being with them. The students tried to communicate and play as much as possible with them. It required great efforts of will of some of the students in order they could overcome themselves and accept those children. Identification with children allowed feeling that sympathy for children was no the right way for striking and maintaining relationship with them. A more successful adaptation was of those students who were interested in specificity of this profession before choosing this speciality. Prior knowledge helped to control themselves in certain situations by avoiding an emotional shock. Uncertainty as a precondition for personal change through self-cognition during practical placement. The dimension reflects personal change of students-prospective specialists through selfcognition after occurring in new, unknown situations during practical placement. Theme: Gaining of new experience. After occurring in a new environment of future professional activities, students did not know how to behave: "…during practical placement, worry, thrill "were boiling" inside me, and many thoughts and questions were twisting in my head: how will children accept us, will they want to communicate with us, how I should behave with and speak to them…" Uncertainty was a stimulus for search and finding new experience and getting acquainted with specificity of one's future profession. The greatest assistants in this process were practical placement supervisors (teachers) who posed an example for the students by their behaviour in one or another situation: "…after noticing how the teacher communicates, behaves with them, I also have found the way to come closer to them, to make friends…" Theme: Understanding. While communicating with children, students were uncertain why did children who were offered assistance "used to react roughly". After several days at practical placement and longer communication with children, the students understood that children "wanted to be the same simple people despite their disability". Feelings of fear and sympathy for children have changed after understanding strivings and wish of children to be like others. Thanks to new experience and experiences during the practical placement, the students better got to know themselves in search for new ways of activities and knowing other people which help to successfully adjust and better perform necessary activities during the practical placement. Uncertainty stimulated for finding out still unfamiliar personal qualities, abilities, ways of behaviour, thus better getting acquainted with environment and other people. The link between relations with children and change of the attitude towards them. This dimension reveals the change student’s attitude towards children with special needs through a deeper perception of children during common activities. Theme: Qualities of children (individuality). Desire of children to live was the most surprising for the students: "...I thought that I understood life, am able to enjoy it, am happy, but after seeing children’s sincerity, endless wish to strive for something, their desire to live, to enjoy life, I was very surprised...". Sincerity and simplicity of children made the students to re-think their relation with themselves as well at their attitude towards their personal life: "I was feeling being cold with them, like an "iceberg" not being able to value one’s life. It was so strange to see their endless joy
when they were praised by someone, when someone willingly communicated with them, when someone paid attention to them, when they were the focus of attention…" Due to written students’ reflections, we can single out the main factors which predetermined in some way students’ professional perfection and growth. Cognition of children with special needs, finding out of new ways of communication with children, re-evaluation of personal life were of predetermining significance for development of students’ professional "I" during the practical placement. Acceptance of new experience and ability to learn from it in practice as well as the future profession predetermined a more successful adjustment. Successful adaptation in the place of practical placement conditioned a greater self-cognition, while finding out those qualities which were not noticed previously. 3.2 Essential factors in practical studies which determine the professional identity or attitudes to students’ chosen profession 3.2.1 Positive factors in practical studies which determine the professional identity or attitudes to students’ chosen profession Experiencing of joy and satisfaction. The dimension reflects positive emotions and experiences during the practical placement which predetermined successful adjustment of students in places of practical placement, while forming the conception of themselves as future specialists as well as their professional identity. Theme: Communication "without walls" with children and pedagogues. The students experienced joy and satisfaction most often when they could get acquainted with the environment where they performed the practical placement. The sense of success was felt while seeing the true reality, i.e. the real "world" of disability": "...I am lucky for I saw how it is in fact at such institutions..." Self-satisfaction was increased by absence of the sense of fear when getting acquainted with a disabled child for the first time and with no fear to communicate with one. The students felt it was possible to communicate with these children like with others, while not feeling discomfort or other unpleasant feelings: "...while seeing a paralysed child, I communicated with one like with any child…" Majority of students experienced the feeling of unity and identification with children with special self-education needs: "...I knew that some of them had hearing, vision, severe and mild intellectual disorders; however, I never felt any difference that they were different from other people…" Joy and satisfaction were most often experienced while receiving some assistance from pedagogues, while getting acquainted with the environment of practical placement, while being able to maintain equal interrelationships through self-identification with children, while accepting them as they were. Theme: Love for children. The first negative impression for the students on children with special needs was changed during the practical placement by mutual understanding that these children also had feelings, wanted some warmth, embracing and praising. Along with understanding and better knowing children, sensitivity of the students for children needs increased: "...they are wonderful children, I understood that they had feelings, wanted some warmth, loving embraces, beautiful words, praising. And I didn’t grudge these things for the children…" During the practical placement, the students felt responsible for security of children while being involved in various activities with children: "...I had to watch them in order nothing went off of my eyes…"
Sensitiveness to individual qualities of a child and the sense of responsibility while being with children – these are the main means of expression of love for children. Theme: Experiencing happiness. Feelings of happiness during the practical placement are related with successful adjustment of the students. Students succeeded to quickly get adjusted to, as they say, problematic communication with children. The reason for success was prior attitudes: "...I succeeded to quickly adjust to problematic communication; perhaps my prior attitudes which were upon my arrival at the first institution helped…" Successful adjustment during the practical placement was predetermined by prior attitudes and view towards work of special pedagogues, i.e. meaningfulness of work and ability to see a clear purpose of work with children. Theme: Experiencing joy. During the practical placement, the students experienced many different, unstable emotions: "…during the practical placement, feelings and experiences seemed to change every minute: sorrow was changed by joy, fear was changed by attachment, indifference – by a wish to help…" Efforts of children "…to cling to life…" inspired the students the wish to help them. Knowing alone of the fact that they could help children who needed help used to bring joy every time. After finding out that they could communicate and influence change of children, the students were joyous. The most intensive feelings of joy and satisfaction are related with experience of being awaited: "...the most pleasant feeling is when in the morning you step in through the door and everyone runs in, embraces, smiles, is joyful…" Joy was also experienced through being together with children: while playing, holding them in arms, feeling that being with them is joy to children, too: "...it is impossible to say in words the joy of such moments I felt inside…" Students used to feel easiness when children accepted students as they were: "...while performing practical placement, communicating with children, I felt some kind of easiness because they accepted me as I was… A strange, unexplainable feeling flooded me when my eyes used to meet their eyes..." Efforts of children, being together – these were the main forces stimulating students’ motivation for help and experience joy. Theme: Inner comfort. Students experienced tranquillity, warmth, friendliness due to children’s wish to communicate. The children’s need for communication predetermined students’ experiencing of relaxation and comfort feelings. Theme: Connection between striving to help and realistic possibilities. The most pleasant was to the students when children used to acknowledge them for their efforts and help: "...It was wonderful to see their smiling faces, to hear their thanksgiving. I was glad for I could make the children merry, give them happiness…" The sense of self-satisfaction used to occupy when students could give some warmth, when children trusted and believed in what was being done for them. A close relationship with children "...a pleasant touch of children, a given hand inviting to play together with them…" strengthened students’ experiences and feelings: "…this provided me strength even though I felt myself being tired…", "…I understood that children trusted in me…", "...it was pleasant, warm..." Being needed. The dimension reflects expression of students’ feeling of need in relation with oneself and a chosen profession. Theme: Thankfulness. Students enjoyed playing together with children, helping them. Usually children used to thank them for provided assistance: "…It was especially joyous to receive
thanksgiving for helping… Then you especially feel needed" Thankfulness of children was one of the major evidences of being needed. Theme: Help. While performing the practical placement, the students tried to help children to satisfy their social demands. It was tried to pay more attention to children in order they could feel that they in fact are cared about and needed. A possibility to help children and attachment through communication with them strengthened students’ experience of being needed even more: "...we got on well and due to that I was happy. I felt being needed…", "…during practical placement I enjoyed helping children. Then I felt being needed…" Theme: Professional self-determination. Experience of being needed for children during the practical placement influenced students’ self-determination and motivation for further studies as well. Understanding of the sense being needed helped them to self-determine to become a specialist, even though, before the practical placement, there were thoughts to leave studies. During the practical placement, children with special needs seemed to be interesting, even "…more interesting than healthy ones with whom I communicate to…", majority of students understood that the children needed others’ help and understanding. Understanding of meaningfulness of work during the practical placement predetermined their professional self-determination and strengthened the feeling of being needed for children even more. Majority of them understood that for committed work one will always receive response and become needed. The sense of being needed understanding of meaningfulness of work – these were the main factors predetermining their professional self-determination. Those students who felt needed for children and understood meaningfulness of their performed activities during the practical placement, were more motivated and convinced in rightness of their choice of studies. 3.2.2 Negative factors in practical studies which determine the professional identity or attitudes to students’ chosen profession Negative emotions which were experienced by the students during the practical placement were main obstacles for successful formation of the role of a future specialist. Majority of the students in the course of the practical placement experienced fear, pain and sympathy. These were the main and the most intensive negative emotions that were experienced. The students underwent many other strong emotions; however, they were not able to recognise and name them, but majority of them were related with unpleasant experience. Experiencing of fear and worry. The dimension reflects expression of students’ fear and worry during practical placement. Theme: Disability of children. The feeling of fear during the practical placement is related with a new experience – encountering with disability of children. Those students who saw such children for the first time experienced the feeling more often and more intensively. Obvious children diseases and disability caused worry for the students, "...like "a butterfly" was inside. I felt very strange, and I wanted to escape from there as quickly as possible…" For a long time, Even not being at practical placement, the students used to think of these children, remembering how unhappy they are and what a big number of them exists. Theme: Professional hesitations. The sense of undetermined fear during the practical placement caused to a number of students some doubts concerning ability to work according to the chosen speciality. Children to those students seemed to be "…unusual…" and "strangers…"; that is why
often a question was posed whether they will be able to work with exactly such people in future. The feeling of "being like square peg in round hole" encouraged to forget everything and leave: "…There were moments when I wanted to leave as soon as possible and to forget everything..." It was difficult for the students to identify themselves with and accept the role of a teacher. Unpredictable children’s behaviour, peculiarity of teacher’s work predetermined increase of fear and bigger doubts on their professional choice. Theme: Ignorance of the speciality. In their reflections, some students ignore or reject their chosen profession. While being on practical placement, they underwent a big number of internal opposing feelings: "...I felt hatred, sympathy, anger and various opposing feelings…" Experiencing of mistrust in themselves and constant fear of children which remained after the practical placement, predetermined students’ self-determination to have nothing in common with a chosen speciality: "…what I saw there is quite a separate republic and a separate life which I would not like to have anything common with…", "…during all practical placement, I experienced various feelings. A thought occurred that I was learning what I would not like to do ever..." A negative first experience in relation with a chosen speciality to be studied negatively influenced students’ further attitude towards themselves as specialists of this field. The first impression remained inadequate which can bear in some way impact on further one’s studies and attitude towards learning of speciality subjects and, in general, attitude towards perfection of themselves as a prospective specialist. Experiencing of pain through relation with children. The dimension reflects experiences of students’ pain during the observational practical placement. Theme: Real encounter with disability of children. While seeing children with various disabilities, the students experienced pain. The most painful was to observe children at age of 2–3 years: "...I saw children at age of 2–3 years with various physical disabilities; that is why most often I wanted to cry and escape from there as soon as possible..." Pain was caused by uselessness of children, life in "the routine" of disability, too. "We cannot help in any way…" these children, they: "…will never be the same like the rest, but they still hope to happen…" The students suffered also due to the fact that majority of these children "...will not learn at a normal school and will not be able to perform any work…", they will not be able "…to live complete life, even though they wished it very much…" The students name the place of their practical placement as "abnormal", while not seeing any perspectives for these children to work or perfect and to achieve something. By not noticing any opportunities for perfection of these children, they lose an opportunity to find meaning for their professional activities, while helping children with special needs to get integrated into the society. Pain was also caused by inability to understand "why are there so many such children…", "…why is the world so cruel and make children helpless. They are innocent and already different…" During the practical placement, the students felt how much energy and patience is needed in work with children: "…I worked in a kindergarten, there I felt only headache because of their screaming. I used to come there in a merry mood and returned sullen, nervous…" This experience gained during practical placement allowed the students understanding how much effort of will is needed in work with children, how much is needed to learn to control themselves, to control emotions and to learn to relax. Experiencing sympathy. The dimension reflects students’ experience of sympathy during observational practical placement.
Theme: Limitation of children. Sympathy during the practical placement was usually experienced due to exclusion of children with special needs, limitedness of their possibilities and their fragility. The students felt sympathy for children for their minimal possibilities to understand and do something. Sympathy was also caused by external-physical appearance of children. The feeling of sympathy was experienced the strongest at the beginning of the practical placement; later it weakened, while trying to adjust and not show the feeling; however, it was not succeeded to completely avoid and not feel sympathy for the children – they had to "mask" this with a smile: "I tried to smile even though sometimes I didn’t want to…" Even though unconsciously, the students during practical placement feel that in work with disabled children they have to smother their true emotions by substituting them with other ones – more adequate in a particular situation or by rationalising them. Mechanisms of defence become important, while striving to avoid negative outcomes in relations with a disabled. Experiencing sympathy is to be linked with age of children. A bigger sympathy was felt by the students for children, while underlining their age phase. Disability of a child caused more intensive experiences than those of a senior person: "…they are still so young and so disadvantaged in life…", "…after seeing severely ill children, I was flooded by such a great sympathy, they are so small and ill so badly..." In students’ reflections, limitedness of perception of a disabled person by the students becomes obvious. Students themselves separate disabled children from the so called "like the rest" by stating that "…children with special needs consider themselves being full-fledged people. They do not single out themselves among others because they do not understand that they are different..." The students themselves label children "others", while maintaining the attitude and doubting about children’s completeness. Theme: Helplessness. Sympathy for children stimulated the students to search for possible ways of help, event though there were doubts about their own abilities. Sympathy for children encouraged students’ altruism and wish to help. Children’s "love for everyone", smile, coming closer and embrace caused surprised to the students: "…In such moments, my "heart was squeezed", sympathy flooded for I could not help them…" Attachment of children almost "disarmed" students. Moments of intimacy with children stimulated students’ feeling of being helpless themselves. Experiencing inexperienced (indeterminate) feelings. The dimension reflects undetermined and strong emotional empathies of students during the practical placement. Theme: Strong emotional empathies. The students experienced many emotions which were unfamiliar to them before the practical placement: "…I could not speak a word, I shivered…in one word, the reaction was awful. I reacted like this for the first time in my life, but I don’t know why…" For a majority it was hard to name and explain the reasons for occurred feeling. While communicating with children, identifying themselves with their professional role, the students experienced many extreme emotions: from strictness to consolation, from strangeness to elevation. A new role of a teacher was unaccepted for the students. It was difficult to them to adjust to the new role during the practical placement: "…the strangest thing was to hear children calling me a teacher…" Later, after communication with children for some time, a feeling of elevation used to flood, while hearing from children that one was a teacher. A part of students constantly was solving various dilemmas in relation with children, while experiencing ambivalent feelings: "…at one minute I was afraid, at other – I had an enormous feeling of wish to help them..." Newly acquired experience during the practical placement encouraged for re-evaluation of some of one’s values and attitude towards one’s health: "…This
practical placement has showed me life, different from the one that we see in fact. Our life is perhaps partially different. It is strange that I used not to ponder on how human health is dear…". Strong emotional empathies of students, ambivalent feelings and extreme emotions experienced during the practical placement are linked with new experience, acceptance of one’s new role, change and re-evaluation of values and attitudes. 4. CONCLUSIONS Possible experience is associated with successful adjustment through personal transformation: from disgust till adjustment, from guilt till understanding, from compassion till self-identification. Development of "very self" is revealed through subjects of self-cognition, professional identity, self-confidence, successful relationships with children and re-evaluation of personal attitudes and conceiving of life completeness. Uncertainty which was faced by the students during practical placement is an assumption for a personal alternation through self cognition: new behaviour types, identification and appeasement of children’s self-education are found. The main limits for students to learn from their own experience are feeling of negative emotions in relations with children, practice advisers and self. The students during the practice experienced fear, despair, confusion, shame and compassion, also the lack of personal empathy is felt in respect to children. Pain is felt while observing children’s disability, their hopelessness, efforts and lack of motivation for help. Experiences of hopelessness and lack of self-confidence are dominating due to the lack of practical experience and information, possible negative evaluation of teachers and possible negative behaviour of children. The limits of interaction during practical placement are associated with negative experience and feelings in relation to teachers (practice advisers) due to their social incompetence, behaviour with children and exploitation: sneering, repulse, "coldness", indifference, cruelty and children discrimination, disrespect and negative attitudes in relation to children and chosen profession. Emotions play the most important role in teaching process, they are also a drive of reflective learning, though often dynamic and intense feelings obstruct effective learning from their own experience. Received results revealed that the respondents had experienced rather many negative feelings during their practice, which did not create assumptions for a successful learning from their own experience. References Baranauskiene, R. (1999). Application of the Method of Reflective Thinking in University Education of Teachers. Contemporary problems of special and social pedagogy: material from scientific conference. (p. 65-66). Siauliai: Siauliai University. [Lithuanian language]. Baranauskiene, R. (2000). Peculiarities of a Reflective Study Model in the Context of Learning. Social Sciences: Education, 5 (26), 60-67. [Lithuanian language]. Baranauskiene, R. (2002). The Turn of Higher Education Paradigm and Its Expression while Applying Reflective Practice in Studies (in the Context of Training Teachers of English). PhD dissertation (Social Sciences, Education Science, 07S). Siauliai: Siauliai University. [Lithuanian language].
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