Becoming a Great Lover [husband edition]. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient
and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist ...
Becoming a Great Lover [husband edition] 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
The Bible’s words
Definitions
Patient (Eph. 4:1-3; Rom. 15:1-3; Matt. 5:39) Kind (John 15:12-13; Eph. 5:2) Does not envy (Gen. 3:6; Exo. 20:17; Phil. 4:11-13) Does not boast (Phil. 2:1-11) Is not arrogant (1 Tim. 1:15; Matt. 7:1-5)
To wait with grace; to persevere through problems; to bear up under provocation. What situations drive me crazy? What aspects of her character are hurtful, irritating or troubling? To give merciful (unearned) expressions of love. How can I overwhelm her with honor? How can I lavish her with blessings? What would she deeply enjoy? How can I contribute to her peace, joy and rest? To be jealous of what God has not given: “Why can’t my wife be like so-and-so’s wife?” “It’s not fair.” “I like myself more when I’m with this other woman than with my wife.” “Why can’t I have a good life?” To admire oneself, such as, “I’m a better spouse she is” or “she’s more dysfunctional than I am.” “I do so much for her and she treats me like this!?” “I deserve better.” Similar to boasting, arrogance thinks too much of myself, and too little of others. Arrogance betrays my rejection of 1 Timothy 1:15 (“Jesus Christ came…to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.”). Arrogance blames her for our quarrels instead of the “passions at war within me” (Js. 4). An arrogant husband sees his wife’s faults more clearly than his own. To act contrary to common standards of grace, honor and decency. How sad that I sometimes treat total strangers and clients with better courtesy than my wife. Familiarity does not excuse me from high manners. Sin cherishes self. When unloving husbands don’t get their own way, they yell or disengage. Instead, love keeps loving when things don’t go my way, even when I feel disrespected and uncared-for. Love finds deep joy in sacrifice. To be provoked, aroused, or literally “to be sharpened.” When I don’t get what I want, how do I act? How do I make it clear that I’m disappointed? Am I satisfied by God? Love does not dwell on injury. Love does not calculate all the bad things that happen to me. Love does not gather evidence of my wife’s shortcomings. Love does not fantasize about telling her off. NIV “keeps no record of wrongs.” KJV “thinketh no evil.” Sin withholds love and wallows in sadness and anger. Sin likes to give the cold shoulder, to refuse eye-contact, laughter, and tenderness. Sin feels entitled to unloving behavior. Sin likes to appear reasonable. “Who wouldn’t be angry all the time if they lived with this woman?” I have a hard time seeing Biblical reality, especially when I’m upset. Therefore, I read the Bible hoping it will confront my unseen self-deceptions, and I listen to my wife and submit to church elders who help me understand the Bible in real life. I need the Bible desperately because my sin nature is likely to deceive me. I need truth. “He’ll never change.” “She’ll never treat me well.” Matthew Henry, “Though it be much shocked, and borne hard upon; *love+ sustains all manner of injury and ill usage, and bears up under it….”
Is not rude (Hebrews 13:16; 1 Peter 3:1-6; 4:9) Does not insist on its own way (John 12:20-26; 1 Peter 2:24; Rom. 12:10) Is not irritable (James 4:1-2; Matt. 5:21-22; Psalm 63) Is not resentful (Phil. 4:8; Col. 3:12-17; Prov. 19:11) Does not rejoice at wrongdoing or injustice (Luke 23:34; 1 Pet 3:9; 1 Cor. 7:5) Rejoices with the truth (1 Peter 3:1-6; Matt 18:21-35; Eph. 5:26; Heb. 4:12; Heb. 13:17) Bears/believes/hopes/endures (Song of Songs 8:6; 1 Pet. 4:8; Psa. 142)
Use 1 Corinthians 13 as a diagnostic tool. First, study the definitions and ask the Holy Spirit to help you understand this amazing paragraph of the Bible. Second, use the worksheet on the next page to repent and to strategize new ways to love your wife.
Worksheet Use this worksheet to uncover areas of sin, repent, and then strategize how to love your wife with God’s power and pleasure.
The Bible’s words Patient
Kind
Does not envy
Does not boast
Is not arrogant
Is not rude
Does not insist on its own way
Is not irritable
Is not resentful
Does not rejoice at wrongdoing or injustice Rejoices with the truth
Bears/believes/hopes/endures
In what situations does my heart struggle with this aspect of love?
What specific things will I do today to express this aspect of love?
