Bullying

Bullying

Bullying

Bullying is Real It happens every single day all around us. Most of us have experienced bullying, either personally as a victim, bystander or even as the bully.

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Bystander/ Upstander

Bully Triangle

When bystanders intervene, bullying stops within 10 seconds 57% of the time

Bully

Victim 4

What is bullying? Although definitions of bullying can vary, most experts agree that bullying involves:

An Imbalance of Power: The person exhibiting bullying behavior uses their power to control or harm others.

Intent to Cause Harm: The individual has a goal to cause harm someone.

Repetition: Incidents of bullying typically happen to the same person over and over by the same person or group of people or have the potential to happen more than once

(2017). Retrieved from http://americanspcc.org/bullying/

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Bullying Vs Conflict

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Four Types of Bullying Verbal Physical Social/Emotional/Relational Cyber

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Verbal Bullying Verbal bullying is using words to hurt someone. It can include: ● Teasing ● Name-calling ● Inappropriate sexual comments ● Taunting ● Threatening to cause harm 8

Physical Bullying Physical bullying involves hurting a person with actions. It can include: ● Hitting/kicking/pinching ● Spitting ● Tripping/pushing ● Taking or breaking someone’s things ● Making mean or rude hand gestures 9

Social/Emotional/Relational Bullying Social/emotional/relational bullying involves hurting someone by using your relationship. It can include: ● Leaving someone out on purpose ● Telling other children not to be friends with someone ● Spreading rumors about someone ● Embarrassing someone in public 10

Cyber Bullying Cyberbullying is using electronic technology to harm others. It includes: ● Sending hurtful text messages ● Posting statements on social media ● Using videogames to make others feel inferior ● Harassing phone calls 11

Addressing Bullying in Our District*

Overall, throughout the curriculum in Language Arts, Science, Social Studies & Physical Education/Health respect, kindness and teamwork are emphasized to empower students.

Elementary Level: computer science/coding class, buddy classrooms, student surveys, bullying committee, lessons are provided in class by social worker or outside agency regarding bullying & safe touch, bullying committee 12



Middle School: Student Council, lessons by school counselor, interpersonal relationship skills class, Brighter Futures Club, Group Counseling to address individual needs

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High School: Link Crew, Brighter Futures Club, TLS Respect week, ALPHA Say Something Nice Day, Group Counseling to address individual needs

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Bullying prevention month & Red Ribbon Week October is bullying prevention month. Red Ribbon Week is also presented during this month where the focus is on healthy living. 15

Bullying Myths Myth: You can tell who a bully is by looking at them.

Myth: You can always tell a bully from a victim.

Children who bully rarely fit the stereotype of the muscle-bound, hot-tempered, mean kid from across town. Sometimes children who are smaller in stature become bullies to compensate for size. Many children who bully are also very socially connected, popular and from "good families." The same high level of social skill that makes the bullying behavior easy is also what prevents adults from seeing it.

Children engaging in victim behavior and bullying behavior is actually quite common, especially in younger grades. The same child may be excluded from a playground activity one day and be the child name calling the next. This blurring of roles between victim and bully behavior makes it challenging to figure out who started the problem.

Myth: Teachers and others should be able to see bullying easily. Bullies plan their behaviors to avoid being caught. Many bullies engage in bullying behavior in locations that are isolated, such as bathrooms or locker rooms, or in crowded places where they are less likely to be observed such as cafeterias, playgrounds or buses. Many kids who bully also know how to manipulate the adults in their environment, including parents and teachers.

(2017). Retrieved from http://www.togetheragainstbullying.org/tab/understanding-bullying/myths/

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Bullying Myths Myth: Kids who are bullied often ask for it. Children who are victims of bullying are sometimes different. They may have a disability. They may sometimes have a temper and get upset easily. They may be socially awkward and not understand social rules for their age group. This may make them annoying to be around. They may also engage in bullying behavior themselves.

Myth: Children bully because they have poor control of their anger.

Myth: Cyberbullying is less damaging than traditional verbal or physical bullying.

Children bully other children in order to gain or maintain social power in their peer group. They target other children they perceive as weak or different from them. They target other children who are not able to defend themselves. They often use social situations to bully. When bystanders laugh or are silent, the bully's behaviors are socially reinforced.

Cyberbullying has the potential to cause more damage than traditional physical or verbal bullying. The victim of cyberbullying may not know who is bullying them. Internet bullying behavior is most often anonymous. Kids who bully become bolder due to the physical distance and not seeing their victim's reaction. Kids who bully are often unsupervised in their online activities and bullying messages can happen 24 hours a day all week long rather than just at school. The victim has no safe place to be without threat of being bullied.

(2017). Retrieved from http://www.togetheragainstbullying.org/tab/understanding-bullying/myths/

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Who is at risk? Generally, children who are bullied have one or more of the following risk factors: ●

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Are perceived as different from their peers, such as being overweight or underweight, wearing glasses or different clothing, being new to a school, or being unable to afford what kids consider “cool” Are perceived as weak or unable to defend themselves Are depressed, anxious, or have low self esteem Are less popular than others and have few friends Do not get along well with others, seen as annoying or provoking, or antagonize others for attention 18

Warning Signs a child is being bullied Look for changes in the child. Some signs that may point to a bullying problem ● ● ● ●

Unexplainable injuries Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry Frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick /faking illness Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating. Kids may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch.

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Warning Signs a child is being bullied Look for changes in the child. Some signs that may point to a bullying problem ● ● ● ● ●

Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares Declining grades, loss of interest in school, or not wanting to go to school Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide

Be aware that not all children who are bullied exhibit warning signs. 20

Why Don’t Kids Ask For Help ? Statistics from the 2016 Indicators of School Crime and Safety indicate that between 2005 and 2015, the percentage of students reporting being bullied at school during the school year decreased from 28 to 21 percent. In many cases, children are not sharing with adults that they were bullied. Kids don’t tell adults for many reasons: ●

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Bullying can make a child feel helpless. Kids may want to handle it on their own to feel in control again. They may fear being seen as weak or a tattletale. Kids may fear backlash from the kid who bullied them. Bullying can be a humiliating experience. Kids may not want adults to know what is being said about them, whether true or false.

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Why Don’t Kids Ask For Help ? Statistics from the 2016 Indicators of School Crime and Safety indicate that between 2005 and 2015, the percentage of students reporting being bullied at school during the school year decreased from 28 to 21 percent. In many cases, children are not sharing with adults that they were bullied. Kids don’t tell adults for many reasons: ● ● ●

They may also fear that adults will judge them or punish them for being weak. Kids who are bullied may already feel socially isolated. They may feel like no one cares or could understand. Kids may fear being rejected by their peers. Friends can help protect kids from bullying, and kids can fear losing this support.

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Types of children who are more likely to bully others: ●

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Some are well-connected to their peers, have social power, are overly concerned about their popularity, and like to dominate or be in charge of others. Others are more isolated from their peers and may be depressed or anxious, have low self esteem, be less involved in school, be easily pressured by peers, or not identify with the emotions or feelings of others. The children who have these factors also tend to be more aggressive or easily frustrated, have less parental involvement or have issues at home, think badly of others, have difficulty following rules, view violence in a positive way and have friends who bully others.

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Signs a Child is Bullying Others ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

Gets into physical or verbal fights Has friends who bully others Are increasingly aggressive Get sent to the principal’s office frequently Has unexplained extra money or new belongings Blame others for their problems Doesn’t accept responsibility for their actions Are competitive, worry about their reputation or popularity

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Tips for Parents Talk With and Listen to Your Children Everyday Ask questions about their school day, including experiences on the way to and from school, lunch, and recess. Ask about their peers. Children who feel comfortable talking to their parents about these matters before they are involved in bullying are more likely to get them involved after.

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Tips for Parents Be a Good Example When you get angry at waiters, other drivers or others, model effective communication techniques. Any time you speak to another person in a mean or abusive way, you're teaching your child that bullying is ok.

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Tips for Parents Teach Kids to Treat Others with Respect and Kindness Teach your child that it is wrong to ridicule differences (e.g., race, religion, appearance, special needs, gender, economic status) and try to instill a sense of empathy for those who are different. Consider getting involved together in a community group where your child can interact with kids who are different. 27

Tips for Parents Create Healthy Anti-Bullying Habits Starting as young as possible, coach your children on both what not to do (push, tease, and be mean to others) as well as what to do (be kind, empathize, and take turns). Also coach your child on what to do if someone is mean to him or to another (get an adult, tell the bully to stop, walk away and ignore the bully).

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Tips for Parents Make Sure Your Child Understands Bullying Explicitly explain what it is and that it's not normal or tolerable for them to bully, be bullied, or stand by and watch other kids be bullied.

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What to do when bullying occurs Avoid assumptions. The most important thing to do is to listen to your child without judgment. Try to avoid questions like, “Did you say something to upset these kids?” or “Did you do something to them first?” This makes the assumption that the victim caused the problem.

Do ask the teacher for help. It’s no big secret that a lot of bullying and other mean behavior occurs on the bus, in the cafeteria and during recess, so your child’s teacher might not be aware of the details. What the teacher will notice, however, are changes in your child’s behavior and emotional state. Ask for help as soon as you suspect a problem. 30

What to do when bullying occurs Problem solve with your child. The term “bullying” is used to describe a wide range of behaviors. That makes it nearly impossible to find one solution to help all kids. When you brainstorm solutions with your child, you empower your child to take control. Some kids are great with snappy comebacks, some need to walk away and many prefer use of the “buddy” system. I always tell parents that children don’t need a table full of friends; they just need one. Do not tell the child to physically fight back against the kid who is bullying. It could get the child hurt, suspended, or expelled. If there are threats to their safety, you should contact the school administration to intervene. 31

What to do when bullying occurs Identify a touchstone. Every child needs a touchstone at school. Kids spend the majority of their days with their teachers and other kids; they need to know where they can go for help. They need a trusted person, a touchstone. Help your child identify a safe person at school who can help him if the bullying continues.

Don‘t schedule a meeting or approach the perceived bully or their parents. In most cases, this ends up being awkward and uncomfortable for both kids and doesn’t actually solve the problem. The child on the receiving end is likely to feel scared when face to face with aggressor. This can also break the trust between the child and the parent. 32

What to do if your child is the bully Take bullying seriously. Make sure your kids understand that you will not tolerate bullying at home or anywhere else. Establish rules about bullying and stick to them. If you punish your child by taking away privileges, be sure it's meaningful. Teach more appropriate (and nonviolent) ways to react, like walking away. 33

What to do if your child is the bully Learn about your child's social life. Try to understand the reasons behind your child's behavior. In some cases, kids bully because they have trouble managing strong emotions like anger, frustration, or insecurity. In other cases, kids haven't learned cooperative ways to work out conflicts and understand differences. 34

What to do if your child is the bully Encourage good behavior. Positive reinforcement can be more powerful than negative discipline. Catch your kids being good — and when they handle situations in ways that are constructive or positive, take notice and praise them for it.

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What to do if your child is the bully Start at Home. When looking for the influences on your child's behavior, look first at what's happening at home. Kids who live with yelling, name-calling, putdowns, harsh criticism, or physical anger from a sibling or parent/caregiver may act that out in other settings. When conflicts arise in your own life, be open about the frustrations you have and how you cope with your feelings in a more constructive way. 36

What to do if your child is the bully Get Help. To help a child stop bullying, talk with teachers, guidance counselors, social workers, and psychologists who can help you identify situations that lead to bullying and provide assistance. Your doctor also might be able to help. If your child has a history of arguing, defiance, and trouble controlling anger, consider an evaluation with a therapist or behavioral health professional. 37

Cyberbullying: What Parents Can DO to Protect Their Children ● Be involved with your child’s online use ● Establish cyber safety rules (see handouts) ● www.netsmartzkids.org ● Have the “cyberbullying” conversation

82% of kids are exposed to inappropriate material online before the age of 11

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Dealing with Cyberbullying Here are some tips you can give your child to lessen his/her exposure and remove power from the bully:

Do not respond to any of the bully’s messages, posts, or emails. Bullies are often seeking a reaction from the victim or from bystanders — so don’t give them one.

Block the bully. Use the settings of social media sites and cell phones to block messages from bullies and prevent them from having access to what you post.

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Dealing with Cyberbullying Here are some tips you can give your child to lessen his/her exposure and remove power from the bully:

Use online mechanisms to report the bully. Online harassment violates the conditions of most social media sites. Most websites have easy and anonymous ways to report cyberbullying, which can lead to suspension of the bully’s account.

Keep evidence of all communications. Print out all messages and images that have been posted, and take screenshots whenever possible.

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Use Technology to Help These apps can help you monitor your teens' activities online

iCloud features allows you to share information as a family; only Apple devices. Talk to your carrier about options for your devices.

Net Nanny allows you to control your kids' internet activity remotely. Not only can you choose specific websites that you want blocked on your kids' phones; you can also block types of websites, such as ones involving dating, nudity, pornography or tobacco. You can also set it so that you will get a warning if your child types in a certain keyword, such as "suicide."

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Use Technology to Help These apps can help you monitor your teens' activities online

SecureTeen does even more: It gives your kids call logs, which means you know who your kids are calling, and who's calling them. It even enables you to read your kids' text messages.

TeenSafe may be the most advanced of all. Not only does it track text messages and calls; it also pinpoints your child's exact GPS location instantly.

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Most Dangerous Apps of 2017 Instagram - Fun and creative way to capture, edit and share photos, videos and messages with friends and family. It has become a location for microblogging and is full of accounts that are linked to porn sites and porn stars. Many kids are also creating fake accounts, called “finstagrams.” Sometimes these are simply accounts used for one’s closest friends, but they are also highly used as a means of hiding an account(s) from Mom and Dad.

Twitter - One of the long standing giants of social media, twitter is still a favorite among teens. It is a platform that openly allows pornography and does little to stop trolling or bullying.

Snapchat - This app continues to gain popularity and the level of bullying, sexual harassment, sexting and porn exposure continues to grow exponentially.

educateempowerkids.org

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Most Dangerous Apps of 2017 Music.ly – is a video social network app for video creation, messaging, and live broadcasting. Through the app, users can create videos and choose soundtracks to accompany them. The app also allows users to browse popular “musers,” content, trending songs and sounds and hashtags (Wikipedia). Although the app administrators try to keep up with inappropriate or pornographic hashtags, many slip through or change too rapidly for them to be stopped.

Omegle- is a free online chat website that allows users to socialize with others without the need to register. The service randomly pairs users in one-on-one chat sessions where they chat anonymously using the names “You” and a “Stranger.” Many videos exist of users standing nude in front of their camera to surprise or shock the stranger on the other end. House party - A group video chat app, you are notified as soon as your friends are on and you can have a group or private, live conversation. Where this opens up an entire new circle of communication and online safety is that if one person in the chat happens to be connected to a user and the others are not friends, those connections are still able to join the conversation because of the mutual connection. Which means that kids who do not know each other have the opportunity to be chatting with people they do not know. Also of concern, is the ability to take a screenshot of the people you are chatting with, without them knowing about it (SociallySafe, 2016).


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Most Dangerous Apps of 2017 After School – The description for this app in the app store says it is an anonymous and private message board for your school. This app originally launched in late 2014. But after reports of threats of school shootings on the app, it was taken down. (Burns, 2014) It was re-released last year with new safety features in place. (Burns, 2015) You can still post anonymously, although there is now an option to post under your real name.

Ask.fm – Where users create profiles and can send each other personal questions either directly or anonymously.


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Most Dangerous Apps of 2017 Wishbone - An app that allows the user to choose between two different options, particularly using pop culture. On a deeper level the user can send private messages to friends and create their own cards for comparison questions. This is perfect for online bullying or sexualized messaging.

Down - It’s tag line is “The secret way to get down with people nearby…If you want to hook up, say so!” You have the option to say you are down to hook up (casual sex) or go on a date.

Hot or Not - A user must first set up an account of his own, with photos — and must verify his identity with a working email address or a Facebook account and a mobile phone number. The site says it will not accept a profile unless the user is 13 or older and that users 13 to 17 can’t chat or share photos with users older than 17 — but there’s no age-verification process. Most concerning is the ability that girls (and boys) have to self-objectify themselves by posting their picture for boys and men to rate as “hot” or “not” (Conway, 2016).


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Coaches How can you distinguish when a coach is coaching, yelling, being direct, bullying, etc? ● ● ●

Identify the circumstances How often is it occurring? Single athlete, specific group, or entire team?

What should parents do to encourage their athletes if they have a coach that motivates by yelling? ●

Start with the Coach 47

Triad Administration What Do We Do When We Get a Bullying Call from Parents?

Ask about the general nature of the concern. ● ● ●

Listen to the parent and determine the severity of the issue Determine the players involved in the issue (ie. student(s), staff member, etc.) Determine whether this falls under District's Bullying Policy

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Investigate the situation ● ● ●

Calling in student(s) cited in the complaint to provide due process Calling in witnesses Look at video (hallway, bus)

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Determine whether discipline/restorative practices are necessary ● ● ● ●

Discipline (verbal warning, detention, Saturday school, in-school suspension, STOP) Education of proper social behavior Getting the two sides together to mend the relationship in a controlled setting (if appropriate) Follow up with both sets of parent(s) while maintaining confidentiality (partner in the process) 50

Communication is Key Keep communication open between you and your student. Keep communication open between you and the school. Keep communication open between your student and the school 51

Resources StopBullying. (2017). Prevent bullying. Retrieved from https://www.stopbullying.gov/prevention/index.html American SPCC. (2017). Retrieved from http://americanspcc.org/bullying/parents/ Pacer Center. (2017) Retrieved from http://Pacer.org/bullying/ Together Against Bullying http://www.togetheragainstbullying.org http://www.thebullyproject.com/parents Books: Parenting a Teen Girl: A Crash Course on Conflict, Communication and Connection with Your Teenage Daughter (by Lucie Hemmen PhD) The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander (By Barbara Coloroso)

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Resources Apps to Help Keep Track of What Your Kids Are Doing Online https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/apps-to-help-keep-track-of-what-your-kids-ar e-doing-online How to track you child: App http://offer.teensafe.com/home/sem/a/g.html?utm_source=microsoft&mobile=false&c3api=b ing,76141203625080,35211864454&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Bing-US-Search-BMM &utm_term=%2Btracking%20%2Bapps&utm_content=Tracking%20App

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References www.educateempowerkids.org www.preventbullying.com www.today.com/health www.pacer.org/bullying www.nypl.org www.kidshealth.org www.stopbullying.gov https://www.edutopia.org/blog/bullying www.casel.org/bullying http://www.togetheragainstbullying.org/tab/understanding-bullying/myths/

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