. Rachel Haugh on ... Paul Finnegan who manage
Issue 3B — August 2015 Contacts: Eleanor Ellerslie 02890 792419 or
[email protected] Rachel Haugh on 02890 508056 or
[email protected] More project info and past issues of the EBulletin can be found at http://www.cruse.org.uk/northern-ireland/beyond-words
For the second year running, Beyond Words were extremely grateful to the Ulster Hall for running a “Beyond Words Month” with a number of events sponsored by us . These included Creative Writing, Sharing Memories workshop, A Guided Tour of the Ulster Hall and Belfast City Centre Tour, Introduction to Glass Painting and the showing of two films. Paddington was chosen as the Family Movie Morning film. This was thoroughly enjoyed by everyone (including those who remembered the original Paddington Bear stories!). The children enjoyed crafts beforehand and parents and grandparents had fun helping them out. Our second film was “The Quiet Man” and what a fabulous choice it was. Everyone sang along to the songs in the film and a great afternoon was had by all. There were lots of smiles as people left, many remarking that a film like The Quiet Man wouldn’t get made today as it definitely wasn’t politically correct!
Paul Finnegan who managed the Beyond Words Project since 2012 has become Director of Cruse in Northern Ireland. Paul said “I have really enjoyed working on this wonderful project meeting such amazing people and seeing at first-hand how people can truly benefit from the range of interventions that the project provides. I would also like to wholeheartedly thank the Big Lottery Fund for the tremendous support they have offered the project since its inception.” We are delighted to welcome Eleanor Ellerslie to the post of Project Manager. Eleanor, pictured below, took up post at the beginning of August. Eleanor said “ I am delighted and excited to have been given the opportunity of managing the Beyond Words project. I have always had a passion for bereavement care and the need for support, especially for older people. I am looking forward to working alongside the Stroke Association and the BW Advisory Group to continue the fantastic work of the Project.”
There were two events which gave motorbike and boxing enthusiasts the chance to share their memories. “Born to be Wild” was facilitated by Paul Kane who shared his love of all things bike with the audience. We wish him well in his plans for a three month trip from the tip of South America to Alaska! Barry Flynn shared stories of the boxing world in Belfast at “Belfast’s Rich Boxing Tapestry”. Some of Belfast’s boxing fraternity attended and shared their memories and stories of colourful boxing characters . It was a very interesting evening, even for those who admitted to not being boxing fans!
On 21st April 17, members of the Belfast Area and Derry Friendship Groups set off for our second residential in the Mill Rest Hostel in Bushmills. We were blessed with beautiful spring weather as we arrived and settled into our rooms. The Hostel has fantastic facilities, each room is ensuite and there is a fully equipped kitchen and large dining room which we had sole use of. After settling in and having some lunch, we set off for Portballintrae where we had a beautiful walk around the beach and the dunes, stopping on the way back to sit on the wall and eat ice cream. It was then back to the hostel to relax before dinner. After dinner, our intrepid quiz master Paul didn’t let us down with his very difficult quiz! It was a very competitive and intensely fought battle between the teams but The Bushmills Hillbillies were very worthy winners of a large box of Malteasers, which they kindly shared with everyone. The next day saw everyone up and ready early for our trip to Rathlin Island. It was a very misty morning and Rathlin was hidden from view. The boat trip over was a little bumpy and we arrived in Rathlin to the sun starting to emerge. We all had time to ourselves on the island. Some went for walks, others to the cafe and a few took the bus trip around the island. Rathlin is a beautiful place to visit and the the seals on the beach were really the only source of noise! It is definitely worth a visit and travel on the boat was free to those who had a Translink Smartpass. We set off back to Bushmills to change for dinner in Tartine Restaurant in the Distiller’s Arms. We had a lovely evening with delicious food and great company. We think it is safe to say that the next morning we didn’t want to return to normal and could have spent another few days with friends old and new! Both friendship groups were sorry to hear that Tommy (pictured below, standing beside his wheelchair) passed away on Thursday, 6 August. Tommy was one of the members of the Belfast Area Group and attended both our residentials in Bushmills. Tommy was an inspiration to everyone, never allowing his battle with ill health to dampen his spirits and he will be sadly missed by us all. Tommy attended a creative writing workshop and gave his permission for his story to be read at Cruse Conferences in Northern Ireland and England, a story which touched staff and volunteers alike. We hope to share that in the next ebulletin. Our thoughts are very much with Tommy’s family at this sad time along with his carer Joy, who came along to the group and residentials with him.
We currently have three Friendship Groups every month. New members are always welcome! If you or someone you know would be interested in coming along to a friendship group, contact us via the details on the front page. Belfast/Lisburn - The Group meets the third Monday of every month at 11 am—1 pm at The Bridge Community Centre in Lisburn. Foyle—The Group meets on the second Monday of every month in the Actors’ Studio in The Playhouse at 10 am— 12.30 pm. North Down and Ards—The Group meets on the fourth Monday of every month in Bangor Community Hospital at 11
It is well known that volunteering when you are older has many benefits. It is good for our physical and mental health, we can make new friends, learn new skills, improve on our existing skills and have a lot of fun! Are you over 60 and have some time to spare? We have various volunteering roles available within the Beyond Words Project. If you are interested, please contact Eleanor or Rachel via the contact details on the front page.
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The Balmoral Show is the highlight of Northern Ireland’s agricultural and farming year. This year it took place from Wednesday 13thMay to Friday 15th May 2015 at Balmoral Park outside Lisburn. The Beyond Words Project had a stand in the very busy Shopping Village which rarely had a moment of quiet over the three days. The stand was attended by Beyond Words staff and volunteers from the Beyond Words’ Friendship Groups and everyone did a fantastic job. Hundreds of leaflets were handed out over the 3 days and lots of blood pressures were taken. Brenda Hale, MLA popped by the stand to say hello and she is pictured between Rachel Haugh (Stroke Association) and Linda Carey (Beyond Words Belfast Area Friendship Group). We were able to attract people to the stand by offering free blood pressure testing which then enabled us to engage people in conversation and provide them with information on stroke and the Stroke Association and the Beyond Word Project.
Members of the Belfast Area Group enjoyed a six week Live and Learn programme at the Ulster Museum. This was a mixture of activities including visits to the Museum to view some of their artefacts. The Group then used the visits as inspiration for creative craft such as felt making, screen printing and creative writing. Sharon and Ruth from the Ulster Museum were fantastic. Their knowledge and enthusiasm shone through and their stories captivated everyone. We hope to exhibit the creations sometime in the Autumn and will be keeping in contact with the Ulster Museum about any further programmes they are undertaking.
On 9 June Beyond Words and the Cruse Northern Area Office had the pleasure of hosting afternoon tea for around 70 people from older people’s groups, sheltered living and residential homes at Magherabuoy House Hotel, Portrush, where we also shown a documentary “The Lion Game” about the Causeway Safari Park. Everyone thoroughly enjoyed the afternoon, especially sharing their memories of visiting the Safari Park, some people even lived close enough to the Park they would have heard the lions roaring during the night. Many thanks to Diane and the volunteers from the Cruse Northern Area office who worked tirelessly to ensure the event was a success.
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In this Ebulletin, we caught up with John Caulfield, a member of our Belfast/Lisburn Friendship Group.
So John tell us a little about yourself... Well I was born in 1957 in a prefab bungalow on the Westland Road , Belfast. I had a brother but he was 10 years older than me and we were not really close. I suppose I was a loner from an early age but that was fine. I enjoyed just doing my own thing. I first met Eileen in 1979 when I started work in an electrical goods shop. I used to go with some workmates to a local social club at the weekends. Eileen was a good friend of one of my workmates and so she was a regular part of the group. Eileen was a widow and quite a bit older than me so we never thought about getting together as a couple. One night 'mysteriously ' none of the regulars turned up so me and Eileen spent the night talking. We were never apart from that day on. For 20 years we lived in Tennant Street and we were the happiest couple in the world. We loved to travel and I could write a book about the adventures we had. In 2004 we were forced to move from our home because of a redevelopment scheme. Shortly after this I began to notice a change in Eileen. It was a while before I realized this was due to the early stages of Alzheimers. It was June 2013 when we had our last day out in the car. We went to the Nutts Corner car boot market as we did every Sunday. Eileen passed away in her sleep the following Tuesday night, two days before her birthday on the 15th June and the funeral was two days before my birthday on the 20th June. The doctor told me she had suffered a massive heart attack and there was nothing anyone could have done.
So what did you do.... I came to terms with Eileen's passing, it was her time, but I could not understand why I was left behind. For the first time in my life I felt so alone and so afraid, it was months before I could lie in a bed again, I just curled up in a big armchair and cried myself to sleep at night with the TV and light left on. One day I was at the Ulster Hall for a Beyond Words event, I had never heard of CRUSE before I was just there for somewhere to go. It was African Drumming of all things and some members of a friendship group were there. They were friendly and spoke to me but I was keeping myself to myself as usual. Paul Finnegan came over and we got talking, he told me about the Friendship Groups and invited me to the next meeting. I almost didn't go but I had said I would so I turned up not knowing what to expect. I can honestly say that going to the meeting was the best thing I could have done. Simply being able to talk to someone who understood exactly how I was feeling was such a relief. I found out what true friendship really meant.
How are things today.... The Friendship Group has been very good to me and I have changed a lot from that scared guy who first poked his head round the door just over a year ago. It was through one of the Beyond Words events that I discovered a love of writing. I began writing poetry and found a way to express myself and to honour my memories of Eileen. I was thrilled to read out two of my poems in the Ulster Museum as part of the Live and Learn project with the group. This July I went to The John Hewitt International Summer School on a full bursary I was awarded. I am 100% certain that all this would never have happened but for making the decision to go to that first friendship group meeting. Everyone has been so supportive and encouraging. I still miss Eileen as much as ever but I take a few quiet moments every day to tell her what I am doing and I know she is very proud of me and she will always be there by my side.
What would you say to someone who was finding it tough following a bereavement.... Admitting you need help and then reaching out to strangers can be a very difficult thing to do. There is an old saying ' strangers are just friends you have yet to meet '. This is so true of the Friendship Groups. I would say to anyone who has lost a loved one to take that first step and contact CRUSE. Find out about your nearest friendship group and just come along. You will find friends there who know exactly how you are feeling and will take the time to sit with you over a cup of tea and just talk. Talking is the first step on the road to healing.
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