Take Back Your Power NOW!bit.ly/2xHq0a8

Take Back Your Power NOW! How to Overcome Your Resistance To Creating a Life You LOVE: The Ultimate Confidence Guide for Women

Vanessa Simpkins

Copyright © 2014 Vanessa Simpkins

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author. This book is designed to provide information to our readers. It is provided with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged to render any type of legal or any other kind of professional advice. The content of each chapter is the sole expression and opinion of its author, and not necessarily that of the publisher. No warranties or guarantees are expressed or implied by the publisher’s choice to include any of the content in this volume. Neither the publisher nor the individual author(s) shall be liable for any physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or commercial damages, including, but not limited to, special, incidental, consequential or other damages. Our views and rights are the same: You are responsible for your own choices, actions, and results. Please consult with a legal professional for consul. Layout and Design by Marianne Curtis Editing by Monica Guetre Published by Vanessa Simpkins ISBN: ISBN-13: 978-1-897509-28-9

CONTENTS

1

Aloha Fellow Goddess Diva

1

2

Courage

9

3

Wanting and Needing Other's Approval

15

4

Mind-Ego - Your Mind is Not Your Friend

25

5

Radically Honest

33

6

Life is JUST a Decision! Just Say YES to Life

39

7

The Women are Gathering

47

8

Financial Independence

53

9

Stop Playing Small, Stand Up, Stand Out and Own It

59

10

The Power of Pleasure

67

11

71

12

Commitment - High Octane Gasoline to Fuel Your Dreams Into Reality Own It

13

Boundaries

81

14

Confidence is the New Sexy

91

15

Compatibility

101

77

NOT FOR PUBLICATION - REVIEW PURPOSES ONLY

16

Classy Relationship

107

17

Law of Attraction

117

18

Sales

125

19

Handling Objections

133

20

How to NOT let People Take Advantage of You

141

21

The Release Technique

147

22

Personal Responsibility

155

23

Reconnect with Your Body

161

24

Your Connection to Source, God, Spirit

165

25

10 Powerful Secrets of Women who say YES to Themselves

171

26

Congratulations! All My Love to You Sister!

181

Work with Vanessa

183

Take Your Power Back Resource Guide

187

About the Author

193

CHAPTER 1

ALOHA FELLOW GODDESS DIVAS

I

wonder why you picked up this book. Maybe it’s because you're feeling

trapped or you feel powerless in your own life or you’ve lost that spark,

your ‘joie de vivre’. Perhaps you have been feeling this call to show up and do something much bigger, much more different, even a complete 180-degree turn even though you don’t know where that turn is leading you. You just know a big change is looming and it’s got you a bit scared. Have you been stuck in this comfortable uncomfortable and know there is a big great fabulous life waiting for you if you just had the guts to pull the trigger and jump, fly, leap into the unknown and really show up for YOU! If you’ve been, feeling there has to be more to life than this and you just can’t seem to figure out how to flip the switch and make it happen then keep reading. There is a magical unfolding of your greatest good, total fulfillment and happiness awaiting every woman reading this book. You simply need to be willing and open to doing some exploration, to try something new and maybe a little unorthodox. A willing and open mind is all that is required on this magical journey! That amazing fulfilling life, high on happiness and gratitude flow 1


where everything just shows up for you; lining up to deliver amazing synchronicities and magical encounters, income spikes, the perfect opportunities, great relationships, money, that fabulous new career, YOU name it. It exists! It unfolds for you on a silver platter when you show up and say, yes to God! I don’t want you to be all freaked out by the word God, so use Universe, Higher Power, Source Energy, whatever you want to call that power. Ok? I want to share with you my secret recipe for taking your Power Back and putting it where it belongs with God and your relationship with the source that creates worlds - and when you do - the sky is the limit! I know what it’s like to feel dull, stuck in a total rut in that comfortable uncomfortable and afraid that you couldn’t make something better for myself. Imagine making $900 a day selling mops while doing live product demonstrations in chain stores across Canada for 4 years. Sure, I was the best sales person in the company although, I was watching time go by, praying for each day to end because I had to be stuck working in a store, inside a mall on a gorgeous day while always working for someone else. No matter how many courses I took on personal development that promised huge cash generating results, I couldn’t seem to get my own coaching and consulting business off the ground. I was totally stuck, terrified and frustrated. I know that I was meant to be doing more than selling these darn mops but I couldn’t piece it together. I simply couldn’t break free from that job where I was making a good living but not fulfilling my purpose. I had to learn how to take my Power Back. The Wake up Call Back in the summer of 2009, my on-again off-again ex-boyfriend of 8 years nearly killed me in a drunken rage in a hotel room on his birthday because I didn’t want to have sex with him. Actually, truth be told, I was 2


drunker than a skunk myself. We were both out of our minds escaping the ugliness and craziness of our lives. I remember being thrown across the room. When I opened my eyes I was on the floor with my face two inches away from a big vase - you know one of those big ceramic flower vases, hip height and 3 inches thick. That’s when I thought to myself holy smokes Vanessa, two more inches and you could have been killed. Well that sobered me up pretty fast. I escaped from the hotel room thanks to the knife that we used to cut our limes. Thank God, for vodka cranberry drinks because I had that knife to protect myself. In reality, I could have just as easily killed him with that knife. Thank God, I didn’t or this would be a very different story. When I escaped into a taxi, it hit me all at once. I had just become one of those battered women you read about in the newspapers. I wanted to know, how did my life end up like this? The next question I asked myself was, “God why is this happening to me?” The reply was immediate just like a domino effect with all of the pieces clicking into place. God’s answer was, “So you can help women not fall into the same patterns,” and that terrified me. It scared me more than what had just happened in the hotel because for years I had been asking the Universe for a meaningful way to serve. “Please God show me how to serve, show me my purpose, I am ready, who are my clients, what’s my mission, what’s my offering, my tag line, just show me what to do and I’ll do it. I surrender!” This went on for years. I kept asking, begging and pleading with God to send me a real sign, some clarity, anything but selling any more of these freaking mops!! Well when the answer finally arrived, I was horrified. All I could respond with was, “You’ve got to be shitting me! You want me to share this shameful story with the world, all the shame and guilt, this crazy roller 3


coaster relationship, all the addiction and the darkness. Are you kidding me?!” I have this tag line in my previous book From Bankrupt to $900 a Day Selling Mops and on the book cover, “Authenticity is the new currency in business today.” (S., ed. 2011) Ya, thanks - you want me to be that authentic?! Talk about swallowing your own pill of advice! Well I decided, “I can’t do it. There’s no way.” I was like, “I take it back, I don’t want this mission, rewind, cancel the request, I don’t want to do this, what will people think of me?” Instead, of answering the call, I sat on the story for a few years. A good friend of mine after hearing the story told me that God sends you wake up calls. The more you ignore them the more intense they get. She said, “Vanessa just remember, to ask God for toothpicks now instead of 2 x 4 wake-up calls.” That night was a serious 2 x 4 upside the head wake up call! For years, I had been successful keeping up this happy mantra and insisting to myself that I had it all together. I kept everything together in my relationships just as I kept it all together in my family and as long as I was in control of it all, it was all good. That night was my wake up call and in that moment when I heard the message, I made a decision. I decided that this was going to be the year that I heal everything in my life! I’ll heal it all. I would go into all the places that are dark, that I had been avoiding, delaying, procrastinating on with no holds barred, no excuses, just do it, heal it all in one year and the most amazing things happened. I launched my successful coaching career and was invited to teach at a prestigious ‘Technology, Entertainment and Design (TED)’ talk on success in Costa Rica. I took my new portable freedom based business on the road; sky rocketed my hobby from $600 a month to $15k per month and moved 4


to Hawaii. Now I tell people that this Canadian traded in her red shovel for a red bikini! All kidding aside, I have an amazing life and business now, my relationships are fulfilling and I live in paradise usually with as little clothing as possible. Because I love living in the tropics, I get to enjoy plenty of time to play on the most stunning beaches in the world, hike and adventure out in this lush playground and magical enchanted land called Kauai, Hawaii, which is my absolute favorite place on earth. Sacred Contracts People always want to know what happened to the ex-boyfriend. Well he came back to apologize after the weekend was over even though it wasn’t even necessary. I had forgiven him in that moment in the Taxi. Boom, it all made perfect sense. This man I had been in a relationship with for a total of 8 years whom I couldn’t for the life of me leave, whom I would leave and always go back to, feeling like a prisoner with everything decided for me and doled out to me! On a very fundamental level, I knew it wasn’t where I should be, yet I couldn’t break away from him, and from his family and the only somewhat normal community I had. I believe we have contracts with people before we come into this world with predestined agreements with your self and with these people. In the book by Carolyn Myss, Sacred Contracts she explains in depth what is meant by a sacred contract. “I believe that each of us is guided by a Sacred Contract that our soul made before we were born. That Contract contains a wide range of agreements regarding all that we are intended to learn in this life. It comprises not merely what kind of work we do but also our key relationships with the people who are to help us learn the lessons we have 5


agreed to work on. Each of those relationships represents an individual Contract that is part of your overall Sacred Contract, and may require you to be in a certain place at a certain time to be with that person.” (M., ed., 2003) This man’s contract was to wake me up to myself, to my own power. No matter that, I may have killed him with the knife. I am not pretending for one minute I wasn’t angry, totally out of control and no matter what, he was going to wake me up. What a mission to undertake and what a blessing he gave me, an entire business, a movement and a message that I had been begging God to deliver to me all along?!! Wow! It was right under my nose all along! While I was giving my power away stumbling around in that relationship, consumed and drained with all the problems, I had a great excuse for why I wasn’t living my purpose. I was totally consumed about taking care of him, the relationship and my family issues. As soon as I let go of the relationship and began focusing my attention on my relationship with God, everything changed. What an amazing God to have pre-calculated all of this in advance! I mean come on! God's Got Your Back! No matter where you are in your life, maybe you hate your job, you’re stuck in a bad relationship, you live with weirdo roommates in a bad part of town or you drive a crock boxcar, whatever it is, just know that God has your back. Everything changes in that moment you decide to take your Power Back and stop giving into fear, worry, self-doubt and all of the separation the ego causes. When you take your Power Back, have the courage to show up and place it in God, listening to that small voice of intuition; when you love yourself enough to honor and obey that above anything else, when you discover who and what you really are, as the child 6


of a loving God that wants to give you the world and you say, “Yes!” Wow, hang on because you are in for the ride of your life!! If you’re stuck and don’t know what to do, where to go or how to begin - start by asking for a sign. Whenever I am unsure about my next step, I begin wheeling and dealing with God. God has a sense of humor and wants to give you the world. I wheel and deal with God by saying to myself, “Hey God if you want me to do xyz then show me a sign, show me the money, give me this or that or I’m not doing it! Show me, open the way and open the door when the doors are shut. Show me how! Make the signs clear and easy to understand. Let your will be done not mine.” Have the courage to hear the sign too, unless you want a big fat 2 x 4 wake up call upside the head… have the courage to act on these signs. Yes, you will need courage. Listen I will be the first to admit in big pink flailing letters that showing up and saying yes to God is anything but convenient! Do it, no matter what because it is Oh, so worth it! When you put yourself first, when you love yourself more than needing others approval, or stop looking for happiness outside yourself and begin to open up to that source coming from you, guiding you - you stop being a victim and start really living and creating the life of your dreams. It goes even beyond your dreams. That’s my invitation for you in this book. Take your POWER BACK and thrive in every area of your life, business and personal relationships because you are creating it with every decision you make.

7

8

CHAPTER 2

COURAGE

I

t’s The first time I shared my horror story was to a colleague in a bathroom at an event and she cried her eyes out telling me, “Vanessa this is your message! Your story is not about the mops!!! Let go of the

freaking mops!” Well I wasn’t convinced. I wasn’t ready to show the world just yet. Then God sent me a psychic lady to tell me, “Vanessa you’re going to transition into a huge new movement, you’re going to write a new book!” I told her, “You have got to be kidding me there’s no way I’m writing another book. The first one nearly killed me!” It’s a big job writing a book and I didn’t want to do it. I continued resisting for a few years. You see it’s not always convenient to show up and say yes to God. We have other ideas on how it’s supposed to go, how our life should unfold. Still, God is just waiting for you to obey. By being obedient, showing up and surrendering to God’s will for your life, is what turns the magic key that opens the door to your greatness. It’s not always convenient, let me tell you! It takes courage to show up and leap into the unknown, to let God handle the details and continually take the next step to what feels right and good.

9


Houdini Returns A few weeks ago, I lost my dog while hiking with him on the Kalalau Trail, which is this magical vortex, located on an 11-mile hike along the Nā Pali coast on the island of Kauai that leads to an ancient valley and the Hawaiians consider it to be sacred. I simply consider this trail as pure magic. It is a place where there is no veil between thoughts and instant manifestation. I took my new dog Houdini that I rescued from the humane society out to Kalalau. He’s such a little trooper, he makes it all the way, all 11 miles! The following day he gets spooked hearing some men hiking on the trail and pulls a Houdini, he literally vanishes into thin air, poof gone! We look everywhere for him, all the hippies living in the valley are alerted but no one has seen him. Devastated I hike back without my little cookie cruncher. One day I post a rant about my roommate on Facebook and this writing coach Les Kletke, whom I met a few years prior at an event held by the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers, messages me, “Vanessa you have to write a book about this! Women so need to hear this!” I tell him, “Les, no way I’m writing another book, look if God wants me to write a book he’s going to have to pay me to write it!” Remember I’m always wheeling and dealing with God and I was seriously resistant to writing another book. Soon, Les partners with Kevin who is a savvy marketing dude and we all jump on the phone a few days later and they fill me in on a beautiful strategy to help coach the book out of me, Kevin will market it and we all split the profits, no money out of pocket and each one of us doing what they do best by collaborating for the greater good. I said, “Yes!” There is a Hawaiian saying I got off my coffee cup one morning, which goes, “A’ ohe hana nui ke alu ‘ai.” Translated it means, “No task is too big when done together.” 10


The next phone call I receive immediately after this decision is with a random woman who friends me on Facebook named Jennifer. She tells me she is very intuitive and that I should connect with this woman Erin Saxton who is a PR and speaking rep, booking big names in the speaking industry such as Lisa Nichols and Jack Canfield. I said, “Yes.” Heck, if I’m going to do another book I have a feeling it will be a big one especially since God’s behind it - so let’s go all the way. She connects me with Erin. The next phone call I have is with a lovely lady named Sheri Rosenthal who runs a website called Journeyofthespirit.com that markets spiritual adventure retreats. I had paid her to market my Kauai retreat 2 years ago when I had first decided to run the retreat. As it happens, it wasn’t the right time and the retreat didn’t happen. Still, it’s all good because that is what brought me back to Kauai. Sheri agreed to market my retreat to her list of 7,200 active subscribers for free. We’re in the midst of celebrating, reconnecting when I look down at my phone to see that I have four missed calls and a text message from someone claiming to have found my dog! Houdini was missing for 20 days! Here, I am showing up saying, yes to God, yes I’ll write the book, yes I will go out and speak, yes I will do the retreat, all these big risks that are inconvenient, with no real guarantee of reward and God was like, “Yeah you’re going to show up and obey – Bam, here’s your little dog back!” Kabam! The funny thing is, the day before three dogs randomly came up to me on my favorite beach in Ha’ena at the end of the road close to the Kalalau Trail head and I was thinking, “Oh my gosh I miss my little cookie cruncher.” Lo and behold, he was found 1 mile down the road the next day. A tourist’s son had seen a flyer I posted at the Last Chance store and gave me a call telling me that he gave my dog to the storeowner. I received a phone call from the storeowner, who was all excited. He and his wife were leaving for the airport and they let me know that Houdini was left with the 11


cleaning lady. I then had a message from Janice the cleaning lady, called her up and drove right away to pick up my little dog! Surrender God wants to give you the world if you just show up and obey his will for your life. Surrender to that small persistent niggling voice, that small whisper, that intuitive bit - that thing that doesn’t make any sense perhaps, that thing that makes you wonder how is that going to work out!! Ya, that one, that’s the voice I’m talking about, surrender, trust and obey that one. Just take the first step, you don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. I’ll tell you another story about when I first came to Kauai. I thought, “Ha I’m going to be a Bikini Business Coach. Live all day long in as little clothing as possible, be an internet marketing rock star and live in paradise for the rest of my life!!” Well God had other plans. I was living with a dear friend of mine, who is an energy and lightworker, meaning she works within the energetic realm, prayer and cleansing frequencies. I love energy workers and know that the biggest work we do here is the internal work clearing and shifting agreements. She would go out on tour for two months, come back and rest, work in Hawaii for two to three months and I would rent her room or act as a caretaker for another rented room in her home. I must have moved and lived in nearly all the possible rooms within the house. For some reason I could not for the life of me find a place that I wanted to rent on the north shore of Kauai that winter. I had the money so it wasn’t a price thing. I just couldn’t find a good fit or the right home… until that is I surrendered. It seemed like a moment that God reminded me with, “Hey, hey, hey, don’t forget what the deal is here kiddo. Don’t think I didn’t groom you for years selling those mops for nothing! Remember the deal you’re a speaker!” 12


I replied with, “Ohhhhhh, so that’s what you want me to do - you want me to go on tour a couple of months, speak and then come back and relax on Kauai. Ok I get it, I can do that.” As soon as I surrendered, boom a beautiful goddess palace opened up for me. I rented the top room in a Buddha center that had a big high bed and screens all around with a big river running down below in the valley. I would go to sleep to the sound of the rushing river and awake to the sounds of beautiful birds each morning. I said yes, hit go, not knowing how it would all work out while doing a 100-day speaking tour in the U.S. I connected with folks on Facebook and everything worked out. As soon as I said yes, everything unfolded. It was a phenomenal trip; I went to amazing events, met all the right people and picked up a ton of new business. It was wild how everything worked out … as soon as I surrendered. It does take a magnitude of courage and it isn’t always convenient however, it is always well worth it! You must surrender to the crazy idea and make a decision to do it, then commit to it and take action. In Latin, the word ‘decide’ means to kill off all other opportunities. People say, “Oh when I have the money I’ll do this thing, when I lose the weight I will attract the perfect partner, when I feel more confident then I’ll start that career,” yet it doesn’t work that way. The way to manifest your goals, the way to unfold in God’s divine glory is to show up, say yes, surrender, decide you will do it, commit and in your decision and commitment is created the way. Hear this - nothing happens until you decide. Your decision has the POWER. THAT IS YOUR power! We have been granted free will to choose to go with God or resist. People also say, “Oh I have to work hard, I have to earn it and I have to deserve it.” Absolute nonsense, all you have to do is decide. You are the master of your mind don’t forget this and don’t give your 13


power away to your fears and lower emotions - you’re ego is always trying to protect you with fear – don’t buy into it. Decide, commit and start taking action, just take the next step - don’t let yourself get all overwhelmed with what will happen in 5 months or 5 years down the road. Just take the next step. Show Up and Say YES to Your Dreams! It was Woody Allen, who he said, “80 percent of anything is showing up.” What have you been slacking on, procrastinating, what dreams, visions and goals have you put on the shelf? Make a list right now and check-off if you’re actively making decisions and commitments to the things that are important in your life such as health, career, relationships, travel, education and family. One of my favorite things to do is to create a bucket list. I do this at the beginning of each year - all the things I desire to do! On my bucket list, I have things like, buy a fancy shmancy camera, take a photo course, have a solo photo show and sell out! Go sky diving, shopping on rodeo drive, put 25 bikini’s into retirement (a life well lived on the beach), visit the Grand Canyon and own a vineyard in Italy. What is on your bucket list? Write it down. Next, make a list of which goals on your bucket list are actually a priority. Put them in order. Take the top three and write out the first 3 - 6 actions you could take to get these ideas or dreams into reality. Maybe it’s doing a little research or taking a course, whatever it is, show up and say YES to it and watch your goals and dreams spring into life. Have the courage to take the first step and let God handle the details. God always provides!

14

CHAPTER 3

WANTING AND NEEDING OTHERS APPROVAL

H

ave you given up on your passion in trade for others approval? One of the biggest problems that I encounter while coaching women entrepreneurs is around the topic of being visible in

the market place. There are thousands of women struggling, suffering with their incomes because they have a fear of being visible, a fear of being seen as a phony and what it really boils down to is a deep-seated fear of how others will judge them. Needing others, approval is a major block that holds not only entrepreneurs back from going for and taking action to achieve their goals, for women in general, it is the ‘people pleasing’ syndrome. Too many women have fallen victim to the need of being liked by everyone, pleasing your family, your boss, your partner and losing your own voice and sense of self, sacrificing your own values for the need of approval from others. You teach people how to treat you by the kind of behavior you allow others to treat you. When you give voice to your boundaries, what you will and won’t do, being clear, standing up for yourself, what feels right and doesn’t feel right is paramount to taking your power back. People pleasing is a total power and energy drain.

15


Dad’s Death In 2008, my father died suddenly of a massive heart attack. My sister who was 23 at the time and me at 28 were traveling together on the big island of Hawaii. We had decided to stay, change our tickets adding a few extra weeks and thank God, we did, because we were in the right place with the right people to be able to grieve this tragic loss. I began questioning myself, “What is really important in this world and what was I doing with my time here on earth?” Death has a funny way of shocking you into the truth really fast and facing my father’s death showed me that I needed to really stop talking about what I was going to do and actually start doing it because before you know it you’ll be dead too! It was a big turning point in my life. My father’s death acted like a catalyst to take my power back in my family, in my career and in my relationships. That began my whole career as a sales and business coach for women entrepreneurs – it set me in motion. I came back to Canada, became the best sales person, selling mops on live demo stages, wrote a book and started my public speaking career instead of just practicing. Things shifted in my family dynamics as well, I stopped mothering my sister and became a sister. I stopped putting up with my mother’s bag of dirty laundry and let her be responsible for the bed she made, I let go a ton of guilt and responsibility I was carrying for others and started living my life the way I wanted. No more guilt, no more shame no more carrying anyone’s deception and nonsense for them, no more excuses, it was my time to shine! A huge weight began lifting off me as I continued to take more of my Power Back. However, let me be clear here; nobody in my family enjoyed the new Vanessa! Oh no, on the contraire. I went to Al-Anon and discovered how dysfunctional our family was, as it was riddled with 16


alcoholism. Dad was a brilliant artist but had major demons in the closet around addiction and our family had certainly paid the price. I had paid the price and I was making new decisions for myself and cleaning up the mess my life had become. I remember one day having a conversation with my aunt about a certain family member whose life was falling apart. She said there was hoarding and alcohol involved, that this person was being evicted and the entire family had to pull together to save this person. I refused to be involved any more than I wanted to. I recall the very moment when I took my Power Back and said, “No I will not be bullied into doing what you expect me to do. To be a caretaker for this sick person, to put my sanity in jeopardy, or waste any more of my precious time and energy on this sick insane person.” No, I wasn’t going to do it and I calmly told my aunt, who nearly lost her mind over the phone. If I wasn’t going to take care of this sick person then who do you think was next in line? That’s right, she was and she didn’t want to be responsible either! Let me put this word of warning out there, so that you don’t trip on the dead bodies you might leave behind. When you decide to take your Power Back and take a stand for yourself, your worth, your values and your feeling good, above others (no it is not selfish, it’s called self-love) get ready to face some major resistance from the people closest to you. These people have a stake in you staying small. By caretaking the insanity, they are usually excellent at using guilt and shame to manipulate you. Be ready to face some resistance, have the courage to stand up for yourself, own your voice and speak your truth always! I remember one day on the mop stage in some store north of Montreal. I was doing the announcements for a live demo show with a telephone in my hand making the sale broadcasts. A crowd was gathering 17


around my 6 x 6 foot stage and this beast of a manager roared over to stop me. She began shouting at me that I was in no way allowed to do this kind of long announcement. I brushed past her, eager to get to the stage, do my thing before the crowd got antsy and left. She became so irritated that I had disrespected her; she plunked herself right in front of the stage and watched the whole show scowling at me with a fuming colleague alongside waiting to pounce on me the minute I was done. This is exactly what she did. It was a crazy scene from a sci-fi movie. This woman acted like a real tyrant. I told her, “Listen lady, the company I work for gets head office approval for the announcements we do and without them nobody comes to the stage and buys the product. If no one buys the product your company doesn’t make any money, I don’t make any money and everyone loses.” I explained to her very nicely that this is the way we’ve been working in all the other stores across Canada and no one ever had any issues until now. She continued to scold me, refused to let me do my job, she phoned the manager of the store and spoke to my manager. I mean, it was a real farce. Moreover, I decided, “You know what;; I’m not wasting my time here in this store, putting up with this drama to make money. I’m done with dealing with drama for money, done!” I bypassed everyone, jumped in my car and left the store. Done, no more arguing, no more trying to make it work. Done. I simply decided that if making money was going to be this difficult they could fire me. I wasn’t going to be bullied or controlled by anyone. This bending over backwards arrangement, trying to do my job when there were 1,000 other things to worry about and master without some nasty manager breathing down my back was not worth the paycheck. I left the store that day trembling because I knew very well my hotheaded managers would not be happy that I simply picked up and left a store empty handed. However, that’s exactly what I did. I was fined which meant I was not 18


allowed to work for 2 weeks, which was acceptable by me and from then on, I only worked where I wanted to be. No one died and I wasn’t even fired! When I stood up it taught me an unforgettable lesson that day. When You Stand Up for Yourself You Give Others Permission to Be in Their Power as Well. I remember another instance from years ago while working as a massage therapist. The owner of the yoga massage studio was a lovely lady who could never seem to pay me on time. This came shortly after I had declared a personal bankruptcy. Trust me, I learnt my lessons in life the hard way - now I ask for toothpicks instead of 2 x 4 wake up calls; thank you very much. I had just gone bankrupt, filled with shame, regret and self-loathing and speaking up to ask this lady to pay me on time might sound like a simple thing to do to most. It ate at my nerves day in and day out. I was not happy about this and terrified that if I told her how I really felt, I risked losing my job and then I would be really screwed. Fear was running my life back in those days. I really gave all my power away and had very little self-confidence. I had picked up this multi level marketing gig, miraculously had an $800 check rolling in and with it, found some confidence and grew some balls to stand up to this woman. I walked into her office and asked her point- blank, “Why was it so hard for her to pay me on time each month?” I showed up and worked, I did my job and I needed to get paid so that I could pay my own bills and meet my obligations. Well she opened up and explained she had a hard time getting the other therapists to hand in their time sheets on time and they delayed her from getting the accounting done. I was stunned that this woman who ran the show here was unable to set her own boundaries and enforce rules for her own employees. I told her that other’s bad behaviors should in no way affect me

19


getting paid on time. I told her to give people a date to hand in their time sheets and if they don’t then they don’t get paid until you find the time, period. From then on, I was paid on time. I also realized something else. My speaking up, standing up for myself, taking my Power Back and asking for what I want gave this boss of mine, permission to do the exact same thing! Beware of Controlling People Beware of people who play on your guilt, try to shame you or control and manipulate you into having you do what they want you to do without any regard to your feelings. The culture we live in has brainwashed women to be wet dishrags who sacrifice themselves for the good of others. What a load of hypocrisy, it makes me so mad! If you want to read a good book, pick up Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control by Patricia Evans. It will open you up to understanding the dysfunction in your agreements, your relationships, why these relationships are very addictive and hard to break away from. After reading her book I asked myself, “How did my life end up with so many freak show people in it? Unbelievable!” Looking for and needing approval from others in order to be okay, in order to be loved is a lie and will cause you to suffer unnecessarily. You MUST, MUST, MUST break that agreement and realize the lie that it is. Remember God created you, the only approval you need is your own. Stop looking outside yourself for permission from others to do the things you feel called to do in your heart. When you need someone else’s approval, you stop choosing God. You end up placing other people and things ahead of tuning in and listening to that inner voice. You become frustrated, resentful and a bitter woman and let me tell you, that isn’t fun! There is no power there. Remember a woman who has fun and takes her own pleasure 20


very seriously, cares enough about how she feels and honors her feelings above pleasing others, is a magnetic powerhouse to be reckoned with! The forces of nature yield to her! You become unstoppable, sexy, vivacious acting as a light beacon to everyone around her. You Could Be Right If you are feeling trapped in yes scenarios out of fear or not wanting to deal with the repercussions of other people’s guilt, shame or anger then here’s my challenge to you. The next time someone tries to twist your arm, guilt you into doing something or wants to argue with you, simply tell them these words - it will drive then nuts and allow you to completely disengage from the argument and not let them sink their hooks into you. Simply tell them, “You could be right.” Even when they ask, “Ya, but don’t you think your neighbor is crazy and should pay to do xyz.” Just reply with, “Ya, you could be right.” If the person continues the argument with, “Don’t you think you should do xyz to make up for it?” Calmly respond with, “Ya, you could be right.” Just keep repeating it. It will drive them nuts because, hey, you could be right but you could be wrong! You are not making a decision either way when you use this line. Notice that’s what they are trying to do. They are looking to engage you, get their barbs into you and get a rise out of you. Don’t play into their games, play your own game and disengage completely - they’ll hang up on you and go find someone else to drain. Another great tip to practice, when the little league soccer head coach calls you up to ask you to make a cake for the team during your busy and already overloaded schedule or when a family member is requesting you to 21


do something you don’t want to commit to. Just tell them, “Ya, let me get back to you on that one.” They’ll lose their mind! Remember controllers want to make you do it their way, on their time. They want an out for their own anxiety and they want you to foot the bill. Don’t buy into it, delay making a decision. Who says you have to decide right now? Now, when they ask you again and again during the conversation and trust me they will, simply say, “Ya, I’ll think about it and get back to you.” No one who doesn’t give you the courtesy to make decisions that honor your feelings should be part of your life. Stop Putting Other People’s Feelings Above Yours Another great communication tip I’d like to share with you that I often use is, “That doesn’t work for me.” “No. That really doesn’t work for me. Here’s what I suggest, here’s what I would like, here’s my request.” If you’re a people pleaser, simply by starting to voice your NO, is perhaps a big challenge for you - if so, take it. I dare you to say NO to the things that you don’t want to do this week. Have the courage to take a stand for you and test it out. You won’t die if you stand up for yourself. I promise. If you want to take it to another level, have the courage to tell people the truth about how you feel, what doesn’t work and why. It is important that you ask for what you want. You never get what you want until you ask for it! If people aren’t willing to negotiate, or respect how you feel or if they blatantly disregard what you just voiced, kick’em to the curb. They’re not worth wasting your time on. I have no time for disrespectful, irresponsible, narcissists, who only care about themselves and what concerns them. Cut those people loose, set your intention and goal as collaborative and attract new friends 22


and relationships with people who really see, hear and understand you! Why? Because you are, a Goddess and you deserve it! That’s why! Don’t settle for anything else. Remember there are no victims here. You teach the world how to treat you by what you accept.

23

24

CHAPTER 4

MIND-EGO - YOUR MIND IS NOT YOUR FRIEND

Y

our mind is not your friend! Your mind or Ego wants to control you, it wants to protect you by using fear and it is definitely not your friend. It will warn you of the thousand reasons why you

can’t, why you shouldn’t and why you will never succeed trying to do something new. Take that leap of faith and follow God. Your Ego maintains its existence by keeping you spinning in fear, worry, self-doubt, mind chatter and most people never take the time to discriminate and separate themselves from the mind. Instead, they give their power away to it, by believing they are the doubts, they are the emotions and they are where the problem lies, in giving your power away. Your mind is a great tool that needs to be used for remembering your bra size or where you live and as a reminder when to eat your broccoli. Just don’t go asking the mind about how to make more money or how to have better relationships or how to lose weight and keep it off. The mind is a processor - its job is to filter and locate information in the field - to call up and recall decisions you have made in the past, it is a storehouse of information. Asking the mind to find an answer it does not have is like looking into a filing cabinet for a file that will never be there.

25


Notice when your mind is spinning. Now identify the next thing the mind would have you believe. Your first thought is most likely that there is something inherently wrong with you because you can’t figure out how to solve this problem. You’ll never solve the problem because the answers come from God, from the source and to a certain extent; your mind has got you crazed, racing around and beating yourself up. There is no quiet space, no solace for God’s grace to find you. Have you noticed when you’re in the shower or doing something very mundane that Bam you are hit with this download? The answer all of a sudden appears. Well that’s because your mind is not chomping onto it like a pit bull and God can swoop on in and deliver. A mind racing with thoughts and beating you up because you can never find answers looking in an empty filing cabinet is like a dirty muddy pond. You can’t see through the mud just as you can’t hear the voice of God with all that noise. Your job is to take your Power Back and place it on God - on that ever-unfolding joy, love and peace that is ALWAYS inside you. When you tap into that consistently, it takes over, and begins to direct and guide your life in miraculous ways. Rather than taking my word for it - prove it to yourself. In chapter 21, The Release Technique, I’ll share with you a phenomenal technique to help you take yourself off automatic pilot and get you back into the driver’s seat of your life;; something you must do if you want to be a powerful creator in life instead of a victim of past programming and continual self-sabotage. You are not your mind, you are not your body, and you are not your emotions. You are this larger unfolding presence of God to the extent that you allow yourself to be. The Ego would have you believe that if you try something and fail you will die. Examine every fear and you will come to see that at the bottom of it, at the root is the fear of death. That fear says, “Don’t take a risk and start that new business, you might fail then you’ll go 26


broke, you’ll be out on the street, renege on your mortgage and die!” It’s crazy - the fear of failure is what runs and rules most people’s fate. You need to cut that out because that behavior will never serve you. You Are the MASTER of Your Mind! You are the master of your mind. You know that famous dog expert, Cesar Milan the Dog Whisperer? I’m sure you’ve seen his TV show. He goes into people’s homes whose dogs are very out of whack, unruly, barking, peeing all over the place, acting out and out of control. He goes over there and watches the family interact with the dog, watches it freak out for 30 minutes to an hour then he sits down with the owners and tells them, “Your dog is nuts.” They say, “We know he’s nuts that’s why we brought you in!” He tells them your dog is nuts because you have made the dog the master of the house. The dog just wants to be a little happy dog that plays around and acts like a little dog. When you give the dog all the responsibility to be the master he feels your anxiety and then acts out on it. Then you have a troubled, unruly dog. Cesar shows people how to take their Power Back and be the master of the dog. Then very quickly, the dog magically behaves. Our mind is the exact same way - don’t make your mind your master. Your mind is a creative tool that requires you to command it! Don’t ask it what to do, COMMAND it with statements, visuals and of the types of scenes and feelings you want to experience. Letting your mind run your roost is like handing over the steering wheel to a tyrannical 4 year old! Stop doing that! The mind, the Ego will have you running jumping through hoops playing small, hiding out, not rocking the boat, not taking risks, feeling resentful, angry, worried and all of these lower emotions spinning around in 27


a soup. While lost, you end up identifying yourself as your feelings, you are unable to make decisions based out of fear and that fear protects you. Let me tell you something, I have failed and failed and failed and I am still here to tell you I’m not dead! Failure is never failure;; it’s just another way not to get the result you want. Take note and keep going. Most people will never remember your failures but they will remember your achievements! I used to do live product demos in a big chain store in front of crowds of sometimes 50 people 10-12 times a day. I have to admit to you; sometimes I bombed the shows, epic failures in front of all these people on a regular basis. After a while, I came to understand that the process to nailing the show and getting it right was usually about 2 days of bombing and figuring out what worked and what didn’t with the crowd. Then after that, it was smooth sailing and I had a license to print money. Now I’ve paid my dues, I was heckled, I’ve fallen off the stage, experienced power outages in the stores, I’ve had people fart and clear a place out, you name it! It’s embarrassing public humiliation but you don’t die. Watch that fear of failure, if you let it - it will rob you of the most fantastic life you have waiting already lined up for you! Clearing Your Resistance to Greatness I remember one evening driving back home up north in the Laurentian mountains after attending a Canadian Association of Professional Speakers (CAPS) meeting. I was driving this crummy beat up minivan, making $900 because I was sure that, I would get nailed if I committed myself to a car payment. Nuts eh? That’s the freedom seeker in me, always out for freedom. I’m driving back from this CAPS meeting, beating myself up because I don’t have an impressive opening story to my speech. There I was trying to 28


decide whether or not I should go to the big convention coming up later in the same month, spend $1,500 on the ticket, not to mention the money I would lose out by not showing up to my mop job during the busiest time of the year. In December, retail is always wild. So, all of a sudden I have this major release around the subject of money and realize that I was holding onto all this safety around money. I remember the moment clearly while driving back north. I felt this immense fear release in the van. That morning at 5 am, I woke up and had this huge download about my opening story, about my dad, the famous artist. I furiously wrote while sobbing through tears this moving story and went back to bed. I woke up at 9 am noticing that I had missed a phone call from a 713 number. I listened to the message from a woman in Costa Rica who said she bought my book last March and had been thinking about inviting me to teach her yoga community some of my mindset principals. She said that she had been too afraid to ask me and for some reason today, she decided just the heck with it and rang me up. Wow! Synchronicity strikes! It was just the day before that I had put on my Hawaiian scarf, stuck some feathers behind my ears and danced around the house to very loud Hawaiian music to start calling on Hawaii. It was October in Canada and there was snow on the pumpkin outside my door. I was desperate to get the heck out of there! Instead, I ended up attracting Costa Rica - I can do Costa Rica I tell myself. It’s similar to Hawaii – so, that began my international speaking and event touring. I ended up speaking twice in Costa Rica, two years in a row. That very same morning something else really wild showed up. Out of the blue, and I do mean OUT OF THE BLUE. I was called up by a man inviting me to speak at, Let’s Spread Success, a TED talk event in Montreal. The next day I had a lady ring me up wanting to help me for free to launch, promote and market my tele- summit because she wanted to learn 29


the ins and outs of being a personal development leader. All of these radical fabulous things showed up on a silver platter as soon as I simply released my inner resistance! How’s that for manifesting on speed dial! Want to learn how it works then go to Chapter 21, which covers the Release Technique. If You’re not Afraid, You’re Not Going Fast Enough! A marketing mentor, Adam Urbanski once shared with me a quote from a famous racecar driver, Michael Andretti. He said, “If everything is under control, you’re not going fast enough.” It applies beautifully to both business and personal life. When clients seek me out for my sales and confidence coaching, and say YES they’re always a little afraid. Often the coaching I do comes before the sale to show these women the exact mechanism that has been keeping them playing small all along! Your mind and the fear are not your friends. Either in the end, you have reasons for your excuses or you have results. You chose whom you give your power to. I find that with selling, coaching, consulting or mentoring services, people are really just saying YES to themselves and taking you along for the ride. Mindset is the biggest hurdle because until you can take yourself off of automatic, use real discrimination with your feeling and thoughts and not let fear stop you - you will never get into action. Success is a combination of right action from inspirational action, commanding the mind with visuals and getting your cue from God or the source. Think about Thomas Edison who failed 3,000 times before he invented the first practical, light bulb. No one remembers the failures. So if you’re life isn’t on par with where you thought it would be at this stage in the game, I dare you, triple dog dare you to take the leap of faith, take the risk of finding out how to say YES and really show up to who you want to be. Take action towards your goals. Sometimes you will fail but, if you keep 30


the goal in mind, keep your eye on the prize and command the mind, you WILL succeed; you have to! This is the recipe for success. One of the take actions that help to take your Power Back is create your goal’s statement such as, “I am so happy and grateful NOW THAT I have xyz.” To do this, see yourself in the present tense wearing the clothes you are wearing right now, having ACHIEVED the goal. Get to the place where you know that you have it without a doubt. See, feel and hold that in mind, feel it in your body, every day make it a habit of visualizing your goals and the way will manifest. It will never be the way you think it will be, however, a way always opens. The HOW is not your job - the HOW is God’s job. Your job is to get really clear on what the goal is and affirm it command it into the mind and let God handle the details.

31

32

CHAPTER 5

RADICALLY HONEST Give Yourself Permission to Want What You Want!

I

f you’re having trouble in relationships, feeling like you give more than you get, feeling disappointed that your needs aren’t met or simply frustrated and resentful that you HAVE TO EVEN ASK,

then sit up and pay attention. This chapter will rock your socks off in radical ways! You see there’s a fundamental difference between men and women. A mark of a good woman is the ability to know what another woman wants and expects without her even asking. That shows compassion, caring and the mark of a truly exceptional woman is about intuitively KNOWING what another woman needs. It is an unspoken expectation that women easily meet. This is the absolute opposite with men. Men have no problem giving you what you want but, you have to ask them and then they’re more than happy to give it to you. When women feel resentful it’s usually, because their needs are not being met and always at the root of this is a disconnection between being really honest about what you want! Showing up and taking your Power Back demands radical honesty with yourself first so that you can later communicate that to others. 33


Take the example of my client Denise who came to see me wanting to work on her mindset and to stop procrastinating in her business. When we got down to it, it was evident that what Denise really wanted was to have a lot more fun. She gave herself permission to really want what she wanted and we worked on clearing away some of the resistance and mental cobwebs that prevented her from having a more balanced life, putting her pleasure first and then focusing on the ideal clients she would like to serve. Well it didn’t take long, only two short weeks after Denise was emailing me and celebrating the fact that she closed a new contract for $13,000! The next time I saw her she was absolutely, glowing, radiant, vibrant, looking sexy, had a new haircut and had put herself back on the dating scene! Amazing what a little permission can do! I can’t tell you the number of calls I have been on with hundreds of women entrepreneurs who are struggling and suffering simply because they have a mental program that’s telling them either you can’t have xyz or it’s not possible for them and it will never happen. Instead, they suffer in silence, not even allowing the possibility of their experience becoming public. What you become aware of, you allow into your vibration. Give yourself the permission to want what you want, then if you need to, go and research other examples, people who have done what you are doing and then some. Fill your mind and your consciousness with a ton of proof; build momentum on why it’s possible, versus why it’s not. My Dream House Goddess Temple Palace Here’s a fun story about a house I was looking to buy here on Kauai. It was a mansion listed at $1.6 million on Kapuna Road with mature fruit trees and lots of land. I had met the owners, exchanged a few emails and photos of the house and asked myself how I would pull together a $300,000 deposit. I even deduced which driveway it was on because I had briefly 34


lived on the same road. Then fast-forward, 8 - 9 months; I was invited by my good friend to rent out a room in the exact same house! Yup, funny how that happens. I went to take a look at it and I’m not surprised it is the same house. Crazy synchronicities like this happen often in my life. The only problem was that the room needed to be rented within 10 days at the beginning of August. I had just come back from a 60-day speaking, networking tour on the mainland and all settled into this beautiful house on the north shore for the summer. The north shore is the best place to be for summer fun on the island. I was in no mood to move and then have to move again because come first week of September; I had travel plans for an 8-week tour. I wanted to say yes to the house yet; I wanted to move only in November, which meant I would need to sublet my room for 3 months to someone who would be willing to have me come in with all of my belongings halfway through September. That person would also lose half the closet with my things. Now, this is a dream house, a serious Goddess temple. All the women living there are high priestesses, rock stars, serious rock stars for God, my kind of people; the house is stunning, the land amazing and still, I choose to honor my feelings. My feelings told me to stay where I am, not rush into moving and find someone who would be a perfect fit to sublet this Goddess room for 3 months. Now, 2 days prior to seeing the house I had a chat with a woman named Kelly who randomly connected and friended me on Facebook. I was not selling her anything, she wasn’t selling me anything and it was only a friendly chat. Well as soon as I posted the room for sublet on my Facebook page a woman Kelly calls me up and says, “Yes that’s exactly the right fit for me!” She paid the rent and agreed to have my stuff moved in halfway through September. She’s a totally aligned rock star for God and everything worked out perfectly because I was radically honest about my feelings, chose to communicate them to all parties involved and in doing so God 35


showed up. Even before this all came about it was handled. Do you see that? This woman Kelly I had only spoken to a day or so before seeing the house. If I hadn’t been radically honest with myself about what I really wanted I could have caused myself unnecessary toil, frustration over moving twice, all from the fear of who knows - I might miss out if I don’t jump right away etc. See what I mean? Radical honesty is required if you’re going to have smooth clean transactions and agreements with people. Stop the drama and have the courage to speak your truth. I see women all of the time who are desperate for money, they say yes to any opportunity to work without first asking how much the pay is or what is the daily rate or hourly wage. Women are willing to run all over Gods creation for an opportunity for something instead, of having a 2-minute phone conversation that will save them the hassle. There is so much time and anguish wasted. Life is an agreement. Relationships are agreements. Don’t work with anyone you don’t feel totally jazzed about;; it’s not worth the trouble. It will always backfire. When you get clear and honor how you feel, you do end up saying no to certain things, which opens doors for God to give you what you really want. I see so many women who come from dysfunctional families who really struggle with this. Hey, what family is not dysfunctional these days mine certainly was not filled with loving guidance to say the least. What I noticed is that some of us grow up in a family where you have to ignore your own feelings in order to get love for survival because as small children you need your parents to survive. In those families, you are taught that your feelings aren’t important and won’t be noticed. Think about how some women totally cut themselves off from their feelings. This results in having a really hard time honoring something that they are so cut off from feeling. 36


If you’ve been trained to suppress your feelings, all of that is about to change! You’ll never get what you want unless and until you can identify it and voice it, take a stand for it because you are worth it! I remember doing an interview with Joe Vitale from the hit movie The Secret, back in the day when I was still hiding out and feeling frustrated while trying to start my business. I created an info product called Passion to Profit and I interviewed several successful internet marketers and social media experts, law of attraction experts to find out how to breakthrough my own fears about being able to travel, make money and be FREE! At the time I was spending money like crazy but, not making any and I asked Joe a question, “Joe what do you say to people who don’t know what their passion is?” I’ll never forget his response. He said, “I call them liars flat out.” You see the reason people don’t want to commit to their passion, own it or define it, is because if they do, then they’ll have to actually show up and do something about it and that involves risks and failure. No one wants to fail. He was right! At that time, I was spinning around taking all kinds of courses unsure of what I wanted to do while in my, when I grow up syndrome. Radical honesty is the way to open the doorway that takes your Power Back. Test it out with yourself and then have the courage to be vulnerable with others. Don’t worry about rocking the boat, be brave and it will bring results. After all being radically honest and open in your dealings and agreements will help you avoid confrontation in the long run, help avoid a lot of frustration and heartache. If you ask upfront before committing to anything, what, when, how and where it all goes down, you won’t be surprised when someone doesn’t pay you when you expected to be paid because it wasn’t clear upfront. Don’t wait for people to assume they know how to honor your feelings and boundaries. Have the courage to speak up and ask, inform yourself. When you respect yourself enough to make it 37


clear on the details this is someone who values her own time and that speaks volumes about your self-worth. Create Your Life by Design Instead of By Default One of my all time favorite processes for manifesting what I want, be it a car, home, new client or ideal relationship is to use this law of attraction process called, “My Ideal ___,” fill in the blank. I learned it from Michael Losier, a Canadian Law of Attraction coach and it’s a simple easily written process to help you get crystal clear about what you want and what you don’t want so that you can create the space in your vibration, call in what you want and rid yourself of any lingering animosity. It helps you focus and streamline your vibration so you can call into your experience with ease, the focus of your goals and intentions. It’s the same process I still use to this day and teach my clients how to apply it to business to attract their ideal clients!

38

CHAPTER 6

LIFE IS JUST A DECISION! JUST SAY YES TO LIFE!

T

ruth be told I am very compassionate except, I have a very low threshold for subterfuge and people who are lying to themselves about being victims in life. Maybe it’s because I spent so much of

my life as a victim that my deception meter is now extra sensitive. Life is just a decision. The life YOU WANT is simply just a matter of making a new decision for yourself. That’s all it is! In fact, if you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that your POWER lies in your ability to make a decision, all your struggling, suffering, feeling stuck and sense of powerlessness, settling for less and feeling like a victim would seem like a big fat joke to you. Every day, you are always at a point of making choices or making a new decision for yourself. You are the co-creator of your experience. By giving your power away, lying to yourself that you are somehow at the mercy of other people, circumstances and some big overpowering awful vengeful God, this is not true. Life is very simple when you understand how to operate it and the rules by which it is governed. All of my research has shown that life works in a very different way than what we are told. Here’s the recipe. You decide and then you commit, usually in the sense of a financial commitment or 39


something that makes it so that you are all in with no escape route and then the universe, God shows up and hands you all of the opportunities, sales, clients, doors open etc. You see most people have this manifestation thing and goal setting deal all wrong. I talk to many people, a ton of entrepreneurs and women each week who all say the exact same thing to me. “When I have the money then I’ll do the program or when I lose the weight, then I’ll attract the right partner or when I feel more confident then I will start that new career.” Ehhhhhhhhhh, wrong answer folks. Here’s the deal, if you use, “I don’t have enough money,” as an excuse for not playing at the level you want to play at - guess what? It’s an excuse everywhere in your life! Alternatively, how about, “I don’t have the time,” that’s another classic. Look, you’ll never have the money and you’ll never have the time until you decide and commit. You need to make a decision to do it and then commit. You need to make the time. Either at the end of your life, you will have your excuses or you will be celebrating your results. Which story are you giving your power to? If you’re tired of feeling like a victim then stop it. I’m here to invite you into a concept, which really proves to yourself that your power to decide and to choose a new reality for yourself is phenomenal! When you show up, decide, commit and say YES to life (and trust me it does take courage). It’s not convenient to say yes to life and to God however, when you do, a bright, red light signal gets sent up and God is like, “Holy smokes we got a live one in isle 5, send her all she needs!” Boom, everything you need to fulfill your mission shows up. All the money, the flights, the people, circumstances and opportunities all align and never in the way had you thought it would. However, you do have to show up and say yes first to taking your Power Back. You must have the courage to 40


step out into faith, make that decision and commit to it before anything will change for you. Jump in with Both Feet I had a potential client call named Nicole who is a clothing wardrobe stylist. She contacted me for help in breaking through her inner blocks in order that she could start really making some money in her business. She had been online for a few years had a website but was working way too hard for too little money. On top of that, being recently married she was afraid of spending the money on herself and her business. She told me that the investment was too much, she couldn’t afford it right now and that she could do it only in a few months. I called her out on her duplicity, explanations and excuses. “Seriously,” I told her. “You’re NEVER going to have the money, it will never be the right time and all of these are just excuses your mind is using to keep you playing safe and small. Listen, I know because I spent years there myself! You can’t lie to a past story teller of tall tales!” A quote attributed to Albert Einstein on the truth about switching up what we do and how we can change, our mindset comes to mind, “The definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Trying to achieve something different with the same mindset will not happen and you know what? You will never figure it out on your own! If you were meant to figure it out on your own there wouldn’t be 6 billion people in the world. Seriously, it drives me nuts, when some people tell me, “Oh you’ve given me so much to think about I’m going to change now.” Nonsense, you haven’t changed on your own over the last couple of years. What makes you think you will now without any accountability and support? After a good self-deception talk Nicole, decide to take a chance on 41


herself and invest in my $10k 3-day program. Soon after, she reported on the group call that she had her best week in business yet and pulled in $8,000 in sales! This is from a woman who was making just a few hundred dollars in her business. After going through the program, Nicole wrote to say, “Following Vanessa’s simple and straightforward strategies I had the best week in my business yet, $8k and counting! THANK YOU!” Nicole. That’s what happens when you show up for yourself, take a stand and have the courage to make a new decision that is not based on fear. Instead, you make a decision from a high place. From that place of what is possible. Listen if you make a decision based on what you know now you’ll never take any risks. The only thing standing in the way of where you are now and where you want to go is the fact that you simply don’t know what your don’t know! Taking your Power Back is not rocket science. Because you’re reading this book, it means you’re really ready to make some profound shifts and changes in your personal power and I commend you for that! Congrats, kudos! Now let’s get you some results! Are You Tired of Settling for Less? Well Stop It!! When my father died, it really opened my eyes to what little time we have here on earth to do our deal. I made a decision that summer back in 2008 when I was working in the mop job that I would become the best sales person in the company and write a book about it to establish myself as an expert in spirituality, sales and the law of attraction. I had this crazy idea while traveling through New Zealand with my sister and her boyfriend that I would buy a camper trailer and travel across Canada, live out in nature and work in all of the virgin stores no one had ever ventured into before. I would sell the most mops, become the best 42


sales person in the company and write a book about it. The idea was born and it was time for me to get the show on the road, stop practicing selling from the stage and start my speaking career. First step; I would write a book. Well it was a great idea but when I arrived back in Canada I totally chickened out and decided that I would just buy myself a crappy Neon car instead. The thing turned out to be a total lemon with a bad engine. My sister came back that spring to Montreal for a visit and said I was just being a chicken. She said, “Vanessa I can’t believe you’re chickening out! You have to do this!” I was scared. I mean come on, who in their right mind travels across Canada selling mops, sleeping in trailer parks as a woman, all alone? Come on, I’ve never even tried a camper trailer in my life, what a ridiculous idea! She was right though. I just needed to do it. Next, I get the money back for the lemon Neon and I go trailer camper shopping and buy a $4,500 camper trailer. I organize with the mop company my first day in a store in northern Ontario for June 15, which was just a couple weeks away. Next, I ask my mechanic guys, what kind of vehicle should I buy? They tell me, “Vanessa you get yourself a Dodge Caravan with a 3.3 liter engine - those baby’s are indestructible! The engines are bullet proof and will last you a lifetime and you’ll be able to pull that big 2,000 pound trailer of yours up those mountains no problem!” Ok, so I set off to buy myself a Dodge Caravan 3.3-liter engine. I looked in newspapers, scoured the internet and with just 48 hours left before I was supposed to be starting in my first store I started to panic! I couldn’t find the right vehicle to pull this camper trailer! I was like hey God; I need your help to manifest this one-of a kind vehicle today! Man let’s get the show on the road here! 43


That night, I pulled out all my bag of tricks - I get clear on what I want, I pray, I meditate, I put on this alpha brain wave meditation music and get into a state of high awareness with my hands on my heart and visualize myself driving across Canada in this minivan. The whole nineyards. Finally, I go to sleep and when I wake up, I do it all over again ….then I go online to search. I open the car ads and the third line down it reads, ‘Dodge Caravan 3.3 liter engine for sale’. Hey what do you know, it’s located only 10 minutes away from where I live. I called the guy up and arranged to meet him right away. I picked it up, drive it straight to my car mechanic who checks out the vehicle and he gives it the A-OK, go to the license bureau, exchange plates and meet my cousin there to give him my old car. By 10:30 am, I am back at home sitting in my kitchen looking out the window at my brand-new (slightly used) Dodge Caravan with a 3.3-liter engine that I got at the perfect price. It came with a hitch already installed, for my camper trailer and a $400 GPS system perfect for my cross-country road mission. He had forgotten the GPS in the glove box as well as a brand new pair of rad Chanel sunglasses with the price tag still on under the driver’s seat that I discovered several weeks later to my delight and surprise! Bam, I love it when God delivers at the 11th hour!! Amazing! What manifested was way more than I even asked for. Launch Yourself into the Abyss and Let God The Universe Catch You! I left Montreal on time with trailer attached. Bear in mind I had never driven a camper trailer before, let alone operated one. I had invested all my money and had $200 left in my bank account. It was enough to get me through the first week on the road, gas money to get there before my next paycheck. Remember I had no credit card to run to because I had declared

44


bankruptcy. It All Worked Out, I Was a Huge Hit in All the Stores! SUCCESS! The first stop I worked at was in Sault Ste. Marie, then Timmins and Thunder Bay, Ontario. Next, I hit Winnipeg, Manitoba and began making my first $900 days in the department stores. The mop company would ship the stage and the product on skids before I arrived the day after. The next morning I would go into the story early, roll up my sleeves and set up the stage with the guys from shipping. The following day, I’d put on my fancy pants and start selling. Before long there was a rumor spreading across the store chain in the head office about this mop lady, Vanessa Simpkins and her miraculous sales! They all wanted to have me in their stores selling mops and doing the demos. Imagine that my claim to fame is in the form of a mop….amazing! I wrote the book, From Bankrupt to $900 a Day Selling Mops in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan the following year on another epic journey across Canada. That book is about helping entrepreneurs master their mind set and breakthrough the fear around sales and fear around selling. It’s also about overcoming the fear of rejection, the fear of failure and it comes with some rock solid sales and marketing tips every entrepreneur needs to know about. Here is the point to all of this. Women are feeling the Call, the pull to step out, break out into something new and it takes courage to answer that call. It’s a road map without a recipe - the recipe is an inner listening and honoring that small voice within that might look very crazy to the rest of the world. Answer it! Have the courage to go for it! Make the decision to see where it will take you and I promise everything will all work out! What’s your alternative? Settling for less than the absolute best life has to offer you, that’s what. Your higher self, God, Universe, that life force is calling YOU to show up to a place knowing that it already exists or you 45


wouldn’t have the idea in the first place. Most people are forced into taking that leap of faith only when the pain of remaining the same outweighs the fear of what might happen should you fail. You have to trust and I know it can be very scary but, oh so worth it!! Mentors and Coaches If you want to shave years off your learning curve, hire a mentor or a coach or seek the advice of someone who has done what you want to do successfully. Some of the best decisions I have made have been investing in my education and me. I am constantly learning and staying accountable to others to help me reach my goals. Without someone, there I could put things off. Heck ya, even me;; I procrastinate if I don’t have anyone holding me to making my deadlines. Make sure that when you explore hiring someone to help you or hiring a coach or mentor that you are a good personality match and number two they’ve got the track record to prove they are really a master in their field of expertise - meaning they’ve done what you are setting out to do. Trust me you will save yourself thousands of hours of frustration and toil and cut years off your learning curve. Get into the habit and mindset of asking for the support and help you need. Mostly, if you really want to make a permanent change, claim your Power Back, decide and commit - go all in - invest in your success! I guarantee you’ll get results you can be proud of!

46

CHAPTER 7

THE WOMEN ARE GATHERING

S

omething has been happening the last few years what I call the rise of the Goddess movement. Women around the globe are gathering in numbers not in competition but in a spirit of compassion,

nurturing, sisterhood, support, caring and collaboration. As these women gather, they are remembering and reawakening to their power. My socks were blown off after meeting a phenomenal woman named ALisa Starkweather a few years ago and now we were are buddied up as power partners on an online program. I invited ALisa to be a speaker on my tele-summit and she invited me to attend her ‘Daughters of the Earth Gathering’ which is a 3-day women’s retreat held at Earthlands which is a convention-retreat centre beside 4,000 protected acres that are a part of Nipmuck tribal lands in western Massachusetts. People call Earthlands the University of the Wild and what I experienced was wild for sure! Tents were set up for women of all ages and socio-economic circumstances. We felt and we were welcomed into this sanctuary. These women shared their experiences, sometimes with emotional rawness as they explored what is meant to be a woman throughout all stages of womanhood.

47


There was laughter, lots of tears, singing dancing, transformational workshops and teachers. I was floored to be witness to ALisa’s body of work. It made such a deep and needed impact and it was a total honor to say the least. Here was a woman who has given her whole life to help empower women and give women a container from which to birth their fierce femininity. That weekend was one of the most powerful experiences of my life and it showed me what real sisterhood is all about. It’s definitely not about competition;; it’s not about, “Let me show you the way because I know best.” I saw that something very real and very magical happens when women come together to share, support, hear, see and bear witness to each other’s journey. There is a deep respect, honoring, holding, even flowering that takes place when women give themselves the PERMISSION to explore the realms and depths of their emotions, stories and that deep, deep call of the wild and call of intuition. This power calls women to always show up anew, show up and birth a new way of being. This might sound a little wild to you however, women gathering and leading was the way of matriarchal native societies. In those societies, women were the decision makers. They were the ones who connected and found agreement on how to run the village, the house, the tribe and the collective, while the men went out to hunt. Red Tent Temple Movement The Red Tent Temple Movement originated from a concept in a 1997 fiction book by Anita Diamant, The Red Tent. The movement accelerated in 2007 as a way for women to gather and nurture one another. Today, these temples are used for relaxation and as worry free spaces from everyday pressures. Instead of taking care of everyone else, women are taking care of each other, resting and renewing. ALisa rekindled the movement and now you can find Red Tents all over the world, in over 24 48


countries. There is even a movie on the movement. In these worry free spaces, women gather and listen to one another’s journey, their whispers of yearning, what they are putting to bed, closing chapters on, opening up and saying yes. I’ve been to several Goddess circles, women’s circles, even facilitated one in Montreal very briefly. I always leave feeling in awe and with a deep gratitude about being a woman. Last night here on Kauai there was a woman’s circle to honor the new moon and to set intentions for the coming moon cycle. A woman shared that her friend’s son at 7-years old knew that when women gathered like this, they became more desirable by their men! How amazing is it that even a 7-year old boy even knows this. When a women’s cup is full it overflows. Too often women are over giving, running on empty and rarely have any juice to feed themselves. Goddess Rising A Goddess is a woman who puts herself as a priority. She has enough knowledge to know that putting self-love, as a priority will help her do everything with more ease, grace and flow. A Goddess is a woman who owns her inner power and as much as she can, she flows softly like the wind in the trees on a warm summer night. A Goddess accepts who she is and she is awake, aware and committed to the journey and discovers what she really is, even if the journey is a messy one as it often is, she is committed to the end. To walk bravely and show up for herself and her sisters, her family and friends by honoring whom she really is at her core. I remember feeling stuck in my coaching business. I didn’t want to be any old business or life coach and I was in this existential stage in my career trying to distinguish myself meaningfully. I hired a coach, invested a ton of money to fly to Connecticut three times a year for a Mastermind Seminar. At my first Mastermind, there were 130 or so entrepreneurs in the room 49


and we were directed to play a game of who had accomplished the most in the last 90 days. Well the audience had to vote on the winner and I won! No surprise here, I am a Capricorn, driven, ambitious and when I decide on something then it’s get on my team or get out of my way. At least I know what I am. I had actually written down that goal in my book that morning before winning the challenge. I indeed won, because the winner won a onehour session with Fabienne Fredrickson the creator of The Client Attraction System, which was worth $15,000! On that call, I wanted to know what to call myself as a coach. I remember it was a rainy dreary hot July afternoon and Fabienne asked me on the phone, “Vanessa what do your clients come to see you about?” Out popped a few things and then at the end of my ramble I finally spurted out, “I help them take their power back.” Right at that moment, boom, the loudest crackle and thunderclap you have every heard shook the house and it started to pour rain. I had shivers running up and down my spine. “Great,”

she

said!

“Now

go

buy

the

domain

name,

TakeYourPowerBackNow.com and I did. Fast forward a few days, I’m at ALisa’s ‘Daughters of the Earth Gathering’ at Earthlands and it’s a steamy hot July afternoon. We are maybe 50 women under the big outdoor tent in a sweltering field, doing guided breath work exercise. My yoga teacher had been telling me about the amazing and surreal benefits of this healing breath work for years trying to get me to do it. That afternoon I was all in and committed to the exercise. We had to pair up and each woman had about an hour to go through the process while the other watched and supported her. I heard women screaming, writhing, some laughing hysterically, goodness what was going on here!!? I thought these women were all making this up. Then it was my turn. The music started and we are guided to continue to deep breath for an hour!! It was explained that holding the emotional 50


charge that is held in the body would release itself through this deep breathing process. Well sure enough, my body began to go numb! I couldn’t feel a thing and my hands started clenching. It was wild! I was not in control of my body any longer. They call this tinnitus. Then all of a sudden, BOOM the thunder strikes outside the tent it starts pouring rain and then there was physical relief from the steamy heat wave. Just as it thunders, I get a pain in my stomach and liquid squirts out of my vagina! Yes that’s what I said, liquid squirted out of my vagina. It was like labor pains and immediately I thought back to, Take Your Power Back Now when just days earlier, the thunder struck while I had been speaking with Fabienne. Wow! It was as if I was giving birth to this new business. When the exercise was over, I was careful to get up. I felt like I had wet everything under me! It was a wild and surreal experience to say the least and that is the story of how I birthed my business. The truth is that answering this call - this inner urge, taking your Power Back, owning your past, all that you are and have been to be here now, owning your voice, taking a stand for what you want and deserve can be messy. Look, there is no recipe! The recipe can get messy. I posted a Facebook rant about my roommate who is a good friend of mine on how she had lost it one night out over a guy she had been seeing. She said that she lost her marbles, acted crazy at a bar and screamed at this guy. I was so proud of her! “Good for you for standing up for yourself and telling him the truth! It’s better than slinking down, stuffing it down, hating yourself and beating yourself up for putting on a façade,” I told her. For months, she had been complaining about this guy and not feeling honored yet she kept going back to him and every time she let him back into her life, she felt worse about herself and upset about something. There’s no nicely paved road to owning your inner power. It’s like 51


swinging from one extreme to the next and somehow you’re on one side of the fence, then way over the other side, landing and balancing out in the middle. Women all over the world are feeling this inner call to show up and answer. It takes tremendous courage and support! Stop Being a Man! You’re a Woman for Crying Out Loud! Women have been putting on suits for years and trying to out man men by using masculine energy or force. Why?! Be a woman it’s so much more fun! A woman who is in her feminine energy, who naturally receives, who takes pleasure and revels in the glory of the world of the beauty around her, doesn’t wait for others to make her party or for others to make her happy. “She is the star of her own show,” says Regena Thomashauer (Mama Gena) author of Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. If you’re acting out too much of your masculine energy, with a go- gogo, do it, make it happen rule and conquer all type of energy you may be feeling like you are doing all the work in your relationship or being the man to other women in your friendships. Stop it! A woman relaxes and receives in her juicy Goddess feminine essence. Pleasure, beauty and rawness are the keys that open the gateway to grace and ease. Many women feel it is unsafe and too vulnerable to operate from the feminine. Most women believe it’s safer to be a man and to run with masculine energy however, these women are often unsatisfied, feel empty and unfulfilled. They feel like something is missing or that there is something wrong with them, like they’re missing some important memo. I encourage you to find the Power in sisterhood, a safe place to explore what it is to be a woman because most women were raised by their mothers who hadn’t a clue, about masculine and feminine energy roles, were, and still are trying to figure it out themselves!

52

CHAPTER 8

FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE Ladies Stop Waiting for Prince Charming to Come Save Your Ass! Save Your Own and Make Your Own Money!

I

was born in 1979, which, makes me generation X. Generation X was raised on Cinderella, sit-coms and fairy tales that did more damage to women than good. In my coaching and mentoring programs, I see many women who

are stuck in unhealthy relationships with men, which is no fault but their own. They have given their power away, maybe had children and stopped working to raise the kids and are now stuck in a controlling relationship, needing to ask their husbands before they can spend $100. What an awful terrible place to be as a woman. You must make your own money and be financially independent. YOU MUST! Anything else is suicide! I had a woman on the phone this week who works as a dental assistant, has two children, who are 4 years old and 15 months. She is married and hates, hates, hates, her job. Like many women, she has been feeling the call to serve in a bigger way to help people and feels overwhelmed and frustrated that all the courses that she has taken and not all the things she had begun filled with gusto and passion have paid off yet. She earns a part time income and is desperate for a change in career. 53


We talked at length and I told her the cost of my program. I have a 30-day challenge for $10,000 that I use to help coaches and consultants rock out their confidence and put proven cash flow systems in place so they can earn their first $100,000 per year. This program helps women understand how to sell and have confidence in their ability to market and promote their services. She tells me, “I can’t afford it. I have to ask my husband for the money, I’ll have to get him drunk tonight, and I don’t think he’ll go for it.” I told her, “Lady, you have a BIG problem and that’s it right there! You got to ask your husband for money to do what you need to do?” This eats me up; I get so worked up for women who have put themselves in this position because it’s the same position I put myself into. I can recall my mother and aunts chiming in when I was little, saying, “Whatever you do, marry rich!” As if a woman can’t make her own money! Fear keeps women stuck and frustrated giving their power away and then they eventually wind up controlled and resentful. This woman would have loved to make more money for her family and help her husband cut down on his overtime. The kids would have mom around more, there would be less stress and tension in the household. It was another sad story. I always tell women if you want something bad enough you find the money because everything exists for you right now, except most have trained their mind to, not afford it and by then verbalizing, “I can’t afford it.” The moment you turn it around and open it up by asking the question, “How can I?” everything shifts. The mind will go out and do its job to become aware and pull in all the cooperative elements that help you achieve your goal. If you don’t value yourself enough to make your own money you better, have a ton of faith in your man. You know what, no matter how well relationships start, things always change. You can count your blessings on 54


that one. If there is one thing I have learned it’s that I will always make my own money and Be at Choice; not dependant on the relationship. I will never have to ask a man if I can buy myself a nice pair of earrings or a nice dress because it tickles me or if I can invest in something that I know will help me. Don’t set yourself up to suffer. Always make your own money and set yourself up to win; to Be at Choice. Then you can choose the relationship that meets your needs. This is a critical part of taking your Power Back. When I began coaching and mentoring women, one of the very first women that hired me was a woman I’ll call Kristine who was originally from the UK. She had moved to the Czech Republic with her four children for her husband’s job. She was feeling the call to get her business up, and start generating income for herself. She was also feeling isolated in a country where no one spoke English and there wasn’t a large English speaking foreign population nearby. After a few weeks working together, the real reason for our work emerged. Her husband had a drinking problem and was having an affair with a younger more fun woman at work and he was leaving her alone with four kids in the Czech Republic. Ya, nice one. It became evident that a big part of my work was helping women heal the self-worth scars that come from being in a relationship with men who have addiction and/or unhealthy emotionally abusive partners. These women needed to start thriving financially fast! Now that was exactly what I had learned while at my mop job. I had zero credit after a bankruptcy and I needed to make money so that I could eventually quit that job and build my passion-based business. I created an exit strategy. Do you need an exit strategy? The sad truth is some women are comfortable with neglect and abuse and continue to attract men who exhibit the same traits over and over again until they look inside and have the courage to take their Power 55


Back and heal those inner agreements, those silent yes’s to pain and struggling. It’s another case of this comfortable uncomfortable. You don’t like the situation yet, you know what to expect. Fear of the unknown is greater than the pain you choose to allow into your life repeatedly. What are you comfortable with? Healing self-worth issues goes hand in hand with forgiving yourself for unconsciously choosing these types of men. By opening the way to being independent, thriving and happy you are taking a stand for what you truly deserve. After much debate and heartache, Kristin decided to leave her husband and moved her four children back to the UK to start over. She found a job to support herself while she grew her business. She is now able to honor herself and her own her self-worth. I see many women who also financially support the men in their life. Nothing wrong with that, all relationships are agreements. The question I have is, “Are you getting your emotional needs met?” Do you feel like there is an equal share of responsibility and an equal give and take or are you simply being a wet rag, allowing someone to take advantage of you? There are no victims in life; you choose how people treat you. This is another call, another opportunity to take your Power Back and take a stand for what you deserve. Another very common thing I see in abusive controlling relationships is women who run around doing everything. They have to manage, emotionally maintain and take care of the relationship, make all the decisions and emotionally take care of their men or else! Or else there is strife, problems and arguments. I say ditch the loser! Ditch him and run as fast as you can! You are not responsible for others people’s reactions and emotional happiness. If you’re stuck in a controlling abusive relationship with someone who uses 56


fear, or emotionally batters you by using their anger as a weapon and you end up not making waves or not rocking the boat to make sure you don’t change - I tell you something, what you have is a CHILD on your hands not a man! The problem will only escalate until you choose to look inside and do some major healing work. I don’t want to sound like a man hater or one sided here either. I help men who have given their power away to abusive women as well. The point is, if you’re waiting around for someone to have a change of heart and change because they love you, you may very well be waiting until hell freezes over! Do you know how hard it is to change? Seriously, life has to get pretty scary, uncomfortable and painful even before we make any decisions on change. Think about it - that’s human nature - we are creatures of habit. In today’s society where drinking, being cool and smoking weed is the norm I would venture a safe guess to say that most people are emotionally damaged and self medicating their wounds with drugs, food, sex, you name it.. We’re living in a culture that plasters through the media, happiness is found in that fancy car, that house, that relationship out there and instead everyone runs around unfulfilled, out of touch with God, scared and totally crazed reliving their wounds from childhood. That is how entrenched the mind and Ego’s hold is on you and how committed they are in keeping you suffering. If you don’t go in and reprogram it - it will just go on and on having, you repeat old decisions. So be careful. This is a slippery slope and the same slope I slid down again and again and again until it nearly killed me. Take note here, as long as you and your energy are all wound up in taking care of such a person you have no and I mean no time or energy to work on yourself or building a business or anything else empowering. NO, NO, NO, that would be way too threatening. Controlling relationships are 57


built with insecure people that require you to need them. Cut it out like a rotten part of an apple. Go and get the support you need. If alcohol is or was involved, I highly recommend Al-Anon as a great place to start and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA or ACOA). Heck I was 30 something before I actually resigned myself and surrendered to the fact that I had some major issues that I needed to heal and I’m so happy and grateful that I did or I would not be writing this book today.

58

CHAPTER 9

STOP PLAYING SMALL, STAND UP, STAND OUT AND OWN IT

T

he time has come ladies to stand up tall, stand out and OWN

IT! Stop playing small, stop settling for lowly goals or for second best to avoid disappointment or avoid the pain of failure. Living

with anything less than a life you love is disappointing. You’re worth it and you deserve to be happy simply because you are. That’s it. It’s time to stop being guided by fear, it’s time to step it up to the next level, own your voice, your truth, your experience and share it with the world! Mentoring women entrepreneurs and service based professionals, coaches, consultants and healers over the last few years that all have the mindset chatter and a devilish inner critic that makes them have a fear of being visible and continue with the cycle of playing small is the biggest challenge entrepreneurs’ face starting out. There’s so much fear of being judged by others. They question themselves, “Am I good enough to charge that much?” They compare themselves against others and feel like a fraud. Their inner voice says, “I just have to take one more class or course, then I’ll be ready.” It’s real torture. You must give yourself permission to be the expert, to impact people, to make a difference and serve. This all starts with a decision. Don’t worry 59


about you, focus on serving those people, make it about them and it becomes easier to show up and be visible. These are the same simple and effective cash flow strategy’s and mindset mastery techniques I share with my clients in my $10k 30-day program and I want to share them with you here because women all around the world are awakening in the workforce and a large number of them are finding their way through entrepreneurship. According to the U.S. Department of Education Institute and 150years of collecting data on education levels by gender there is an encouraging trend showing us that women have stepped up, challenged themselves and have decisively chosen to make their own mark in life. In fact, over 50% of all Bachelor and Master’s degrees were earned by women by 1989 and projections show that by 2019 over 50% of graduating doctors will be women. Source: U.S. Department of Education Institute of Education Sciences National Center for Education Statistics. Table 310. Percentage of Degrees conferred to Women Over the Last 150 Years 100.00 90.00 80.00 70.00

Percentage

60.00 50.00 40.00 30.00 20.00 10.00

20 16

20 09

20 02

19 95

19 88

19 81

19 74

19 67

19 60

19 53

19 46

19 39

19 32

19 25

19 18

19 11

19 04

18 97

18 90

18 83

18 76

18 69

0.00

Years Associates

Bachelors

Masters

Doctors

Degrees conferred by degree-granting institutions, by level of degree and sex of student: Selected years, 1869-70 through 2021-22, June 2012.

60


Cash Flow is a Simple Equation Be visible and make offers to people who can say, “YES.” The more offers you make, the more money you make. SIMPLE. That might sound simple enough but being committed to taking action is a whole other ball game. Many of the women that come to find me are so stuck in resistance mode that they spin around in circles trying to get their message just right, their branding perfect and all of it is a big fat waste of time. Even just this morning I had a call with a client from the Netherlands and she is an expert, a super star wonderful lady but she is procrastinating big time on being visible. She reported not feeling confident with her message, “Vanessa I don’t feel like I am calling out my market loud and clear enough. I am not defining them enough,” and I told her the big fat lie that keeps entrepreneurs from making money. I’ll share it with you. It’s a simple idea but once you get it, - it can totally change your idea of being ready enough. The clarity comes from doing. You get clarity about who your ideal clients are and what problems they have that you can solve by getting off the bleachers and into the game. Here’s my little trick to taking your Power Back in business when fear comes a knocking. Be willing to serve from exactly where you are at. You’re good enough, you know enough, this is guaranteed exactly where you are and what you know can help some people out there. So cut the crap already and start serving. It’s that simple. Brendon Buchard a well-known expert in motivation and inspiration one day said, “You’ll be an expert when you decide to be an expert;; you just one day decide and that’s it.” One of the best pieces of advice I have ever heard! Brendon Buchard is famous for his expert academy program and seminars and I took it while writing my first book. It was a powerful but simple idea that helped me to transform my fear about being ready enough 61


or expert enough. I often tell a story to my audiences about how John Gray the famous author and personal relationship counselor got started before he published his book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. According to the story, he started out learning transcendental meditation in his very early 20’s. He invested everything he had at the time to jump on a plane and attend an event on the opposite coast that the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi was going to attend. John didn’t have a ticket for the event but he figured if he explained to the ticket agents at the door how he had just flown half way across the country to attend they would surely see that he was a special case and let him in. Well that idea flopped. He was refused entry at the door because he didn’t have a ticket. Dejected he walked around to the back of the building to get his bearings and regroup. There he saw Maharishi with his entourage preparing to enter the building in front of the awaiting audience. John DECIDES to tag along and slips right in on the main stage right alongside the Maharishi as part of his entourage. No one noticed and no one secondguessed him! Soon after, John became the personal assistant to Maharishi! How’s that for faking it, until you make it! Now I actually hate the term, fake it till you make it. I really do. I went bankrupt trying that little number on and I don’t recommend it. I always encourage my clients to keep their day job while they attract the equivalent or more income from their new biz. Then they can feel good about easily cutting themselves loose from the ball and chain. I call this creating an exit strategy. The point I’m trying to make is this, John Gray made a decision, first he decided to GO FOR IT, really going all in, by traveling and learning with Maharishi. He decided, he committed by getting his plane ticket and then he GAVE HIMSELF PERMISSION! Permission is a gateway that unlocks, 62


unravels and uncovers your path! I remember way back before the mop job that my original intention was just making some extra money for the holidays. I had declared bankruptcy earlier that year and I was still licking my wounds and recovering. I had moved into a shared college town house with college age roommates, at the age of 26 and with my self confidence at an all time low, all I could conceive was wanting to make a couple extra hundred bucks a week for the holidays coming up. I found this job selling ink jet cartridges at Best Buy for $22 an hour. The job interfered with the web design class I was taking on the weekends and inevitably, I would be late to work. I got the job but I couldn’t come in late and the guy doing the hiring even told me. He said, “Vanessa you’re way over qualified for this job, but you can’t come in late so we can’t give you the job.” So, I started asking myself what did I really want?! If I was honest with myself, I didn’t want to work some crappy mall job. I wanted to get the heck out of the cold and move to Hawaii! As soon as I gave myself permission on going for what truly was exciting and what really lit me up, Kabam, the opportunity presented itself and voila, the rest is history. I moved to Hawaii two short months after leaving the mop job. Now I have clients all the time who come to see me because they want to make passive income. Do you know what kind of systems and traffic you have to set up in order to do that? It’s a big job, it’s do-able but it takes some real effort in the systems and online tech department. If you’re not internet savvy, get ready for a big learning curve. I teach something a bit different. It has to do with big paydays and cash flow infusions by sealing high-ticket service packages, coaching, or consulting. Believe it, or not, it’s harder to sell someone a $200 product than it is a $2,000 product or service. With coaching and consulting, it will take just the 63


same amount of work and time on the phone having a sales conversation with folks selling a higher priced item. Moreover, it takes fewer sales to make more money and the only investment needed is TIME. In the beginning, starting up a service based business you do have a lot of time. It’s also important to give yourself permission to want what you really want in your business. Jennifer came to see me because she was desperate to make more money selling her coaching. She was a natural born intuitive who had studied the law of attraction and even had her own radio show but wasn’t making any real money. She was feeling the crunch because she was a mom of a young daughter and she and her husband were $300,000 in debt. She told me her parents who had been supported by her brother were now looking to her because her brother lost his job. When Jennifer came to me, she was ready to breakthrough whatever mindset patterns were holding her in low cash flow mode. In just twenty-four hours after our first call, she closed $6,000 in sales and went on to make over $20,000 in business that month! Such is the power of saying, “YES,” and aligning to what you want in your life! Jennifer said, “YES,” to learning and implemented a new sales attraction system for her business. She said, “YES,” to raising her fees and offering her clients better service. Guess what, they said yes too! Choosing to continue playing small can be catastrophic on your selfworth, your pocketbook and your confidence level in general. To make a change you have to be willing to close the door on certain behaviors and decision patterns, look fear squarely in the face and say, “I am bigger than you!” Seriously, we suffer, struggle and feel less worthy because we made a decision that our problems are bigger than us and in that moment we give 64


our Power away. What are you saying NO to? What person, relationship, pattern, feeling, job and possible addictive behaviors are you saying that’s enough to? Nature abhors a vacuum. Although in business, I do not recommend people quit their jobs and launch whole-heartedly into entrepreneurship. What I do recommend is create an exit strategy. This is the same thing for women who find themselves in abusive relationships. If it’s really bad, you leave pronto, but when you have children and pets involved it can be tricky. Don’t leave it to chance, decide that it’s enough, decide you deserve better and begin creating your exit strategy. What’s the first thing you need to do? What’s the next step after the decision? Look at all plans and strategies as the next step so you don’t become overwhelmed. When coaching entrepreneurs I will give them only three things to do each week. Three more is too much, but wow when you do three things a week in your business, do you ever build momentum! When you choose to close a door, you automatically open a door to new possibilities. Life is a series of choices. Choose to be much bigger than your problems, choose to stop negotiating your feelings and choose to honor them, really show up for yourself and watch the doors open for you everywhere! God wants you to obey his will for your life, remember that! This source energy has been calling you to do something and it’s scary. Give yourself permission to go for it and DO IT regardless because you will meet all the help and support you require on your journey! However, don’t take my word for it - prove it to yourself by Taking Your Power Back.

65

66

CHAPTER 10

THE POWER OF PLEASURE

W

hy is it that there is a school on nearly every subject in the encyclopedia yet very, very little is taught about pleasure?! Women have been taught for centuries to run away from the

very thing that turns us on and lights our powerhouse, pleasure. It’s dirty, shameful for a woman to take pleasure and to pleasure herself however, therein lays the secret to everything you desire! I once knew a woman who was divorcing after many years of marriage and was putting herself out on the dating scene. She was becoming intimate with one guy in particular and he told her that he pleasured himself every day. She could not believe it! She thought it was insulting because she was saving all her juju for him! I told her - stop it, start pleasuring yourself, don’t wait for someone or some condition out there to be the cause of your happiness and pleasure - create it for yourself and watch all of the opportunities fall at your feet! By making yourself happy it turns you into a magnet for success, opportunities, love, new relationships, raises, better jobs, you name it! Wow a woman who has fun and puts her pleasure and happiness a priority is a very, very attractive woman indeed! I had a client once named Marina, who was an absolute knockout

67


bombshell. She still is gorgeous! She was raised with a very different take on beauty and self-love. She used to tell me her mom was a gypsy and her dad an Egyptian. Her mom taught Marina each morning to make adorning herself a ritual. Take an hour for yourself in the morning before beginning each day to wash and dress in beautiful clothing, adorn yourself with stunning jewels and then start the day. As Marina began telling me the secrets to her charm and sway with men you can bet I was taking notes! Here was a woman who was never without a man and had several men beating a path to her door. Her secret was making beauty and pleasure a priority! Marina is the one who taught me to have a Goddess altar, a place to sit with a mirror, all my fabulous jewelry laid out and to play with eyelashes, makeup and hair, to play and have fun with decorating myself each day and make this ritual a self-love ritual! Try it;; you’ll be happily surprised at all the attention you get from men and women! Unlocking the Door to the Kingdom There’s one thing I could never understand about interactions between men and women. I pride myself on being independent and smart. Yes, I am 6’2” and if I pop on a pair of heels, I look like Barbie minus a few bra sizes but nonetheless I am very happy with my body and take good care of it. For the life of me, I could not fathom why men would go after women that couldn’t even recall their own address, or what state they lived in when asked. They weren’t able to hold any kind of intelligent conversation about anything other than sit-coms yet; they held the attention of every man in the room with ease. Their secret? They were having fun! I’m telling you ladies it’s not more complicated than that. A woman who takes her own fun into her hands is an attractive and POWERFUL woman! The key to getting what you want 68


in life is having fun! I had a client Sara, who hired me to be her business coach. She was a recent first time mom starting to build her virtual assistant business. Sara wanted to make more money and attract more clients but when she came to see me she was totally exhausted, almost burnt out working way too hard and not feeling great about it. I told her what I tell all my clients - stop it! I’m all about simple solutions. I told Sara, “Go and get a massage!” Take time out for yourself and put yourself back in your calendar. You might be reading this and laughing and snorting but if you’ve ever tried to build a business especially in the beginning there is a lot to learn and it can feel like you’re pedaling up a steep hill not moving anywhere and sweating your behind off. Even if you are not building a business I’m sure you are able to relate to what I’m talking about here. Women are usually the very last on their own list of priorities. Sara made the commitment to take some time out and signed up for a class at the gym to get the baby weight off. Within a few short weeks, she had doubled her income and now she manages a team of virtual assistants while preparing to have her second baby! Girl you MUST take time for yourself. Fill your own cup before you can fill others or you end up resentful or resenting your family. Don’t wait for someone else to arrange it for you;; don’t wait until you have the time because you will never have the time. You have to take the time because you are worth it! Look at men, they need their alone time. Men completely disengage from the world by watching TV or they retreat into their man cave for a while and then come out. Women need a Goddess altar or some creative time to play and be a girl, play with textures, with beauty, with sensuality. You must balance out your life and balance out your day to include pleasure! Seriously, schedule it in your calendar like you would for other appointments or you can be sure 69


it won’t be done. Everything is connected. How you value yourself and allow yourself to experience pleasure and enjoy down time says a ton about your ability to receive! Building a business can be hard work. Some women lose themselves behaving like men in male energy while doing and pushing forward. Then they wonder why they are single and can’t attract a man they want, or they attract feminine men because they are too much in their masculine energy. I had to learn this lesson. Being in my masculine energy was a safe place for me to hide out while using the excuse; I am building my business. As soon as I flipped the switch on fun and began being a woman, inviting men into the world of my feelings, a whole new world of opportunity and fabulous men began showing up in my life. If you know you have been on a serious pleasure diet, now is the time to turn the tables! No more guilt! It’s time for some major fun! The first thing I recommend is scheduling some pamper time. Maybe it’s getting a massage, getting your nails done, planning a night out with the girls, buying yourself some flowers (I get new flowers each week either from the store or my jungle yard in Hawaii), giving yourself permission to get a new fancy hairdo, spoiling yourself, feeling sexy, taking time to explore fun outfit combinations, putting on some nice music and having a bath. Pleasure yourself. I highly recommend reading a phenomenal book called, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. It is a great book dedicated to helping woman reconnect to the power of their body and mind through pleasure! A fun fab read that is sure to help you flip the switch from frustrated to fabulous because every woman has a goddess diva inside her, just waiting to be turned on!

70

CHAPTER 11

COMMITMENT - HIGH OCTANE GASOLINE TO FUEL YOUR DREAMS INTO REALITY

I

light up like a Christmas tree when I speak with women who tell me, “Vanessa I want to make a big income change;; I am so ready, bring on the $10k every month, I know I have fear and I want your help

breaking through this fear.” Then when it comes time to commit they use fear as an excuse. It’s ridiculous really. Most people are what I call, decision and commitment disabled. We have an entire culture that uses the media to instill fear, doubt and worry as a norm. Most of us attend public schools that waste children’s time on memorizing and repeating outdated facts about the fur traders and ignore, mute out and squash children’s creative talents. Look, Steven Jobbs was a creative genius. The world needs creative geniuses and not only a bunch of safe people who are unwilling to take risks. If you’re avoiding making a decision and a commitment in your life, you are robbing yourself of something great! You are deciding to settle for the status quo. By not making, a decision is a decision to stay EXACTLY where you are. One of my all time favorite quotes still is from John A. Shedd, Salt from My Attic, 1928, “A ship in harbor is safe - but that is not what ships are built for.” 71


Stop hiding out in that comfortable uncomfortable, take the risk, decide you’re going to feel the fear and do it no matter what, then COMMIT. Commitment is the key that will open every door for you! When I was 20 years old, I set out to live in Japan and teach English. It was a pivotal turning point in my life because well who goes to a foreign land on their own at 20 years old! Really! I look back and I think that was insane! I see 20 year olds today and I think my God I was a baby!! I don’t think I would let my own kid leave the country at 20 years old! At the time, I was tired of being a bar tender, so I started telling people at the bar my crazy hair brained idea that I was going to go teach English in Japan and venture out into the world and travel for a year or two. After a while, I started thinking to myself, “Geez I better do it now because all these people expect me to do it now! If I don’t, I’ll look like a real chicken!” So I took the leap, I went for an interview with a JapaneseEnglish language school, got the job jumped on a plane and that started my very first step towards the search for the spirit or God. My intention was if I have faith in the day, it would bring me everywhere I needed to go, to do everything I needed to do and become who I am to become. Even at a young age, I had this idea and I just had to prove it to myself that God was good. That life will take care of you if you meet it and answer yes to its call. Commitment is scary but oh so worth it! I was listening to a Mama Gina audio today in my truck and she introduced herself as a woman committed to helping women find pleasure. She went on to say that, she might even offend women in her absolute commitment to her truth that women are the world’s most untapped natural resource of power and that she will go to any length to share the message including maybe offending a few people. I liked that because I work like that. While on many sales calls I’ve ruffled few feathers, these women are not happy with me at the beginning of the program. However, I’m not 72


going to sit on the phone with you and buy into your self-deception and excuses on why you can’t commit, why it’s not the right time or why you don’t have the money or my goat ate the telephone cord and I have to go now. You might as well tell me the goat story so I could at least get a good chuckle. I’m a straight shooter. I tell people how it is, I’m not in the business to make a ton of friends, or stoke your ego or whisper nice things in your ear. I am in the business of helping people get results and that requires knowledge. Many people are giving their power away to the Ego that uses fear to protect them. Their entire decision making mechanism is flawed; not only flawed but also is backfiring. It’s holding you back from your very own success that you claim you so badly want!! Stop saying, “I have to think about it.” No you don’t. What you are doing is giving yourself time to let your mind fill you with fear and reasons why it’s not a good idea to take a risk for what you want because, “I might fail.” Stop saying, “What if I don’t have enough time to devote to it? My husband, children, mother, father, brother, boyfriend or goat next door won’t let me!” What I have to say to all of that is, “Stop it! Take Your Power Back NOW!!” Decide, commit, show up and say YES to take action on the next step. Life is really that simple. We make it so much more complicated by letting our emotions run us like wild monkeys. Really, life is just an action waiting on your decision. You choose what you want, commit to it and when you do, all the doors open, access granted. It’s as if God is testing you until you hear, “Yeah you want this, really? Let’s see you commit.” Then boom! The sky’s the limit. I’m a truth seeker, a wisdom seeker. I never stop and I don’t think I will ever stop discovering what and how this reality we live in works and operates. It is a passion, a deep, deep passion of mine and by committing to 73


it - embracing it - it has led me to who I am today. This passion for truth and knowledge has opened the doors to teach, to share, to inspire others and that totally tickles me! If you want to learn how to swim sometimes, you just have to jump in with both feet and learn how to swim! Don’t Let Your Dreams Get Moldy! By not committing and not making a decision you forfeit all potential for all the yummy fun things that are yours by divine right. It’s like receiving the mail but not opening it to look at it. Who knows what’s inside there! There’s a great story I heard at a Fabienne Fredrikson event that I found unforgettable. She said, “Your calling is like a pizza delivery man, he knocks on your door, you tell him to go away you’re not ready yet. He knocks again, you tell him not now, he comes a third time, you again turn him away. Well eventually the pizza gets moldy!” We do this same thing every time we refuse or we choose not to commit to our dreams. Don’t let your dreams get moldy! I’m a huge music fan and love live music! It totally fascinates me how God or the spirit works through people. For one of the music festivals on the island there is an amazing amateur musician night with live acts. There was this band of four men who rocked the house. Wow! Everyone cheered and encored them back onto the stage and I even bought their CD. I was so moved with their music I went up to these guys afterwards to shake their hand and tell them they rock. One of the musicians tells me, “We’re just street performers.” I thought about this for a while. Here are these guys going full out, loving what they do. They do it free all day long on the streets until they have it mastered!! That’s the kind of commitment I’m talking about. These guys are being totally visible, raw, real, they’re committed, and people love what they are doing. 74


What are you taking a stand for in your life today? What commitments have you been holding off on and procrastinating on making? Who can you connect with, a mentor, a friend in the same boat as you who can hold you accountable to taking action and really show up saying yes and committing.

75

76

CHAPTER 12

OWN IT

R

emember all those zany things you loved to do when you were a kid? Imagine if you had not been sold on the idea that as an adult it wouldn’t make you money so;; forget about pursuing your

dream! There’s a rock star in me that I can’t hide. I have often times judged her, criticized her and totally shut her up into lock down which she undoubtedly always escapes from and causes absolute mayhem in my life. Lesson learnt do not lock up the rock star singing and dancing diva queen that lives inside me! Why should I? It’s crazy how far down the list fun is on a woman’s list of priorities. Some of the things we love the most we simply ignore, or stop doing all together and then wonder why life is so boring, lacks luster, passion and pizzazz! This morning I was doing my 6:15 am work out with my fitness coach Samantha Fox Olson who is this spitfire sassy blond with the absolute best attitude. Here we are, six women in her yoga yurt in Hawaii sweating our asses off doing exercise with weights all before 7 am and she’s cracking jokes about sticking your booty out like you’re mooning someone. I mean we want to die sometimes, you know pushing past the comfort zone and here she owns it, really rocking her passion. This woman is the most passionate woman I have ever met on helping women love their bodies! 77


That’s what we all have to do - OWN it! Own your passions, brag about them, brag to everyone who will listen to us about what we love to do and what we are passionate about, great at and what lights us up! No more, lock down! Promise me!!! This subject of owning it is very dear and close to my heart because if you have yet to meet me I am 6’ 2” and it’s something I have struggled with my whole life. When you meet me for the first time, you’ll quickly understand why. I am a striking 6’2”, slim, slender, sleek and I can be glamorous if I choose. If I put on a set of heels, I stop traffic. Now I enjoy that but when I was younger let me tell you I had a hard time with my height. Everyone, all the time would notice me. I use my height to my advantage now but, as a kid people thought, I was bulimic because I was so skinny and people made fun of me. To be quite honest nobody wants to be seen and noticed all the time. Well when you’re 6’ 2”, you have to get used to it. Now I know what you are thinking, “Vanessa I would trade in your problems any day!” Right? Well think about it carefully. I don’t think you understand what 20 plus years of hearing people ask you the same question over and over can do to a person. If I had a dollar for everyone who asked me how tall I was, I would be a millionaire several times over! What I realized is that people were just so shocked when they saw me that they had to say something, they were compelled to say anything while talking with me and the first thing that popped into mind was to ask about my height. In my later 20’s when my boobs and behind grew in, I enjoyed my physical body MUCH more. Teeny tiny shorts were in and I was Barbie with a brain! Then I started to OWN it. I remember working as a bartender. I had a tank top made one year on the beach in Seaside Heights, New Jersey and I would wear it at my waitress and bar tending job. It read on the front, “Don’t ask,” and on the back, “I’m 6’ 2,” and it was an instant conversation 78


starter, everyone loved it! Later I came up with some funny comments I still use and pass onto tall women everywhere I meet. When people ask me if I play basketball, I tell them very straight faced, “No, I play miniature golf.” There’s about a one-second pause and always followed by an eruption of laughter! It’s an easy icebreaker, then all kinds of conversation opens up. Why? Because I own it!! Now I have fun with it and a fun fabulous woman is like a big bright sparkling Christmas tree full of presents underneath it - irresistible you can’t help but come up close and want to unwrap all the goodies under there! Own what you’ve got and it will all work out! Think back to when you were a kid all the things you loved to do. Those things never change. I have a wonderful younger sister named Cristina and as a kid, she was this wild child. I mean just wild. She was unkempt and used to breed moths in her jewelry box! Her room was a mess, she was always in clothes that didn’t match or were torn or dirty and I was constantly trying to catch her and clean her up. Well fast-forward 20 something years and she is a nature adventure guide! She and her boyfriend Ben take tourists on epic adventures into the wild country of New Zealand and British Columbia, Canada. My sister doesn’t spend hours in front of the mirror. Each morning she spends hours on glassy mirrored lakes, hiking in the most pristine mountains and is living her dreams in the great outdoors. She was always kind of wild as a kid and it totally unfolded into this amazing career. So look back to your childhood. What did you love to do that you simply maybe don’t do anymore? Is your life lacking luster and fun? If you don’t know, what your passion is in life it might be because you’re locking that rock star wild child in the closet! Stop it! Let her out!! You’re job in life is to answer that call and to enjoy your life! My dad was an artist and he used to say all the time, do what you love! He died 79


broke yet he lived with a smile on his face. He left us with a beautiful legacy of incredibly stunning masterful paintings. He owned it. Do you know what it is that you’re hiding on the down low? Why is it that women are so terrible at bragging about themselves and what they are good at doing? Taking a stand for your passion and your joy, your calling is the next step in allowing God or the spirit to unfold all of the necessary pieces for you. God will provide all of the next steps for you but you have to show up and own it and have fun with it! Let that rock start diva out, maybe she’s a painter, a dressmaker, a farmer, a gardener, a baker, a baby clothes maker. I don’t care what or who she is, let her out to play! Give her the time of day and in that creative exploration, magical things will unfold. One of my favorite books is written by Julia Cameron called, The Artist’s Way, and in it she recommends each week setting aside some time to explore. She calls this the artist’s day, where you just allow yourself some time to go and let inspiration strike you, let it hit you, play, explore, see and feel. Go on an adventure and let your creativity out. I recommend taking your creative self out for an adventure regularly, let your little girl out to play! Your Life will be filled with laughter and happiness when you are showing up and owning your gifts and kablamos everything you need to continue the unfoldment will appear. If you still have trouble, just do a little wheeling and dealing with God. Ask, “Hey God if I am supposed to do this thing show me, show me a big fat sign that I can recognize immediately please and thank you!” Then make sure, when the sign shows up - you act on it!! Don’t ask for a sign and turn the pizza guy away, open the door let him in and eat the pizza!

80

CHAPTER 13

BOUNDARIES

D

o you feel stuck in relationships that aren’t working for you? Are you sacrificing yourself, your time and your pleasure or constantly bending over backwards to please others, believing

it will bring you joy and happiness? Are you tired of over giving, people pleasing, feeling abused, emotionally neglected and fearful to speak up because it might come out confrontational? One of the absolutely all time biggest problems women face is setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with others and I know because I had to learn how to set healthy boundaries with everyone including myself! I grew up in a wild and crazy home of alcohol addiction, gambling, and hoarding. Man I tell you that it’s amazing my sister and I didn’t end up on the streets as hookers or hooked on drugs or some kind of crazy story because the odds were not in our favor. I’m not sharing this for wanting a pity party; I am sharing it simply to inspire you because I believe the majority of family’s today are dysfunctional. Addiction is everywhere, porn addiction, food addiction, sex addiction, addiction to negativity, narcissists who only think of themselves, alcohol and drug addiction and obsessivecompulsive behavior. All of these are symptoms of a Godless society and the numbers are only climbing. Dysfunctional families will continue to 81


create dysfunctional families until people choose to take their Power Back and break the mold. One of the most common complaints I hear from women who suffer in relationships with controlling and emotionally abusive people is that they feel alone and they don’t really feel seen or heard. That’s because the abuser actually has a fantasy fairy tale in their mind about who you are instead of seeing and hearing you for you! They have a little doll idea of what you are supposed to be, how to act and behave. When you don’t behave correctly, the rage comes flying out to make you conform to this perverted and twisted idea of what you are supposed to be like. Another common complaint is that victims of these relationships never really feel seen or heard. That was my biggest complaint. I never felt really seen, heard, or understood and it baffled me completely. I ended up thinking that there was something wrong with me! That I believe is a symptom of growing up in an alcoholic home. The phenomena that when children are exposed to it at an early age, teaches children shame and guilt. Kids somehow think it is their fault that the alcoholic is sick and excuses should be made. I also liken it to brainwashing or programming, it needs to be unlearned and replaced with knowledge and appropriate responses to the here and now rather than guilt. Guilt can be confused with empathy, feeling sorry for a person and trying to make it better. Children of alcoholics are always believing that somehow, the alcoholic will wake up healed and life gets better. Sadly, more often than not it is a degenerative disease meaning it only gets worse. This is when there is a blurring of boundaries. Either no boundaries are imposed or the boundaries become too big then children push everyone away and they isolate themselves, which is just as unhealthy. Children don’t know they even need boundaries to learn about what is appropriate. For myself I know I had developed dysfunctional relationship coping 82


mechanisms and patterns. For example to get love, I had to ignore part of my feelings and myself. I had this personal agreement with myself that went like, “Always at all costs, another’s feelings are more important than mine,” and “I can’t really get what I want.” Now these are not conscious decisions that I remember making but make them I did because I relived them and recreated them over and over and over again until I discovered how to undo those agreements and the affects of them showing up in my life. It was extremely frustrating to recreate those same patterns in my relationships over and over again. After reading the book Controlling People by Patricia Evans, it put many things into perspective. I realized I was not crazy, or damaged or weird. Rather, I was entwined in something really unhealthy - a pattern I had learnt and I could unlearn. It was very empowering, - but only after feeling as if I was living in a sci-fi movie! I swear it was such a trip to take my Power Back! If you’re in a controlling relationship, this is where the deep healing emerges and I really recommend to anyone reading this who thinks they might be in over their heads, (heck you might be nodding your head right now thinking YES, YES, YES! That’s me,) go and pick up a copy of Patricia’s book it’s awesome! This was the first book that I read that went into great detail about the trauma that arises when living with controlling people, how to identify them and heal the broken pieces within you that are entwined in the vicious loop of abuse. Some of the topics cover disconnection, training, trying, trauma, how the loop begins and how it affects you. The book explains further, the reason controlling people never really see or hear you or really get you. In Chapter 16, “Plugged in and Powerless”, Patricia explains how we get trapped in relationships like these and why they are extremely hard to break away from. She says that the controller is also stuck because their self, their identity would disappear once there is no one to control. 83


What was a real eye opener was her insight and tips that identify the control tactics and then how to break the, “Spell”. By breaking the spell, this is how you Take Your Power Back and not remain a victim in a controlling abusive relationship. The content of this book floored me and an internal shift changed me forever. Rage & Boundaries Now when someone flies into a rage we are talking about the extreme when your boundaries are pushed aside. It certainly doesn’t need to get to a rage stage to feel like you’re being trampled on and most of the time women allow themselves to be used as doormats. I had a conversation with a woman today, a highly intelligent and smart woman entrepreneur who has even worked for the United Nations and she like many women who come to see me complained that she works and works tirelessly giving out proposals to companies. She over gives and wears herself out and then people don’t pay her. She’s a classic example of a nice people pleaser. I had a marketing mentor, Adam Urbanski share with me many years ago some words that have stuck with me since then, so it’s worth repeating. He said, “Your business is your sandbox, if people don’t play by your rules, you kick’em out!” Meaning you teach your clients how to play by your rules or they don’t get to play with you! It’s the same with life. You must be radically honest with your feelings and have the courage to place healthy boundaries with others. How do you know if you need to speak up and say something? You know because you feel bothered and it is usually over and over by the exact same kind of people. Life keeps throwing you the same lesson until you get it, there’s no escaping it! Some women simply refuse to communicate when they are displeased. Instead of staying open and communicating, they shut down. Women have 84


been taught to comply, sacrifice, do unto others and serve. Over time, women get resentful and angry and hurt in the process. We’ll I’m here to tell you that you can best serve, by serving yourself first! In my own experience, I noticed a tendency when I wouldn’t like something someone would do, especially men; I would simply shut down, stop the conversation, and ignore their texts and messages. It was too much of a problem, for me and I felt so awkward expressing what I wanted or explaining my displeasure that I just wouldn’t do it and in short I learnt that I was also taking away the opportunity for these men to show up and be real men, fix the problem and make me happy. I did that because I didn’t want to make them feel bad and I didn’t think they would respond well to my criticisms or requests. I didn’t believe my requests would be heard because I was not used to having my requests met. I was used to being made to feel wrong for even having needs! Such is life with controlling people. It’s a crazy place to be. Instead, I just shut up, ate it and ate it until I exploded or, I’d find myself alone because I would simply go through men until they would make a mistake. Rather than tell them or ask for what I really wanted, I lived in story land in my head and judged the heck out of them. They really had no chance at all. This is a pattern women fall into and it’s very damaging because it ruins relationships. What I recommend is to be courageous and simply communicate what it is that displeases you. Especially with men. Men want to know what’s wrong - they are intuitive but they don’t call it that. They don’t know they are intuitive but they feel when something is off. I like to use the sandwich method when communicating displeasure. A request goes like this. Start with a slice of something great something you love, next the raw meat (tell it like it is) how it makes you feel and then another slice of something nice to finish it off. For example, I got a text from a friend – a guy friend whom I was 85


seeing and we were flirting back and forth until he sent me something a little over the top! It was rude, crude, and too sexual and I felt ewwwww!! Well, I didn’t respond for a few days… but I kept thinking about it. It became an open energy leak loop. So here was my reply, “Hey [name], its fun flirting with you and I enjoy it but that last comment was a little over the top. It made me feel uncomfortable. Maybe that’s just the way it goes with texting a lot gets twisted. I’d much rather you call me and we have a chat LIVE on the phone. Hope you’re having a great weekend! Vanessa. BOOM now the ball is in your court dude. How are you going to deal with, manage, and answer that? You get to see how the person responds, do they take responsibility for how it made you feel, and do they not respect you, ignore you and become defensive? Being open and willing to communicate with radical honesty saves you so much energy. Next time you get your feathers ruffled by someone or someone’s behavior, stop, breath and instead of reacting right away try the sandwich method. Communicate radical honesty and ask for what you want instead. Stop Willing to Negotiate Your Feelings! Having the ability to speak up and say something is simply the result of a decision you made long ago. In the types of families that have children seen and not heard, women sacrificing and taking care of their men or the family comes first, what decision did you make around speaking up and voicing your opinions? Where does it say women need to suffer in order to be loved? That’s got to be the hardest program! Usually children with hypercritical parents suffer with an, I’m not good enough complex. These children always strive to be good enough, over achieving and people pleasing. Please yourself! Forget about everyone else, take it to God or the spirit and have it out! The first step to taking your Power Back is to stop 86


negotiating your feelings with everyone and stop rationalizing that other people’s feeling are more important than yours!!!?! Hello! What is that about? Manipulators will always try and make you think that you are wrong for feeling the way that you do. They get you to second-guess yourself so you can never feel confident about your feelings. Watch out! Chances are if you have trouble making boundaries you might have grown up with a critical or overly manipulative parent. Run the other way with people like that! NEVER negotiate your feelings. If you’re having a conversation with anyone, I don’t care if it’s your mother, your brother, your uncle, your husband or your girlfriend, if they don’t respect your feelings or they don’t hear you, you would be better off talking to a brick wall. This is serious. What’s the point of trying to communicate with people who don’t acknowledge you? Yet so many women do this. They engage with people who are unable and unwilling to change or do anything to accommodate you and your feelings because it’s all about them. Oprah made a statement that I’ll never forget. She quoted Dr. Maya Angelou who said, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” How often do you get into relationships with people you know are going to cause you trouble but you do it without thinking! Women are classic in the way they think, “Oh he or she will change if they love me.” Uhnn, no way Jose! That’s a decision to suffer right there. It takes nerve to tell people what doesn’t feel right. Keep in the forefront of your mind that you don’t need other people’s approval in order to thrive in the world. You only need your own approval! God approves of you! You won’t get it out there and usually when you finally do speak up you see that the fear of the consequences were actually greater than the act itself. Meaning your mind is holding you hostage with a fear that sometimes doesn’t even exist. My challenge for you is to turn your attention back to 87


you for a minute. Ask five people today for some help, ask for assistance, ask for what you need. Have the courage to walk on the wild side, stand up and ask for what you need for once. Turn the tables on people. You will see exactly what kind of people you are dealing with when you begin to assert yourself. If you don’t like the batch of friends or colleagues you have, then get a new set! Decide to attract new people into your life that appreciate, honor, love, respect cherish and adore you just the way you are! You need people who get you, understand you and who are fun, a pleasure to be around and easy to communicate with! Decide you are not going to put up with people who continuously trample your boundaries. If you tell someone how you feel and they continually step over the line then they aren’t hurting you, you are. Stop putting yourself in their pathway, in their line of fire. Decide you deserve much better than that and let those people go so you can make room for the kind of people you want to be playing with! Make a list of the people you need to create new boundaries with. It can be a list of people you are afraid of, procrastinate on dealing with or even cringe at the thought of having to connect with. Make a list of these people and decide what you are no longer willing to do anymore. Pick up the phone, write a text, send an email and voice your feelings. Express yourself and request something new. Tell them, “I’m feeling like xyz and I am requesting that you xyz.” Open the doorway to communication, practice being open and asking for what you need and deserve. Look fear straight in the face and say, “I AM BIGGER THAN YOU!” Why? Because you are the boss of your life. You decide to give your power away or to align with who and what you really are, as the channel and vessel for God or the spirit. Honor that, honor yourself and your intuition, speak up to those around you, take the challenge to communicate your 88


boundaries or ask for something you need from five people today and test out your limitations. You’ll see they are nothing more than a fart in a windstorm, I promise!

89

90

CHAPTER 14

CONFIDENCE IS THE NEW SEXY

C

onfidence speaks volumes about who you are and what you think of yourself. I see women who are heavier set strut their stuff, own their swagger and are wow in a room no matter how many

extra pounds others might judge them for. Confidence is not what you look like, how many degrees you have after your name, how old or how young you are and it is the same across all nationalities. One thing remains true, confidence is the new sexy! It defines you as a woman and it permeates every aspect of your life. If you really take into account your identity as the child of a loving God, that this universal life force wants to give you the very best that life has to offer and then some, you would not be worried in the least to grab hold of this idea and run with it! This is no time to be small Divas! A woman is a mysterious force of nature. By being a woman you simply have the power to create life, are a deep well of intuition, run by and off of emotions and are a complete mystery to men. Men are soooooo drawn in and perplexed by you. A woman is a man’s access to the divine and for that reason, you should recognize yourself as that, divine! You are a divine and amazing Goddess! Own that ladies, really take that in and be

91


confident in knowing that simply by being a woman you open the door for men to connect with that realm of magic, mystery, emotions and intuition. I can tell a confident woman from a woman who is lacking in the selfesteem department. Simply notice if she looks into your eyes. Ladies if you really want to practice owning it, owning that internal power you have simply because you have a vagina, then try this little challenge the next time you pass a man, hold his gaze and smile, just smile and hold his gaze for five whole seconds! Try it! What happens when you spot a cute guy in the grocery line or video store? Be honest you usually take a quick peek, blush and then your eyes dash away, right? Next time you spot a guy make a point to try something new, hold his gaze for 5 seconds and smile! Be a radiant flower and invite men to come in and sniff you. Seriously, there is nothing sexier than a woman who is happy and smiling and able to hold a gaze! I don’t care if the man is 80 years old! Try it! It’s a woman who is exuding confidence that invites men and other yummy delicious opportunities to her! What Kind of Agreements Are You Making? I recently met a woman on the island named Katherine who is dating a yummy younger man. For his birthday, she decided to invite him on her vacation and bought his plane ticket with her points with the agreement that he be the one to drum up travel plans and exciting daily fun things for them to do. Katherine was actively seeking a man to be a man in the relationship, make the decisions and organize the itinerary. How many times have you wished, secretly prayed and desperately wanted your man to just organize and make the decisions for you about your social life together?! Well the younger yummy dude happily got out the travel guide and went to work. He was still not so sure he was measuring up to Katherine’s 92


idea of fun picks and continued asking her what she thought. When Katherine and I were talking on the beach, she let me know that she was unsure of this guy and I shared with her that men are dying to please women if only women would ask them exactly what it is they want!!! Truth! I mentioned this before, men and women are different. A man is all too happy to deliver, if he’s a good guy and it takes a confident woman to tell him exactly what she wants! Don’t expect your dude to be a mind reader. Set him up to win with you and tell him the things you enjoy doing, the way you like being touched, the little quirky foods you like, movies and films you enjoy and what really lights you up! Ask for what you want. Remember all relationships are simply agreements. Problems arise in relationships when the agreements are not being kept or changed or when you have expectations that the other person has no idea about. So make new agreements and clearly state what it is you expect or request from your partner, spouse, lover or boyfriend. Don’t be quick to blame and fume, just open the ticket and submit a new request, make a new agreement, it will save you many tears and much frustration on the path to taking your Power Back! Terminating Old Agreements & Making New Decisions for Yourself A good friend of mine Earl Harris whom I met in Costa Rica has a wonderful body of work called Expansive Co-Creation where he helps people terminate old agreements that no longer work for them on the subconscious level. He explained to me that we live our lives in an inclusion-based reality. It makes sense that if we’re deciding everything and allowing everything into our life by agreeing with it then the only things that we experience is when we allow it by default. This concept can blow your mind quite literally

93


because if you think back to being a small kid anything you did NOT disagree with such as your parents’ rules, their views and perceptions of life, their values and beliefs, you took them on and agreed that they were true. In making those agreements you play them out over and over again in your life until you clean them out and re-make them. If you’ve been trying to change your life and continually feel frustrated with the exact same actions repeated over and over again then you’ve got some agreements to terminate and replace. The great news is - all it takes to change is a decision. Tilling the Soil to Plant Your New Seeds Consciously you decide, “Okay, I am done with that.” But, the subconscious mind keeps hold of the decision. Your subconscious mind is a recording and playback device storing everything in memories. I like to look at it like a garden. In your garden (the mind), you have all of these weeds (old beliefs and old agreements or decisions) and if you want to plant NEW decisions you must clean out the old ones. To make the soil ready for planting season you must till it otherwise you drop a seed (a new decision or intention) into a garden overgrown with weeds and your new intention doesn’t stand a chance. Now you may be asking, “Vanessa how do I go about finding out which decisions and agreements I have that are no longer serving me and need to be replaced?” That’s the easy part. Simply look at what is showing up or not showing up in your life and you can tell right away. When my life got painful, I had a good hard look at my beliefs and thoughts that I must have had for these gnarly experiences I was recreating. I looked back at my mom complaining about her relationship, and all of her ideas about her self-worth. Most of these things I had adopted myself. My grandmother lived through WWII in Europe and one of the results was she used to save everything which then burdened the whole 94


family! Once I started poking around and asking myself the question, “What idea could have created this?” I got quiet, listened and the answers came flooding in. Here is the list of the agreements I found lurking in my past. All men are liars. If I trust people, they’ll screw me over or I’ll get hurt. To receive love I have to suffer and sacrifice feeling good in some way. Life is suffering. My family is screwed up, rotten and I have to suffer because of them. Relationships are not worth the hassle so I am better off alone than suffer. Life is not fair. Life is hard work. Nothing ever works out for me. I can’t get what I want. I can’t trust men or anybody for that matter. I am a victim in my relationships. People constantly violate me. Nobody respects me and I can’t trust people to respect me. If I put up boundaries or enforce my boundaries people won’t love me or like me and they’ll get angry with me. Good things only come to those who wait. People are out to get me. Life is not safe, I have to always watch out and protect myself. 95


I need to teach people a good lesson so I’ll be safe. I’ll hurt people badly so they’ll remember not to mess with me again. Many of these are the same beliefs my parents held and not just my mom. God bless them they did the best they could. I really sat down to look at what I was attracting and saying YES to in my lifetime and recognized that those patterns were theirs. Now to till your garden of the weeds you need to know which weeds you’re taking out and replacing with nice smelling flowers. So what about you? What kind of agreements do you have running your life? Get Your Gardening Gloves on! Get into a quiet space, close your eyes and ask yourself the question, “What beliefs, what agreements could have contributed to creating this experience?” Be quiet and listen. Take a piece of paper right now and begin jotting them down. Give yourself the time and space to do this important work. Make a list like the one above. Look at what’s happening for you in your relationships that you don’t like, look at what’s happening at work or in your career, your health, your wealth, your time management. Once you start looking inside, you’ll be shocked at what you find! Now that you have this list - it’s time to till the soil! For a guided meditation on how to Take Your Power Back, begin weeding out the old agreements and replacing them with the NEW vision for success, you are creating for yourself. Get your gardening groove on at TakeYourPowerBackNow.com book-bonuses section and find the audio called Tilling your soil for success! The recording is from one of my group programs that I edited to give you a 96


taste of HOW to actually go about removing the resistance, taking out some of the weeds and then planting your new vision for success that will grow in fertile soil. Be a Woman, Relax, Lean Back and Receive I see women everywhere forfeiting their power in order to receive love from men because they are over giving or they are being men instead of being women. This balance is tough to maintain. We have many equal rights now, women can go to a corporate job or run their own business but that requires masculine energy - the kind of energy that goes out in the world and gets things done. Then they come home to their partners and behave the exact same way, in their masculine do, do, do everything energy by running and controlling their man and then they wonder why their relationships are backfiring and why their needs are not being met. A woman relaxes and receives by her very nature. In the same way our bodies our made; our vagina receives a man, we are natural born receptors so why does it make any sense to try and out do a man or out give a man? Men naturally want to give but women are constantly robbing them of the opportunity. Yup, hate to break it to you;; it’s your very own fault. Try this the next time you notice yourself over giving. Stop. That’s it. Just stop. A man will continue taking from a woman because he thinks, “Oh she’s still happy she is still giving.” Meanwhile the woman is thinking to herself, “Holy smokes when is this guy going to reciprocate?” She keeps on giving hoping he’ll get the point but he doesn’t. He never will because he thinks she must still be happy because she is still giving. A man won’t give unless there is room for him to give and he wouldn’t give unless he wanted to. So stop, lean back and watch what happens. You’ll quickly realize it will trigger him automatically to begin coming towards you and giving to you. If you’ve trained your man to be a 97


taker instead of a giver, it’s time to lean back, blossom like a delicious fragrant flower and receive! One of my all time favorite relationship experts is a woman named Rori Ray. I found her on YouTube one day and bought her Siren Program. I was fascinated by her explanations on relationships between men and women, sexual chemistry, how to really attract and engage a man. I was floored! For years I had been behaving like a man, wondering what was wrong with the guys I was choosing when it was under my power all along! She shared a visual that I will share with you with the hope that it sticks in your memory banks like it did mine. She said, “When a man comes to the fountain [that is you] make sure he brings water to the fountain, he brings and gives to you before he tries to take water from the fountain. Make sure he is a man to bring water with a watering can to add to your fountain before he takes from it.” That was a profound shift for me. For years, I was always the woman who was trying to be perfect and a good little woman, who ran around doing everything for my man to make his life easy and I was robbing myself of the joy of receiving from men. Boy did I have it completely wrong! Men want to win with you and they want to make you happy. You have to tell them how by asking for what you want. Notice when you ask a man what he wants? There is no delay, he will tell you right away without any hint of guilt because they have no guilt about asking for what they want. Understand, OWN and rock it out girl, you are a powerhouse lightning rod of pure potential divine access, men are deliriously magnetized and pulled in simply by your beauty and a smile worn with confidence. Love yourself enough to replenish after a day spent in man mode, take some time to have a bath, put on nice smelling skin cream, take a nap, play with something creative, relax back into receiving, feeling women mode and 98


balance out your masculine-feminine energy in your work, home and relationships. Go out and practice your newfound confidence. SMILE; hold any man’s gaze for 5 seconds and notice, while leaning back that by simply smiling you will pull a man towards you who strikes up a conversation. Any woman who feels confident is sexy! Taking your Power Back will pull men towards you, engage men into your mystery and your fun fabulous self will sky rocket your confidence; guaranteed! You can only go up from here darling!

99

100

CHAPTER 15

COMPATIBILITY

H

ave you ever wondered what makes a great couple, why is it that some couples are a natural fit and others strange bed fellows? I used to think it was fate, that there was ‘The One’

who would simply fall from heaven into your lap. Now I’m not too sure. There are many things that make up a solid romantic relationship and if you think about it, I bet you or someone you know has spent more time shopping for a car than a mate! Think about it, just because a guy asks you out or takes an interest in you doesn’t mean he is ‘The One’ and yet so many women fall into this trap because this guy is the only guy around taking an interest. Then she breaks her back to keep him and make it work. I was introduced to a concept by Rori Ray who is a dating expert, called Circular Dating, which was completely foreign to me. Circular dating is about dating several men at once so, that you do not become too attached to any of them. You stay busy and practice on how to tell which one makes you feel the best when you’re with him. Too many women fall into the dating disaster trap, and that trap is that they don’t date! They just sleep with the first guy that shows them interest and then find out he’s disaster! Love can be blind and lust even more so. If

101


you keep these dating and compatibility tips close at hand you’ll save yourself a ton of grief in the dating department and you may just have so much fun taste testing fabulous men. Don’t be surprised if that Mr. Right sneaks up on you! Dating Disasters! I have to admit I have had my fair share of dating disasters, from pig hunters to older men (old enough to be my father’s age) or men who simply weren’t ready, divorced and bitter, getting divorced, the overly feminine dude, the Jesus guy, you name it! I’ve had my share of experiences, and sought relationship and dating advice when I noticed this pattern. I would somehow be attracting the absolute wrong men, the very manly men who could make you a fire and catch fish straight out of the ocean but whom you couldn’t, wouldn’t dare take out on a night on the town. Now there’s nothing wrong with enjoying people for who they are. My problem was I was making each of them into ‘The One’. I know it’s crazy but I can tell you after much investigation I conceded I wasn’t all that crazy because other women were doing the exact same thing! Looking at each man you date through the filter of he’s the one is a disaster in the making! Why? Because I became so consumed with jumping light years ahead of what was actually going on. Take your time to get to know the person you are dating, with the intention of simply having fun with each other before you get any crazy ideas in mind about having his babies! There are many things to consider before you go baby or wedding maniac on a guy. There are compatibility issues, values and all sorts of deal breakers. Having your list and knowing what will and won’t work for you is definitely important when avoiding relationship blunders and attracting that special person. In a great book, SoulMate Map: Choose the Real Mr. Right! written by 102


Denise Culley, you’ll find a spectacular idea that can sharpen your dating skills! Denise hit the nail on the head for me when she explains that dating is simply a matter of most compatibility. Finally, some common sense for a world gone mad looking for that Mr. Right. It sure made a heck of a lot of sense. Finding Mr. Right can be like finding that perfect pair of pumps that fit for every occasion. I had a pair of heels that I loved but they squeaked with this funny noise. Some shoes are just a pain at the end of the night and you can’t wait to take them off!! What if attracting the right partner was like finding the perfect pair of heels, the ones that make you feel sexy, confident, and the ones you could wear out all night long and still wear the next morning with a cute dress to breakfast? What if the other pairs, aren’t a good match? Nothing wrong with them they are just not the right fit. Set Your Guy up to WIN with YOU! Men want to win with women. I’ll tell you something, a man wants to know he can please a woman so do yourself and your potential partner a favor - set him up to win with you! If you choose a man who is never going to make you happy simply because he is incompatible with you - you both lose. You end up frustrated because an apple is an apple, is an apple, it will never be an orange, just like you can’t take a pig hunter out to a ballroom black tie charity event. You need to choose men and not be chosen. If you don’t get clear on what it is you want, you’ll be leaving your relationships up to destiny or what I like to refer to as default. Ladies you want to be intentional here! I challenge you to make a list of, your first deal breakers, what are those things you KNOW you cannot and will not tolerate. Like smoking, for example. That’s a definite deal breaker for me. I can’t stand kissing an ashtray. What about you? Perhaps one of your deal breakers is foul 103


language or something like bad teeth? I know a friend of mine won’t date men with bad shoes. Okay that may be inconsequential in your list; still for her, it was important so long as you get the point. Don’t be one of those women who settle for anything that comes her way. Be a high value woman, a woman that chooses who she is with because she doesn’t have time to waste on dingbat losers who fart around on the couch, eating chips and playing video games… unless you’re into potato crunching ninja game lords but I doubt it. A good man will pursue a woman who knows what she wants from a man and from a life, which is a busy life that doesn’t make a man the focal point of her life. Know what you want. What are the deal breakers? What is unacceptable for you in the health, fitness, wealth, education, smarts, height, values, spiritual, mindset, family, friends, habits, appearances, baggage, and work departments? Write these things down. How do you want to be treated? A woman that loves and respects herself does not put a man first. Instead, she puts her own feelings and happiness first. Moreover, a man who is worth your time should also put your happiness as a priority. Find out what he is like early on by not sleeping with him too soon. There is a 30-day, 60-day and even a 90-day rule for a reason. You can find out a lot about a man in 3 months of dating. Have your friends and family meet him too, to give you their take on him. Be selective here, don’t be a desperate wet rag who says yes to the only guy that shows interest. Decide to date several men and choose who you want to be with by how well you’re treated. Think of men like shoes. Keep the ones that you can prance around in all day. If he’s got too much emotional baggage, leave him. If he needs you to front him, some cash while he pays off some debt, leave! Hates his mom, run! Hey, we all have some baggage but why put up with crumbs when you are a Goddess diva 104


rock star who is high on the respects herself ladder? Why would a woman of your stature go out with some loser when there are tons of hot attractive real men out there who are looking for a classy lady to love? Make sure the men you date take action on showing you why your happiness is a priority for them, remember actions speak louder than words. Respect yourself and have fun but respect yourself foremost, you’ll be happy you did and you’ll end up with your king! Respecting yourself is Taking Your Power Back.

105

106

CHAPTER 16

CLASSY RELATIONSHIP

I

think we’ve all been in a relationship or know a woman who has been in a relationship with a guy where you either, gave up your whole life to be with him or drop everything to be waiting by the

phone in case he calls and maybe even give up your girlfriends. Basically, you make the guy the center of your universe. This is a recipe for disaster. Nothing screams desperate more loudly than a woman who will do anything to be on the beck and call for a guy. Yet women do this so often it breaks my heart because usually they are the most caring considerate loving women who let men walk all over them. Well if this is you, then it’s time we roll up our sleeves and get to work! First things first, you need a life! Yes, YOU need a life that doesn’t involve your dude and a life that is filled to the brim with so much exciting fun. Sooo much fun that any man will have to come up with way better fun ideas and reasons to just be considered as someone you would be willing to share some of your fun loving fabulous diva rock star self with! How’s that for a 180-degree attitude shift into self-love! A woman who has got her stuff together is hot! A happy, fulfilled fun loving busy woman attracts guess what…a fabulous, fun loving dude who has got his

107


stuff together! I can tell you he is not hanging out at the local bars down the street picking up women on a Saturday night. Listen, I have never met a good guy in a bar. Now that’s not to say it can’t or doesn’t or will never happen but, statistically speaking I have never met a long term boyfriend in a bar and I don’t know of any of my clients or good friends who have either. The Breakdown Just yesterday, one of my clients, Diane called me up to share a sad story. She had been beating herself up all week because she caved in and had a one-night stand with a guy she met…at a bar. She was really hating herself because part of her was walking home, going to bed on time being a good girl and the other half of her was saying, “Screw it, you deserve to have some fun go for it!” So, she did! She turned around and went back to the bar, had fun banter with the guy and took him home with her. After a night of fun and romps the guy pulls a classic Houdini, doesn’t call, days go by, then Diane calls him and he gives her the cold shoulder. Regardless of knowing, that she shouldn’t be doing the one-night stand thing the devil on the right shoulder won and she dipped her toe in hot water burning herself. This happens all the time to hot, fun, hard working, smart, pretty women. All the time! It happens because the woman is not making fun or pleasure in her life a priority and because of this, she lets her radar down and gets into trouble. Breakdown! Next, she begins fantasizing that this guy could be the one. Possibly, he tells you about something that checks off one thing on your list and you go gaga thinking about names for your unborn children. Why do women do this?! Fatal! I’ve done it myself. I asked God for a super man – literally. I ask, “God I’m a freaking kick ass lady, ton of fun, got my life together, I’m super woman, send me my super man!!” 108


Well I met a guy, he shows me pictures of himself in a superman tshirt and that was all it took. I was planning the wedding my head. Stupid and crazy but us women are built for it, I tell you! We’re raised on Cinderella and sleeping beauty, society has been brainwashing women to meet a prince charming that will come in and save you from your wicked stepsisters; your wretched lonely existence. This is where women get into big time trouble. You sleep with a guy too soon and then get all attached to him (physically a naturally occurring hormone called oxytocin is also at work causing a chemical reaction likened to a drug so, women beware!) and then because of the attachment you have to make it work. Then you finds out the guy eats with his mouth open or is a horrible dresser, cheap tipper, has a bad temper and you put up with it because you have sold to yourself, “He’s the one,” before you even know him at all! Here’s the deal. If you want to catch a good man, he’s going to judge you as a keeper if you regard yourself as a high-class lady. High-class women do not just throw it out there like birdfeed for pigeons while sitting on the freaking park bench. Seriously, I teach my entrepreneurial women clients how to create sales attraction systems to weed out the looky-loos, uninterested potential time wasters and tire kickers. These people have to jump through a few hoops to qualify to work with them. Yes, it weeds out many people and it saves my clients from wasting their time. They end up closing sales with the right, perfect yummy fabulous clients who value them and pay what they are worth. Same thing with dating! Your self-worth is something you’re going to have to build. If it’s been on the floor, it’s time to pick it up and kick it up a level! Unless that is, you’re happy with one-night flings and guys that never call back or give you the time of day. Remember you teach people how to treat you. 109


Just as I have a recipe for attracting clients - here is the recipe I gave Diane. It’s called the Sex with a Great Guy Plan!! We had a good laugh about this one I hope you do too. Sex with a Great Guy Plan!! A great guy who’s got his life together isn’t hanging out at a bar. He’s into having fun fabulous experiences so, if you aren’t and if you’re waiting for Mr. Right to come along before you start enjoying your life you’ll be waiting forever. What have you been putting off doing or exploring because of work or just being busy? Top Priority: Make a list of the fun activities you want to learn such as an art class, a poetry class, photography, racecar driving, golf, surfing or skiing. Top Priority: Investigate your list - call them up, research online, commit to going to access them and plan them into your calendar. Diane made her list: Sailing, Paddle boarding, Find a Gym where there is a class for both men and women, Vespa scooter club!! Rides Top Priority: Be a quality woman. A quality woman is busy, too busy for bums and broken men. To make sure you don’t give one man too much of a priority, too early begin circular dating. This is where you date many men at the same time. Don’t have sex with any of them - give yourself a 30day or 60, even a 90-day rule! Yikes! I know but, do it!! This way you’ll get to find out ahead of time if all he wants to do is get down your pants… unless that is all you want, then by all means, knock yourself out. 110


These tips are for women looking for a serious long-term relationship. So date many men - go out on coffee dates with them first. No long commitments. No 12-hour dateathon here, just a quick coffee date to see if he qualifies for another one; to see if he’s any fun! Seriously! Top Priority: Have fun! No thinking about whether he is the one or not. Your job is to have fun, to not take anything serious and not be attached to any of them. Let the men come, chase and pursue you. Men love a challenge – listen, they need one! What says, what a fun fabulous woman she is, I have to have more of her than a woman who is a little too busy and having so much fun she’s not always around, or answering her phone or texting back right away! Kabam! If he asks for a second date you might say (if it’s true), “Oh, I’m busy,” That’s all, don’t offer any more. Just, “I’m busy.” Let him guess and wonder what in the heck you are up to. Then what happens is they start to realize they’re spending a whole ton of time thinking about you …wondering, you become mysterious, I must find out more, I must do a better job at pursuing her. Mmm, hmmm. Men will value something they have to work hard for. Don’t make it too easy. Don’t be loosy-goosy legs wide-open sally. Here is Diane’s note she wrote back just a day after our call about her recent results in the great sex with a man plan: “OMG, what a great call yesterday! Thanks again! WINS: I started researching fun activities; I am booked into 2 scooter rides, booking a cooking class with wine pairing with the LCBO! I am starting my personal appointments today also! I just came from my first ever ‘French’ bikini wax, OMG I feel like I have a landing of strip of fire between my legs! I am still wondering why God puts hair in places that I just had it ripped from. OMG. (Whew) Nails later today or tomorrow and hair on Friday!! An impromptu meeting tomorrow with a client. Wahoo, extra cash! Chat soon!”

111


I love my clients! I love my business. I get to work with hilarious women who get IT done! Look, as soon as Diane started to put herself, her pleasure, and her interests as a priority kablamos, more money comes in too. It’s all connected self-worth. Is the gateway to everything you want. Be a Quality High Class Woman and Value Yourself! Be a quality woman who has boundaries and requirements. Gregg Michaelsen a relationship coach for women talks about the importance of being a ‘high value’ woman, in his book To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man. A high value woman is a woman who values her time and space, who loves herself enough not to put up with crap or crappy men. A high value woman knows she is amazing, won’t settle for crumbs and is not desperate for a man’s attention by any means. She is not desperate because she loves herself; she has a balanced life, makes her own money, respects herself, and knows she is the bomb! Any man should prove himself to her. She doesn’t give it all away to the first guy who pays her attention; she is mysterious and has her life together. She’s not waiting for prince charming to come rescue her, she’s having a fun and fabulous life that every sane man wants to be a part of and add to. She’s confident, her self-image and self-worth is high. She has high self- esteem. I got a text from a guy today who has wanted to date me but he doesn’t have his life together. I liked him, nice sweet guy, comes from a good family, good values, healthy, doesn’t smoke and I met him volunteering which is a great place to meet good men. Only this guy simply isn’t ready. He doesn’t have the capacity to make a woman a priority or is simply not that into me. He’s in the middle of moving across country and starting a new career. When a man doesn’t have his career in place, he has no place in his mind to focus on loving a woman. Period. That’s just not 112


how men are built and take notice that women constantly want to help and coddle these men. Stop it! Find a guy that’s able to put your happiness as a priority! That’s a writer downer! Find a man who will put your happiness as a priority and date as many men as you can or want to and have fun with them. Find the good qualities about them and never ever negotiate your desires. This means don’t settle for second fiddle. Nope! Stay open rather than committing to any of them. Be free and fabulous and let them all bring you gifts and want to be the one to claim you! Make yourself so desirable, fun and fabulous that it becomes his idea to want to be exclusive with you… men want to think they’re in control so, let them. Have so much outrageous fun that they come barreling down your door, wanting you because a high class, high value woman will add much more value to a man. If he has to work hard for you - you can bet he will appreciate you. This works in existing relationships too. As soon as you begin to feeling that your man is taking you for granted, ignore him, focus on you, go out, pamper yourself, disappear, Poof, gone like a ghost out with your girl friends and do not include him!! Watch what will happen! Oh boy, will he come sniffing around wondering what just happened. Back to this text guy who we’ll call Tony. He texted me a picture of his hairy chest on the beach (I have a thing for hairy chested guys. I don’t know why men ever got the idea to shave their chests;; it’s just illegal in my books). I texted back, “Looking good.” He texted back a little cheekier photo asking me to send one back of me when I have the time. I was so ticked off, here’s a guy who has no time for me and then decides he wants to get off on a sexy photo and does nothing except send a cheap deluded text? Wow buddy you really are a piece of work. I texted him back, “No. If you want to connect with me, you call me. No call, no heartfelt connection, no photos.” 113


He replied with a lame excuse, “Ok, just the time change and been busy with family.” Do you think I care? Now why would I put this guy as a priority in my life when he can’t and is not willing to do the same for me? You should give a guy a little less than he gives you. Do not call me a man hater, I am not. I love men but I will not put up with insincerity or nonsense and I won’t over give to a guy who doesn’t appreciate or meet my requirements. Don’t make it easy for men because if you make it too easy they won’t appreciate you. I had another guy who’s been chasing me for a few months call me up. He’d been texting me and wanted to cook for me. I’m not so sure about him but he’s an entrepreneur and I like that. I’ve been aloof to say the least and he’s been persistent as all heck. His attention seeking text was, “I’m totally confused.” To, which I reply, “Hahahah.” He texted back, “I see you like that.” No reply from me. Then 2 minutes later he asks, “Let’s be real for a sec, what’s on your mind?” I reply, “Call for an answer.” Ladies that is a writer downer - use it! “Call for an answer.” You direct them, you tell them what you want and if they don’t have your happiness as a priority trust me you will find out fast enough. Do not make it easy for these guys. You want to get to know me; you call me and talk to me. What is this cyber show, text dating? Who has a relationship via texting? It’s crazy! Yet, many women let men behave badly. They put up with lame excuses and settle for crumbs. No way! He called me up 5 minutes later and I offered him the chance to make me happy by cooking for me later this week. Set a man up to win and let him win on your terms!!! After your priorities’ list is step number two. Research and mark these 114


things into your calendar. Step three; begin circular dating by filling your calendar with fun dates. Start off with coffee and qualify men. Work your way up to having them want to give you the world! Value yourself, your time and put the 30, 60, 90-day rule in place before you shack up!

115

116

CHAPTER 17

LAW OF ATTRACTION The Power to Change - Manifesting Your Desires with Ease Using the Law of Attraction

T

he idea that I was a real creator of my destiny and life was a radical and profound idea that dramatically changed my life. No more being a victim and no more leaving things up to chance. By

adhering to laws that govern the universe such as the law of gravity, you can use the law of attraction to draw to you more of what you want. You don’t like your friends, get new ones; you can attract things, opportunities, relationships and even wealth by tapping into the magnetic resonance of your heart, which is 100 times more powerful than the mind! We all know athletes use the power of visualization to achieve winning results. When you add feeling and emotion to images, you increase the speed at which you can magnetize and attract your desires. I remember coming across the movie, The Secret just after my lowest of the lowest times in my life and the movie lit me up! I mean here were people in way worse circumstances than me achieving extraordinary wealth and amazing business opportunities. Love, you name it! I was hooked! I started devouring everything I could on the subject of how to get this law of attraction thing to work for me. 117


The Power of Intention I concentrated on becoming really clear and made the intention to practice for a public speaking career, make $1,000 a week, have a flexible schedule and live in Hawaii. That’s what I wanted. After just three short weeks of doing this visualization with feeling, I manifested the mop job on Craigslist. I ran across an advertisement that said, “Looking to hire actors and actresses to memorize a script and do live product demonstrations, make anywhere from $750 - $1,500 per week and work part time or full time around a business or school and live anywhere in the world including Hawaii!” Now I had to read that again because I was sure it was too good to be true. I went to the audition and there was this little blond girl telling the room she made, “So much money.” I was this crass skeptic at the back of the room and I asked her, “Ya, how much is so much money?” She said, “I make $600 a day.” Holy smokes! I went home memorized their scripts and 2 months later was living in Hawaii selling mops. It worked! Kabam! I escaped one of the worst Canadian winters of all time that year and wound up in Hawaii just as I had intended. Now I had a new problem. It wasn’t easy selling things in stores in Hawaii since we were island locked and it’s not like we had many stores to choose between. So, I began my grueling but totally amazing, sales mastery training that I am so thankful for to this day because I still use and teach the principals to my clients and entrepreneurs who come to learn authentic sales attraction systems and how to overcome the fear of rejection with me. The power of your intention is strong! You can create just about any circumstance or thing you want simply by paying attention to it – that is, your attention to it, minus resistance (we’ll get into resistance in another chapter). Just tonight, I went upstairs to my roommate. Kate is having a 118


dinner party and lo and behold, there is this photo of Matt on the island that I was just thinking about. I was thinking to myself Vanessa, “You got to call up that photo tour guy and go on the tour - it would be so much fun!” Look at that, God – the spirit - the Universe brought him to me - the very same guy is now cooking pasta upstairs in my kitchen! Amazing! Use your intention, start from where you are and work your way up. For me going from bankrupt to famous public speaker was too much of a leap. To get there, I created an intention to manifest a job that would help me be comfortable selling from the stage. I had gone to a T. Harv Ecker event and I’ll always remember him saying, “If you want to be in the top percent of earners in the world, learn how to sell. You will always have work! A good salesman is hard to find.” So began the mop job, the perfect in between position. The key is to get crystal clear about what it is you want and then get into the place where you know that you have it. The feeling of having it right now! When I do these special exercises, I see myself in a picture in Italy, wearing the exact same clothes I am wearing right now for example. Always make it in the NOW, in the present tense. There’s a unique exercise that I want to share with you about how to magnetize just about anything you want from jobs, for a better relationship, to more money, better health, you name it! This is the exact same process that I used to attract my very first coaching clients! I still use it to this day whenever I want to start paving the way for new things to come into my experience with ease and grace! I share it with my clients and they love it because it works! First, take a piece of paper and at the top of your page write: My Ideal______. Complete the thought with a specific subject you want to focus on such as my ideal partner, lover, house, job, career, virtual assistant or trip. 119


Next, draw a line down the middle of your page. On the left hand side write, ‘What I don’t want’. Then begin listing all of the things, components and experiences you DO NOT want to have about that specific thing. Base this on your past experiences. What is it you DO NOT want to repeat experiencing? Contrary to what most teachings are on the law of attraction, I am asking you to spill your guts and get every negative out on paper, move the energy outwards with this so you can create space for something NEW to come to you, this is likened to cleaning your closet! If I were doing this exercise on attracting my ideal clients, I would write: Broke people. Have to think about it. Are skeptical or unsure. Aren’t ready. Don’t want to or can’t commit. Complainers. Quitters. Next on the right hand side of the paper write, ‘What I do Want’. Begin asking yourself the question from your previous list’s responses and now put those answers in the right hand column. So, what do I want? Clients who have income, money and resources to invest in their business. They are ready, sure, committed action takers. They already have a business and clients and want help taking it to the next level. Love adore cherish honor respect me. Tell all their friends about me. 120


Pay me in full. Give me their credit card info at the end of the very first conversation we have together. This could go on and on. Basically, I want you to see that you can get crystal clear about what it is you want to experience. By now, you should have more clarity and words on the right hand side about what you want. Yes? Good! Now the fun starts! Some people are against using affirmation simply because the words that you use are a blatant lie from your actual reality. For example to begin affirming, “I am a millionaire,” when you’re $30,000 in debt might not sit well with you or your subconscious. In this next section, we’re going to use a sneaky affirmation to bypass your subconscious mind and attach the feeling of love and excitement to your desires. Here’s how. Take a fresh piece of paper. Here’s where we begin to sexify your statements, make them sexy, fun and a pleasure to read. I’ll give you examples but I want you to use your own language. You will begin using two variations of sentences to re-write your ‘Ideal _____’. For example: I love knowing that my ideal clients are ready to take action, are 100% committed and know I am the coach for them! It’s so exciting to know that my ideal clients pay me right away, in full and hand me their credit card numbers at the end of our very first conversation. 121


I love knowing that my ideal clients feel like long lost friends, it’s so easy to play and work with them because they get great results, we laugh all the way through our work together and they tell all their friends about my services. At the very end of the paper you write, ‘I love knowing that the law of attraction is bringing me everything I need in order to do and have my ideal _____’. Do you see what’s happening? You are adding the vibration of love and excitement to your intentions all the while being ultra specific AND not lying to your subconscious when you are saying ‘My Ideal _____’. Now, how to use this exercise for maximum results! What you want to do is take 15 - 20 minutes in the morning as soon as you wake up and put your hands over your heart (remember the magnetic resonance of your heart is 100 times more powerful than your mind!) and read this list out loud with emotion, do the same thing at night. Pave the way for these new emotions. It might feel al bit fake but just do it! I had a client Sylvia hire me and we used this process to clean up her vibration. She immediately closed a contract for $30,000 with ease! Later she went on to use the same process with another part of her business and closed the airport of Costa Rica as a client! A huge government contract worth hundreds of thousands in new business, if not millions by using this simple clarity, energizing, affirmation, law of attraction process. Try it today! I’ll even share it with you in my video training! It’s a video I did for a 30-day self-love challenge my friend Arman Sigedhi, Gina Ruby host, and its living proof that it works. I had intentions to meet newly motivated, on the level, rock start fabulous entrepreneurs who are fun and serious about making a difference in the world and Kabam! I meet these two fabulous new friends and we decided to launch a fun way to empower women through this 30-day self love Facebook 122


challenge. One of the video’s I made for the challenge was the “How to Attract Your Ideal _____ using the Law of Attraction” and it’s a killer process I used to launch my own coaching practice and teach to my private clients as well. Watch the video and get your manifesting mojo on at the bonus section, TakeYourPowerBackNow.com. If you take the time to do the exercise and apply this vibration refrain each day by taking 15 to 30 minutes every day, I promise the things showing up in your reality will amaze you and you will take your Power Back! Here’s one comment I found on my Facebook page from a woman who tried the challenge by doing this specific exercise for 30 days (this is not uncommon!) Remember your job is to come up with the what, not the how! The how is God or the Universe’s job! I tagged you in this post on my wall but I’m not sure if you got it: Want to make sure! Thank you Bikini Business Coach for your inspiring talk at WOW TALKS last month. I’ve been doing my 5 affirmations every morning and night, and since then I connected with a web designer who did two very famous musicians’ sites! He wants to do mine on trade for classes with me! Plus, I have had at least 5 new inquiries from women clients (my ideal!). And, I got invited to speak at a tantra conference in Hawaii! (Which I have to decline but still, being asked is AWESOME!). Keep it comin’ universe!!!!!!!!! Dee, San Francisco USA

123

124

CHAPTER 18

SALES

W

hen you think about sales does the image of a dirty slimy used car salesman pop into mind? Women sabotage themselves with unnecessary frustration and feeling stuck in

crappy situations in life, staying in lousy relationships or lousy jobs because they are afraid to put themselves out there and because they don’t want to sell or be seen as that slimy car salesman. These entrepreneurs struggle in business and avoid sales like the plague but sales are the most important thing to focus on if you want to grow your business and make more money. I see many entrepreneurs struggle because they let the fear of failure, the fear of rejection and the fear of others judging them stand in the way of their greatness. If you can get over your fear and learn sales, you can begin to write your own checks! That is a very empowering feeling! Sadly, the famous comedian and actor Robin Williams passed and it triggered thoughts about death, my own death. Coupled with the big hurricane scare here on the islands in the summer time I was thinking about my own demise and if I died right now could I say, I gave my life everything I had? Could I say, I showed up and played full on and went after all the things I really wanted to do with Gusto? Could I say 100% that

125


I was doing my best and the answer was yes! These thoughts I shared in a mini video to my subscribers and email list. I had also received a beautiful video testimonial from one of my clients in my $10k 30-day program a day before which helped shape this idea to share this video story about how Robin Williams death. His death triggered my thinking about fulfilling my potential and then put it out to my list with a call to join my program and add that video testimonial at the end. Well I got a nasty email back from a lady I had a conversation with a few weeks back who had declined joining my program and now it seems she has a vendetta. I’ll share with you her email because it beautifully makes a few great points. Vanessa, I think it is a shame and crass that you opportunistically exploit the suicide death of Robin Williams -- a depressed, newly diagnosed Alzheimer's patient, recovered addict and accomplished comic genius, a famous celebrity and unique soul -- to promote your own business. You are the ultimate salesman! Why not just promote your business without linking it to Robin Williams? Just send the testimonial without the reference to a genius whose sad and unfortunate death is in the news. Especially since just last week you told me there were only TWO places left in your 10K in 30 days program to pressure me to sign up for the coaching program and now, you say that you have opened up TEN more spaces of which SEVEN are now available. I further question your integrity. I have NO DOUBT that your services help people and that you can work magic. I am sorry that you feel the need to employ sales techniques to the extent you do, without true reflection. The spiritual component is not there as much as you claim. I also thought that your comments to me about meteorologists as scare mongers`` were insensitive and ignorant. Tell that to the people whose homes were destroyed or who 126


lost their lives due to Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Sandy, which hit NYC where I live, or the people affected by Hurricane Haiyon in the Philippines. It is too easy for you to diss others while promoting yourself. Youth is folly! Added perspective and maturity would up your game considerably. Since I am not on Facebook and I choose not to post these comments on twitter they shall remain private. Nonetheless, I wish you to consider them. Best, Name WOW! Here’s the deal folks, no matter what you say you are going to have haters. I remember what my marketing mentor Adam Urbanski once told me, “You have to be an expert and experts have opinions. People will love you or hate you yet, they WILL notice you! So it’s best to have an opinion and get good or bad attention than no attention at all!” Here was a woman who had done all sorts of programs and was totally broke. She had no money to invest in herself and was tired of being so smart and broke. She is a talented brilliant woman in her 50’s and you can tell by her writing she is a good writer! She’s broke because she’s spending too much time criticizing other people’s work instead of promoting her own. The comment about the, ‘ULTIMATE salesperson’, shows what kind of resistance she has to sales and sales people. You’ll never be great at sales if you hate sales people or have something against them and it’s a real serious block many people have! You must transform selling to serving. When you are so confident that your product or service gets people results, you want to share it, scream it at the top of the rooftops for everyone to hear! I know I will offend some people, I’ll be the first to tell you, I am who I am, like me or leave me, I will 127


never contort myself just to be liked by others nor will I succumb to the thought that everyone has to like me. That’s a recipe for failure right there, needing others approval all the time. Use the power of story because people want to know about you, what you think and about your life. What would you rather read, a good story or some blatant, lame sales pitch? I’m really very authentic and real with my audience. I like to share the things that I learn and the things that inspire me. Inspiration is ideas from spirit. I had this idea and I acted on it, then this lady completely misunderstood the message that I was trying to convey. I believe it’s because she must now find fault with me and my program so she can feel good about being a chicken and deciding against it. You see everyone is selling all the time. You even sell yourself on things just as this lady did with my program. Now she is on a mission to prove that I am a slimy ULTIMATE sales monger. She’s selling to herself and searching for reasons why I am wrong and bad. The piece about opening up more spaces in my program is true. People make decisions based on fear of loss more than on greed. It’s a known and proven fact. You can talk to the cows come home about heart centered sales. It never changes; people will take action based on fear of loss, period. I have tested this and it’s a proven deal for me. I know my program rocks. I have plenty of wonderful testimonials from clients who have benefited, taking their Power Back. It is precisely for people who have such an aversion, fear and resistance around sales. It’s just like giving medicine to a kid. You sugar coat it, you sneak it into their cereal because you know it’s going to help them. Who cares about how you get it into them as long as they take it, they’ll feel better. I know many of you reading this won’t like hearing that, but it’s true. 128


You know in the mop sales we had a script and it went like this, “Hey buy this thing today, I have this special package and I don’t know how many of these I have left,” type of deal. “So let me know right now!” and you know what - it was a blatant lie. We had boxes and boxes and boxes of those special packages! A lie, a big fat lie and I lied every single day, all day long to people. All day long I lied to people, not about how great the product was, not about the effectiveness of the product, I lied about the quantity I had left because without a limiter no one gets off their behind to make a decision. Anyone in sales will tell you the same exact thing. I get it - some people hate that about sales. Stop and think about the last time you made a big buying decision. What was the actual motivator to buy NOW, was it a sale price? Again, a sale only for a limited time, after that you lose and then you are sold on, “Get it while quantities last.” Another limiter is because someone else might come along and buy it. This is classic sales 101. Master the basics of sales and you really get to make an impact and difference in the world. Nothing happens until the sale is made. Think about this. Sales is really the art of transformation. You buy a plane ticket to India to study with a spiritual Guru, who could absolutely change your life! Nothing happens until you buy that plane ticket. Nothing! You’re a woman, you buy a new pair of sexy heels and every time you put them on, world look out! Nothing happens until you buy those shoes. Sales is the link between the thing you want and having it. Even selling yourself on why or why not is a good or bad decision. You will use excuses or reasons in either direction just as this lady did. The last part of her email about the meteorologists is just way off. Listen you can’t take away experience from someone. You just can’t. Last year I was stuck out in a remote area back in Kalalau during a tropical storm, there were warnings, airplanes, sirens, rain and high winds. We had 129


to be rescued out of the valley on a boat by swimming out to the boat in mountainous swells, climbing into the boat and then the boat’s engines crapped out on us. There were 12 people being pushed out into the rocks in a tiny boat in big swells. OMG horror of horrors! Miraculously the engine restarts, we get back to the bay and the sun is out with only high winds. It was a big scare for nothing. So you know, this year I decided, “Prepare Vanessa but don’t freak out!” I think the media totally abuses the population with massacres, manipulates and propagates unnecessary fear, which is why I do not watch TV or the news. It’s all negative;; if something is really important, someone will tell me. Yes, there are hurricanes. I was simply saying I wasn’t buying into it based on my experience from last year. If a hurricane had hit, I would have looked like a real jerk. Instead, look at that, my intuition was right it was nothing but some high winds and a little rain again. The lesson I want to share with you is this, be an expert, have opinions and get ready to infuriate a few people along the way. Don’t let fear hold you back from writing your own paycheck because sales will transform your life! The amount of people who will benefit from you putting yourself out there will way outnumber the number of people who will criticize you. There is no point in worrying about those people who will criticize you because they are selling themselves on why you are a villain and you’ll never be able to please everyone;; EVER! Don’t even try. Just put your focus on sales, on serving the people by getting out of the fear and into the service. Many women are waking up to wanting to serve, to help people and do so by monetizing their knowledge in new ways. Coaching and consulting are perfect avenues for such women. You have a choice to discover your power and really influence people when you decide to master the art of sales. You can totally take your Power Back and thrive! Enough of this 130


learning, without earning mode. The perpetual cycle of taking course after course after course without ever learning about how to sell their services. Also, this idea that money is not important - let me tell you, it is. Money affects everything, your relationships, your health, your family, your freedom and time, everything! I will never forget what the author of the book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, T. Harv Ecker once told an audience that I was in years ago. He said, “If you want to be in the top percentage of the earners in the world, learn sales. A good salesman will never be without work.” He was right. Learning sales was the absolute best crash course in self-confidence, the art of transformation, engagement and human psychology I could have every gotten! So decide right now if you’re unhappy with your income, to become a better sales person, even if that means selling yourself on the idea about why it’s a good time to attract a better job, start that new career, or take on a sales position to prepare you for selling your own services.

131

132

CHAPTER 19

HANDLING OBJECTIONS

L

ike it or not you are selling all the time. Nobody really gets thrilled or excited about having to sell because there seems to be pressure involved with sales, then you have to handle objections and that

just seems much too pushy! Women entrepreneurs avoid sales like the plague, they don’t want to sound pushy or be judged, they’re scared to death of failure and the fear of rejection. It seems that everyone these days is using a heart based selling model however, I will tell you sales is all about being able to make someone feel certain and comfortable enough to say, “Yes!” In my first book, From Bankrupt to $900 a Day Selling Mops I looked at sales as a spiritual practice and I still do, to this day because your business will only grow to the extent that you do. It is your ability to invest and learn what you don’t know, how to sell to yourself and how you sell products and services. How you do this will determine how you take your business to the next level. You can’t grow a business without sales and you can’t grow your sales until you master the art of handling objections. It’s tricky because here we get into psychology on how the mind actually operates and make decisions.

133


People are literally buying your confidence and in doing so have to overcome the fear, all of the reasons they are selling themselves out of saying yes, their very own idea of sales people and many other fears, phobias and past negative buying experiences. To be successful at sales means you have are also a master at handling sales objections and that’s what I want to share with you in this chapter. It is the missing piece to saving yourself a ton of mistakes, heartache and frustration and I really believe that I was put here on earth to master sales and teach women how. Mastering sales is a key component to taking your Power Back because you are selling everyone all the time! Even if you’re not an entrepreneur, you’ll gleam some gems out of this chapter. Let’s dive into how to handle objection because once you discover this last part about sales - your confidence will go through the roof! Most people when they hear the dreaded, “I have to think about it,” excuse or “I don’t have the money,” objection they end the conversation right then and shoot themselves in the foot! The sale only begins after the first objection is heard. People are never telling you the truth when they start to object. Rather they are simply letting you know that they are not convinced and not certain enough to say, “Yes!” They are hiding behind the objections to be polite. That’s why I teach entrepreneurs in my $10k in 30-days program, the art of sales and how to handle objections. I just got a text from a client today. Nicole said, “It works!! I just closed 2 new clients into my group program today WAHOO! Thanks.” Selling is definitely the hardest thing to master in the entrepreneurial game because it is literally equated with death to the Ego or mind. I have another client Andrea, who decided to go against my advice. She raised her prices on her older clients, instead of going out and finding new clients to raise her rates. Well that didn’t work out too well, they all 134


balked and she was left feeling worse and feeling upset because her clients walked out on her. Once people have an idea of how much you charge, making a significant boost or increase on your clients will fail 99 times out of 100. I’m speaking on coaching, consulting or service provider wise. These established clients will never be convinced that you are worth 3 or 5 times as much as you were just a day ago right? Attracting the right clients and having a practice or calendar full of clients is like having a basket of delicious ripe guavas to eat! The other day I grabbed a guava off a tree and sank my teeth in getting it all over my face, the fragrance, the color, the texture, everything was divine! This can be the experience you have working with the right kind of client. More often than not entrepreneurs struggle to attract clients. Instead, they settle for anyone that comes along, they lower their rates because they are desperate and then their confidence suffers. That’s why I teach sales attraction systems to help entrepreneurs attract clients, or potential clients; we’ll call them leads and attract them consistently so you can pick and chose the best, ripest most delicious ones and never have to settle!! Here is the deal - you must pre-qualify people first before you spend any time having a sale’s call. Some of these people will never be ripe guavas, either it’s not the right time for them, they are still green, some are full of bugs, maggots, rotten, moldy and some no matter how many days you leave them in a brown paper bag in the kitchen will never ripen into a yummy Guava, no matter what!! When you have a system in place for generating leads, first pre-qualifying those leads then you can pick and choose only the ripest in the bunch! Another reason why leads don’t convert into sales is because your potential client doesn’t feel the necessary pain to make a decision to change. It doesn’t mean you suck at sales, it means they aren’t really ready yet. 135


Think back to a big life change that you decided to make. Didn’t it take some kind of major pain; your back was up against the wall before you made the decision? Feeling and understanding the pain of not solving your problem and how that looks and feels down the road is crucial to helping your clients decide. It’s not pushy. Sales is simply helping people make a decision to solve a problem. I have sales scripts I use and mostly follow loosely although there is one question I never skip, “What will happen if you don’t do anything to change your situation?” It is very important for people to see, feel and understand the impact of NOT solving their problem. Be careful here, most are in total denial, they’ll say, “Oh, well I will solve it one way or another. I am smart and positive.” Well if they are that smart, why are they taking the time to talk to you about it? Listen, if we were meant to do this journey all on our own there wouldn’t be 7 billion people on the planet. When someone avoids answering the pain questions, keep asking them until they do. If people aren’t willing to answer that question with me, I know I am wasting my time on someone that will not take action. Think about it, when you are sick you don’t care what it costs for help. When you have a split tooth, a broken leg or a bullet wound you go to the hospital and get the care you need because it hurts! Unless your clients are feeling the pain of what it will cost them not to solve the problem - and really feel it -, they will not be motivated to part with their money. Pain doesn’t need to be physical;; there is emotional pain as well. People make decisions based on emotions and then decide with logic. This means that you must attend to both sides of the equation when talking to your prospects. I can always tell when someone is close to saying, “Yes,” because they begin giving me reasons why it’s a good idea to go 136


ahead with it. They begin selling themselves. Creating Certainty Is an Art At the end of the day, everyone wants to do business with people who know, like and trust them, who respect, honor and even cherish them! Why not?! To overcome sales objections and get the right people to the point of a yes, you must make sure they are certain about these 3 specific things or your sales will back fire! Number 1 is they must be certain about your product; that your product is the absolute best. Number 2 they must be sold on YOU and Number 3 they must be sold on your company and the values of the company. Whenever no one buys, it’s because they are not sure about one of these three areas. So it’s simple really, you need to continue making it certain that the buyers are totally 100% certain in these three areas and kabam, they will say yes! This certainty can only happen if your product or service is a right fit for the potential buyer. A movie was made called The Wolf of Wall Street about Jordan Belford. He was caught embezzling millions for fraudulent stocks, went to jail and then redeemed himself by becoming a world famous speaker and sales trainer including how to handle objections Belford said you want to keep looping around and around again making certain your potential clients are 100% YES and certain on those three areas. Keep asking for the sale even though they might give you another objection it doesn’t matter. Loop back and make them feel certain that these three things are a YES and then bam they will buy. It’s only a NO when someone says it’s an absolute no. When you hear a, “I have to think about it,” or “I have to ask my husband or wife,” this is usually just a great and easy way to test your confidence. 137


Remember someone is always selling. Either they are selling you or you on their story or selling them on solving their problems. Another thing you must know is that the world is in such a mess because people are decision retarded. Really they are. People are running around being victims. Run by their Ego, too afraid to make a wrong decision and failure equates with death. In other words, the majority of the world is running around led by fear and all kinds of excuses and reasons why they can’t change. Resistance!!! It’s deadly! Don’t let it rob you of your sale or your clients of their potential transformations! This also plays into their ability to decide on saying yes to your service or product. The very mechanism that people decide with is tainted. I tell people straight out, right from the get go, that the longer they take to THINK about the decision the more chance their Ego will take them out of the idea of saying yes. I teach people about resistance while I’m having a sales call and they don’t see it as pushy rather, they are thankful because this is the very thing they are trying to solve overcoming resistance! The Ego is always trying to protect with fear, so unless they do something different, nothing will change. That’s why I always recommend pressing, not pressuring. Be adamant with people about making a decision either way. Decide on either, Yes or No. Letting people off the hook without making a decision is not doing them any good. It’s allowing them to stay exactly in the same place with the same problems. Remember These Key Take Always The sale only begins with the first objection. People need to feel certain about YOUR product, YOU and your company before they can say YES. Objections are not a NO;; they are simply a statement about, “I’m not 138


100% certain yet.” Don’t let the Ego, resistance or the mind rob you of your sale and your clients of their transformations. Mastering sales and handling objections, getting over your fear of failure and committing to learning what it is you don’t know can be absolutely transformational! If you’ve been shying away from starting a business or really diving into your business and taking it to the next level, then I suggest you make a decision right now to master it - no matter what. Beg, borrow and steal to get your hands on some fabulous sales training. I

have

a

free

webinar

you

can

watch

online

at

TakeYourPowerBackNow.com under the $10k Formula. In the webinar, I teach entrepreneurs three simple steps to attracting more clients. I invite you to check it out. For a short time, it will be available as free training so head over there and check it out. One of my successful clients Nicole, has mastered sales, is generating thousands in business each month confidently and consistently, had told her husband that they would be buying a house in California in the near future. Whereas before, they weren’t dreaming that in a million years they could be property owners of a house priced sky high. Now they love it there and now that Nicole is more confident about how to generate consistent income, she is showing her husband the possibilities that exist! Sales will change your life! It is the ultimate confidence building school and the only school I know where you are paid to practice! If you’re a coach, consultant, healer, speaker, author, change agent, or want to be a sale’s expert check out my webinar training on how to BREAKTHROUGH fear and resistance so you can attract more clients and sky

rocket

your

confidence

and

cash

flow

at

TakeYourPowerBackNow.com. 139

140

CHAPTER TWENTY

HOW TO NOT LET PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU

H

ave you ever felt angry and bitter because you’ve fallen victim to someone’s manipulative ways again? Having the confidence in yourself to honor your feelings, to respect yourself and the

knowledge that your true source and power comes from God - is a fast track out of letting others hoodwink you with their deception. Look, there are manipulative people out there and the range encompasses outright scam artists, to black magic, to the boss at work that always has you agreeing to do more than you want, to that family member or friend who uses you, taking, taking, taking and never giving back. I liken it to how some people sell their homes and give the money and their life up to a cult leader! There are all kinds! You MUST, must, must develop unshakable confidence so you don’t fall prey to these jerks. If you let people take advantage of you it will never end until you prove to yourself that you won’t die if you don’t get everyone’s approval. Being confident and taking your Power Back, knowing where it comes from, gives you the ability to discern and discriminate between who is manipulating you or not.

141


THE Extreme! I know a woman who worked for a prestigious company opening up branches worldwide and she fell into a cult, sold her house giving it to the cult leader and lost everything! This is a smart and intelligent woman we’re talking about - taking over the world by day and yet she didn’t have the wear with all to discern a scam artist. This is why it’s so important to connect with a community of supportive women that can help you be more discerning about situations, understand and support you. It’s critical! Your intuition will never lie! This is an extreme case of manipulation and it doesn’t always have to be as extreme to be such a pain and hurtful. Even just recently, here in Hawaii, I had a summer rental and there was a roommate that arrived on the scene whom I was not fond about. Right away, we clashed; I told her off, undiplomatically for leaving the garage door open at night, inviting robbers in and basically for being irresponsible. As you can probably tell, I don’t have much patience for idiotic actions any more. Possibly, it’s because I dealt with idiots for so long I just smell them coming a mile away. This woman pulls the, “I have breast cancer,” guilt trip and begins using her scenario as a way to guilt us into letting her get away with practically being a 9 year-old. Finally, my other roommate became wary of her disrespectful and irresponsible ways kicked her out! Hallelujah. She had even gone so far as to not pay her share of rent (although we all assumed she did) and dishonoring her agreements. The truth always comes out. I smelt it coming long ago but it took my other roommate a little longer to become wise to her conniving ways. When people are manipulative, sometimes it’s so far out in left field There are real people out there that prey on the goodness, weakness and kindness of others. You’ve met them, the users, the takers who believe the 142


world is unjust and everything is for them and all about them. Narcissists. These people are eternal victims themselves. You just have to stay far away from manipulators and narcissists because you’ll never get a word in edgewise, you’ll never be able to reason with them and you’ll never win. They are made to drain you of your energy because they don’t know how to source themselves from God. They go around vampiring other people who do, so be warned. I also believe that children who grow with alcoholism in their homes make easier prey for these manipulative people and I am talking from personal experience because you always think, “Oh, they might change.” Part of you hopes that no matter what the exterior obvious personality traits look and feel like, that maybe you’re wrong, give them the benefit of the doubt, don’t be so judgmental, ridiculous! If it looks like a duck, smells like a duck and walks like a duck, guess what?!! It’s a duck! It isn’t a moose! There are people everywhere like this. I see so many spiritual types masquerading, preying on broken people to get them to do the dirty work. You know what, as long as you don’t have any self esteem of your own, you will fall prey and they will sell you into believing that you need them. Take your Power Back now and cut that idiot loose! You don’t need it and you certainly don’t need them! People who use you, don’t value you and they will never change. If you really loved yourself, you wouldn’t let yourself be hoodwinked by these energy vampires. Remember you teach people how to treat you. I don’t care how loud the fear may be screaming down your neck, choose God and you will literally see a miracle happen. I’m telling you;; even though you may not believe me right now, you will believe your experience. I have some friends who I’ve wanted to help get and understand this message and they’ve even agreed, “Yup I need to change this bit about me Vanessa, I’m so grateful you’re in my life.” However, they’re actions never 143


reflect their desire to change. RESISTANCE got them again. It is sad really, because I eventually had to distance myself from people like this. It was too painful to continue wasting my time and energy repeating myself to someone who clearly is in no mood to do anything about it. You just sit and watch their lives become more and more desperate as they lose more of their self-esteem by giving more power away to others. It’s really sad. Ultimately, you are the only person to decide your fate! You can’t change other peoples and don’t bother feeling guilty for them either. Do your thing, help yourself and cut the rascals loose, cut them out of your life and go find people who respect you. Respect yourself and take your life, relationships and friendships to a completely new level, you deserve it! Beware of the Toads and Trolls! There was a guy I dated a while back. Remember I have kissed a few frogs, let’s even call them toads. This one guy wanted me to be his sales force for his company. When I told him what I charged per hour for consulting he snorted and laughed in my face, then proceeded to tell me he would pay me something stupid and expect about 50 hours of work from me. I calmly got up and started to leave. There was no way that I was going to do business with this guy, let alone date him ever again! I just saw him exactly who he was, someone who didn’t see my worth or me and I wasn’t about to sit there and convince him otherwise. As I started walking away and he begins yelling at me, starting to bully me to be quiet, thinking I will bark back or give him a reason to call me crazy. I just kept walking very calmly past all the people who were looking on probably asking, “What in the heck is going on there?” I was completely embarrassed and at the same time also decided, I would never so much as even acknowledge that man ever again and not even answer him in any way shape or form. 144


“I’m erasing you from my phone,” he texted me. “Good,” I thought to myself. “Good riddance!” Then a few days went by and he started texting, messaging me on Facebook, calling and leaving me messages and not once apologizing (not that it would have mattered) and saying he missed me and sending me business proposals? Really, dude, you’re so way off the mark! I mean wow do you really think for a second buddy that I want to do business with you? Incredible! Note, this guy is totally irresponsible and thinks because he texted me back it showed he missed me and I would come running. Really? Wow!! This happens all the time to women who give their power away to men when they don’t have any self-esteem. They settle for scumbags, trolls, toads and other secondary left over crumbs. Sorry buddy you lost that privilege of speaking and communicating with me long ago. Evaluate whom you have in your life and who is worth your while. Remember this, all relationships are agreements. Choose to play with people who honor their agreements with you because if you do not, beware of the consequences. Don’t expect them to be a moose when they show you they are a duck! Between people there must be a mutual exchange and not just people who take more than they give, or people who don’t see, value or respect and honor you. Often women are taken advantage of because they are broke and need money, so they stay in crappy jobs where they are being used, or in crappy relationships, which is why I’m so adamant about sales mastery. You must have confidence to be good at sales. Making your own money gives you the power of CHOICE about who and what kind of agreements and relationships you get into. When you take your Power Back and decide to honor how you feel, express that to others and not let the self-doubt take you out of making a stand for yourself then you will see exactly what people 145


are made of. Remember you must close one door to open another! Taking your Power Back and finding your confidence is the best revenge! When nobody can bother you, because you know your worth, it will drive people nuts and you will just sit there smiling and not worried about their lame temper tantrums or manipulative ways.

146

CHAPTER 21

THE RELEASE TECHNIQUE

I

’m saving the best for last here ladies. This technique has been my saving grace and I am so excited to share it with you - it is THE recipe for taking your resistance apart!!

I believe the whole world has completely lost its mind! When you

really look at what drives most people, trying to fulfill a deep-seated anxiety, emptiness, lusting for happiness, looking for it in clothes, fancy cars, relationships, houses, the next best gadget, and running 900 miles an hour to keep up with the Jones. Who the heck are the Jones and who cares if they have a Beamer 650! Insanity! Everyone is out there chasing happiness and they will never find it out there in the world because it doesn’t come from out there. The real lasting kind of happiness, happiness without sorrow, that is always flowing, a never ceasing wellspring of love and happiness that everyone is desperate to get can only be found in one place. Inside you. The great news is, everyone can tap into it at will, all it takes is a decision and in a few moments, you can wield this internal happiness and ever flowing love to any area of your life and watch it totally transform. Truth, you are a Master! Perhaps a master who has given their power away but we’re about to 147


change all that right now! What’s really ticked me off for years is that none of this vital information about how to actually tap into your power, how to wield this thing called love that everyone is crazy mad for is not something taught in school. Listen up because this is one lesson you definitely want to master and to all who take the time to master it will awaken to the fact that each and every one of you is a master pretending that you are not. Heavy duty that last one I know. When I got into the release technique, I was desperate. I was desperate to leave a job that was eating me from the inside out, I was desperate to leave a relationship that quite literally nearly killed me and I was willing to try just about anything. I heard Lester Levinson’s story on a tele-summit about how he had a heart attack at age 55 and doctor’s gave him a couple of weeks to live. Being a physicist Lester decided to do his own research and get to the bottom of this. He discovered that when he was wanting, he was suffering but when he was loving, everything in his world worked! He discovered a way to release all of his non-loving feelings. All of them and three months later he was cured. Shortly after he became a multi millionaire by simply releasing all of his non-loving feelings; his resistance and lived for 44 more years teaching hundreds of thousands of people around the world how to go free! Wait a minute, how come I had never heard of this guy? I had read and listened to countless hours of Napoleon Hill’s, Law of Attraction and Esther and Jerry Hicks who promote the dialogs from a group of spiritual teachers who call themselves, Abraham. Now I hear of this guy, who claims to have the secret key to ever-lasting riches, happiness and success? Well my curiosity got the best of me and I ordered the Abundance course. A few weeks later, I had a huge release around money while driving 148


home in my minivan one night and within 48 hours I was blown away by all of the amazing opportunities that literally fell into my lap without me going out there to manipulate or make things happen. If you recall, I was invited to give a prestigious Ted Talk on Success in Montreal, writing the intro to a great talk as if by magic one early morning at 5 am, was called up and invited to teach in Costa Rica, attracted a new client and a new assistant all within a period of about 48 hours. I began to think, there’s more to this releasing stuff and like everything else in life, and I dove in feet first. I can tell you after about 3 years of releasing, this simple technique has dramatically transformed my view of reality, our place in the world as real live masters and as well, it has kicked my confidence to a whole new level. I want to share with you in this chapter and why I think the entire world should learn this simple technique. The real crux about taking your Power Back is being 100% responsible for everything in your life. Everything you are creating. Now granted I still have a bit of an issue with this sometimes but less and less. The easiest way to describe the release technique is that it is a way to take apart your Ego, the mind, the self doubt, anxiety, fear, low emotions, and the resistance to taking your Power Back. Remember who and what you really are is how to be master of your life creating. The technique itself is a series of six simple steps to help you get back in the flow of love and to where everything happens with ease. It’s the recipe for how to allow things to unfold in your life with grace, it’s the recipe to undo your internal resistance and come to a place where you know, that you know you are the master. It is the practice of undoing the mind through your mind and proving to yourself through experience that you have the power to create and uncreate whatever you like. Sounds tempting doesn’t it? Well I tell you what - when I first started releasing and I prided myself 149


on having done all the personal development work I needed, I soon realized how much garbage and resistance I still had stuffed down and locked away. I was riddled with fear and for the first time I was aware that it blocked me. I began undoing it instead of giving my power away to it, letting it run my life, deciding my actions and making decisions for me. That’s when life became more magical. Yes, for sure I still had bad days yet the time I spent in pity mode or with anxiety or fear became shorter and shorter because I had a guide that was my a road map to get me out and back in the flow. I had looked for such a road map during my hippy traveling days in Thailand when I was blissfully living off of $10 a day in a beach hut bungalow doing yoga for 3 hours every day. I thought to myself, “Ya it’s cool, I can do that here and quiet the mind but how am I ever going to be part of the modern world and be able to maintain this poise? Impossible.” I tried and failed, continuing to search until I bumped into Larry Crane and interviewed him as part of my Transformational Breakthrough Summit. Larry was once of Lester’s best students and a hard ass, in your face, telling it like it is businessman. Larry quickly fell in love with the Release Technique after nearly jumping from his 10-story high-rise apartment in New York one night. He had a successful career, lots of money and he was married to a beautiful wife who was a model but, he was miserable. He met Lester, started practicing the method, his life transformed and he never looked back. Now that Lester is gone, Larry is carrying the torch. You have probably not heard of the release technique but you might have heard of the Sedona Method? This method is very similar to the release technique in that it helps people release their unconscious beliefs and blocks to achieving a happy prosperous healthy happy life. Hale Dwoskin the Sedona Method’s founder was a student of Lester Levinson. So was Dr. Hawkins the author of the book Power Versus Force that talks about measuring the vibrations of emotions and the emotional scale, how 150


consciousness works and how consciousness evolves. Fascinating, groundbreaking work. This releasing technique defied everything I had read or heard about or studied and I wanted to experience more of this graceful manifesting with ease. For me, The Release Technique is like being able to activate the law of attraction on steroids! It is the art of allowing, explained! Lester said that there is really only four things that keep us out of the flow of love and those four things are, “Fear, wanting, disapproving of yourself and resistance.” When you are able to knock out these four things, which keep you in the lower vibrations with anger, grief, jealousy, fear, lust and pride you move up the emotional scale into courage, love, peace and acceptance, which are all very high vibrational states. Now there’s a lot of talk about gratitude in the self-help world. When you look at gratitude, it’s very high on the scale, and it’s in acceptance isn’t it? What happens when you are so angry or you are so scared you can’t get over what’s happening to you, your mind is racing, you’re totally out of control? This is why you should use the release technique. It is a systematic simple six steps to bring you back to a high vibration where you can take your Power Back and begin using the mind to create what you want instead of the fear that you are projecting. What the mind sees, it creates. The mind is a creative instrument and the release technique will show you how to use it to create more of what you want with ease by releasing your old programs, decisions and agreements that no longer serve you. Try it; I am sure it will blow your socks off! It did for me and it continues. It totally defies reality. While explaining the path to self-fulfillment Lester explains how and where happiness is found, “Everyone is looking for happiness with no sorrow or peace of mind, but everyone is looking for it outside themselves. 151


They are looking for it in someone, in something, in making money, being a big shot, having possessions. Unfortunately it is impossible to find peace of mind that way.” Before happiness is attained Lester points out that it takes pain to motivate a person to change, “The first teacher is misery. It is usually the first thing that causes us to seek the way out. First, we start on the path to escape misery. Then we taste the self and want it because it tastes so good.” Lester Levenson (1909-2009). Try the Release Technique Yourself Look I could go on and on about how powerful this method is, I have tested it, proven it and even had tremendous results sharing the methods with my clients who run into time and time again their own resistance on taking action in their business, or feeling deflated and irritated they can’t create or produce changes. I have yet to see someone not get amazing life changing results with this method so;; I’d like to invite you to try it yourself. There’s a free audio interview that I did with Larry a while back that I used to sell as part of my tele-summit package of interviews and I want to give it to you for free. You try it for yourself! Don’t wait another minute - open your computer and listen into the audio in the bonus section. If you’ve been asking for help that gets you out of your own way and you’ve tried everything out there, read all the self-help books and law of attraction books, get ready to have your mind blown apart! Because that’s exactly what were going to do! Go

to

the

book

bonus

area

on

my

website

TakeYourPowerBackNow.com and listen into the audio training on the release technique and discover how to blow the roof off of your resistance!

152

CHAPTER 22

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY

H

ow do you handle responsibility, some people thrive on it, other people shirk from it and never accept it or the gifts of influence, integrity and self esteem that it brings.

I can remember back in the day when I was a bar tender/massage

therapist driving this crappy 15-year old gold colored Dodge Colt! It ran, it was great on gas, but it was an old car. I recall catching my thoughts while driving that old car. I was trying to convince myself that I wouldn’t be, couldn’t be rich and spiritual at the same time. I thought to myself, “Vanessa is that ever a boat load of horse manure! Hold up, right there one minute! What is really going on here?” I realized, “No. With money I could have greater impact on helping others;; I could have more reach, more choice, and more fun, more of everything really.” Why was I avoiding it and instead choosing to look and be broke by driving this crusty old car? It dawned on me that the real reason I was thinking this way was that I was afraid of the commitment and afraid of having a car payment that might potentially hold me back from traveling on a moment’s notice. I was avoiding the responsibility and it cost me in my self esteem and self worth

153


department driving that crappy car every day. I was making good money bar tending and realized it wasn’t a money thing - it was a responsibility thing. Another example is here on the island there is a community of broke hippies. There are a bunch of great people, very nice, down to earth people and then there are the broke hippies parading around trying to be allspiritual when they are really just broken people who are avoiding responsibility. Yup, call me judgmental, sue me for it – it is just my opinion. On island, there is this community of broke, lovely people doing their own healing process, working on consciousness awakening to their personal power and many of them don’t have jobs or businesses of their own. Since they want to stay on island, in paradise they chose to settle for menial work. Nothing wrong with house cleaning and cooking or assisting others but they are slaving away earning minimum or even below minimum wage working 80 hours a week!! For what? For who? I have lengthy conversations with friends here about this topic and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s because they are denying their responsibility for their career, job, work and income. I tell you - anytime you deny responsibility, it costs you big time. Then these people are left feeling so crappy, stuck and afraid that this is the best it will ever get and they are totally giving their power away! I have so much compassion for people who have given their power away, I really do. It’s a rough place to be. You may be mad as a hornet because you know you let other people walk all over you yet, you feel powerless and either grief stricken or too shameful to do anything about it to really effect change. You let resistance get the better of you time and time again. It’s a really tough place to be in which is why I wrote this book to equip you with the tools for transformation and empowerment. This is what helped me on my journey. 154


I gave my power away for years and I hated myself for it - I was so enraged and angry that I felt so unworthy. “Where the heck does this unworthiness nonsense come from?” I used to ask myself. Man, I was really upset with myself. If you’re feeling taken advantage of - ask yourself that question - let it marinate with you for a while - you’ll get an answer. Responsibility is Your Gateway to Transformation Embrace responsibility, take charge of it, and say yes to it even if it scares the crap out of you! Personal responsibility is a major gateway to personal fulfillment and confidence. Amazing things happen when you choose to be responsible for yourself, your results, your life, your health and your finances. It is all a choice. There are narcissists out there however;; I don’t think they would be reading this kind of book. No, no, no, too much work. Narcissists only care about themselves and don’t even acknowledge that others have feelings. They are usually hyper irresponsible people who are highly invested in blaming the world for their misfortune. Really, observe and listen to how miserable these people are. Here’s the deal folks, we are all here to wake up and realize our power, greatness and manifest the glory of God and there isn’t anyone getting out of here alive! So you decide. Are you going to wine and complain that life sucks with an, I can’t do anything attitude? Let’s rephrase it for what it really means. You either say I WON’T do something to change my circumstances or I CHOOSE to take 100 % responsibility for my life and everything in it or missing from it. Option number two is definitely more empowering! Both are just choices - simple decisions that you are making every moment of every day. Remember we give our power away the minute we decide that our 155


problems are bigger than we are. Case in Point: One of my clients Sharon was a naturopath; she like many women is waking up to her power with a big vision and a big calling. Sharon came to see me and asked me if I could help her with this women’s empowerment movement she was envisioning. It would be a one-day live event for women in the Montreal area with speakers on all topics of life, love, relationships, health and career to up their level and capacity for self love. Sharon had no idea how to bring this vision to life, she only had a deep yearning to do it and that eventually won out over the fear of not knowing how and she hired me to help her launch the Juicy Woman’s Journey. Well Sharon’s event was a big success, 140 women gathered for the day with six speakers. It was an epic event! Sharon worked hard, she filled the room and she implemented all of the work we did together on how to make offers at the end of talk. She got the promotional site going and she was on it! Moreover, she rocked it! When Sharon came to see me, she said her goal was to, “Travel like you do Vanessa, to Costa Rica and be able to spend the winters leading retreats and workshops worldwide.” Well this year, guess who I saw via Facebook in Costa Rica? Yep, Sharon! In addition, not only is her naturopath practice flourishing she was asked to bring her special Juicy Women’s Journey Event all across the country! An entirely new business was birthed! All this, from taking responsibility, showing up and committing to a vision! Case in Point: I had another client Mariola who was passionate about helping women succeed with her Mary K Business. She loved everything about it, helping women feel more beautiful, helping women succeed financially, being a leader and teaching women how they can run a business from home around a family if they chose. We worked together on Mariola’s sales and making it a priority to 156


remove her resistance to making sales calls. Within weeks, Mariola was singing a new tune. She was no longer at the mercy of her resistance, her priorities were in check and she was showing up to do the work. Her sales increased as proof that taking responsibility for her actions in her business success was the way to see results. Life is Not Happening to You it is Happening for You! I guess I was trying hard to run away from responsibility because growing up I was kind of like a mom to my sister helping raise her and I grew up too fast. I was angry about forfeiting my childhood for a while. I think older children experience this to a degree and in an alcoholic household, it becomes a coping mechanism. Well what do you know, being responsible would have it benefits in the long run because I can handle just about anything and I know if I put my head down, focus and commit, anything is possible. The gateway to greatness is responsibility. Now, I know this! You can tell a successful person from a lame excuse maker. No personal responsibility screams victim and it isn’t any fun being a victim. Life is not happening to you it is happening for you! The good news about that is, if you don’t like your reality, guess what you created it and you can uncreate it or create it anew! Such is your amazing power of choice! If you would only explore the idea, try it on for size, you would prove to yourself just how amazing is the power of responsibility. When you are responsible for your results, when you commit to them, you see you are capable of creating change and you create and build confidence, integrity and get it done! People end up wanting to be around you because that is power in a nutshell. It is someone who doesn’t let the rough seas lead them astray and instead decides to stay the course and let troubles fan their sails. 157


Where is one area of your life that needs a major up leveling in personal responsibility? Is it your health, your relationships, your career or is it your living situation or maybe something bigger like your happiness? Pick one area and decide to be responsible in creating change. Commit to taking action on cleaning it up. Then do it! Be responsible with your work and even to yourself - when no one is watching!!! Love yourself so much that you wouldn’t even lie to yourself! Hey, that’s a tough one. My challenge to you! Set a high standard for yourself because no one else will. Be wary of wanting to dump on people or ream them or tell them how bad, horrible, irresponsible they are. Let them be broke hippies or whatever they want to be - accept them and lead by example. When you let the Universe dish out Karma it’s always more potent. By lifting, your standards and taking responsibility of your actions you take your Power Back every time.

158

CHAPTER 23

RECONNECT WITH YOUR BODY

D

o you quickly walk past mirrors or avoid them all together? One of the most common complaints women have is about their bodies. Women have lost touch with their bodies. If you

don’t love your body, you have a major confidence leak going on. It’s time to take your Power Back and reconnect with which you are and fall in love with every part of you including your scrumptious body! One of the things that got me out of my funk was to go back to the things that I had loved as a kid by finding a ranch down the street, starting horseback riding again and joined a Zumba fitness class. I swear it took all the courage I had to walk into that class and go for the free trial. I was totally out of shape, white as a ghost, couldn’t do the moves and needed to take frequent rests in between the songs. Here were these much older women rocking it out having the time of their lives! I physically felt all the effort through my body but I was having fun, committing to having fun, getting my body in shape and that felt great! I felt energized after the class, my body began changing and I started to feel like part of a fun community of healthy people that were all on a similar journey of loving their bodies! I was hooked.

159


It took me a while to get into the Zumba gear but eventually I caved and even bought a few cool shirts. You’re hearing about a natural piece de resistance here because I pride myself on being special, unique and not a crowd follower. My love of dancing and my new Zumba class were a perfect match. I didn’t have to go boogie down at bars to still have fun, get a great work out and dance my little buns off! I met a woman at the class; she was 50+ years old and totally transformed her body image, started feeling sexy again and began having more sex with her husband! This is not an uncommon physical effect, feeling more sexy! When a woman feels confident that’s sexy! It’s not uncommon for women to be last on their own list of priorities putting everyone else first. Women lose touch with themselves and they let themselves go. Your body image is important. It’s important for how you feel about you. Ignore what other people may think about you. I get my nails done every few weeks;; I’m not going to lie it’s an expense. I could probably use the money and take a trip once a year with my nail investment but you know what?! I love them; they make me feel like some seductive sexy secretary with glasses while clicking on the computer. I swear I get way more work done when my nails are freshly done. I love the way they click and feel on the keyboard. I do it for me, for how it makes me feel! If other people like it - good for them but I get them done for me! Take It to the Next Level Most recently, I finally decided to take my own fitness to the next level and joined a fitness class on island beginning at 6:15 am, four mornings a week with Samantha Fox Oslson, who is a spitfire sassy blond bombshell in her yoga and fitness yurt. All I can say is what a difference! I finally bought my first tiny bum bikini last week; everyone wears very small bikini bottoms around here in 160


Hawaii and a normal full bum coverage around here would be laughed at like you wearing a diaper! For so long I resisted because I didn’t feel comfortable but now world, watch out! For the first time since my early twenties, I feel fabulous about my body! My good friend told me the other day, “Vanessa I think you are in the best shape of your whole life.” I’d have to agree with her, I feel great! I used this time to make a challenge with myself because working out isn’t comfortable. It takes commitment with a will to show up and get it done. With support, anything is possible! Add some sisterly fun and you’ll be boogying to a completely new drumbeat! The point I am trying to make is when you set yourself up to commit, to changing, something in your life and you see results; it builds confidence. Working with your body is a great way to build confidence! Get Your Bootie Rocking! Get off the couch, join a gym, sign up for rock climbing, ski lessons, dance or fitness class, whatever it is, it is your choice to do something you think would be fun! Infuse the element of fun into your new body make over regime. Begin to reconnect with your body. Instead of giving yourself, nasty scowls when you pass the mirror blow yourself a little kiss and tell yourself, “You are marvelous darling!” and feel it. You deserve it for taking action and committing to trying out a new class for yourself! This is play time. This will be time just for you. Nevertheless, everyone will feel the rewards around you as well because when you love yourself if shows! Maybe your decision to take it to the next level is to go organic, maybe it’s for body cleansing purposes or maybe it’s finally seeing the acupuncturist. Whatever it is, there is always a next level of self-love and self-care awaiting you. Decide to take yourself up on that decision and your 161


confidence will thank you. With confidence ladies, you OWN the world! On my bonus page at TakeYourPowerBack.com sign up for a 7-day free, Average to Awesome Feel Fun, Fab, Fit & Sexy with Samantha Fox Olson video training valued at $197. This is yours free, for 7 days. You’ll begin feeling and seeing the difference in just a few short days. It will energize you and inspire you to keep going! Rock your bootie - reconnect with that fabulous body of yours because you deserve it on your way to taking your Power Back!

162

CHAPTER 24

YOUR CONNECTION TO SOURCE, GOD, SPIRIT

D

oes the word GOD freak you out? Well it sure used to freak me out! I was much more comfortable with Universe, or Spirit, Higher Power. To me they all mean the same thing. I believe

there is a divine life force, called God that is responsible for creating worlds, everything on this planet and is a source of life. It wants to give us the world, if only we work by its rules. God wants you to enjoy the process of your creation, only there is a divine plan for you, just like there is a plan for everyone. This divine source loves you enough to give you free will to accept this magical life or renounce it. There is always a free choice to give your power to God or love because that is what God is to me, Love. The power of love that creates everything in this world. Therefore, you have the power to give your power away; to either love or to fear. That’s the entire premise of this book really - to show you and share with you powerful tools to take your Power Back and place it on cultivating this relationship with the source, God or what my friend calls, “The origin of creation.” It is this formless power that creates worlds. You must understand one important aspect of your being and that is

163


we all have an EGO mind that is trying to always survive and it does so by using fear to protect you and separate you from the grace and flow of God or love. That’s its job - but hear this if there is only one thing you take from this entire book, it’s that at any moment you do have the power to identify with God, to decide to surrender your will and watch the most magical experience unfold before your very eyes. Life with God is not some boring life filled with toil and sweat - it’s more like a magic carpet ride where the most amazing occurrences, snap opportunities, purpose filled with service, passion and fun exist. So buckle up and let’s go for a magic carpet ride! There is a Greater Plan for YOU! People after hearing my story often ask me what became of the boyfriend, what happened to him and the truth is I forgave him instantly. The moment all the dominos fell into place I forgave this man immediately because all at once I saw the bigger picture and what a divine and superbly mapped out plan it was! I would need to know how to sell from a stage, I would need a good story, something raw and real to inspire folks with, I mean the plan was brilliant and I never saw it coming in a thousand years! A business mentor, Suzanne Evans who I enjoy because she is raw and real. She once said, “Make your mess your message.” Well I had a mess alright and God was using me to turn it into a message and a women’s empowerment movement. If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would be a woman’s empowerment coach, sales trainer and confidence mentor living in Hawaii I would have laughed in your face! Ok, probably not about the Hawaii part but the business stuff I had no idea. I used to cry at night on the phone to my sister when I would be on 164


the road living in hotel rooms exhausted after a long day on the mop stage and she would encourage me by telling me, “Vanessa one day you’ll be making people laugh with your inspiring mop stories,” and she was right! Surrender Your Pathway to Magical Unfoldment of Your Every Desire After that big wake up call, I started going to Al-Anon to look at and heal all of the addiction in my life. My dad drank and he was the classic artist in every sense right down to the addictions with gambling and alcohol. In Al-Anon came this whole new piece about God and surrendering to God’s will for my life. Well for me that was new - and something surely began happening. Over time, I was less worried, less anxious and more trusting in my life as the more I began relying on God to work its magic. I didn’t have to control everything, there was a purpose for me and all I was required to do was trust. Well that was a lot to ask, yet the process had begun and wonderful things started unfolding. When you surrender, you are taking your Power Back and placing it on love - on truth on your higher power. It’s when we side with the Ego and give our power away to fear, all those fearful thoughts, old stories, dramas and programs, the mindless chatter, the resistance that we feel, the need to fight, protect ourselves and lose ourselves in survival mode. God or Spirit, the Universe loves you so much that it does gives you the choice to do it alone, if you want. Life becomes a struggle then and it feels like an uphill battle. It’s much easier when you’re in partnership with God. However, God is waiting for you to obey its will for your life. That’s where vision comes from or desire and talent. I think we are all born with something special to uncover in this life, share with others and if

165


we obey and follow that joy or that calling and path the world literally opens up for us. Purpose & Prayer A great book I recommend picking up which beautifully relates the idea that God has a purpose for your life is A Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. It’s a very well known book and is a 40-day reading experience that I think you will enjoy. Just the idea that there is a big purpose for you just waiting for you to unravel, unfurl it, allow it is an immense relief. Really. There is only turmoil, strife and confusion when you resist that purpose and you know you’ve been sidetracked by the Ego when your life is in turmoil, when there is unnecessary struggle and hardship - when things splatter all around you and nothing goes your way. I call it the Divine shakedown. It is the breakdown before the breakthrough. Sometimes what God has in store for you is not what you had in mind at all. And in order for this purpose to blossom and unfold in your life you very well likely have to turn in a new direction, to let go of a few ideas, let go of controlling the whole darn thing…and that my friends is terrifying to the Ego! Now if one should like to use prayer, I feel like the best way to use it is to talk with this source of creation or God and use prayer as the intentional piece. Ask, moan, be angry, wheel and deal with God through prayer. Ask and then, Listen to the answer. Prayer can help people focus their intentions and requests for clarity and guidance. People often ask me, “Vanessa what about prayer, how do I pray?” I have been using a very simple prayer for the last several years that I will share with you. As soon as I open my eyes in the morning, as soon as I become conscious even, I silently say to myself, “God let your will be done not mine, I surrender to you, your will for my life, work through me, guide 166


me and show me crystal clear signs, show me so I understand. I surrender my heart, my mind, all my senses, my taste touch smell, all of it over to you. Let your will be done.” Then throughout the day, I continue to talk to God or spirit. When I need to make decisions, I will ask. Before becoming frantic or beating myself up for acting too quickly and making a mistake I pause and check in with spirit or God and I ask for a sign, “God show me what to do, if you want me to do xyz then bring me xyz.” Sometimes I pray that way more like wheeling and dealing but it works. When you take the time to build a relationship with this power, your trust will become deeper and deeper knowing that you are not alone because you will get answers. Like all relationship, building deep trust takes both time and commitment. Take Your Power Back Now by surrendering to God that source of life and love flowing through you that wants to unlock the doors to everything your soul really came here to experience. Your purpose. I believe we all came here with an agreement already in place to learn, experience, overcome and enjoy and we aren’t here doing it all by ourselves. We have the source, God’s creation backing us up and unfolding the way. God created worlds, all the water in all the oceans, all the trees and all the leaves on all the trees. Just think about the number of grains of sand on one beach, forget about all the other beaches in the world - that number is astronomical, the abundance is uncountable, so don’t limit yourself - or your thoughts to what is possible - that’s not your job. Anything is possible here, because we are creative beings, and creation becomes magical when we align our will with that of God’s for our purpose. Your job is to surrender and act on that small intuitive voice, to follow the signs, to get better and better at following the signs even when it directs you to do something perhaps inconvenient like writing a book in the middle of summer. Even though it’s not always convenient, it is always a magic 167


carpet ride and an adventure in truth, love and miracles that I recommend to everyone. Surrendering to God and building that relationship is where real power comes from. When you have that unshakable faith and experience nobody can take it away from you, ever! You’re never alone, amazing things unfold and life becomes full of possibility, excitement and wonder. The power to do the impossible with faith and with prayer is described so well in Matthew 17:14-20, “And Jesus said unto them, because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove;; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.” If you are unclear about your purpose, desperately seeking it, ask and pray that the blocks and limitations, agreements be removed from the path to your passion and purpose filled life right now. Listen to the audio on terminating agreements in the bonus section of my website. It is a powerful process to renounce any blocks or old unconscious decisions you might have made in the past that are keeping you from showing up in full power to your purpose. When there are no more blocks, no more resistance you hear and act on intuition or the voice of God or Spirit coming through you. For that to happen the mind needs to be quiet, your Ego needs to be in the back seat and not the driver’s seat. Let God unfold your path, build roads for you to walk upon and stick your Ego behind you, put a gag on it and tell it to be quiet. Make a decision to lead a purposeful magical life starting now. I assure you all of everything starts with just a simple decision! Indeed, you are that powerful! Go to, TakeYourPowerBackNow.com book bonus and listen in to the audio about the termination of agreements.

168

CHAPTER 25

10 POWERFUL SECRETS OF WOMEN WHO SAY YES TO THEMSELVES

I

hope this book has inspired you and my intention more than anything is only one thing for you. I want you to show up and say YES to YOU. Say yes to that inner voice, that voice of intuition. Say

yes to GOD or spirit, universal energy that is calling you to perhaps follow a wild and zany idea like picking up and moving across country or starting an organic bakery or even yes to committing to a new workout fitness class to lose those pounds, feel more sexy and fabulous. Say yes to you because you deserve it! Never, ever let that fear or resistance take you out of your amazing life! There’s no better time to say YES than NOW and there is so much power in YES! Nobody can do it for you. When you do this, there are some major benefits awaiting a woman who says yes to herself. Here are just a few… MORE of: Pleasure Confidence Money 169


Better relationships Self esteem Love Happiness Joy Fulfillment Support Sexiness Allure FUN! I went off to the beach yesterday, taking the entire day off, no writing, no work and the night before I had gone out with friends visiting the island. We had a hoot of a time and I spent the next day at the beach snorkeling my favorite reef, finding hidden under water gems, napped under a palm tree until I drooled and then stayed to watch the sun set with friends. Not only did I totally relax and not get my chapter writing done as I was supposed to, I chose to say yes to myself instead and yes to playing and relaxing and some R & R time. Guess what?! I had three men ask for my number and out on a date, 3 in one day!! (This might not seem like a lot to some but on a small little island like Kauai I can assure you it does not happen every day.) This is why I’d like to wrap this book up with secrets from women who say yes to themselves. Originally, a few years ago I had envisioned calling this book, ‘Just Say YES to Life’ because magic happens, doors open, grace always unveils; you just have to know the magical open sesame word and it is, “YES!” Here are some ideas, quick recaps and trigger phrases to remember on 170


your Taking Your Power Back journey that is back to YOU, to the fabulous Goddess, Diva Divine feminine rock star that lives inside you. Secret #1 - You WILL Be Afraid - Feel the Fear and Say YES REGARDLESS! I still get scared when I’m about to make big decisions. I do! I’m not going to lie to you, it takes courage to show up and say YES to life, to say YES to following your dreams, say YES to committing to something or someone new, even a new idea, a new way at looking at life and what is possible for you. Contrary to what you might think, reinventing yourself is messy! Taking Your Power Back is messy and there will be uncertainty, sometimes chaos and it’s all part of the journey. It’s much more comfortable to stay where you are, moaning, groaning joining the complaining team about why life sucks and why it’s so hard. Most people are in that camp and I think to create a life that you love sometimes requires swimming against the current a little. The majority of women out there today are drifters allowing life to happen to them. Don’t become a drifter! Have the courage to swim upstream a bit, to take a stand for how you feel and have the courage to give yourself permission to stand up for and claim what it is you really want to have in this world. Maybe it’s a trip to somewhere exotic or a new home, perhaps a fulfilling career or a new relationship, this is all possible to the woman who believes in herself, who doesn’t buckle when, fear comes a knocking! Decide to take apart your mind and Ego that protects you with fear, commit to some kind of mindset mastery course. The release technique is wonderful, terminating agreements is wonderful and we go through these tools as part of my women’s Take Your Power Back Now Program. Decide

171


to kill, squash, obliterate resistance - right away. Never let it get the best of you and rob or sabotage you of your greatness. Begin now; make the decision today! Don’t buy into limitations, decide to question your thoughts with, “How can I?” versus doom and gloom thinking, “What else is possible?” Expansive questions will always lead to expansive answers. Secret #2 - Believe & Receive Women who say YES to their desires and to living their dreams have one common quality, they believe in themselves! I’m reading a fantasy book just for fun and it’s called, The Phantom Toll Booth by Norten Juster, which was recommended by a roommate because he just loved the main character who’s called Milo. The book is a wonderful play on words and is a short story about a young boy Milo. As he tried to find his way to this land called Dictionapolis first he must go through, The Land of Expectations. Along the way Milo meets a fun character who tells him, “Expectations is the place you must always go to before you get to where you are going,” and isn’t that the truth? What starts a course to anywhere is first the belief that you can do it! It starts with an expectation that you will succeed and one-day get there. I say believe, receive and remember not to let anyone convince you otherwise that your goals and dreams are too big, too wild, too outlandish or unrealistic. They’re dreams after all, that’s exactly what they are supposed to be! Write your dreams and goals down on paper, organize and prioritize them - which ones are your top three? Then commit to them and take action on them each day, just the first step not the staircase all at once. Be wary of that resistance - it’ll be snapping at your heals the whole time. Commit to and take actions on your goals and dreams anyways! 172


Secret #3 - Women Who Say YES are Alluring, Mysterious & WAY MORE FUN! Don’t over think any one thing; life is meant to be enjoyed. One day I went to see this psychic lady and she channeled my dead father. She told me amazing things nobody could have possibly guessed about my family and she was bang on! She said to me, “Your father wants you to have more fun enjoy your life, don’t take everything so darn seriously.” Ha, try telling that to a Capricorn! In the end, we’re all going to die or pass over to some other side so you may as well knock yourself out and enjoy life here. Say YES to all the fun fabulous experiences life has to offer you because before you know it, you’re going to be dead so don’t wait! Women who say yes to adventure and fun are alluring, mysterious and experience more from life! Fun breeds all kinds of opportunities! When you let loose and have fun it sends a message to the Universe and that message says - life is a blast bring on more fun and excitement! I’ll always remember the coach of Lulu Lemon, which is a big yoga clothing chain that began in Canada. This coach told the owner of the company, “Follow this very targeted laid out strategy plan AND go and have a ton of fun!! As much as possible!!” Weird?! “What a funny marketing plan,” I thought to myself. But I get it now! When you give yourself permission to have fun you are saying yes to PLEASURE, yes to opening up this beacon of light, this chasm of mystery and POWER that is inside all women, the gateway to pleasure and passion. Nothing beats a happy radiant smiling woman. To her, all doors open! Remember Mama Gena’s advice to use the power of pleasure to have your way with the world! Secret #4 - Don’t Have it all Figured Out Women who say YES to life and yes to opportunities take risks, don’t

173


have it all figured out and that’s okay. I’m a big believer in, jump in and learn how to swim. One thing for sure you’re going to learn a heck of a lot more than you would if you just stand on the sidelines getting your toes wet. Get off the bleachers and get into the game of life! There will never be a right time, perfect time, you will never have enough money or enough confidence to try until you commit! Remember commitment is the magic key that unlocks creation! You will not die when you fail so what are you waiting for? Go on, take the leap of faith, the Source, God, the Spirit will catch you. The Universe has always got your back and you are never alone unless you want to be! Take the time to cultivate your relationship with the source because it is the only relationship you will really ever need. Secret # 5 - Rise from the Ashes Like the Phoenix There are no good or bad lessons on what you enjoy. Don’t get technical on me here; with murder, it would obviously have severe karma and repercussions. Be gentle with yourself. We’re all learning how to love ourselves the best we can; no one is perfect. Forgive yourself, forgive others and don’t dwell in the beating yourself up mode. You waste too much precious time in that zone when you could just as easily make a new decision to give yourself LOVE and APPROVAL to create something new. You are never doomed. Even when you wake up in hell, there is a silver lining. That’s how awesome God or the source is. Bam!! “The creative act is primitive. Its principals are of birth and genesis. Babies are born in blood and chaos; stars and galaxies come into being amid the release of massive primordial cataclysms,” says Steven Pressfield in his book Do the Work. Decide to be a star! I wake up from this crazy hotel experience and 174


then I have this amazing story and career empowering women. From the ashes the phoenix rises ladies, never forget to be grateful even when you’re swimming up the creek without a paddle. Ask, “Show me the silver lining?!!” Wheel and deal with God when you’re confused because you’ll get answers. I Promise God has a bigger plan for you. “The most highly cultured mother gives birth sweating and dislocated and cursing like a sailor. That’s where the place we inhibit as artists and innovators. It’s the place we must become comfortable with. The hospital room may be spotless and sterile, but birth itself will always take place amid the chaos, pain and blood,” explains Steven Pressfield. Birth it ladies, don’t be afraid to get a little dirty, a little messy figuring it out because that is the path, the comfortable uncomfortable. If you’re life is messy right now celebrate! You’re half way there!! Secret #6 - Pick Themselves Up and Keep on Moving Forward To be in acceptance is a very high vibration and from that place, anything is possible. We judge ourselves much more harshly that most people judge us! People won’t remember your failures because they have a hard time remembering their own passwords they use each week. What makes you think they’re going to remember your failures? I have a hard time remembering what I ate for breakfast let alone what someone did or didn’t do last month. Move into acceptance and it’s as if you create the space for a new decision to be made, a new reality to be birthed from this platform. When you’re in resistance mode, you are just creating more of what you don’t like. Don’t dwell too long in resistance, negativity or remorse darling – it is not worth it. Take your lesson and move on! 175


Secret #7 - Respect Themselves Respect yourself to know you deserve the very best! No more negotiating your desires! Ditch the losers who don’t want you to challenge them because they would rather stay small. Ditch your friends who make you feel crappy and tear you down, nitpick you, chastise you and don’t believe in you. You deserve the very best life has to offer and you have to close one door before the next door of opportunity can open. Opening it does make change happen immediately but you must DECIDE to kill off all other opportunities, decide to end, stop putting up with, or settling for less before something better comes around. Secret #8 - Put Self Love as a Priority Feeling fabulous, enjoying pleasure, being relaxed, taking time to breath, meditate and unwind, stop the endless mind chatter - pamper yourself - this is the way of the Goddess. To a woman who is happy, all things are possible. No one is going to do it for you or give you permission to make it a priority. Self-love and self-care is a commitment you must take and not let anything else get in its way! It’s like putting on the safety air mask on an airplane. You have to put it on yourself before you can put it onto your neighbor. Nothing kills joy faster in women than resentment brought on by exhaustion. Not fun and not pretty. Take the time to schedule in down time, pamper time each week, biweekly massages, get you nails done, take mini vacations, or simply, time out to smell the flowers and not think, or be productive. Be productive by appreciating beauty, art or nature and NO WORK allowed. This is Goddess diva divine time just for you. It’s amazing what revelations, grand schemes and fantastic ideas come rushing into a calm and relaxed quiet mind and body! 176


Secret #9 - Take 100% Responsibility, No Excuses! Women who say yes to life are 100% responsible for the outcomes they commit to! No excuses, no more lame blame game or victim archetype around here. They understand it’s meant to be and that it’s up to them. God, spirit, Universe can give you the cue, the screenplay and all the actors but you have to show up and play the part. Remember the recipe is decided, commit and take action. No excuses! If you don’t like the way your life is turning out decide to make new agreements with yourself and the people in it. Remember you are the master of your ship! Secret #10 - Rinse and repeat Women who say yes to life build MAJOR confidence through following these 10 secrets. Rinse and repeat. Share these secrets with a sister, mother, sister-in-law, co-worker, colleague, and friend, whoever needs to read some sassy inspiration!

177

178

CHAPTER 26

CONGRATULATIONS! ALL MY LOVE TO YOU SISTER!

I

want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for picking up my book, for taking the time to read it all the way through and for saying YES to you. Hats off to you darling!

I really am excited to celebrate your NEW amazing life with you. I

really am! I know this journey can be a rough one but it is worth it! I know the kind of rock star woman you are, the kind of go-getter, big ideas and big vision lady you are, I know you because you are a lot like me. I hope you’ve picked up some words of wisdom to sooth your soul, a few good laughs and some KEY processes to help you overcome that pesky bratty resistance. No more excuses, no more resistance only heartfelt, dedicated action to loving yourself and your most fabulous fun life. I want to hear all about your goals and your dreams! I want to celebrate you coming into you; you saying YES to you and all of the magical unfoldment of desire, passion and pleasure that arises from this one decision to say YES! Fabulous Diva, Goddess Rock Star PLEASE come and join the fun on Facebook. Join me on my Bikini Business Coach Page - for more inspiration, tips, ideas, and empowering stories, come so we can celebrate 179


and support you in Taking Your Power Back now!! And if you haven’t done so yet be sure to get all the juicy bonus audio’s and transformational processes waiting for you at TakeYourPowerBackNow.com. Mouah, All my Love xoxooxxo Vanessa

180

WORK WITH VANESSA

I

f you’re an entrepreneur who’s ready to press forward and sky rocket your clarity, confidence and cash flow apply today for the $10k in 30day Program to work with an intimate group of high achieving rock

star entrepreneurs who are committed to their success and achieving results. Apply at TakeYourPowerBackNow.com/About Testimonials: Confidence Has Sky Rocketed! After being mentored by Vanessa for the last couple of months my confidence has really, “sky rocketed” in ways I didn’t even know were possible or lacking. I used to have a terrible fear of speaking in front of people and that was really limiting my potential. My new found confidence has proven to be worth every penny of investment. I now know WHO my ideal clients are, HOW to attract them, WHAT to say and SHARE with them and how to close sales. I used to wait for the phone to ring and take whatever projects came my way. I now have a sales attraction system in place that works and have gained lots of juicy content and tricks for building my business. Thank you Vanessa! I wouldn’t feel the way I do now if it wasn’t for you! Empowered.

181


Christine Joy Décary parallelbranding.com My First $8k Week! Following Vanessa’s simple and straightforward strategies, I had the BEST week in my business yet 8k and counting! Nicole Longstreath TheWardrobeCode.com My Secret Sauce! I believe I’ve found the secret sauce. 3 sales in 2 days! Thank you Vanessa Simpkins. My confidence and cash flow have taken off! BOOM! Suzanna Kennedy RealityCrafting.com One session with Vanessa resulted in my first $6,000 coaching sale!!!! How’s that for a golden nugget! I’ve been asking for a solid system of so long and with Vanessa’s Sky Rocket Your Confidence & Cash Flow system and her incredible “How to handle sales objections” module I had immediate RESULTS literally in less than 24 hours!!! THANK YOUUUUUU!! Coach Gaya, Singapore I hit my first 5-figure month! Boom! Just got another sale and hit my first 5-figure month! Boom! I’m officially addicted to having a surplus of money in my business bank account! Jessica Kupferman JessicaKupferman.com

182


My dreams came true! I was able to bring to life the Juicy Women’s Journey 1-day, Women’s’ Empowerment Event with Vanessa’s inner breakthrough work and soul savvy sales strategy’s! It’s been a dream come true for me, to create real transformation and bring empowerment to women on a global scale (we had over 140 women at the event and I’ve been asked to host it all over the country)! Hiring Vanessa was a HUGE turning point in my career and I am so grateful! Sharon Cohen JuicyWomensJourney.com Are YOU Ready to Experience Results Like These? Connect and grow in a space to be free to learn in a non-judgmental environment, where you can have support and accountability moving forward to help you overcome resistance, rock your sales mojo and attract more clients. Speak with me or one of my fabulous team members and we’ll see if this is the right program to help you reach your biz and income goals. Apply at TakeYourPowerBackNow.com/About

183

184

TAKE YOUR POWER RESOURCE GUIDE Contact Vanessa To find out more about Vanessa transformational programs, retreats, live workshops and events or to sign up for the 10k in 30-day blueprint an audio & video training series to help you breakthrough to success valued at $197 is yours free visit: Transformation Programs: TakeYourPowerBackNow.com/About Website: TakeYourPowerBackNow.com FB: Facebook.com/BikiniBusinessCoach YouTube: Youtube.com/user/VanessaSimpkins Twitter: Twitter.com/VanessaSimpkins LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/VanessaSimpkins Book Bonuses! Remember with this book you also have access to the $500 worth of transformational expert audio interviews and video resources with some of Vanessa’s PERSONAL fav experts, mentors and colleagues to help you take your power back now and THRIVE! There’s even a LIVE coaching call that you can access to get a feel of what it’s like to work with Vanessa up close and personal. 185


Access all of the bonuses here: TakeYourPowerBackNow.com/Book-Bonuses

Great Books & Experts to Help you take Your Power Back and Thrive: SoulMate Map: Choose the Real Mr. Right! Publisher: Relationships 123, California, USA, 2011, by Denise Culley. A great book I really enjoyed. Also got me thinking about relationships and compatibility. Great read! The Red Tent: A Novel. Publisher: Picador St. Martin’s Press, New York, USA 2007, by Anita Diamant. A fictional book that inspired the Red Tent Temple Movement. The Artist’s Way. Publisher: Tarcher/Putman; 10th edition, New York, USA, 2002, by Julia Cameron. An immersion into your creativity - I loved this book! Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth. Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., New York, USA 2005, by T. Harv Ecker. Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control. Publisher: Adams Media Corporation, Massachusetts, USA, 2002, by Patricia Evan.

186


Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex. Publisher: HarperCollins, New York, USA,2007 by John Gray PhD. Expansive Co-Creation. N.p [c2009] by Earl Harris. Power Versus Force. Publisher: Veritas Pub. Arizona,.USA,1995 by Dr. David, Hawkins. The Secret Law of Attraction as Explained By Napoleon Hill. Publisher: High Roads Media; Fifth Edition, California, USA, 2008, by Napolean Hill. To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man: The Keys to Catch a Great Guy (Relationship and Dating Advice for Women) Publisher: Gregg\Michaelsen, N.p., 2014, by Gregg Michaelsen. Sacred Contracts: Awakening Your Divine Potential. Publisher: Three Rivers Press, New York, USA, 2003, by Carolyn Myss. Do the Work. Publisher: Do You Zoom Inc., USA, 2011 by Steven Pressfield. From Bankrupt to $900 a Day Selling Mops. Rising Entrepreneurs How to Mop Up on Cash in Any Economy! Publisher: Vanessa Simpkins, Quebec, CA, 2010, by Vanessa Caroline Simpkins. Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts: Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World (How to Use the Power of 187


Pleasure), Publisher: Simon & Schuster, New York. USA, 2002, by Regena Thomashauer. A Purpose Driven Life. Publisher: Zondervan Trade Books, Michigan,, USA 2002, by Rick Warren. The Secret. A self-help motivational movie directed by Drew Heriot, produced by Rhonda Byrne (Executive Producer), Paul Harrington (Producer). Distributed by Prime Time Productions, Australia. Release date, March 26, 2006. English. Overcoming Addiction & Healing Resources: If you think or know that, you have a problem with alcohol please contact, Alcoholics Anonymous - aa.org If someone you love has a problem with alcohol, please contact. Al-Anon – al-anon.alateen.org Adult Children of Alcoholics - adultchildren.org ALisaStarkweather founder of the red tent temple movement, Daughters of the Earth Gathering, a 2-day women’s event on sacred land and Priestess Path her 2-year apprenticeship into owning your fierce feminine life. ALisa is a women’s empowerment leader and all around awesome women, you’ll want to know! Alisastarkweather.com. Discover the Red Tent Temple Movement Redtenttemplemovement.com. 188


Mama Gena - Mama Gena’s school of Womanly Arts - Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World. I love Mama Gena’s work! Mamagenas.com. Improve the quality of your life with the Release Technique method. Releasetechnique.com. The Modern Siren program with Rori Ray is filled with fantastic insight for building a stronger relationship! HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com.

189

190

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Vanessa Simpkins is sometimes called, “The Bikini Business Coach” because she loves to live in the tropics dressed in her bikini and teaching others how to create and ROCK a freedom based lifestyle and portable business. She is a confidence and cash flow mentor, speaker and author of From Bankrupt to $900 a Day Selling Mops and her latest book called Take Your Power Back Now! How to Overcome Your Resistance to Creating a Life You LOVE: The Ultimate Confidence Guide for Women. In Vanessa’s “$10k in 30-day Mentoring Program”, she shows women how to take their power back and THRIVE! She teaches heart centered women entrepreneurs how to have confidence in sales, overcome sales objections, how to breakthrough their inner blocks, put proven systems in place to attract more clients and make more money doing what they love! Once a struggling holistic practitioner, stuck in a bad relationship, declaring bankruptcy, she is now on a mission to help women break free from controlling situations, controlling relationships and controlling selfimposed limitations of the mind so they can create a Lifestyle and Business by Design Instead of by Default! For more information on her Play & Prosper Ultimate Hawaiian Luxury Intensives and her Sky Rocket Your Confidence & Cash Flow programs which help women OWN IT, have more confidence in business, more confidence in their relationships and have more confidence ultimately in God or your higher power visit her website www.TakeYourPowerBackNow.com. You can also pick up your own copy of “$10k in 30-day Blueprint” Vanessa’s most popular FREE video training valued at $197 that teaches women how to CUT THE CRAP, stop the frustrating, “Learning without earning cycle,” and get into profitable action attracting high paying clients in their business. Go to www.10kin30DayProgram.com TODAY and get instant access! Media Contact Vanessa Simpkins [email protected] 808-639-2889

191