MODULE TWO

1 “Discover Your Inner Radiance – 10 Fast Action Steps to Attract What You Want and Live a Joyful Life After Divorce”

MODULE TWO Welcome to Session #2 of our 5-part teleseminar “Discover Your Inner Radiance – 10 Fast Action Steps to Attract What You Want and Live a Joyful Life After Divorce.” This is Keiko Hsu, your Life-After-Divorce Mentor and Life Coach, and today, we're going to explore our Inner Landscape. To get the most out of this class, make sure to: 1. Download and print the worksheets so you can do the self-reflection exercises and the homework 2. Be ready to take lots of notes 3. And give yourself your full and undivided attention by being totally present during this class. So I hope you all had the opportunity to look at your notes from Session 1 and do the homework. Let's start with a very quick review of what we covered in Class 1 of the WINGS process, because each module of this course builds on the previous module. W = Wholeness …. to be whole again, to reclaim parts of yourself that you lost. Set clear intentions to have a life that nourishes your heart and soul. I.

Assess the Quality of your Life EXERCISE W1: A FULL & WHOLE LIFE … We assessed our satisfaction with various aspects of our life, and noticed where the gaps are EXERCISE W2: MY PAST RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS … We noticed our past patterns and how they compare with what type of people we ideally want in our life now

II.

Set your Intentions EXERCISE W3: THREE KEY QUESTIONS (FAST ACTION STEP #1) ….HOMEWORK … We did a fun exercise where we identified where we would want to live, what we would do, and what kind of people we want to be with, if we had no constraints. This exercise made a huge impact on setting the direction in my life after divorce.

III.

Complete Past Incompletions – We did 2 exercises to get closure on our past incompletions and release resentments … very important to reclaiming our wholeness and to clean up our past. I'm sure you felt quite a shift after doing these two exercises. EXERCISE W4: MY INCOMPLETIONS (FAST ACTION STEP #2) ….HOMEWORK … we reflected on agreements we've made to ourselves and others that we haven't kept, excuses or lies we've been telling ourselves, things we need to say to people we've been avoiding EXERCISE W5: RELEASE RESENTMENTS (FAST ACTION STEP #3) ….HOMEWORK … we explored a major resentment from the past, what our role was, and lessons learned, what we've been unwilling to face, and what we're willing to let go of or commit to, to complete that incompletion.

IV.

Put Yourself First EXERCISE W6: YOUR COMMITMENT TO YOURSELF … 3 things you can start doing tomorrow, that would prove that you are serious about loving yourself and taking a stand for yourself? EXERCISE W7: MIRROR WORK (From Lisa Nichols) (FAST ACTION STEP #4) ….HOMEWORK … What we're proud of, What we forgive ourselves for, and What we're committing to. This is a powerful exercise for

2 developing a loving relationship with ourselves, which is critical for attracting what we want. We recommend you do the Mirror Work every day for 21 days. So you might be wondering whether you really need to do all these exercises and homework. The homework is important because it gives you new insights on yourself, so that you can get the intended results from this course. And this is an important premise of this entire course: The way you experience life is going to change when you understand these 4 things: 1. who you really are, who you have the potential to be, 2. have clear goals focused on your passions, 3. can manage your own internal barriers, 4. and you develop a more loving relationship with yourself. This will transform your life from inside-out … but only if you do the inner work. So today, we'll dive into Module 2 of the WINGS process, which is I = Inner Self. I = Inner Self … Tap into your inner self … especially your passions … what’s truly important to you. Discover who you CAN be. Learn to love your authentic self. Identify patterns of your past relationships. Learn how to manifest your deepest desires. SECTION I: Manifesting Your Deepest Desires OK, we're going to talk about manifesting your deepest desires. First, let's get centered and shift into learning mode. Get comfortable. Take a deep cleansing breath and exhale to let go of any worries. Put aside any thoughts about all the things that are weighing heavily on your mind. And ask your Inner Critic to leave the room for now. OK, are you comfortable? Breathe in … and breathe out. Suspend any judgments. Just keep an open mind for what you can get out of this course. So let's talk about how to attract what you want into your life, how to manifest your deepest desires. We're talking about applying the universal Law of Attraction. As I mentioned in the last class, I had never heard of the Law of Attraction until AFTER my divorce just a few years ago. And at first, I thought it was some new age nonsense. But in the past few years, I have experienced so many miracles, so I'm living proof that it works. So what is the Law of Attraction? You may have heard of it several years ago in the popular movie "The Secret." Oprah Winfrey talks about it. A lot of new age teachers and coaches talk about it. It's not just some woo woo concept. There's more and more scientific evidence of how it works, it's quantum physics, the physics of energy particles and waves. We are all made up of cells, which are made of molecules, which are made of atoms, which are made of sub-atomic particles, which are made of energy. So we're all made up of energy, and we're influenced by energy. In fact scientists say that each of us have an electromagnetic field that can actually be measured as far as 4 feet away from our bodies. The theory behind the Law of Attraction is that we create our own realities through our thoughts and feelings. Our thoughts and feelings (both conscious and subconscious) generate energy vibrations that work like a magnet to attract people, resources, and circumstances into your life. We attract things we want and we also attract things we don't want. It's based on the principle that "like attracts like," and that you attract into your life what you think and believe to be true.

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I like to use the analogy of radio waves. It's like your brain and heart serve as a device that both generates and receives radio waves. When your radio is tuned to a specific frequency, you'll attract and hear ONLY those broadcasts that match that frequency. If your radio isn't clearly tuned to ANY frequency, then all you hear is static and noise. That's the effect of stress, worry, and exhaustion which generate chaotic energy, which is exactly what most people do when their lives and thoughts are in chaos. Most people think and worry about what they DON'T want … they don't want to get sick, they don't want more bills to pay. So what happens? They get sick, they get stuck with more bills to pay. Constant thinking about negative things tends to attract those negative things into our lives. Why? Because their chaotic vibrations only serves to attract more chaotic energy and misfortune into their lives, because like attracts like. We may look calm and collected on the outside, but if we're stressed out and worried on the inside, it will show up in our vibrational energy. On the other hand, when our thoughts and emotions are clear, positive, and in tune with our passions, our energy vibrations will magnetically attract people and things that are aligned with our desires. Dr Wayne Dyer, a well known author and teacher, says "At our source, we are a formless vibrating field of energy. We have the ability to attract things into our life by what we think and believe, where our thoughts drive our outward actions. If our inner self-talk is in conflict with our desires, your inner talk will win. But when you keep the end in mind with no doubt, you will be propelled and pushed to create that reality." The Law of Attraction is not a new concept, because the theory behind its teachings has been around for ages. The book "Think and Grow Rich" was written by Napoleon Hill in the 1930's. The movie "The Secret" came out in 2006, and that created a media blitz that brought the Law of Attraction to the awareness of the general public. The way "The Secret" explains this concept is that your physical reality is a reflection of your inner (or subjective) reality, i.e. "your thoughts and your feelings create your life." So how can we harness the power of the Law of Attraction? Let me explain the steps, and then I'll share some real life examples. So at its most basic level , there are three steps to attracting and manifesting your desires …. Ask, Believe, and Receive. Ask, Believe, and Receive. I'm going to give a brief definition of each step. Use Exercise I-1 your Worksheet to capture notes about these definitions as I talk: 

Step 1 is to Ask …. Set clear intentions of what you want and how you'll FEEL when you have it. Focus on the outcome, not the HOW, because it might happen in a totally unexpected way.

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Step 2 is to Believe … This is the tricky part. You need to truly believe, without any doubt, that what you are asking for will become yours. Focus your attention on it. Act as if you already have it. Visualize what it would look and feel like, to have it.

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Step 3 is to Receive … Be proactive and take actions that align with your goals. Be alert, open, and receptive to the resources and help that come into your life. Follow your instincts, your intuition, even if what it's telling you might not make sense. And be calm, relaxed, and confident that it will happen for you.

Sounds so simple, doesn't it? But putting it into practice on a conscious level takes a lot of work. We all have our internal barriers like negative self-talk and self-limiting beliefs that are buried deep inside us. And all that self-doubt and negative self talk makes our vibrations chaotic so that it keeps attracting more chaos into our lives, which is exactly what we DON'T want. We're going to talk more about these internal barriers next week.

4 So the key is to be crystal clear about what you're asking for, stay focused on it and visualize yourself having it, and be open to receiving it in whatever form or shape it comes to you. To do that, we need to clear up our vibrational energy so that they're in tune with our passions. I call it "vibration management." You can do it intentionally and consciously if you're aware of how it works. Every thought has a unique vibration or frequency. Try it right now. Think about something really inspiring or something you're deeply grateful for. You can feel it in your body. Emotions like love, compassion, and gratitude create a coherent energy field. On the other hand, think about how you feel when you're blaming yourself for something that went wrong. When you beat yourself up, which many people do when they believe they did something wrong, that is a very chaotic energy vibration. Anger and stress create chaotic energy fields. Stress and anger affects your health because it breaks down your immune system, and makes us susceptible to illness. AND it interferes with our ability to manifest what we want.

Three Examples: Let me share with you 3 examples of what I've attracted into my life. First, let me say that I've never considered myself to be THAT lucky of a person, but since I started practicing these techniques, amazing miracles have come into my life, lots of them. And I'm not saying this to brag. I'm sharing this with you so that YOU can see the power of harnessing the Law of Attraction and what it can do for you too. I chose these 3 examples because they're all different. So as I share these stories with you, I invite you to listen with an ear for possibility, i.e. think about what's possible for YOU if you were able to attract what YOU want into your life, listen for the Ask, Believe, and Receive parts, and notice any self-doubts or negative self-talk that might pop up to tell you that you can't do this.  This first example is how a terrific opportunity came into my life right at the right moment. Right after I finished my coach training a few years ago and was working on starting up my business, I went to a dinner meeting and met a woman named Sue who was the Operations Director for Terri Levine, who is a well known Business Coach and Marketing Guru, although I had never heard of her at that time. Terri was teaching a 3-day workshop for new entrepreneurs that was going to start the next day. This was a 3-day seminar that people had paid $1000 to attend from around the world, and it had been sold out for months. It turns out that one person in this 40-person class had a free seat because she had won a special essay contest, but at the last minute she cancelled. So Sue asked me if I would like to take that free seat. It happened to be on a weekend when I didn't have any plans, and it was in Philadelphia, only 30 min drive from where I was living. And I knew it would help me start up my business, so I accepted and was so thankful that this opportunity came into my life, just at the right moment. And I got soooo much out of that workshop that helped me to start up my business. So this was one of the first miracles I had. EXERCISE I-2: APPLYING THE LAW OF ATTRACTION – KEIKO'S EXAMPLES As you listen to my next example, use your Worksheet to capture what I specifically did to Ask, Believe, and Receive.  My 2nd example is about moving to my dream city. Some of you might be thinking about moving to a new city too, so you might find this interesting. Anyway, when I did the "3 Key Questions" exercise about where would I would want to live if money were not a factor, I said I wanted to live in a beautiful home with a view of the water, mountains, and city lights. So I picked San Francisco and really started focusing my energies on moving there, and it became one of my Top 5 Passions that I wanted to pursue. I bought a beautiful picture of San Francisco with a spectacular sunset in the background, a beautifully framed picture, 40" wide, and hung it in my living room in my Philadelphia apartment so that I could focus on it every day. I also created a Vision Board and

5 included a picture of my dream home. (I'll talk more about Vision Boards in Class #4.) What I wanted was that feeling of serenity and inspiration of living in a home with a spectacular view. Now I knew San Francisco is a pretty expensive place to live, so my plan was to rent for the first year, and then consider buying a place. So I flew out here on 3 trips in 2009 to do apt hunting. I was mostly looking in Craigs List for apts. I really wanted a place with a spectacular view of the SF Bay, and I looked at hundreds of apt listings online. During my January and April trips, I actually visited over 30 apts that claimed to have a bay view, but none of them really resonated with me. So then I scheduled my 3rd trip to be in July of that year, and I knew I had to make my decision on that trip because my lease was expiring on my Pennsylvania apartment. So what was amazing was that, about a month before my July trip, I got a phone call from my ex-husband. He told me that because he was trying to refinance the house, his bank told him he was going to have to clear up his debts, which meant he would have to pay me my divorce settlement now, even though according to the court papers he didn't have to pay me for another few months. We're talking about a big chunk of money that he owed me because he bought out my share of our CT home and our FL condo. So he paid me 3 months early! And this unexpected surprise allowed me to look at places for to buy, not just rentals. So on that 3rd trip to SF, I didn't panic, even though I had to make a decision that week. I just knew I would find something that week, especially because now I could look at apartments AND condos. So I started looking at places for sale, and the 2nd place I looked at turned out to be my dream home. As soon as I saw it online and walked in the door, I knew in a heartbeat that this was it. Even the colors on the walls and the dimensions of the rooms matched my furniture exactly. And everything fell into place to buy it and move there. I got pre-approved for exactly the right-sized mortgage so that I could buy this place. My offer was accepted without any counter offer. I found a moving company to take care of my cross-country move, and it was the easiest move I've ever done. I was able to sell my car at top dollar to a really nice couple who let me use the car for another few weeks even after they gave me a deposit to buy my car. EVERYTHING just fell into place so that I could move to the city of my dreams. That was 2 years ago. And now I feel like I really belong here. It's been like magic. Were you able to pick up on the parts of the story that illustrate Ask, Believe, and Receive?  And my 3rd example is about finding love. Several months after I moved to San Francisco, after I had made a lot of friends here, I finally decided I was ready to start searching for my soul mate. I had already done a lot of inner work to know what past relationship patterns I wanted to change. I took a very intentional approach to my search. I wrote a very specific list of about 60 criteria that described my ideal mate. I was crystal clear on what kind of person I was looking for. I signed up for e-Harmony, the online dating site, and wrote a very clear profile of who I am and what I was looking for. And I gave myself 6 months to find my perfect mate. eHarmony sent me over 200 profiles that they said were good matches, but I didn't want to "settle," so I threw out more than 90% of them because they weren't a great fit. I truly believed I would find my ideal partner. There were only a dozen guys that I thought might be a good fit, but most of them didn't respond back to me. The 2nd person I met face-to-face turned out to be my perfect soul mate, and I found him within my 6 month timeframe. And he has more than 90% of the 60 criteria I defined! I was careful not to be overly attached at first. I just stayed receptive to let the relationship play out, because I knew that if this didn't work out, then it probably wasn't meant to be, and I would find someone who was a better fit. That was about a year ago, and now we're engaged to be married. So this also illustrates Ask, Believe, and Receive. So the point of telling you these stories is to say that the Law of Attraction DOES work and it CAN work for you as well as it worked for me.

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Marianne Williamson, who is a well known spiritual teacher, says: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." So what's the best way to apply the Law of Attraction to your life? Let's first talk about Step 1 of Ask, Believe, and Receive …. What should you ASK for? I always say it's great to focus on our passions and ask for goals that align with our passions, because when you're passionate about something, it's easier to align your vibrations with your request, to FEEEEL what it would feel like to have it. So let's talk about your passions.

SECTION II: What are you Passionate About? So do you know what your passions truly are? Most people don’t know. They know what some of their passions are, but they might not be able to list their Top 5. Do you know what your Top 5 Passions are? EXERCISE I-3: MY TOP 5 PASSIONS (FAST ACTION STEP #5) ….HOMEWORK See Exercise I-3 of your Worksheet. This is an excerpt from the Wings for Women Passions Discovery Tool to identify your Top 5 Passions. Schedule at least one hour of quiet time so you have the time and space to explore your inner self. You can think about relationships you want, career opportunities, business ideas, or just a joyful life that you can get really excited about. Think back to the exercise we did last week where you assessed your satisfaction with various aspects of your life. These might be a good place to find some of your passions. There are 7 sentences for you to complete by writing at least 5 endings each, so when you're done, you'll have a list of 35 passions.

1) If I had no constraints whatsoever (i.e. financial, geographical, physical, or time constraints), I would love to be ___________________. (Example: If I had no constraints whatsoever, I would love to be skiing every weekend.) 2) I felt great about myself when I _______________________. (Example: I felt great about myself when I solved Client XYZ’s security problem last year.)

3) I get really passionate about certain causes or issues, especially _______________________. (Example: I get really passionate about certain causes, especially women’s rights.)

4) I feel inspired and joyful when I _______________________. (Example: I feel inspired and joyful when I play the piano.)

5) I get completely absorbed and time passes so quickly when I ___________________. (Example: I get completely absorbed and time passes so quickly when I read great mystery novels.)

6) I light up and get really excited when I talk about __________________. (Example: I light up and get really excited when I talk about my visits to San Francisco.)

7) People say I’m really good at _____________________.

7 (Example: People say I’m really good at interior decorating.)

If you wrote 5 endings to each of the 7 statements, above, you now have a list of 35 passions. Look at each one. Which ones really resonate with you? Think about it overnight, and look at your list again the next day.  TIP: Listen to your heart. Don’t over-think your answers. Then prioritize your list so that you can identify your Top 5 Passions, and write them on this Worksheet: My Top 5 Passions are: ________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________ So after you decide on your Top 5 Passions, choose which ones you want to ASK for. So then we're ready for Step 2 – BELIEVE. So this is the tricky part, because you need to truly believe that what you are asking for will become yours. Focus your attention on it. Act as if you already have it. Visualize what it would look like and FEEEL like to have it. Without any doubts. This is where most of us stumble, because we all have negative self-talk and self-limiting beliefs that are buried deep inside us in our subconscious mind. Most of these self-doubts and beliefs were established at a very early stage of our life, often from our relationships with our parents. Psychologists call them childhood wounds. And it's important to examine our past wounds and see how they are holding us back and clouding our vision. SECTION III: Healing Your Past Wounds According to psychologists, we form our self-perceptions and interpretations about the world around us at a very early age, before the age of 2. So a child who decides she’s worthless or unlovable by the age of 2 is going to grow up and live life as an adult in a way that validates this perception or she will try to compensate for this perceived flaw. This could show up in the types of men she attracts … they could be men who are narcissistic or abusive, or SHE might try to overcompensate by always trying to prove her worth to other people. So as we grow up, we still see the world through the lenses of our 2-year-old self, in terms of who we are and what's possible (or not possible) for us. It's important to be aware of these self-imposed limitations, and how our inner child reacts when we get emotionally triggered. Now we're not here to praise or condemn our parents for how they raised us. They did the best job that they knew how to do. They probably didn't realize that how they treated us before the age of 2 had such a deep, long lasting impact on our sense of self-worth or lack thereof. False Identities There's some interesting work done by psychologist Katherine Woodward Thomas and Claire Zammit. They developed a matrix of "False Identities" (or self-perceptions) that women have subconsciously adopted due to their childhood experiences, their childhood wounds. I'd like to share 3 of the most common "False Identities" with you, so that you can see how your subconscious selfperception impacts your relationships and how you view life even as an adult.

8 Listen to these 3 descriptions and see if you can relate to one or more of these profiles …. I'm Unworthy, I'm Invisible, and I'm On My Own. For each one, I'll share how this person feels about herself, how others feel about her, and recommendations to neutralize this False Identity. On your Worksheet, see Exercise I-4 to take notes, and see which one you resonate with.  "I'm Unworthy" (or I Don't Deserve to be Successful) o You feel compelled to give and meet the needs of others, often at your own expense. Have difficulty asking for or receiving help from others, even when no strings are attached. Have trouble setting limits or saying No. Give away your time, talents, and services for much less than they're worth. You feel the need to reciprocate any acts of generosity from others, as though you were indebted to them. o Others feel that no matter what they do for you, it's never enough to make you happy. They don't want to take care of your needs when you won't take care of your own. They become dependent on your generous nature and don't do it themselves anymore. o Recommendations: Focus on self-care, setting boundaries, and being a good receiver.  "I'm Invisible" o You focus on others and disappear yourself completely. Your own needs are invisible, even to you. You often walk away from relationships with little or no explanation, assuming others won't really miss you or notice that you're gone. You feel hurt or resentful that others don't care about your needs. o Others are unaware of your feeling or needs too. They get very self-centered in your presence. They take your attentiveness for granted. They forget to ask how you are or what you need. They're confused and hurt when you disappear without explanation. They're surprised when you do speak up for your needs, because you're breaking the unspoken contract. o Recommendations: Get in touch with your own needs and feelings. Focus on being visible. Ask for what you need in ways that inspire others to want to meet those needs (rather than alienating them). 

"I'm On My Own" (or I'm All Alone) o You focus on self-sufficiency and feel you have to do everything yourself. You rarely ask for support. You've given up hope of ever having a nurturing relationship. You feel others don't care about you or understand you. You withdraw into your own world. You tend to abandon relationships rather than work out any conflicts. o Others find you unapproachable so they don't go out of their way to develop a relationship with you. They assume you don't need anything from them. They fail to iinvite you to important events or things in their lives. o Recommendations: Let go of control and allow people to see the real you and support you. Allow yourself to be open, vulnerable and foster intimacy. Be open to connecting deeply with others.

EXERCISE I-5: MY PAST RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS (REVISITED) Review your answers to Exercise W-2 from last week, where you identified what types of people you've attracted in the past, and how they compare to your Top 10 criteria for an "ideal mate." Based on insights from the False Identities we just discussed, what else do you notice about your past relationship patterns? What do you want in the future? ________________________________________________________________________________________________ SECTION IV: Summary To attract what you want into your life and manifest your deepest desires, Ask, Believe, and Receive.

9 Focus on your Top 5 Passions so that you ASK for things that truly resonate with your heart and soul. Focus on the outcome, not the HOW. FEEEEEL what it would be like to have achieved your goals already. That sets up your vibrational energy to align with your goals. Heal your past wounds so that you can trust yourself, eliminate self-doubts, and truly BELIEVE that you're going to receive what you want. And understanding the False Identities is one step toward addressing your past wounds. The next step in the WINGS process is what we'll cover next week in Module 3: N = Navigate Barriers … What’s stopping you? Overcome fears, limiting beliefs, and negative self-talk that get in your way and cloud your vision. Develop strategies to overcome internal and external barriers.